Baby Legs and Everything In Between
I Didn't Spare My Family Any Morning Sickness Details Either

The Toddlerese Phrasebook

"Mama in der? Mmma an na na a CHOUND? In der? IN DER?"

(Mama, do you hear the sound that is coming from that general direction over there?)

"A cow! Jump cow oh uh na amoon!"

(The cow jumped over the moon.)



"Aw, a boo hurt! Na ma a ban aid? Boots?"

(I have injured myself and require a licensed-character Band-Aid.)

"RAWR! RAWR! Onster anna book anna yoo turn da page! Oh no!

(There's a monster at the end of this book and you turned the page! Oh no!)

"No poop."

(I don't care what you smell, woman.)

"Oh no! A messth! Whew! Dapeart? Okay."

(I would like to reverse my earlier position re: poop.)

"I know. In der. A dridge. Ohhh, down. An tuntel. Up up up an der."

(A complicated description of the engineering of drawbridges. I am told I wouldn't understand.)

"Oh maaaannnnn!"

(Success! Swiper the Fox has been foiled yet again!)

"A nack? Okay nack. Nack oh der."

(May I have a snack? Actually, I'm just going to go ahead and answer in the affirmative that yes, I may have a snack. And I'm going to go eat my snack over there. Smell ya later.)

"A chide an mah polpet! A polpet, Mama! Choon an polpet!"



(Dada, Mama is currently denying me the object of my heart's desire, please come home from work to rectify the situation.)





He's adorable.

Is he hiding a puppet in the second to the last one?


my neice has recently started saying "agock"... a word that we have no idea WTF it means.

I feel your pain regarding his (uh.) statement.


Monster at the End of This Book is FANTASTIC! One of our worn out faves. I am glad Noah appreciates the fabulocity of Grover.


Former Kindergarten teacher checking in.

1) Agreed: Grover and his Monster at the End of the Books are best ever. (Yes! A Sequel! With Elmo!)

2) Made up words are awesome. I had to translate 5 year-old "creative spelling." Loved it!

3) Friend's daughter used to point to the ceiling and announce "Hotpits!" during dinner when she was 2. A lot.


"A Monster At the End of this Book" is one of the best books ever.


Maybe he's saying that he has something hiding in his pocket and he wants you to choose which pocket it is in.

This could be a fun game.

Backpacking Dad

Gawd, that was funny.




Love it! I am currently writing my own manual to understanding my toddler since my husband seems clueless at some of the stuff she comes out with. I'm still trying to figure out why she calls her sippy cup "Noah".

Jill (CDJ)

I love There's a Monster at the End of this Book! My grandma had the book when I was a kid and I bought one for The Boy before he was even born!!


My daughter just got the Grover book in her Easter basket. She's 19 months old and refers to it as "Page! Turn! Page!" when she wants me to read it. Noah is adorable!


my guess is pocket (like hide in the pocket) or puppet (the puppet is hiding).
I get to hear the songs "G i' for Ga-vahn dat gooda nada me" or "Tin-kerbell, tin-kerbel, eeeee aaawwwww da way! oh davine i' ees da nigh....eeee...HEY!"


Had to comment to say we are also big fans of the Grover book over here. I remember it from when I was a kid and had to buy it for mine.


That was great. My little guy just points and grunts a lot. He just turned one today.


I feel I must tell you that I may have busted a staple or two in my c-section incision due to laughing at this post. Of course, the pain is worth it for the much-needed giggle. :)


Tee hee. So cute. I am totally at a loss on that last one, though.


I'm thinking it's something about his "pulpit". And chiding. Brace yourself, could be a preacher in your midst.


FAB-ulous! And SO adorable. It is fun to imagine his cute little voice when he says these things...and I like that he still hasn't lost adding "a" onto nouns, such as "amoon".
And I must say, your son is very quotable! Last night I found myself saying "Oh NO! Oh no no no no NO!"
Hey, by the way, newnoahvideomaybeplease???


Hilarious and adorable.


I love Toddlerese! I miss the days where I am no longer translator.

And that Grover book? The best EVAH. We have the one my mom used to read to me when I was a kid, and we're reading it to death to all of my kids now.


The Monster at The End of the Book book is the BEST BOOK EVER! I believe I wore out my own copy 20+ years ago!


What is it about Dora that makes her and her cohorts so infinitely quotable? I no longer speak to my son so much as I speak to him channeling Dora.


My guess on "polpet" is "pocket." Did you check his pocket? Or he wanted something to put in his pocket? Or clothing with big pockets? Perhaps Dada can figure it out, it may be a guy thing.

That child is so incredibly adorable.


oohhhhhhhh maaaaaaaaaaaaann

I love when you hear that in public and the strange looks from people and nods from other moms. Like it is some kind of secrect Swiper code!!!


man, that is cute. I need to start asking myself if I can have a snack and then answering in the affirmative.

btw, I sent you a drunken email this past wknd but I'm not sure if it actually went through (reference earlier point re: drunken-ness). I had another celebrity encounter @ the hotel san jose (Sean Penn) and was reminded of our Alan Cummings encounter last year. good times.


Wow, I had forgotten the Monster at the End of the Book! My kids loved it and so did my grandsons, and I had the BEST time reading it in big gruff voices and squeaky voices. I shoulda gotten an Oscar for my reading of that book.


I love Monster At the End of This Book. LOVE.
what a cutie!


It only matters that we understand them!

Maxine Dangerous

Choon & Polpet is SO an über-fabulous and high-end fashion house waiting to happen. :)


my favorite part is:

I would like to reverse my previous position re: poop.

almost fell off my chair laughing. he is too damn cute.


i don't think there's a single kid out there who doesn't know the swiper "oh, man!"


We have the Grover book, too. And I must say that I do a very reputable imitation of Grover while reading. Unfortunately it sends me into coughing fits and I'm usually unable to talk for the rest of the day.

Maybe this is why my husband always asks me to read it.


So adorable!

When I was toddler my aunt was babysitting and I kept saying "wishy washy." She couldn't figure it out, even sat me down on the washing machine. My mom arrived home from work, heard me say wishy washy, saw the frazzled look on her sister’s face, and laughed. Then told her that I was saying Wizard of Oz. My favorite movie at the time!


When my older boys were about 2,my dad watched them and laughed hysterically because if he couldn't understand one of them, the other one would show up and chatter at him to try and interpret. He looked helplessly at me later and said "I don't speak toddler."


When my older boys were about 2,my dad watched them and laughed hysterically because if he couldn't understand one of them, the other one would show up and chatter at him to try and interpret. He looked helplessly at me later and said "I don't speak toddler."


whoops. sorry about the double comment there!


I was a linguistics major in college and all I can say is "Sheesh."
Amy, you have a gift for transcription.


Aww...adorable. I remember when my cousin's little boy called forks f*cks - he was a regular laugh riot in a restaurant! Also, he used to call the moon "moat", so they started overcorrecting and it turned into "moona" because they emphasized the n on the end. I love little people speak:)


Dood - you make me laugh. Thank you. And isn't Monster at the End of This Book one of the best ever?!?!


I love toddler nonsense. Mine pronounces his Cs like Ts. I love making him ask for cards. "Wanna pay tards!" *snort*


Does the next to last one really have something to do with another child chewing on something?


"pitty layee laf"

(the pretty lady is hilariously funny)

Katie Kat

Oh cuteness abounds! What I hear ALLLLLLL day is "Mommy? What ya doin?" And then it expands to every character, blade of grass and molecule in the immediate environment:
"Mommy? What's Mickey doin?"
"Mommy? What's that fish doin?"
"Mommy? What's that bubble doin?"
"Mommy? What's that intergallactic time-space flux capcitor doin?"*

You get the gist.

*Please ignore spelling...

Woman with Kids

I love that book... and the sequel? Don't let that little interloper Elmo fool you, he's got nothing on Grover.


I love that he "reverses" his decision on poop!!

Mine does not...ever...even now that he is potty trained - okay, semi potty trained - and it drives me insane. Just the way he looks at me when I smell it like I am insane and says, "You crazy Momma!!"

But just wait until Noah calls daddy an AssHole (or as I always say AssHat) and see what happens. You get in trouble for laughing so hard you pee your pants!!

Dad Gone Mad

Man! With eloquence like that, Noah could be the president. How does he pronounce "Noo-kee-ler"?


I love toddlerese, especially because it's a language that really only a mother understands. And that makes it even more special.


I am SO jealous...I was JUST having this conversation with my Mom this morning that I think that I am deficient in deciphering my own child. He has so many similar phrases to those above and I have NO IDEA what the heck he is saying!
This post was both hilarious AND informative! More please! =)


I promise the day will come when you will understand every little sarcastic comment he throws your way. And you will BEG him to shut up.


That is so cute and funny. It must be even more so in person...chubby cheeks and all (even if the cheeks aren't as chubby as they used to be).


This is genius.


Mama in der! IN DER?


Hah...I miss those days...the days when I had to translate EVERYTHING my daughter said to other people.

Then again, I had a girl, which means that this phase was approximately one week, after which she started uttering full-blown theses (thesises?) on everything. Especially Barney, who was the be all at the time. (She's 14 now. And quieter, because she texts now. OMG! TISNF!)

gina in sc

omg is swiper still popular?? i remember my kids and the ohhh man!!!

bless you A.


And here I thought that only my son talked exactly like this. "How dat?" What's that? "Mommy si heeeeerrreeeee" Sit down in this location, not that one. "No pants!" Mother, I shall not be wearing clothes today. "Thank you muh" Thank you very much. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" A regular no is not nearly enough to register precisely how I feel right now, but this very loud one should do it.


Okay, I missed the comments about finding out the sex, but I say, find out! We have 4 kids, and didn't find out with our first one, and this is totally selfish, but my husband was the one who saw it FIRST and yelled it out, so he was the one who basically got to tell everyone. What can I say - I like to be the one with the news! And of course, the planning and buying clothes, etc. but it really boils down to my selfishness.


This was the first time in a loooong time that I've cracked up while reading something. Truly hilarious. Also, I want him. Or at least one just like him.


That is so unbelievably CUTE!!! Plus he's such an adorable little boy -- thinking of him saying those things just warms the cockles of my heart. It's a miracle you haven't hugged him, and loved him, and squished him to death when he does such cute stuff!!!!!


Love it! I love hearing my 2 1/2 year old talk too. Right now she is in this "bad man in my room, under my bed" phase. So every night we have to spray special "bad man be-gone" spray under her bed.


I thought maybe the "Mamma in der?" was said when you managed to get the bathroom door closed before he or the dog could get in. But, I forgot he's only 2. Somehow, that's jut not possible until they're about 5.


I normally lurk b/c a) it's 99.99% funny; b) I have nothing to say re: child-bearing/rearing being that I have done neither, but OMG. This is too funny. I'm sitting here, nearly midnight, laughing so hard my neighbor (the crazy one who screams at her cat) is going to start pounding on the wall...

Toddlerese is my favorite second language (9 nieces & nephews). When my oldest nephew was learning to talk I was the only one who figured out that "Bacca" was, of course, Water, "Waspter" was Lobster (he had just seen Little Mermaid) and my favorite: MICMISH!!! (Licorice)!!!


obviously you were watching jesus camp and he was trying to tell you that there was a child in the pulpit. he would prefer you in the pulpit.

get it.


That last one, he is obviously telling you there is a child in your pocket, a CHILD MAMA and apparently it is coming in June.


I like it, it's cute.

Also, as a comment to 0-40 from last week, my mom (a fitness instructor) gained over 60 lbs in both of her pregancies, mostly water weight. My mother-in-law gained half that with twins. I hope these things aren't genetic, so if you could make up an answer about that, it would be great, because I'd believe you. Also, if it could be "no."


Why der no picshurs of da Noah wid dis posty?

Val Cox

oh, you're so good!


My youngest would say, "Can I have snack? Say yes, Mama." I always loved the instruction on what my response should be.
Sigh. Now I miss having a toddler. My baby is almost four. :o(


Adorable! My litle brother used to watch these horrid Disney Sing-a-Long, follow the bouncing ball videos and would drive my nuts by screaming for his "mooshkit time." Also, he is expecting a little one of his own very soon, so ha ha.


BREAKING NEWS! Our fabulous babysitter figured out "polpet" last night.

It's "pawprint." He's playing his own goddamn game of Blue's Clues, people. I better get my handy dandy notebook.

Julie @ Letter9

I actually choked a little bit when I got to your "Uh" after "a chide an ma polpet" or whatever because I'd mostly sort of understood until the and was like, HUH?!


How adorable is toddler speak?
I watched my granddaughter who's "tuna haff" yesterday. When I told her it was time to change her poopy diaper, she said, "I wookie onnit."
Later, her mom told me that meant she was still working on it, which is her toddlerese for no poop.


That's funny - polpets are pockets in my house. My 2 year old recently discovered them and has been investigating what can (and cannot) fit in them.

When oh when oh when are you going to give us an audio clip. I'll be he sounds as adorable as he looks!


I love toddler speak! My 2 1/2 year old stumps me daily with new words! Yesterday it was "I got dirrrt in polket", which I later found sand in his pocket! Now if we can get him to say his brother's name instead of "meme", that'd be great! Best thing is when he scratches my back and proclaims that he's "ticking mama's back, hehe!" Just frickin' adorable!


A PAWPRINT!! I just spent about 15 solid minutes coming up with different things he could have been saying until I gotdown to you reply in the comments- my 2year old has just figured out "Keeko MAMA!" (thankyou MAMA) and "Ah Bocam!" (you're welcome) :) I love the toddler speak. So, have you discussed the wait Vs. Find out thing with Jason yet?... PLEASETELLMEYOUWONTWAITOKTHXBYE

Mommy, the Human Napkin

My three-soon-to-be-four-year-old son cannot pronounce the "TR" sound. Instead, he uses an "F" and you can imagine my delight when he says the word "truck," his favorite toy. Actually, we've worked with him so much that now, to avoid the whole thing, he calls all vehicles "cars." Little stinker.


Gawd, but I love this stuff. I want to videotape my kid every moment of the day saying stuff like this.

My favorite right now is he constantly goes to our front door and points above it and talks about the "allabata". For the life of me I don't know if he is saying "alligator" or "elevator" - he responds "yes" when I ask him if it's either of those - but suffice it to say, we have neither alligator nor elevator above our front door. At least, not at this time. Never say never!


He's a genius! He's speaking German.


Love love LOVE this. Brings back happy memories from when my boys were little. The one that stumped us was "Ass waaaant". We'd be asked "Go ass waaaaant now?" and would reply "maybe!" all cheerful like. Who wants to commit to going ass waaaant??

Finally, one day, I thought to ask him what we do at the ass waaaant and was told "Chick nuggetsandfries".

Ass waaaant = restaurant.

Aimee Greeblemonkey

Since we are at a Half Birthday (5.5), I have been back to experiencing some of this myself.


Ok, so I'm a new reader, but I had to comment because this was too cute and funny. It's like a conversation between my own daughter and I.

Love your site and I'll be back to bother you more!

Black Belt Mama

Comments were closed on the last one and just wanted to offer up my experience. I didn't know with the first; knew with the second. With the first, the guessing games were really fun. I thought that not knowing would get me through all the pain and stuff easier because I would be so excited to find out what we were having finally. When I pushed her out and they announced "it's a girl" I was like "Oh, yeah, I get to find out now." The pain sort of distracted me from caring. I think it was cool both ways though. It was nice knowing the second time around because I felt like I was getting to know my baby better beforehand. Try it without knowing this time or have them put it in a sealed envelope so that you can decide later. So excited for you!


Yes. At my house too. Esp the poop. And swiper.

Also see: dogee sooo cooot.
"I love the dog so I am going to tackle and smother it now."

Hope you're feeling well...


I know you closed the comments on the previous post but well I like to live dangerously!

We did NOT find out with #1 and it was magical. We just found out with #1 and it was magical too. I am glad we did both.

I liked the element of surprise however I wish we had done it the other way around. Found out with #1 and been surprised by #2. The reason I say this has to do with $$$. It is far easier to plan for a baby and when are broke beyond words it would have been great to know the sex in order to determined what you actually need.

I think whatever you decide is great. I think being hard core either way is hard. We reached a middle ground. I wanted to NOT know with the 1st one and my husband wanted to know on the 2nd one and I was like EH either way on the 2nd one.

I also wanted my son to know be a part of the process, to know he is having a baby sister. In his case it was a good thing because he was totally pissed off that it is a girl and insisted we must give him a baby brother. SIGH.

Any who, whatever you two decide will be wonderful and good!


My 3 year old says the same things! I about died laughing at this.

The comments to this entry are closed.