Deodorant Wars II: The Aluminator Strikes Back
Well, At Least I'm Not In Newark

Capture the Phonetic Moment


Glucose. Gluuuuuuuuuucose! Bzz! Slump. Zzzzzzz. Drool. Wha?

I am...exhausted, little Internet. Prepare for even more ellipses than usual as I am in real danger of falling asleep in between words. Goddamn orange glucose dreck drink. And...goddamn...other stuff. Like...zzzz...human rights violations and...shit.


God. So I actually had about half of an entry written yesterday about Blogher and how I keep reading entries about people's pre-travel packing flip-outs about what to wear and how pregnancy really solves this how mess, since I don't really have many options about what to wear. Essentially: I will pack what fits. Perhaps it will match, perhaps it will be vaguely cute. Perhaps not, but BY GOD, it will fit. See? Easy and flip-out free, and hey, I'll be the sober and sort-of round one who does a lot of sitting. Come sit next to me! Really. Allow me to engage you in an uncomfortable conversation about skin tags and c-section scars and then maybe glaze over and fall asleep on your hair.

I decided against posting this ultra-laid-back puff piece on How My Pregnancy Cured My Social Anxiety right around the time I realized that I'd only really written three sentences and yet had gotten up and gone to the kitchen to consume a chocolate pudding cup at the close of each of those three sentences. And now my face is breaking out, AND I have decided to do my own pedicure. So maybe I am not quite the cool cucumber I think I am.

And wait! Did I mention c-section scars? SCORE. Even in the wake of absolute blood sugar annihilation I am still rocking the segues.

Let's back up to my OB appointment again. We are, at this moment in time, leaning towards a scheduled c-section.  (I know, I know. You totally thought I was going to go with the dolphins.) And my doctor mentioned that while we certainly have some time before we need to actually schedule anything, he would recommend that I deliver about a week before my due date, soooo sometime in the first full week of October. How's the 10th look?

Gluuuuuucossssssshit what what WHAT? Bzz..zzt?

I staggered out of the exam room where Jason and Noah were waiting, calmly made my next appointment and shuffled out to the car, where I proceeded to FLIP MY SHIT at Jason because we just lost a WEEK OF OUR LIVES, and that week CHANGES EVERYTHING, and we are now LESS THAN THREE MONTHS from having a baby and the way this pregnancy has been flying by I might as well go home and pack for Blogher AND the hospital at the same time. Quick, take me to Target so I can buy a bathrobe and some Soduku puzzles.

Jason stared straight ahead and handed me a paper bag he'd gotten at a nearby coffee shop. There was a donut inside. I stared at it, knowing that my body already contained enough sugar to bring down an oompa-loompa, and then ate it anyway and immediately fell asleep.



I will be at BlogHer sober, and I have an amazing tolerance for anything baby related. You can come sit next to me and regale me anytime. We'll get fake-buzzed off of seltzer water and cookies together. I tend to giggle a lot.


You have clearly taught Jason well if he showed up with a donut in hand. Coke on ice is my stress reliever... when I get angry/weepy/anxious, my boyfriend heads straight for the fridge lol. If we don't have Coke, there better be ice cream. If we don't have ice cream he's a dead man. :) Have a fantastic time at Blogher!

yet another from the legions of Amys

Oh, yeah. I drank a LOT of fizzy water while pregnant. My sugar was too high, but I wanted soda more than I ever had before. So fizzy water had to do (sometimes I lived dangerously and added a little juice!)


I wonder if Jason realized how much extra sugar the donut would dump on you. And if he knew that would send into quiet naptime instead of flipping out. Did you feel a little better about the loss of the week after you woke up?


I so want to go to BlogHer just to sit at a table and share scar stories with you. Because I tend to say inappropriate things, too. We would be BFF's and I could be Tivo's godmother. (Yes, I heard your big sigh of relief that I am not going!)


If time really IS flying that quickly, you better make plans for delivery in San Fran, in case your flight is delayed! ;-)


mmm, sleep.


It would be crazy if you had your next baby on October 10th because that is my sister's birthday and you had Noah on MY birthday. Although, it would probably only be crazy to me :)


That glucose test!!! I went in in the morning and expected to have a giant energy drink buzz on all day. Instead I was sleeping at my desk all day. Suckfest!


Sorry, Amy, you are no longer my blog crush. My crush is on Jason now. His ultra cool response to your flip-your-shit moment was perfect in timing and execution. A 10!
(And am I the only one who actually liked the orange glucose drink? Hm. I should delete that last part lest people think me crazy...Nah.)


You still have to tell me who you are on Jez so we can be frenz.


WOW - your pregnancy really IS flying by!! (less than comforting, I know).

However, I think that 10/10 will be a fabulous birthday for Noah's little brother...

Oh man, that's going to be WAY too much cuteness for one blog!!

Jessica (aka Rose)

I'd show you my scars, but I'm pretty sure we don't know each other quite well enough yet. I mean, I know you, but you probably have no clue who I am... so the scar that's embedded in my pubic area... might be too much for our first encounter. Mebe?

They stole a week of my life by upping my date a week too. Had awesome plans for that week. Pedicures and massages. He. Darn gift certificates are still waiting to be used a full year later. Bah.


I happened to have been a fan of the cola flavored me it tasted exactly like flat Pepsi, so if you have to do this test again (which I am SURE you will not) you could always ask for the cola version just to try it out and then I will feel super cool that you followed my aSSvice but then I will never know about it and now I am depressed...need a post-partum donut!!!! :-)


Just as I was about to finish the last sip of my orange glucose...I had one of those freak pregnancy moments...gagged and threw up every vile drop.

I had to come back the next day and do it all over again.

Not happy.


Look, I know it's totally not the point of this post, but I have to tell you that, as someone who's been trying to get pregnant with a second for two years, all this did was make me want to be pregnant even more. (In a happy way, I promise.)

Twisted, right?

But... the quirkiness! The drama! The important dates! The syrupy orange drink! The prepared husband! The trips to Target!

I just want it. But if I can't have it, I figure you should know how much I'm enjoying it vicariously through you.

Dawn Diff

Love the 10/10 birth date. Miracles have been known to happen on 10/10. Geniuses have been born on 10/10, including David Lee Roth. Autumn birthdays are the best, especially when you are a Libra, but even more so when you are born on the 10th day of the 10th month. So, I definitely vote for that uber-cool birth date.

(Can you tell that my birthday is 10/10?)


HAH! I'm trying to pretend that I'm laughing WITH you and not AT you. Because I'm there, too, but it's so much easier to laugh at someone else's predicament than to weep over my own.
Seriously. I just finally remembered to ask for a doctor's note, in case the airline doesn't believe that I'm not further along. Because I look like this kid should be out tomorrow, but NO, still weeks and weeks left until September 28. And probably more time after that if this kid is half as stubborn as the first two.
If we run into each other at BlogHer, we'll have to bond over hemorrhoid stories or something. Plus, since I laughed at your expense, it's only fair to admit I am stretch-marked from nipples to knees. Oy.


I think you should have the baby on the 9th...10-09-08!!

The "countdown" is on!:)

Congrats, love reading the blog!


So- question for you. Do you really want people to come up and introduce themselves to you? Because, if you do, I will do just that. And you don't know me from the next person in line and I know stuff about you from your blog. If that's OK, then I'll be looking for you at the conference and hope I run into you to say hello. If it's kind of an exhausting idea, please say so and I'll kind of slink by, whisper "that's Amy" to myself and keep on walking.


Whoah! That link crashed my computer. Dam old work computers :(

I wish i was going to blogher. It sounds so fun!


With the second one time doesn't fly it moves at warp speed. One day we were trying to get pregnant, the next I was going to the hospital (not really, duh!) Anyways it will all work out, and yum donuts!


Oct. 10 is an excellent birthday, if I do say so myself. We Libras are awesome (and quite a modest bunch, too). :)

Jen Vegas

Amy, if it makes you feel any better I'm getting married on October 11th so I am totally sharing your timeline freakout with you.

Stay Strong Sleepy Lady!


Are you KIDDING?
I'm DUE on the 9th of October... I'd LOVE to pop this sucker out exactly on THE day.

This two-weeks-before-or-two-weeks-after-October-9 is flipping me out.


I have no witty retorts cause I'm laughing too much...


I have no witty retorts cause I'm laughing too much...that happens here a lot.


When I was pregnant chocolate pudding, or rather, chocolate fudge pudding was like a gift from God. I ate it all the time, sometimes several cups in one sitting. I had some leftover from pregnancy and I have tried eating them, but now, now that I am not pregnant anymore? Chocolate pudding makes me want to puke. Pregnancy is weird.


I would never turn down a donut. Ever.

I think it's a fine quality in a person.


I totally watched that effing dolphin birth episode last night and was speechless with disbelief. I hate people.

Isn't it great when someone knows exactly when you need a donut?


I say 10-10 is a good day! My son was born 10-10-05! This one will be born 10-14 if the doctor still goes with what he had told me a while ago. (He gave me the option of doing this one on the 10th as well, but I told him no. My kids won't have the same birthday if I can help it!!) lol I don't know why he wouldn't. It's still a week before my due date. He was born on one of my friend's birthday's as well. October in general is a good month. I love having his birthday in the fall because he gets a lot of clothes for his birthday from relatives, and that stocks him up for all of his winter clothes for that year. It's nice that I only have to buy the summer clothes and that's it! That's something to think about I guess! I've been lucky enough that his summer clothes from last year still fit him this year! They were big last year, but fit him perfect this year. He hasn't gained much weight obviously! He may get another year out of his pants too!

swirl girl

Take down an oompah loompah ! That had me actually snorting!


CP - Oh my God, dude. Yes. INTRODUCE YOURSELF. I promise I am approachable and nice, if a tad overly huggy.

(Although a couple really helpful things include keeping your nametag/URL easily visible [I've got a terrible mind for names and faces, but a great one for blog titles and fonts] and telling people your Internet "name" in addition to your real name. Just ask Miss Zoot, who I have known for YEARS and YEARS and met in person and yet I will stare blankly at anyone who talks about her using her real name.)


I'm all about the is a birthday that has served me well for almost 29 years now. 10/10 baby!

Brigid Keely

Possibly a stupid question, but why schedule the C-Section for BEFORE you are due instead of closer to the date? I know due dates are estimates anyway, but why yank the kid out before he's done cooking?


my name is Anh and for my BA-Thesis I’m currently conducting a study about
American Bloggers.

I would like to invite you to participate in the survey.

It will only take about 15 minutes and it’s completely anonymous.
Just visit the following URL:

Even if you don’t want to participate (or are not American), you can help
me by posting the link in your blog and/or inviting others to take part.

I greatly appreciate every survey completed ;)

Thank you!


I feel ya on the flipping out part. I had some strong(er) contractions last night and realized I could have this baby ANY TIME over the next three weeks. I really need to get that hospital bag packed. And I'm down to 4 shirts that cover my belly and are work appropriate. I no longer care about matching. Yay, pregnancy!


FWIW I delivered 1wk early (yay induction) too and did it vaginally. It's not impossible for you!


OH! And you should schedule it for the 9th. John Lennon's Birthday, yo :)


at least you got the orange drink. my ob's office only had the "fruit punch" flavor in stock and it was VILE. even the nurses in the office tried it after getting so many compaints about it and immediately tried to get some orange back in stock.
@ Brigid - 37/38 weeks and on is considered full term, and is perfectly okay for a baby to be born. scheduled c sections tend to be at week 39 to avoid going into labor and/or causing a scheduled section to be an 'emergent' one. (im not a doctor, i only have a google md)


Jason is a SMART guy. Was he a boy scout at some point, because that was pretty damn prepared.


Yeah....I'm leaning toward 10/10 as my due date. My youngest's birthday is 9/9 so I think it only fair to have 10/10

oh...and I am 3/3.

Easy dates to remember. LOL!

I loved the Glucose drink. I didn't get sleepy. Guess I have too high a tolerance to sugar. LOL!


Dude, I'm right there with you this pregnancy. Glucose test was nasty; I'd love to be curled up in bed instead of at work; I'd due 10/16/08 but with C-section most likely, doing that 10/9/08 at my choice because that's totally a cool bday date to have for this little guy! Wonder if my hubby would go get me donuts right now....


You will be totally ready by 10/10.

Thank you for writing so much lately! I have been a devoted reader for a few months now and thorougly enjoy tuning in for your posts. I defend my thesis on Monday and am in the midst of crazy editing and presentation-writing and whatnot. You are keeping me going - thank you:)


your tired and drunk posts are my favorites! and you will be ready by then, you are super mom!


We had a c-section scheduled for this past Tuesday (7/15). Ana decided she'd rather be born last Thursday (7/10) and wasn't going for the c-section either. You could say I was totally unprepared for a VBAC. Sigh... it was like she was born and then looked at me and said "really woman... you think you're going to have any control over me?"


Mmmmmm donuts. Sugar cures everything. So does naps.


I guess losing a week is better than adding a week, right?


You can't freak out... remember at the beginning you were upset when the doctor took that week AWAY from you, thereby making you repeat a week of pregnancy. He gave you back your week! Yay!

They moved my due date up two weeks - to the 11th of October. I'm super stoked, DH not so much because that is the day of the Biggest. Football. Game. Ever (OU/Texas - we're OU fans).


Add me to the list of those who had to reschedule the glucose test because I drank it and promptly threw it right back up!


At least the man knows how to make ya happy huh?! :)


Thank you thank you thank you. I read the last two paragraphs to my husband as proof that I am not the only pregnant woman out there who flips out from time to time;>

Which btw, he mentioned seeing you on the Food network the other nigh, but he didn't realize I read your blog. Well actually he mentioned the resturant since we live in the area. And as soon as he started talking about the competition I knew what he was talking about. It was kinda funny.

The comments to this entry are closed.