I understand. And it does suck. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who acts this way (while knowing you shouldn't but just can't help it). Thanks for telling the truth.

Oh wow. Thank you for writing this. I'm seven weeks along with my second and I have made my son cry three times in the past week. I'm sick with a god-awful cold (I miss NyQuil!!) in addition to wanting to vomit every time I change a diaper, or move, or smell anything. I'm trying to find the same joy that I had with my first pregnancy - I wrote endlessly about it and cataloged every moment - but I just can't ... yet. I keep telling myself yet. Maybe we'll meet on the other side of this crappy first trimester and be joyful and creative again.
Good luck to both of us, and thanks again!

I was shopping for a pregnancy book for my sister last week and saw 'Pregnancy Sucks' and had the same reaction. I'm currently experiencing some frustrating fertility troubles in the midst of trying to conceive a very wanted baby, so despite not having any Clomid in my system, the title of the book alone made me feel a bit homicidal.

So sorry about your migraines - I've never had one, but my husband gets them and I can tell they're absolutely awful. I hope you feel better soon!

Hey, so sorry about the migraines, I have had them for about 10 years, and they didn't really go away during both pregnancies. However, the did stop around week 18, both times. I also took tons of magnesium in combination with paracetamol (no idea what brand that translates to in the US) each time I felt it come on it seemed to help. Especially when I was also able to sleep - I know, pregnant+toddler= no sleep, so sorry about that! So, try and hold out, I really hope it'll get better around the 2nd trimester, good luck!

Very well put. It's a blessing and an ass kicking curse all rolled into one.
But we know the end result? The newborn fuzzy head, the smell, the soft unblemished perfect skin? The little noodle arms and wrinkled feet? So worth it.
And then, they're 21 and 6'4 and 230 pounds and their big hugs and manly voices that say I love you Mom? Yep, still worth it.

I totally understand. And I'm glad your parents are there. I'm even excited about Noah talking and counting...and dude, it totally counts.

And now, because of reading this, I just had to go eat a Cadbury Creme Egg. Damn you!

The only thing I can offer is (((((((hugs))))))). I hope that you start feeling better REALLY soon. You are an amazing mom. You will get through this sooner rather than later, and Noah will still love and adore you. Remember that you're human too. Just b/c you're a mom doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel badly. Just let him know that you're sorry, that you still love him, and that it will get better. Even though he's little, that will mean the world to him!!! More (((((((hugs)))))) and I can't wait to hear about your gloriously, WONDERFUL, 2nd trimester in a few weeks!!! :)

I love being a mother. But I fucking hate being pregnant. Women who chirp "I just love being pregnant, I wish I could be pregnant all the time!" are what make me see red. It just sets up unfair and untrue expectations for the rest of us.

Noah will forgive you, he won't starve or have lasting emotional scarring from these times. Hoping for a better 2nd tri than first...

I'm terribly scared of being pregnant with our second - the first time around I took 3 hour naps every afternoon (yeah, I had a job, but I was half-assing mine too :0) You have so much more time to take care of yourself and prepare with your first...the upside (I've heard) is that your second seems to go a lot faster, probably for all of the above reasons.
Also, you might want to explore the option that your migraines are sinus related. I got horrible sinus headaches in my 2nd trimester...and you're right tylenol just worked enough to piss me off. Anyway, I think there are more remedies approved for sinus stuff than just pain relief.

I have to echo Mandy on this one-- I'll just settle for giving you a cheesy cyber-hug, I guess-
((((BIG HUG)))). Also some virtual dark chocolate if you like that kind of comfort :)
Here's fervent hoping for a migraine-free 2nd trimester!

I suffered from migraines in college and although I've never been in labor, I can't imagine a pain more incredible and debilitating than a migraine. I had to drop out of college classes, I would stop speaking for days, I had to BEG my roommate to leave the lights off for 48 straight hours at a time. I was miserable because I Could. Not. Function. There was no "sucking it up". I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not someone who has worked so hard to get to the place where you are. I hope they disappear today. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. If anyone deserves to enjoy their pregnancy, it's you.

A-friggin'-men.

Ugh, migraines are such a pain in the *ass*, there, a word Noah would know! I have been dealing with them since childhood and every one shakes me to my core and leaves my husband more confused than ever as he half expects me to just drop dead right there from the way I moan on and "carry on". I have tried all remedies, but someone told me apple juice for some reason helps with the sugar rush which opens the blood vessels in your head. I tried this the last migraine and it may have been the key to feeling better, or it could have been the Motrin, or the foot rub. Ah, hell. When you're going through it, you're willing to reason with the devil if it will make you feel better. Best of luck on the migraines and I hope the nausea eases up on you!

Pregnancy does suck (and I loved that book, btw). You're right that bitching and whining and complaining about being pregnant doesn't change how you feel about the baby. Not with the first or second or third baby. And complaining about it doesn't make you ungrateful, it makes you human.

I remember migraines from my teenage years and I can't imagine having to take care of a toddler, gestate a new baby AND deal with those damned things.

I don't think Vicodin would do anything for a migraine anyway. I get migraines both pregnant and not pregnant, and my OB prescribed me some Vicodin when I was pregnant too, but I never got it filled because given how hit-and-miss even Imitrex or other migraine drugs were for me, I just didn't think it would even do anything. I switched to a midwife and she thought my OB prescribing it was kind of nuts too.

I know it goes counter to what you always read, but as a long time sufferer of migraines I've found that blazing hot showers make them fade into manageable headaches. The heat makes your vessels dilate - like topically applied caffeine...

I have had migraines since age 6. I usually take Relpax (which wouldn't be safe for you and only works about 60% of the time for me), but occasionally get caught without it. Sometimes if I take a Tylenol PM (just Tylenol plus Benedryl believe it or not) right when I feel that tightness and the light sensitivity strikes, it helps. Also, the smell of eucalyptus or menthol sometimes helps tamp down the nausea for me. I think all of that would be pregnancy approved. At any rate it might give you something else to try.

I was the world's most disgruntled pregnant woman EVER. I was evil, and felt bad and guilty all the time. I can't even imagine the hypothetical #2 yet. Here's to plenty of naps!

Oh geez, that's rough Amy. Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon. Yay for grandparents who are willing to help out!

I am so sorry! I have had terrible migraines all my life-and it was horrible during my pregnancy not to be able to take my meds!

My obgyn said it was ok for me to take my Zomig during the 2nd and 3rd trimester. I remember calling my normal doc to refill my meds, and she refused telling me it was horrible for my baby! Luckily my obgyn came to the rescue and filled it for me. She said it was worse for the baby and my body to be miserable than to take the meds.

Don't know what smells may be grossing you out, but I did find out that Eucalyptus and/or Spearmint is incredibly helpful, too, with migraines. Lavendar is good, as long as it's legit lavendar and not that overly sweet stuff. Bath and Body Works has a great Eucalyptus and Spearmint aromatherapy line that works well, and the lavendar from Crabtree and Evelyn seems to be the best. When I would get a migraine, I put some of the lotion on my hands, then would lay down with my hands near my face. I then do some relaxing breathing that I learned in yoga, and between all of that and the caffeine and tylenol, I was usually able to get them under control.
I really hope yours go away soon. They are the worst...had them chronically (3-4/week) for 7 or 8 years before getting them under control. Now I just get them monthly and when I'm pregnant.

If it is any consolation at all, I have been witness to both "One minute!" and "Hmmmm... I know!"

I can't believe you have to suffer through a migraine without excedrin migraine!!

the second pregnancy was very similar for me. Just a relief (other than the vomiting and living on the bathroom floor oh right and also having a toddler) but I was so relieved to realize the pregnancy was not the child. All the vomiting in no way foreshadowed how I really felt about having a baby. my body wasn't trying to tell me that I couldn't hack it as a mom..it was just say...FOR THE LOVE OF PETE..DON'T EAT THAT!

heres to crappy pregnancies and darn cute babies.

*clink*

My daughter always forgets 4 when she's counting too. And when you ask her to count to 10 she starts "11, 12, 13..." It's a good thing she's really cute, or I might find this annoying. ;)

I hope the crap-o-lah that is the 1st trimester leaves soon. It is possible to feel shitty and be completely thankful at the same time. It's a fact!

Oh, you poor thing. The migraines SUCK. My 2nd pregnancy all in all just plained SUCKED.

However, I agree with you that 2nd time around there is a different perspective. It is truly about adding to your family and it gives it all new meaning, that is for sure.

Hold tight, Amy.

I was hospitalized with pregnancy migraines. They are miserable.

And someone once told me, "it's ok to hate being pregnant. It kinds sucks. It does not mean you hate the baby."

That was actually quite eloquent for someone suffering a migraine hangover (that's what I call them). It is hard, and you deserve time to process and bitch about it.

We're HERE for you baby... 'tis okay...

I got the pregnancy migraines with baby # 2 also ( the other 5 pgs? Not a one!) my doctor told me to drink tea, as in English tea ( because I am in England, imagine that!) it's the tannin or something, I know you can't get our tea ( good old PG tips) over there but I would gladly send you some, anything is worth a try! Just let me know and I shall send some post haste and pray for the headaches to disappear, even before the teabags get to you, like magic.

i feel you loud and clear. I am bit farther along than you and have spent mostof my nights lying on the bathroom floor thus-far. My days have been a constant conference call with the trash can under my desk, and food forget that. I felt horrible for saying it but i had to finally admit, not matterhow great it will be to have that baby, this blows.

BUT!!! miracles of miracles! Yesterday i hit my 3 month mark, and like MAGIC, i seemed to perk up, my appitite came back full force, and i can sleep (ohggod can i sleep)!! Stick in thee, this has GOT to get better!

I also was going to recommend the Aveda Blue Oil. They still make it. Just the smell of that stuff is enough to make you feel better. And rubbing it on your neck and scalp -- heaven.

Feel you, sistah. Feel you. Sorry you are being hard on yourself, but I get the same way with migraines - like, I should be better, even though I'm getting my ass kicked by the pain, I should be able to rise above it. But I can't. Don't be so hard on yourself. Think of how happy you are going to be when you are migraine free again. The joy you will feel (that I feel) when you are back to normal is also a blessing. Contrast is a blessing.

Yeah, I think infertility robs us of so much of the typical pregancy/baby experience, including bitching about the less than attractive side effects.

When I would complain about only sleeping 9 minutes during one night with my newborn, there were a number of people who reminded me how hard I had worked for this child, or how much I had wanted her. Duh, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes.

Same with morning sickness, labor, etc. "BUT you wanted this!" people would say. Um thanks for making me feel guilty was what I always wanted to reply.

I hope the second trimester is better. Usually the nausea wears off and hopefully the migraines will too. Hang in there---this will go by faster than you know!

lovely post

PS if you'd like the name of a good acupuncturist, this awesome awesome woman, email me. I highly recommend it for the migraines.

I'm really sorry it sucks so bad right now. I had easy (breezy, beautiful Cover Girl) pregnancies. I hope this suckiness will be over soon and the only suckitude in your life will be the sucking of a new baby on a leechless bottle.

Nothing worse than a migraine. Nothing. Oh baby, I feel for you.

And just because you want this -- even as much as you did the first time, with a different perspective -- doesn't mean you're not allowed to complain about it. That doesn't make you ungrateful.

I don't know why lately that I feel like I'm your personal LIFE COACH or something, with the validating of your feelings, but really, I mean it, and I don't mean it condescendingly. Dude. Give yourself a break. A giant one, maybe with ice cream. You're allowed to feel like shitty and crabby about it. Migraines and feeling crappy generally sucks eggs, man.

Stupid migraines! I have had them since I was a kid and I hate how much of my time and energy they have sucked away over the past twenty-odd years. I want to second another poster's recommendation that you might get some relief from magnesium supplements... they don't prevent my headaches, but they sort of blunt them. AND there is the added bonus of regular pooping! I've also found that prescription Promethezine helps w/ the nausea and I believe it's safe to take during pregnancy.

Best wishes! Guilt, begone.

The best thing about pregnancy, whether crappy or not, is that when its over, its over. And the next day forgotten about.

I suffer from chronic SPD and an unstable sacro-iliac joint when pregnancy, as a result of an old back injury. Meaning that I cannot move much of the time from pain, and that by the end of the pregnancy I am on crutches. The only medication that helps is anti-inflammatories, and thats a no-no. I confess to sometimes being in such eye-rolling pain that I would silently weep while shuffling from one room to another, and once in desperation I downed a double dose of paracetamol and then a double shot of whiskey. I cant wear a corset as it excacerbates hamerroids and varicosities, and from time to time, just to get through the day without killing everyone around me, I wore a Tens machine turned up to the top and kept it going all day.

And despite all this, I did it 4 times. I take every Voltaren shot offered me in the hospital (C-section for each kiddo), and I pop Voltarens for about 4 weeks afterwards.

But the most miraculous thing is that immediately after surgery the pain goes away 90%, and by the end of the first month PP its gone completely, and I am left ina suspended state of disbelief that I went through all that.

My long-winded point being... hang in there. It will end, and what a glorious gift youll have at the end of it all. :-)

Amy, have you tried the WellPatch migraine patches? You stick them on your forehead or the back of your neck (neck is my spot, which is good b/c then they're hidden by hair), and it's a little like wearing an ice pack while you walk around. They have a menthol / eucalyptus smell to them.They really help.

You can get them at drugstore.com, since CVS and Eckerd only seem to have them occasionally. There's another brand, Be Kool, but they don't seem to last as long (a WellPatch can last me 6 to 8 hours).

Also, are your jaw muscles tight when you have a migraine? If they are, put some lotion on your fingers and massage the jaw where it's tight. This can help release the muscles and ease the migraine. Or if you find that your shoulder muscles get tight with a migraine, getting those massaged (yourself or by Jason) may help.

I had pregnancy migraines so bad that it's one reason I never had another pregnancy . . . so I sympathize very very much.

i also hate every single person who suggests some stupid remedy that never freakin works but forces you to go to the store and buy it because lord help me I will try anything!!! Even buying ginger for sushi and eatting that! uuuggghhhh

Don't tear yourself up, Amalah! I have been reading your blog for a while, and I can tell that you're a wonderful person and an amazing mother. Your children are lucky to have someone like you for a mother.
What's important is that you love them unconditionally, which it's obviously you do. Don't stress about the rest for now, this rough patch is just that -- a rough patch.

I have had a migraine exactly one time in my life.
It was enough to have sympathy for all migraine sufferers for the rest of my life!
I still don't get the speech delay on Noah. What delay?

The toddler in my life is 2 years and 3 months and says all that and more, and is nowhere near counting to 20 with or without the 4..hee! Anyway, the pedi claimed him "ahead" of the game. That was a couple of months ago. So when I read your stories on Noah I wonder how much worry was warranted? I am glad he can say ass though cuz that kinda rawks!! LOL :)

I hardly ever comment, Amy, but this time I just have to! I was pregnant with my son when you were with Noah (my Tom was born Nov '05). I recently also discovered I'm pregnant again (due 25 Sept '08) and the 'thinking' you've described in this post just really hits the nail on the head for me - first time around, it WAS all about me, my bump, my symptoms, my massages and oils and lotions and potions. But this time, I just want the whole sorry thing to whizz by so that I can meet my little person and see who they are and what they do, you know?

I really honestly couldn't see past pregnancy when I was expecting Tom (well, I could just about see the birth part, but no more than that). And I was all earth mothery about it - I don't want drugs, I want a natural birth blah blah blah. This time, I'm already begging thee midwife to guarantee me hardcore pain relief and/or a general anaesthetic if possible!

Anyway, I'll stop rambling now - just wanted to say I adore your blog, more so now that I can compare virtual notes with you once again.

Take it easy; the second trimester rocks much more...!

xx

Thanks for finding a way to say what I hope someday to have to find a way to say myself. (Confusing?) Basically, I feel like all the belly-aching I've been doing about not getting pregnant and about wanting a baby SO BAD means that I'm setting myself up to be bitched at by people later if I even dare HINT at being uncomfortable during pregnancy (if it actually ever happens). Thank you, thank you for proving that one can be grateful and bitchy at the same time. I want to grow up to be just like you. :)

Congrats on the pregnancy! Sorry about the sucking part.

Leaving the number four out reminds me of when my son was learning to count by fives. The following happened again and again.

He'd say: "5, 10, 20, 25..."

I'd say: "Repeat after me, 5, 10, 15...5, 10, 15."

"5, 10, 15...5, 10, 15."

"Great," I'd say, "now, try again."

"5, 10, 20, 25..."

My boy can read 'ass'! That warms my heart.