The Tuesday Redirect


Well. We're all still alive. So that's something.

I'll spare you most of the slightly horrific, nose-blow-by-blow details of my weekend, except for:

1) Chest cold, i.e. coughing up my fucking toe bones.


3) Double ear infection, i.e. Noah no longer getting any sympathy for his SINGLE ear infection, like WHATEVER.

4) Pinkeye, i.e. or possibly "just" the double ear infection leaking out of both of my eyes.

5) Hives from an allergic reaction to the doses of antibiotic I swiped from Noah, i.e. HIVES? YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SOME PUSSY ASS HIVES AT THIS POINT? Show me anaphylatic shock and then we'll talk.


My spirit was officially broken around 5 am on Sunday morning, when I woke up with both eyes sealed shut, realizing just how sick I still was, and trying to cry because I just wanted to feel better, but being unable to cry because my eyes were fucking sealed shut.

Luckily, darkest before dawn and all that. I am feeling better, save for the sensation that the left side of my face -- from my eardrums down to my back teeth -- is being used to banish contestants from The Gong Show.

Jason and I had our dinner out on Friday, even though I wasn't feeling very well, but I was worried that we only had a short window before my in-laws' stomach bug came and wiped us all out. I was also possibly a little feverish, and thus convinced that my house had turned into the hotel room from Ocean's Thirteen, become sentient and hellbent on my ultimate destruction.

But! Feeling better. I'm pretty sure. Noah is much better (including the rash/burn/horror of the Clorox Wipes Incident, for which my father-in-law is still apologizing and I'm still struggling to achieve balance between "honest mistake" and "OMFGWTFBBQBZZZT"), Ezra is the healthiest person in the house, and Jason is messing it all up by JUST NOW coming down with the chest cold that started all of this. I've offered to squirt breastmilk in his eyes in case he gets the pinkeye part, but I think he's leaning towards using Noah's leftover eye drops. (I used both, oh yes I did.) I did not extend the same offer to my in-laws, who just officially left us to parent our children, OUR PLURAL CHILDREN, alone.

And I'm pretty sure that no one else is going to come help us out. Not now or not ever. Because we lure you here with the promise of cuddly newborns and hilarious toddlers and homemade eggplant parmesan, and then we just sit around and sneeze on you for eight straight days.



That, or we force you to ooh and ahh over barely perceptible differences in the baby's facial expressions.

Flashback! Noah at pretty much the exact same age. That outfit still swallows Ezra whole.


Sprite's Keeper

Cold, schmold. I'll help. Just let me get my hazmat suit out of storage.


oh honey, I'll help you anytime you need. What am I going to do, get lupus? I kid, I kid.


Oh my. You poor thing.

Here's to more rest for you all!

Ezra is beyond adorable - those pictures look like he's "waking up"!


Ezra photos! A-Dorable.

liz williams


That is hilarious. Ezra! Squeee! Keep feeling better.


Your babies are too cute for words. I am glad you are feeling better :)


Those pics are precious, and I think he looks so much like you!
Also, POOR YOU. Sheesh, I can't imagine feeling that shitty with a newborn and a toddler AND in-laws in the house! I'm glad you're feeling better.


On the bright side... uhhh. Oh I know. Next week this will all just be a memory!


Dude, I am in a similar boat. Not quite as brutal.

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and went to the doc today because I woke up this morning with BOTH EYES SEALED SHUT. Sound familiar? Ahem. So then they say maybe my SINUS INFECTION IS OOZING OUT OF MY EYEBALLS? Gross and yet, familiar.

So they gave me a 3 day antibiotic and some antibiotic eye drops. But the drops are a Class C drug and I'm scared out of my little panties to use them.

Fun times!!


So glad you're feeling better. If they had the stomach flu and not food poisoning, I think you'd have gotten it by you should be safe. Fingers crossed!!


Well I can't believe anyone would reject an offer of breast milk to the eyeball. Nuts!

Redneck Mommy

I'm still kinda snickering about the clorox wipes debacle.

Sorry. LOL.

But Ezra. So sweet. And for the promise of baby cuddles I'd be there in a heartbeat if my own two children didn't demand I stay here and feed them on a regular basis.


What? Did you say something? My brain shut down from cute overload when Ezra appeared.


Damn! My Dr. wasn't kidding when she said something was going around big time! We are down here in SC with the same thing and of course, husband is traveling, so it's just snotty me and snotty little dude. Even my dogs are sneezing.

But hey, good to hear you guys are on the mend and Ezra looks as sweet, preshus, cute, and adorable as ever!!!!

Jennifer (prayedforone)

So sorry to hear everyone is still under the weather but the pictures are precious!


Oh man...y'all definitely win the most miserable award for this week. Hope everyone is getting better now.


Go Ezra! That's an impressive resistance.


You make me sooo glad to be heathly right now! I hope ALL of you are feeling better soon!


Wow. Turtle v.2

I hope you're feeling better. Anyone who can write with the venomous eloquence you do DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE SICK GODDAMMIT.


Lady you better get to labeling all those photos because you aren't going to know which ones are Noah and which are Ezra! beautiful babies! Feel better!


I am looking at both his photo and Noahs photo right next to each other and my god, they look so differnt! But I am sure that is the differnce between a 7lb and a 10lb baby :)


oh GOD. You poor, poor family. The sickest I've ever been was when I had mono and while it sucked and ungodly amount, I think you've just spat in its face with your illness(es). Geeesh. Glad you're feeling better, though.

meleah rebeccah

wow. when you get sick you REALLY get sick. Sheesh. Feel Better.


How did you shoot breastmilk in your own eye? Or do I not want to know.

PS: You probably shouldn't share the eyedrops. Next time get the pediatrician to write 3 refills so everyone in the family gets their own. (Just a little assvice from a pink-eye-pro!)

Kari Weber

Dude! No one ever told ME you could use breastmilk on pinkeye?!?!?


i would totally oooh and aaaah over that ALL DAY LONG. well, if i didn't have a couple of my own to deal with.


So cute! So alert!


That's totally Jason's son. Not that anyone doubted it! And he is as equally as cute as his older brother. Glad you're all feeling better!

Kate Hawken

Ezra. Is. Adorable.


OMG, Ezra is cute cute cute. nom nom nom on those cheeks and his cute little chin!

Hope you all feel better soon. Argh.


What I absolutely wouldn't suggest doing is taking a huge swig of Robitussin DM with a Mucinex chaser. It will kill the cough, but.. umm.. yeah, I woke up the next morning thinking, wow, was I trying to kill myself. Oh and fisherman friend cough drops. My cough laughed at halls this time around.


What an utterly crap weekend--I'm so sorry. Pinkeye really feels like the most plague-like of diseases, doesn't it? (Whenever I have it, I am tempted to shout, "unclean! unclean!")

Your baby boy, however, is utterly scrumptious.


Awwwwwh! You poor thing - and everyone else, too. And, I do have to admit that I initially thought that was the same picture, unil I scrolled down far enough to see the mouth open in the third, and closed again in the fourth, and I knew they were all different . . . and all SOOOO adorable!


haha, my son did the clorox wipies too! on his own bottom last year:


OMG...OMG. No really, OMG. I just had to read your last two entries like 3 times. And then read them to my mother on the phone. That is the worst initiation into double-motherhood that I have ever heard. And the wipes incident? Holy shit. That is awful. But I could totally see my dad doing that.

And so life goes on. You have survived this- and come out alive on the other end. Quite the test- and you passed!


Must comment on the cuteness...such cuteness! Loving the cuteness!

Wacky Mommy

You kill me with the creative use of milk.

Sending you a big virtual hug all the way from the west coast, cuz if I was there? NO WAY would I be coming near you.


i want to hug your father-in-law...tightly. and the rest of you, of course, except from a distance, since you're sickly and such. but the f-i-l? just misguided. ::hugs::

Hey You

So has the breast milk in the eye/on rashes helped?

mama speak

So I'm guessing once you're better, parenting two will seem easy.

My girls were light years apart on size at the same ages too. Their b-days are only a month apart so they should be generally the same size for clothes, but so much for planning. Today I realized that my second is officially a year behind the older one size-wise; so if they don't catch up, if you wait long enough they go full circle.


oh, sweetie! Chest cold plus sinus infection plus double ear infection plus oozing eyes? Plus newborn plus toddler plus inlaws?

The Universe officially owes you rainbows and ponies for this one. And also? The yummy fold right in the middle of Ezra's neck? NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Jen L.

Sickness = sucky

Ezra = Awesomely adorable

Clorox wipes = ALL I HAVE TALKED ABOUT SINCE I READ IT ON TWITTER. Seriously. I called my mom and my MIL and my Sister in law and two friends. GAHHH.

Hope everyone's mended soon!


Ohmygoodness, it's the Turtle Twins! How cute!


I have the very same left side of the face sinus infection. It kinda sucks. Feel better soon.


Beautiful boys! I can see the difference in Ezra's expressions.

I hope you are well soon.


Clorox wipes!!?? Poor Noah!! You'll know next time to hide all such things out of the grown ups reach. When Noah is older it can be "that story" he tells at family gatherings.


Ugh. Been there - ear infection, sinus infection, throat infection, and respiratory infection all at once! While just starting to attempt running my college newspaper on a skeleton staff for the summer! Right after my boyfriend left me for a 3 month internship so I was already bummed!

I can't even imagine the every sickness possible happening with 2 young children in the house. Get well soon!

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