Note To Self: Start Talking Up "State Schools" in a BIG WAY
Not Perfect

33 Weeks, Stuff & Nonsense

At this week's OB appointment, my doctor announced that the baby is starting to measure...and hold the fuck on to your fucking hats..."a tad big." While I've always known that another big baby was likely, I was a little surprised to hear this. (Although really, with my half-assed approach to nutrition, my European approach to a glass of wine with dinner, and the many many voicemails from Target Pharmacy's auto-fill program reminding me AGAIN to come pick up my damn prenatal vitamins, I'm not sure what else I could do recklessly wrong to keep the baby at a manageable size. Smoking, maybe. Some hardcore drugs. Cutting back on the 1,500-calorie burritos. You know, INSANE AWFUL THINGS.)

I just remembered being much BIGGER last time, so I went through my archives in search of a 33-week belly photo.

33 weeks then:


33 weeks now:


So...not so much of a difference as I thought. Bring on the 3-6 month onesies!

While I was poking around those entries, three things occurred to me. 1) I was really very annoying back then and you should not ever read back that far, 2) in spite of that, I'd still say this blog has gone downhill in a big way, so you should probably not be reading now either, and 3) OH MY GOD I'VE NEVER FORCED YOU TO LOOK AT NURSERY PHOTOS YET.

I probably devoted three freaking months' worth of entries to Noah's nursery. The nursery we ended up leaving behind, the nursery that is now a plain white room that appears to be a very cluttered office of some kind, and what? Like it's MY FAULT that the new owners of our condo never pull the blinds down?

So. Uh. Look! We have room here that is slowly starting to look like something a baby might live in one day!


I waited until a nice dark rainy day to take pictures, lest you start thinking that I'm not still half-assing everything around here.


The theme is "The Green Paint That Was Here When We Moved In, A Bunch Of Yellow Stuff Leftover From Noah's Nursery, Plus Black & White Butterflies That My Mother-In-Law Painted, Because Black Makes It Like, Manly And Stuff."


There will eventually be dozens and dozens of butterflies, but my mother-in-law wanted to do more RESEARCH about different SPECIES first.


This is a rough mock-up of what the room would look like if I attempted to decorate it myself.


I'm hoping Noah gets his eye for detail and design from his father's side of the family.

(By the way, since so many people have asked about sending preemptive-strike sibling-rivalry gifts to Noah, rest assured that we're on it. That six-pack of FLOR carpet samples may very well be the GREATEST TOY WE HAVE EVER PURCHASED.)


The Bumbo chair (courtesy of the truly awesome Redneck Mommy) is also just a bottomless pit of entertainment options.




The sense of humor he clearly gets from me. God help us all.

(Also please note uncovered open electrical socket in the background. We're going for kind of an industrial look this time.)


Now please direct your attention to the HIGH-TECH DIAPER PAIL OF AWESOME from reader Sarah. It's fucking INFRARED, people. It opens and closes with a MOTION SENSOR. Is that not the most ridiculous, over-the-top thing you have ever heard of?

Needless to say, I'm so enchanted with it that I've been making a special trip from Noah's room into the nursery just to dispose of his mostly inoffensive night time Pull-Ups, and Jason rushes in to witness the process and then we stand there oohing and aahing for a good 10 minutes. And I wish I were exaggerating that in the slightest.


That concludes today's installment of Dr. Horrible's Snooze-Along Blog. Have a lovely long weekend, everybody. I will try to go out and injure myself in a not-harmful-to-baby but relatively-amusing way to make up for this crap.



God you are fucking boring.


I LOVE that picture of Noah as he is trying to figure out how best to place doll in chair. Obviously genius at work.


I love the butterflies! Will be a perfect nursery.

And how much do I love Noah? What with the Pinky Dinky Doo in the bumbo chair, and the carpet sample arrangment, and that big, super-happy smile, I think he might be the coolest kid ever.

the ex

HAAAAAAAA @ Seth. Lovely input, thank you for that!

Amy, is it me or are you slightly bigger this time around? Lord help you!


Eh you look smaller this time around. I've been told my kid is gonna come out weighting about ten pounds. Thing is, I just don't believe it, since they said that the last time and my daughter came out a teeny seven pounder.


Hey Seth, if you take your hands out of your pants you can actually use your mouse to go somewhere else.

Providing you're able to lift your knuckles off the ground.

I for one love sci-fi belly shots and nursery shots. None of this helps to dissuade my ovaries, though.

Shutter Bitch

Wow, Seth. You're a douchebag. Telling a pregnant woman talking about her baby and baby arrival things that she's boring. DON'T READ THEN.


(Sorry Amy, I didn't meant to asshole all in your comments.)


I'm dying to decorate our nursery, but first I have to figure out how to get the kid that's already living in it into another room and a bed without prison bars.

Those butterflies are so... DETAILED. What did she paint them with, a toothpick?

Crystal D

Please tell me what is the name of this amazing diaper pail? I have been holding out and I. Think. I. Must. Have. That. Now.

Sprite's Keeper

And Seth got things off to a rousing start. Anyway, Amy, I am the same way with my old house. I've been known to stalk it time and again and even felt inclined to critique their God-awful choice of lavender to paint the house! What were they thinking? But then I remember that I like not having a criminal record and drive on.
Loving the nursery! (And your scribbles are just as cute as your mother-in-, oh, sorry, I can't lie. Her art is freaking awesome. Never ever go near a paint can and leave any art to her please!)
Burrito, anyone?


I just discovered your blog today - via Twitter - and I love it so far. Your sense of humour and how it conveys to writing is great. I wish I had the ability to convey my snarky/twisted sense of humour into writing. Alas, not so much.

Mz. Nesbit

You're like skinny all over except for your belly. I'm so jealous!

Brigid Keely

We have an infrared garbage can that HATES ME. I stand over it with cans to toss in (we use it for recycling stuff) and it sits there and glares at me. I wave my hands. Nothing. I eventually hit the button and it opens halfway and I'm able to discard my cans or whatever. then the lid snaps shut angrily. Later, I'll go over to get my cell phone and the lid will open and close several times because I'm in the can's general vicinity, albeit with empty hands. Asshole.


Personally, I think Seth deserves a gold star for his stupendous powers of observation. At least he didn't just scream FIRST!!!!1!!

Crystal D - It's by Graco. And I didn't even mention that it uses REGULAR TRASH BAGS. Which is SO TOTALLY EXCITING AND NOT BORING!

just beth

um. I think you're facinating. Plus, I think Seth is a douchbag name.




Dude, don't be such a dick. You've got YouTube when you feel like posting inane comments. And, why not post your URL? Surely you've got an exciting blog chock-full of your adventures hang gliding over the Alps while snorting heroin. But, hmmm, no way of emailing. So fucking predictable.

Miss Britt

Oh now I feel guilty for twittering yesterday "show the nursery! we all want to see the nursery!"

I guess I should have said "everyone but Seth wants to see the nursery!"

Sorry about that.


Those pictures where he's's like I can hear him laughing. V. v. adorable.


Things aren't quite as exciting the second time around. Nor do you have the time and/or energy to be as excited. The baby will come and be loved whether or not the room has 5 million butterflies.

I like your attempt at decorating the wall, by the way. :)


Man, I may have to have Hubs get a reversal on that vasectomy so we can try out one of those diaper pails. Where they heck was that technology when I was schlepping the poopy pants?

And, the butterflies? Holy crap. Gorgeous. Amazing. Total wow! That's some flippin' talent. My personal contribution would look much like your mock-up.

Wishing you a peaceful few more weeks, filled with successful sleep and limited trips to the bathroom.


My doctor made sure to warn me that second babies are often larger "so we'll have to watch that". And what do you know, he was right! So, good luck and all that. :)

Yay for pictures! Noah is so cute.

My friend has one of those fancy-pants diaper pails and they really are very cool!!!


I say go with thinking Seth was being sarcastic. Add a little eyeroll after his statement, and imagine he was *really* trying to say 'NO you are not boring, Silly! If you were so boring, no-one would read your blog! Ever!" It's much better that way.

My 2nd child's nursery consisted of...the living room. You are so far ahead of where we were.


wow your belly shots are so similar! Do you still own those rockin pink fleese pants?

the nursery is looking great, I can't wait to see what your mother in law does with all the butterflies, Noahs nursery was so impressive I remeber that!


Amy - With our 2nd son (and our kids are each - or will be - 6 months older than yours) we have NEVER ONCE used the diaper thing. Instead, since we were so used to using the newspaper bags to dispose of older son's toxic diapers (he became potty trained right after the baby came) we just use those for the baby's diapers too. Aidan (3.5yo) keeps asking me what the diaper thing is for - we constantly shriek at him not to touch it, but we don't actually use it for anything. (At some point, a babysitter is going to use it and a diaper will just sit there... I am grossing myself out and plan to put it in the garage today.)

In any case, yours is really cool and if I had a magic one like that, I am sure we would have used it!


Did they measure by U/S or eyeball it? I'm never sure how these things work. I definitely feel MISERABLY HUGE for 29 weeks but I have no idea if that's even remotely indicative of the size of le baby boy.

Your nursery is cute! And I can't get enough of your Noah pictures. What a doll. I think he'd have a blast with my little dude.

Am I the only person who thought Seth's comment was funny?


@psumommy: spot-on. The sheer volume of non-spam commentage on pretty much everything Amalah posts really supports that point. Honestly, I think his statement was itself a literary eyeroll. Whether it was loving or not is mostly irrelevant.

Still, watching other readers get all snarly-mama-lion when they perceive a threat to A's delicate (hah!) self-esteem makes for decent entertainment after the regular bready, snarky goodness of the post, proper. And thus is the Pax Romanalah kept.


Who cares about old paint when you have those gorgeous wood floors? I have icky non-baby-friendly marble and I want to move just because of it. Anyway, you are making me feel guilty for having done nada for this baby coming in-oh-about 4 months or so. Maybe this weekend? Whatever.
Also, Noah makes my heart melt every time I see him.

Jessica K

Being a few months away from the arrival of my second child, I think belly shots, nursery pics and super high-tech diaper pails are the only thing worth reading about :)


Crap. I'm pretty sure my tummy looks like that and I'm not pregnant.

The nursery, you and your little guy are all gorgeous!


Oh Amy. I hope you're just complaining about your writing for funsies, and not seriousness.

It seriously amazes me how amusing you can be about nothing, sometimes.

I mean, I don't think I'd read multiple installments of anyone else writing about dramatic deodorant and want more, for cryin' out loud.


I can, most definitely, attest that ultrasound techicians aren't usually too accurate. After 3 kids, and me getting bigger with each one, each baby came out smaller than the last. With my last one, they kept pushing my due date out later and later, and surprise! He was 10 days earlier than his original due date.. AND.. they predicted him to be 11 lbs (I knew he wouldn't be) and another surprise! Popped out 7 lbs 7 oz's.


'laina -- This was my regular doctor, going by fundal measurements, not ultrasound. Both of which ARE unreliable for sure. Hell, they told me Noah was "a tad big" last time and guessed he'd be about 8.5 pounds.

He was 9 lbs 15 oz. Ha! Take that, medical establishment!


This reminds me of the Amalah from way back in the day. Loved! Also: not boring and OMG you're going to go have another baby.It's like I have known you for three years now. Weird.


I love nursery pictures. Especially since our "nursery" is still (STILL!) in its incarnation as "office for two cluttery pack-rats who work from home full time." Have I even *ordered* nursery furniture yet? NO, I have NOT. (Baby #1 is still happily in her crib, so we need all NEW furniture this time around.)

Did I mention that I'm due in...oh, five weeks or so? Yeah. Mostly I try not to hyperventilate about it, but that's getting rough even for me.

I should go order the damn furniture now, shouldn't I?

any little reason

So, can I please borrow your mother-in-law when I get ready to decorate my nursery? Good Gawd, that butterfly rocks.

Suzy Q

Your MIL is The Awesome with her artwork.  Those new owners of your previous condo are such douchebags for painting over that tree.  If I had bought that condo, I would have probably added another coat of varnish or whatever you use just to keep it longer.

The intricacies of those butterflies just amaze me.


I hated the diaper genie. I may just need to have another baby to get that diaper pail.

Your blog does not suck.


1. you're so not boring. you have kept me endlessly entertained at work for the last month
2. my husband's name is Seth so I'm crying at the comment that Seth is a douchebag name. play nice ladies.
3. tell us how those FLOR tiles work out! I just got a catalog in the mail recently and have been trying to figure out which samples I want to order.
4. love the nursery - and Noah's look of confusion in that last pic as to what IS WRONG with these dang glasses?


I love Pinky Dinky Doo in the Bumbo. Pure awesome, as are Noah's dimples.


What?! Motion sensor? I'm going to have to have another baby to try that out.

Katie Kat

I can't BELIEVE you think you are BIG. If I was even a little daring, I'd post my picture at 9 months (with a month to go). EEEEEEEK! They told me I was having an 8 lb. or over kiddo, but she was only 6lb. 11oz. All the rest was amniotic fluid gone insane. FLOOOOOOOOOD!

You are NOT huge by any standard. Now go have another burrito.

Katie Kat

P.S. Seth is just jealous because he wishes HE had one of those ifrared diaper pails for his Depends.


You are so cute! It makes me want to be pregnant again. Damn hubby won't let me have another baby. Bastard.

The Pinky pics are adorable. However, seeing pinky makes me realize I am glad the Pinky stage is over at my house.


After reviewing the archives, am also reminded: no recent Ceiba updates? Max updates? Can I have your MIL come paint MY house?!?!? And holy mother, I've been reading you for three years?!?!?! Only my marriage has outlasted that kind of comittment!


Grrrr, Seth really pissed me off with that comment...

And I already wanted to say that NO WAAAAAAAY is this blog going downhill in anyway. I am addicted - need my Amalah dose on a daily basis; not to mention looking at super-cute Noah...


Your belly pics are too cute. I wish I had remebered to do that with my own little Noah. I only have one from 10 weeks (pre-stretch marks, thank you).

Also, don't worry about the room. You'll be sick of the design in a few weeks either way. Who could love a mine-field filled (toy ridden) prison (nursery) that you must face @ 12am, 3am, 6am...

Please forgive bitterness, working on 4 hrs of baby sleep last nigh. Thank goodness I have blogs like yours to keep me going!

Greg S

Apparently I'm the only one that thought Seth's comment was sarcastically responding to the "snooze-along" comment in the final paragraph. You know, "oh, yeah, Amy, sooooo boring."

Of course, if I'm wrong, I'm sure he won't be back. Unless he finds the cute-Noah pics as irresistible as the rest of us...


Obviously Seth hasn't read the deodorant wars.

Girl, you.are.not.big. Wanna see big and I can whip out any pic from my 3 pgs. I looked like that at 5 months. Me make hooooge babies.


GOD...your belly makes me JEALOUS!!! So cute!!

I have ABSO-freaking-LOUTELY NO pants that will stay up up my belly...OR out of my crotch!
I need to get something from Muu-Muu'sRus and just deal, already.

I am totally freaking out that we are BOTH 33 weeks, too. I knew we were close together...but not that close.

Does YOUR doctor do C-sections on Friday's? Mine has graduated to all weekends off, now. Must be nice. Huh? SO much for MY hopes for a 10/10 birthday. Guess 10/9/08 is a good birthday, too. LOL!


Yeah, I thought Seth was being sarcastic, too. His comment was so very droll and it made me laugh. I thought he was in on the joke or making a joke?

Huh. Maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, good for you for raising boys who like dolls named "Pinky" and have butterflies in their nursery! Your boys will undoubtedly be sensitive and secure . . . perfect dates for my two little girls?


i CANNOT believe how noah manages to look exactly like both you and jason at the same time.
it's insane.
can't wait to see tivo.
(shall we expect pictures of him upside down in the bumbo-whatever chair, too? i mean, was noah practicing there?)


I think you're funny and wonderful and definitely not boring, and I don't even have kids! My tummy can look like that after breakfast--you're adorable.


You will ADORE the Bumbo. Seriously. It's my favorite thing to give as a baby gift, ever since we inherited one w/ baby #2. It's one of those: can live without it till you have it, then can't imagine how you ever lived without it things. The baby is so happy in it too.


I don't even care how downhill you think your blog has gone. To me it's all rainbows and unicorns with hearts dotting all the "i"'s. Probably because I AM as lame as you think you are.

Have a relaxing weekend with no injuries that require more than an insulated wine bottle holder thingy to cure.


You look great! And I remember having the talk with my doctor about Mira and hearing, "Are you really sure you want to go through with this VBAC? Her head is measuring enormous!" Yep, reassuring words.


I think that both Noah and the room are adorable! And if my 3 year old wasn't basically potty trained, I'd go buy one of those diaper pails!


Speaking from experience with an infrared trash can and a 1 year old daughter, those things totally rock. Until the baby figures out how they work. Sadly, that happens when they are way too young!


You're adorable. To me, boring says content/happy/relaxed. Plus, I don't remember a damn thing you just wrote, what with all the Noah pics to distract me. So very jealous of that diaper pail!


The biggest difference I notice in the belly shots: Your nails are definitely more I-Have-A-Toddler length this time around.


Boring? Never. Some people just can't appreciate the finer things in diaper pails.


yeah...i thought seth was being sarcastic as well. maybe i'm wrong.

the butterfly is fantastic!


Don't smoke.

I smoked all through my pregnancy (over 24 years ago). At the time I was too messed up emotionally to quit, so give me an effin break, k.


He weighed NINE pounds and was nearly 22 inches long.

Now my own mother only ate salads when she was pregnant with me. My birth weight was 5 lb 13 oz.



I like your stuff better than the butterflies.

They are nice, but too detailed.


Carpet samples are the best toy in the world, hands down.


Pshaw. That's not big at all. Why don't your ass and arms look at all pregnant? I think I hate you.


33 Weeks??!?? Less than 2 months until we get to meet Baby TiVo? OMG and SQUEEEE and all those other great Interweb exclamations!

Noah is deliciously scrumptious as always. He's got the most beautiful smile! I cannot wait to see photos of him with the baby.


I have to ask you. Where can I get that doll Noah has for my boys and the potty? what is the name of that potty you have for him.

I love it and must have for my twin boys.


Hmm, I thought Seth was just being funny. I guess we will never know. And the people who scream FIIIIRRRRST, I love. It's like a celebration of the fact that they have jobs so devoid of purpose that they can be first to post meaningless comments on an internet rockstar's site. Damn it, I have to post meaningless comments on my own time, so it is highly unlikely I will get to sream FIRRRRRST.

Here's a new one for those who can't be so lucky. SIXTY NINTH!!!!

And in true form of such a practice, this is likely not even the sixty ninth commment, only in the neighborhood.

Love the site.


ps, someone commented on the name Seth being d- bag ish. It is like a top 5 name for me. Seriously love it. Have begged husband to name a son this but so far it looks he is sticking to major sports pros only for name inspiration. If there is pro football or baseball guy name Seth let me know.


My 3 year old son is named Seth and I assure you he is not a d-bag. As for famous ones, there's Seth Green of course, and if your hubby is a Family Guy fan the creator's name is Seth McFarlane. And of course the awesome Seth Cohen from The OC. So yah, not so much a football name as a cool, comic book loving guy kind of name. Amy, you will be in love with your bumbo once baby Tivo is old enough to use it. I got mine with my 2nd baby and it was a lifesaver when I needed somewhere safe to put the baby while chasing around my insane toddler. Plus my baby loved being in it. I see you have the new one with the GIANT WARNING label. In case you feel the need to put your newborn up on a counter and walk away, at least it's there to remind you not to. And the diaper pail sounds awesome. I love ones that don't take special refills, so much better.


I think that Seth is actually Seth Green. He's stalking you.


Dude. I think that my pack of FLOR samples is one of the best toys I've ever gotten for ME, so I can imagine that Noah thinks they're the bee's knee's.


Hey! I have that same teether that Noah is holding up in my refrigerator . . . and my kids are 11,9, and almost 5!

I'm guessing I should probably get rid of that thing.


So...just started reading your blog.

Very funny and I loved the deoderant posts the most.

btw..while your blog is totally not boring, I think Seth is joking and also a really great name!


"While I was poking around those entries, three things occurred to me. 1) I was really very annoying back then and you should not ever read back that far..."

Still true I am afraid.


Oh lord, I totally did the same thing to my second child. Total decor hand me downs. You wouldn't even know I was about to have one from my blog back then. It was like, Oh shit, we're having a baby. Maybe we should just put her in the bathtub. She can wear all boys clothes for a while, right?

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