The Battle for the Hearts & Armpits of America
Alone In My Paranoia (aka 24ish Weeks or Maybe 25)


The last and only time I went to Blogher, I had a great time. Seriously fabulous. Then I came home and learned that a fairly weird rumor was making the rounds about me -- somebody said I said something hurtful about somebody else, and although I could never quite nail down the specifics of who and what and huh, what I was able to piece together was something like this:

Somebody wrote something on their blog, quoting something they'd supposedly overheard an anonymous "mommyblogger" say about another blogger. This quote, which may or may not have actually been said by ANYONE, or at the very least was taken ridiculously out of context, somehow got attributed to me and expanded offline to include all sorts of other hurtful stuff. It sure didn't sound like anything I would ever say (mostly because I DIDN'T SAY IT), but still. I think the crazier the rumor, the harder it is to sputter out a believable-sounding denial. I did deny it, of course, and apologized in case I had said something as a joke (hi, wine! lots of it!) that had gotten misunderstood and twisted around. The injured parties assured me they believed me, but still. It's an ooky feeling to realize people think You Might Be That Sort Of Person, especially after meeting you in real life, when you're supposed to be safe from misinterpreted tone of typing or spam-filtered emails or a forgotten winking emoticon.

Anyway, it was all very strange and annoying and hopefully I'm the only person who even remembers it by now. Which brings me to the point of this post:

Listen. If you hear some CRAZY PUNK ASS rumor that I went and broke our own dear IzzyMom's foot with a baseball bat over a discounted conference pass just so I could indeed go to Blogher this year after all, let me just say right up front:

No comment.

I'm going to Blogher



Poor IzzyMom. So, are you trying to tell us that you're going to BlogHer?


i vote no drama at blogher this year. because c'mon, jesus h christ on a cross, people.

ps: you know i'll be drinking all your alcohol for you, right (and perhaps your milkshake)?


I heard that Tom Cruise is actually Tivo's father.


Baseball bat? I heard hockey stick.

Enjoy blogher!




Is there drama @ BlogHer? I might actually enjoy this shit now...

I'm such a bitch.


Geez, Amy, it's Blogher, not Breakher.
Have a great time and stay away from baseball bats! Remember you're swinging for two.


hooray! I will be one of the hostesses at the Six Apart event. I will pour you an extra-special virgin drink. ;)


Of course you are going to BlogHer the year it is half-way across the country from me (again), the year I am dealing with a six-month-old and surprise pregnancy. Of course not last year, when I was able to attend.

Not that I'm bitter.

Enjoy the conference and all the free swag.


I had to start the rumor. Like you said, too much wine. Someone heard me say something. I needed someone to blame, and you looked drunk enough that you wouldn't remember. Don't worry. This year, I'm blaming Dooce.


I would never believe any crazy punk ass rumors about Amalah.

Enjoy BlogHer!


woohoo! I'm going again this year too! I look forward to finally meeting you.

and I will give you one of my awesome buttons. Even if it will be a total lie.

workout mommy

Yay! I am going for the first time and really hope I get to meet you!

(just don't blog about how dorky I am though, kay?)


Suh-weet! You're going! Although personally, I heard that you slept your way there...


Drama or not, I wish I could go to BlogHer. I'm jealous!


I'll be there, too! :)


bitch! you're coming?? hahaha.. remember our pictures from last time??? just you wait!


It will be nice to see you again.


Actually, and this is the truth, the only rumor I'd heard about you the year that you went was that you were ridiculously nice and huggy to everyone. Pinky swear.

Anne Glamore

See you there. If I develop a farmer's tan during OMG A WHOLE WEEK OF BASEBALL IN COOPERSTOWN RIGHT BEFORE BLOGHER, I will totally know how to manage it before hitting San Fran, thanks to you.


Drama sucks.

Bozoette Mary

I hope you'll also attend the BlogHer Reach Out session in DC in October! I'll be there, but not in San Francisco (dammit).


Nice job with the hobbling! I'm proud of you. The best way to avoid crazy rumors (what's with the "ou", are you french-candadian?) is to do really crazy shit for reals. Crazy people are SO fun, especially when they're pregnant and sober.

Mrs. Flinger

I may just pass out right here. Fuck, Amy! You're going? Can I lick you?

Also, I will happily have more wine on your behalf and say incredibly stupid things because it's what I do and also cuss a lot and talk really really fast when I drink.

But it's mostly about the licking.


Yay, you're going! Hopefully I'll a) see you there and b) have the nerve to at least say hi. (I have very little nerve, it turns out.)

No drama! All fun!

apathy lounge

I think it was one of Hitler's henchmen who first spoke about "the biggest lie being the easiest to sell to the masses as truth". Their smear campaign (along with every attending atrocity added to it) on Jews is a premium example, naturally. George W. Bush being touted as the "president who can keep us safe" is another. What some jealous and half-drunk blogger wants to attribute to you and pass on as gospel is yet another...albeit on a smaller scale. As usualy, I'm envious of anyone with balls enough to go. Or ovaries, as the case may be. Godspeed, John Glenn!

apathy lounge

"as USUAL". Sorry.

Jessica (It's my life...)

Yay! I'm so excited that you're going to be there! Rock on!


Rumors suck, seriously.

I am also very happy that the internet did not exist when I was in high school! :)

You'll have fun at BlogHer, of course you will!


i was just trying to remain calm because i realized that--holy shit--i leave for san fran 2 weeks from tomorrow...but, now? i will officially freak out.
i am WAY scared to see you. isn't that weird?

p.s. damn. i didn't know that physical violence was an option for scoring a discounted pass! i can break shit, too!


So jealous! I want to go.

If you need help w/ noah while you are gone, email me. Sadly, I will be here.

Fairly Ordinary

Have a great time at Blogher! I hope to be there next year. Without the drama. Hopefully. ;)


How sad and pathetic that women, as a whole, are still living in the middle school mindset when it comes to other women, huh? As my son would say, Reedickless!


You can say something nasty about me if you like. I could use the traffic.

Kidding. I actually have very thin skin. Please don't hurt me.


Tonya Harding would be proud!


You will be at BlogHer, then? Perhaps we can entertain the people who can actually enjoy their alcoholic beverages with Super Pregnant Caged Death Match!! Or, wait till the next morning and TELL them that we did, but they were too wasted and completely missed it.

If I cannot enjoy myself some sweet, sweet liquor at least I can totally mess with the people who can. Unless there is a buffet, in which case, huh? what? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over my MANIC CHEWING AND SWALLOWING.


I had heard the rumor long ago, but
thought it was either:
1) untrue
2) that you had said it in jest.

No harm, no foul. Those who know you know the the truth, either way.

I vote "no" to any Drama this year at BlogHer. Bah.

Suzy Q

I had a feeling all along that you'd be going this year. All this time when you've been saying "no, no, no," in my mind it was "yes, yes, yes." Sorry it took an actual injury for my weird, internal "prophecy" to come true.

Have fun! Take pictures!


Yay for you! Hope to see you there! I'll be joining you in unhappily not drinking since I'm still nursing like every three and a half seconds.

And the rumor? Wow, sounds like high school. This is my first time going so I hope it's all fun and no drama!!

Suburban Turmoil

Hooray! I seriously can't wait to meet you!! Wait. Who are you again?


I remember.

And I was with you most of the time so I believed you when you said you didn't say it, especially since you had only said wonderful, amazing thing about that person. I also remember thinking EVEN IF you had said it (which, you totally didn't) it was a stupid STUPID ASS thing to be mad about because it wasn't mean or bad or anything to be "hurt" or "pissed off about."

But um, what was I saying? Because that's like so the past and why do I have feelings about it now?

I'm so fucking glad that you're going (had just asked Isabel if she knew if you were coming) and um, can we please sleep together again? I promise that I will not use your hair products to cover up the stink if my ass explodes in your bathroom again.

Ok, fine. Can we at least have a drink together?



He said, she said down by the seashore...

Kerri Anne

Dude. I don't believe half the shit I heard--or read about--at that conference. What I remember is that you were rad as can be, especially after I said something ridiculous like "Hi! My fiance designed your cherry!" Um, awesome. Clearly small talk is not my forte. Especially after three beers.

This year is going to be better. Mostly because I say so. And also: San Francisco!


Yay- yr one I would love to meet!

Kim'll be in San Francisco, I live about 45 minutes north, in the "wine country", if you weren't all knocked up I'd totally take you the wineries. Of course I am a completely sane, non stalking person...*twitch*

Suburban Turmoil

Um, Y? I thought you were sleeping with me.


Poor Izzy.

I'm hoping that your plans to go this year don't mean you'll beg off next year's. I'm planning ahead...


Great, I will see you there!


I can assure you all the drama of 06 faded by 07. Just joy and rainbows and unicorns dancing on fluffy white clouds while bare-chested men plied us with mead.

Also the LSD.

(Glad you're coming mama!)


As sad I am that Izzy won't be there, I am very glad that you will.

(Will you still talk to us ClubMom folks even though our blogs died [in that location]?)



You are coming! Hooray! I would be envious that you are sleeping with Y, but I am sleeping with Heather B.

So, we're even.


I love rumors. It means people are jealous.

And it's, obviously, always good to have people jealous of you.

manager mom

Hey, it worked for Tonya Harding. Oh wait, I guess it didn't.

Jozet at Halushki

I heard you elbowed her in the booby. Someone who may or may not have commented on my blog or who may or may not have Twittered me about it and tiny-url-ed me a profile of your face tattooed on their ankle said that this was true and that IzzyMom needs more ice.

Enjoy BlogHer, you conference pass extortionist, you. xxoo


I used to be a fan of the person you're referring to; I had no idea that she meant you. Oh, how silly that drama was; it gave me the impression that BlogHer was too petty and dramatic for my tastes. Hope you have a kick-ass time!


YAY! I know you don't actually know me from Eve, but I'm so excited that I might be able to meet you after reading you since before Noah was born.


I'm with Mom101 -- last year there was zero drama at BlogHer. Maybe I just felt more comfortable, maybe people in general just were getting used to the concept of computer friends being real friends, but it felt much less like Internet dating and much more like a college reunion. Don't worry - you'll be shocked at how chill we've become, despite the copious amounts of wine. :)

See you there!


I heard some weird drama that someone accused another blogger of writing like you do...and she hadn't ever heard of you and once she read some of your stuff was all "I don't sound as good as Amalah!" And while she doesn't sound much like you, the similarities I can see are that she's articulate and is a mom. Like so many other A-list mommy bloggers. Cripes, ladies. Don't you realize the MEN are the real enemy? I mean, they SMELL bad and don't get our subtle hints and forget important dates. That's who we should be picking on! :)

Otherwise, I hadn't heard a dang thing!

I was hoping you might be at the DC BlogHer, but I realized that is kinda near TiVo's b-day and you'd either be in labor there or contaminating your new babalah with ten hundred thousand well-meaning mommies. Maybe you could send Noah as a stand-in? :)


Wow, I have no idea about the rumour you're referencing and I thought I was all over the blogosphere like a bad smell.

I'm glad you're coming, looking forward to meeting you.


I'm about to pee in my pants. And I'm totally going to start a rumor about you, and then totally deny it, just so I can come over and apologize for what I didn't really say. Just so I can meet you.

*That sounds bad, because it sounds like I think you DID say something, which I totally don't. I'm just saying that in order for YOU to think I started a rumor, I'm going to have to actually do it.


I didn't know they have dramma there. Dear God, help us all.


Yay! I'm so glad you're going to be there! I've always wanted to meet you. :)



Love the site. Delicious child. Had to give up tv for like a week in order to get caught up on your archives. You go to the zoo a lot for a gal who claims she's not down with it. Also, I have finally started reading Amalah as Aim uh luh (progress) but my husband keeps thinking it is a muslim site or something everytime he sees it in the history(lacking progress - this has been going on for some time). Sorry last thing. I love Ceiba, he or she is freaking hilarious.


Hurray now that you will be there we can inappropriately attack you and make you take a picture with us...wait...that was last time....I'll have to think of something new this time around..hmm


You are going to BlogHer? Awesome. Wanna take me with you? Like seriously, take me with you? Cause I have a little plan to get me there, in spirit. Cause Australia is a little teeny bit far away don'tcha think?

If you want to help me out either visit my blog (in the sidebar) or email me. And I will love you forever and stuff. Well I will anyway..


For those of us not going to Blogher, could you maybe drink a little more wine this year. What is a Blogher hangover with out drama and rumors?

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