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June 2008
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August 2008


Well. THAT sure was some damn first-trimester hair, no? Something definitely...deflatey...happened to it in between my last-minute fluff-job in the bathroom upstairs and sitting down at the judges' table. But! My arms looked pretty skinny, AND they spelled my website's name correctly in the closed captioning. Success! Two thumbs up! Fine holiday fun. Now let us never speak of this again. Well, AFTER I talk about it just a little more, because really, what the hell else do I have to talk about, short of continuing my Grand Tradition of posting about something really gross and personal and embarrassing right in the wake of some kind of major media exposure? (Hey! Once the Throwdown buzz dies down remind me to tell you about the time I almost rushed myself to Labor & Delivery because of a hemorrhoid! The time called "Tuesday!") 1) Despite the fact that I honestly really know NO ONE and have NO FRIENDS and haven't gotten a haircut since JANUARY because I have NO FRIENDS who can watch my spawn for a few hours and I never GO ANYWHERE ANYWAY, pretty much every single person who got a soundbite on the show is a friend of ours.... Read more →


So I should probably post a photo of my kid waving a little American flag or he's doing right now! complete with peanut-butter-and-jelly smeared all over his face, because we love America up right around here! But I am a little preoccupied with the growing ball of anxiety in mah belly (just north of the OTHER growing ball of something in mah belly), because we've been officially informed that our Throwdown with Bobby Flay episode is airing tomorrow night at 9 pm. Well, it's not "our" episode or anything -- in fact, I am really hoping "our" airtime is kept to like, four minutes -- that honor really belongs to local chef Teddy Folkman of Granville Moore's. We were just the completely unqualified judges who probably gave the producer a splitting tension headache via our inability to get a sentence out on camera without saying "uhh" or "umm" or "I think I might vomit a little." A few additional thoughts and disclaimers and things that bear repeating from my original telling of the tale, for anyone who chooses to watch: 1) While the whole point of the show is that the local chef has no idea that Bobby Flay... Read more →

Alone In My Paranoia (aka 24ish Weeks or Maybe 25)

Whenever I start getting a little uppity regarding our division of household labor (why am I the only one who remembers that the child needs to go potty before we go somewhere? why do CERTAIN PEOPLE seem to think our diaper bag is a magical fount of ever-regenerating sippy cups and snacks?), Jason manages to schedule an extended business trip. Possibly for the sole purpose of watching my lose my shit from afar. I have to take the garbage and recycling out? All the way to the curb? I have to...make dinner? Every night? Why aren't these dishes put away yet? Why hasn't someone done something about that weird smell in the bathroom? Noah, did I feed the cat already? Why is he meowing? I swear I fed him already. Noah, come on! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS. And it turns out that it's NOT a magic cell phone fairy who remembers to charge my phone for me every night. At least I'm pretty sure, unless she also had a conference to attend in Milwaukee this week. Maybe that's where the magic fairy who also remembers to buy milk went too. *** Part of my flying solo... Read more →