Make That the Mighty Mighty Ez


Ezra is a comfort sucker. (As in, he likes to suck on things for comfort. Not that he is a sucker for comfort, although frankly, who isn't? I'm a sucker for comfort food, for instance. Comfort food with butter and extra deep-fried carbs.)

In pretty much every ultrasound we had, his face was always obscured by various body parts that he was attempting to shove into his mouth. I took note of this and tossed a pack of pacifiers into my hospital bag. I popped a Soothie into his mouth the very first night. Screw nipple confusion -- if I didn't give that kid a pacifier I wasn't going to have any damn nipples LEFT.

He liked the Soothie well enough -- much better than the free pacifiers the hospital nursery had to offer, which I of course hoarded and took home regardless, because they were FREE FREE FREE -- but once we got home he started rejecting them too. If it wasn't a boob, it better be a finger, inserted at an awkward, palms-up angle that ensured you could do absolutely nothing else except SIT THERE while your wrist cramped up and Ezra sucked your fingerprints off.

So, you know, we tried a few other pacifiers.


Exhibit A, aka Give It Up Already, Crazy People

Every brand was offered and summarily rejected, and eventually I resigned myself to always having the baby attached to my chest, for food or for comfort.

But then this weekend he started getting a little DIFFICULT ABOUT THAT. A little TAD HYSTERICAL. He would latch on and then get BEYOND INDIGNANT to end up with a mouthful of MILK, MY GOD. He'd pull off in fury and weep. I'd offer the pacifer. He'd take it, spit it out and dive bomb for my chest again. Same thing with my finger.  Over and over, we did this, and always at nap and bedtime. I'd rock him and sing and pace around the house, but eventually it always came back to the back-and-forth dance between my boob and the pacifer.

So last night, I had a flash of either genius or a psychotic break -- definitely one of those two -- and took the hollow end of a Soothie pacifier and stuck it on my boob. Add baby and VOILA. The ultimate in cushiony comfort without the hassle of nutrition.

And...that was the highlight of my weekend, unless you count the fact that Noah ate five atoms of the breading off a chicken nugget and finally told me something specific about his day at school ("I pushed Miles AND Everett!"), or maybe when Ezra threw up on Heather B and I sat there and laughed like a really evil person because NOT ME NOT ME, and I think I cleaned up the chair before thinking to offer her some paper towels and overall the weekend was comprised of a lot of moments that made me massage my temples in annoyance and parental defeat, but then I stuck a pacifer ON MY BOOB and it made my baby happy and put him to sleep.


Dream big!



Good idea! With my girls I kinda "forced" them into liking pacifiers. I just never gave up. And eventually they took them. I should have thought of the boob idea. :)


Hahahahahahahahaha!!! Ahhhh. Thanks.


Let's believe it was your brilliance. Neither of mine would take a Binky - my daughter comfort nursed and then spit most of it up (she projectile vomited during her baptism - good times), my son comfort nursed and sucked his thumb, he quickly became known as 'piglet' due to the smacking sounds he'd make.


Omg as I was reading I was thinking, "Put the plug on your booooooob, dude" cuz that's exactly what I did - I had oversupply and a baby that just loved to suck but got too full and pukey and angry and oy. Until one day I snuck the plug in there and mashed him back against my boob thinking he might not notice the difference and - voila! It's the perfect plan, really - you are totally a genius (as am I). AND eventually he took the plug-sans-boob so no worries - you won't have to spend the next 2 years walking around with a soothie in your bra (although it IS a convenient place to keep them when your hands are full)

Lisa L.

The Fake Out! That's what we call it at my house. It saved my nips with all 3 kids and made them happy. Sometimes they'd even accept a fake out from my husband, if I was lucky and super tired. Congrats on discovering it yourself.


That's hilarious! I had the same issue with my third but wasn't smart enough to think of it myself! Good to know for next time.


Well, we suffered through about 5 months and then my daughter started taking her binky (TM)by Playtex. Now she uses it every night to go to sleep. I know we are in for it when we try to wean her from it, but oh well. Sleep is important.


Love, love, LOVE this post! I'm pregnant with my first and cannot tell you how many times I say, Must Remember This Post. :)

Miss Grace

Well. My son just wanted the awkward palm up finger sucking for hours. And you wouldn't think this could happen, but he permanently damaged my fingernail.


That is brilliant. I may use it. My daughter does the same thing. She likes her Soothies okay, but nothing placates her like boobs. And I'm a cold, uncaring mother who won't let her kid suck on her all day. My nipples can only take so much.

Katie R

Oh, now that's ingenius! After having one child that hated the binky, I was blessed with one who loved the soothie's and that saved my sanity, and the boobs too!


Good gravy! I'm sure you cloned both children!


Great solution...LOL!


Way to go. You're like the MacGyver of breast feeding.

Apparently when I was a baby the only thing I would accept was the nipple of a bottle with someone's finger it in. Not a finger. Not the bottle nipple. It had to be both.


(probably pays to pay attention to the titles of the posts before you comment. ha.)


Oh my goodness but that child looks just like Noah. I had a 3-D ultrasound done and apparently Cletus the Fetus over here is a clone of my son, who is a clone of my husband. I guess if the mold ain't broken, why fix it, eh?


whoa whoa whoa. the hospital has FREE pacifiers? and they GIVE them away? WHAT?!

all i got were THREE very stern and disappointed lectures on how pacifiers cause nipple confusion and since i already had inverted nipples (i don't even consider the overshare potential anymore), i was a terribly bad failure of a mother for even thinking about giving my daughter a binky before she turned at least 6 weeks old and we had our breastfeeding figured out.

got over that pretty quickly though. ruby is 4 months now loves her playtex binkies, as well as each and every finger she encounters.

good luck with your paciboob!

Heather B.

I just realized that both of your children have puked on me. So maybe I'll come and see you again in like 2013 when they're out of the puking/screaming phase. Just to be on the safe side, you know?

P.S. Ez is the cuddliest little bug in the whole wide world. Even when everything he just ate ends up on my pants. Still pretty damn cute.

Sprite's Keeper

Paciboob? Boobifier? Ever try your hand at inventing? I had the same problem with my kid, but never thought to attach plastic nubs to my tatas. That could have saved me MONTHS of headaches!


Al was the same way. 3 years later, he still loves his paci, AND he still has to cop a feel of boob before he can go to sleep. Classy, I know.

andrea frazer

I'm waiting in breathless anticipation for the hater to write in and tell you that you are a horrible person for not giving boob twenty four hours/day. Or maybe it's just me who gets the haters. Good thoughts for you and congrats on a solution that works for everyone!


Wait, wait wait..all the comments are about the brilliance, but I'm still trying to figure out the mechanics over here. Don't pacifiers have backs? How does a nipple fit in? Could we have a picture (NOT of your nipple, just this specific type of soother)? How does it stay on and can the baby feel any difference between this and just, say putting the binky in his mouth and holding his face against your chest? Sorry, just curiosity, or stupidity, both my kids are hard core thumb suckers by now anyway.


Honestly, you are a genius for thinking of that. Never would have occurred to me!

Also, that has got to be the most adorable picture I've seen of Ezra, yet.


You are a genius!! I never would have thought of that.

The picture of Ezra? Quite possibly the most adorable one yet!


And I am an idiot apparently. I thought the 1st post didn't make it so tried again. Now I have said the same thing twice using different words. File me under "breathtaking dumbness".

Mariana Perri

Why the hell did I not think of that??? After one year of battles with pacifiers I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am a walking baby bottle/pacifier!
Guess I can toss those 368 pacifiers I purchased and the other 5073 baby bottles too!


EdenSky: Soothies are pacifiers without backs, basically. Google "soothie", and you'll get some pictures.


My second one was a comfort sucker too. She did the same thing with the finger and you described it perfectly. At about 10 months, she loved to laugh at me while milk sprayed everywhere after she started nursing. I must have made funny faces seeing all that milk go to waste.

Ezra is such a cutie.

Mom on the Run

I LOVE baby "propped in corner of couch" photos. Our babies always looked like little men (I have two girls, but both were baldies in infancy--hence the men reference.) We would often prop them up while a remote control rested on the baby's lap. I should have added a can of beer and we would have been all set.

:::::::::::: wife mom maniac ::::::::::::

Wish I'd thought of that!


Someone named a preschooler Miles? That was the name of my dog growing up.

I'm sorry, I got lost after that.

...love Maegan

omg he's so cute. I don't think I've ever heard "soothie" for pacifier ...I like it.

Barbara B

I know you said you have tried every kind of pacifier in the entire world - but I thought I might provide yet another option - especially if he kinda accepts the Soothie. The Gumdrop:

is the only kind my little guy will accept. They have newborn sizes and then bigger kid sizes. They curve more to the face and have a cut out for the nose. They are also about half the weight of a Soothie.

Barbara B

obviously I am HTML retarded - google for Gumdrop Pacifier and you are golden.


That truly was a stroke of genius. Your boobs and Ezra thank you. :)


Kind of like a condom for boobs, huh?


The title of your post made me giggle.

Also, furiously taking notes as to how to raise two boys ...


I have been reading your blog since you had cute little Ezra. I have to say that I am so glad that i happened across it. Amy you are too funny sometimes and i check everyday just to see a new post from you. My oldest son; now five; nursed for comfort and I found the "fake out" trick to work perfectly. I did not however have to place the paci directly on my boob but just had to lay him acroos me like i intended to nurse and slip the paci in his mouth; never had to actually present the boob could do this right over my clothes.


I hope you get some rest soon so the psychotic break is less, well, psychotic...

Ezra is preshus! Beck is 8 months now and has lost her baby face, hang on to the squishy!


OK, with all the talk about pacifiers, I feel the need to share this. I was maybe kinda sorta a weird kid. I used my binky (Nuk FTW!) till I was... 10. Yes, 10. My parents never forced me to give it up, because they didn't want to make a big deal of it (and I was SUPER RESISTENT TO CHANGE, and still am, but less so), although starting around age 3 or 4 the rule was that it was for bedtime only, and I didn't need it by age 10 or anything (it didn't, for example, go with me on sleepovers), I just liked it. My last one finally broke, which is when I finally gave it up. But reading this? I TOTALLY CRAVE IT. I kinda wish I had been a thumb-sucker instead of a binky-sucker, so that I could recapture that feeling for just a few minutes. (And going out to by one would be just plain wrong. Right? RIGHT?)

But, to all the moms out there who are even as we speak furiously yanking the pacifiers out of their babies' mouths, don't worry, I turned out pretty normal! I promise!


My first had a 'Soother', he didn't give it up until about 3 years of age. My second didn't want it and after that I decided not to even try with the 3rd. The last two were both big comfort suckers at times but I manged to get through it. I'm glad you found a solution.

That pic makes me want another baby!!Since mine will be two soon, no more baby there.Oh well, I can just look at pictures of other babies and remember my through memories!


Sooo... Did you ever get a chance to crack open Dead Until Dark?

Or does my asking that on the comments for *this* post just smack of childrearing ignorance?


Hey I think I gave you one of those pacifiers! Isn't it nice to be irreplaceable?

Sid, my second boy (and almost 7 months) will also not take a pacifier or bottle. Tried EVERYTHING. I go and nurse him during my lunch hour at work.


LOL that is genius! And I'm not even kidding a bit.

And every time I scroll down your posts and see a photo of Ezra I immediately think of how much he looks like you. Amazing!


That is too funny. MJ has been comfortsucking a little and he also gets SUPER PISSED if that ends up involving unwanted food. So I end up looking like I'm trying to kill him with my boob while he screams at me.

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