Second Son
Deodorant Wars III: The Party

Contractually Obligated Shmushy Face



(Two new posts over at the Luvs site: Save It For the Internet, Lady and Things I Did Instead Of Writing Helpful Time-Saving Tips For You This Week.)

(By the way, I really want to thank everybody who has clicked over and/or left a comment on my stuff over there. You've helped me earn a few more much-needed dollars. I'm also going to be doing some additional writing for Zero to Forty soon, which was by far the Most Fun Writing Gig Ever. And perhaps now it will be even more fun -- writing about pregnancy without, you know, having to actually be pregnant. WIN!)

(And yes, I totally appreciate the irony of me coming here to post about how I don't actually have time to post here but look! Here's stuff I wrote for money. Delicious leafy money. I would like to eat it with some croutons and shaved Parmesan cheese.)

(Here. Because I feel guilty now for being such a sell-out and all, I give you this unflattering photo of me, unshowered and completely free of makeup, sporting a big hickey on my cheek, courtesy of a REALLY REALLY HUNGRY INFANT.)

Photo 108



hungry infants are scary, like bears or geese. but cuter and, to be honest, not scary at all.


First! (Always wanted to do that)
Anyway girl, shill away. If we can add some cabbage to the pot (metaphorically speaking) by having you link over from this AWESOME blog then by all means do so. Mow go back and offer the other cheek to Sir Sucks-A-Lot!


Damn Denise. Fewer words beat my firstiness!


OMG I am cracking up over here. Ezra has some major suction power!!

Am heading off to Luvs to check it out now... I'm happy to support dollars to your pockets! :)


That face! Looks like he's saying, 'Nap?! I'm NOT TIRED! See?' O.O

Cautionary Girl

I'm totally in love with how the 8) on your list of Things [You] Did Instead of Writing Helpful Time-Saving Tips for [Me] This Week turned into a smiley with sunglasses. I like even more that 8) happens to be "Read blogs."

Cautionary Girl

P.S. You are MUCH braver than me, lady. Even the nice folks at Starbucks don't get to see me sans makeup.

Sprite's Keeper

Those hungry infants, so callous about beauty. He's gorgeous.

Sprite's Keeper

Those hungry infants, so callous about beauty. He's gorgeous.


I spent my own morning (who am I kidding? morning and early afternoon) in those exact same pj's. Very cozy.


Now that's a new excuse for a hickey. I'm sure it'll be all the rage with the kids soon.


i think ezra and my son are two of a kind...won't nap, won't sleep at all without swaddling, and sucks on my cheek or chin for comfort. i swear, when he's sucking, it seems like i could let go of him and the sheer power of his suction would keep him from falling.


It seems like having a toddler and an infant has cut into your writing time. How odd.



I just love his big round head!!


I have a question! (Raises hand, as if in the classroom of Amalah) Do I *have* to leave a comment for you to get paid from your other sites, or is clicking from here enough? Just want to make sure you're getting your money's worth!

Jen L.

YES! Baby hickeys! I had to go to my six-week post-partum appointment with a giant one ON MY CHIN, thanks to Mr. Latchy McLatch-Anywhere.


* Raising Hand *

In your twitter, you asked women what the books don't address: how about the sheer disgustingness of our bodies? I mean, I may be putting myself out there with this, but my body was just... gross. My nipples were bigger and wrinklier, and actually accumulated, um, stuff, in the wrinkles. My girlie parts smelled different. There was stuff leaking out of everywhere. Gross, gross, gross... I really wasn't ready for it all. (And yet, I did it twice... on purpose even!)


Looking back at my post, I realize that I didn't specifically say that you wanted to know what the PREGNANCY books didn't address... sorry to anyone who just thinks I'm always gross. I'm really only gross during pregnancy.


Is the shirt you're wearing part of the VS Boyfriend PJ set? By far, they are the most comfortable things ever! Super easy to nurse in and snuggly...I'd recognize them anywhere. I also appreciate that someone else is sporting a "fed-me" hickey. I get them on my cheeks, my husband gets them on his nose!

Ashley Fitting

My god - babies DO THAT??? How come no one tells you when you try and try to get preggo, that one day, if you succeed, you will have being that will latch on to your FACE if you put it in front of them... :-O MY GOOOOOD.

Oh well, he's so darn cute, I guess I would too... I WANT ONE!!!!

Parsing Nonsense

I don't think anyone can fault you for blogging for money. We should all be so talented! Earn away!


I was about to comment and then I skimmed those that came before me and: DITTO ASHLEY. Babies DO that??? Almost makes me rethink my plans for the future. And yet... that face! I'm fairly certain babies have those adorable cheeks for a very good reason.


You might be unclean, but your eyebrow (presumably, eyebrows) look FABULOUS! Can't wait for more pregnancy writing on Zero to Forty!


One more thing re: your question on twitter...I echo Laura's comment. Also, nutrition advice when all that *really* sounds good is a grilled stuft burrito from Taco Bell. Oh...and how to explain to my husband in words he will understand how completely out of my mind and irrational I am and how I cannot control it so he should DEAL. Sorry if that's too much to ask. :-)


My daughter was 7 weeks old when we threw a surprise party for my mom's 60th birthday at my house (I know, I'm nuts). The day before, my mom was holding my daughter who decided to go to town sucking on my mom's cheek. When she pulled away, my mom had a HUGE (2 inches in diameter at least) hickey on her cheek. We just sat there in shock, trying not to die laughing because 30 of her closest friends were going to see her the next day. Luckily, she wears make up and it mostly concealed it, but at least she understood why we looked so horrified!


(Is it weird that I like when you post in all parentheses?)

(Also, I will gladly click for money. Will you be sharing?)

(Just kidding)


Wow - that is ONE HUNGRY INFANT.

Or possibly an alien facehugger in disguise. A terminally cute disguise.


I love the captions. Caption-ing baby photos is awesome fun.

Krisco of Crib Ceiling

That is one hungry baby! I'm just glad it wasn't a zit. Not for me! But for you! Because that would be too much guilt to put that up online. That close.

But now I am going to go to all your pay sites because I just like to read you that much. If you get paid, all the better.


Lauren - No, you certainly don't have to comment. Clicking = GOOD.

However! I was originally only asked to submit a couple entries over there, but because you guys were SO GOOD about clicking and commenting and interacting, the Powers That Be were very pleased and asked me to write more, thus I got paid more. So once again, THAAAAANK YOOOOOU. Best readers ever!

(And thanks to everybody submitting the ideas for more Zero to Forty content. These are perfect.)


At least your eyebrows look fabulous! Is it totally weird that that's what I noticed?


We call those "hungry kisses" because it sounds prettier. And sweeter. And like he loves me for more than just my boobs...which is the same assumption I have when his father starts in with the "hungry kisses," so-named for a totally different type of starvation.


Oh, I have a matching "arm hickey" from an equally hungry infant. Sadly, it was my friend's baby and she was sorely disappointed that it wasn't a boob. It made for a good story at work the next day, though.

As for you makin' money - girl we all wish we were you... you're an inspiration to all the working hot mamas everywhere. Go get your leafy goodness and don't apologize!


the cuteness of The Ezra is intoxicating.


I feel like I'm becoming That Crazy Lady Who Keeps Leaving Weirdo Comments. Which makes no sense because I'm one of hundreds. Not that other people leave weirdo comments. Just that hundreds of other people leave lots and lots of comments.

Anyway, I have hickeys from my daughter, too. She seems to be seriously impaired in the fine motors skills department. In an effort to get her to reach for SOMETHING, already, I stuck my hand in front of her face the other day while we were sitting on the couch. Instead of reaching for it, she just leaned her whole body forward about 45 degrees and landed mouth first on my hand. She chewed on it for about five minutes before realizing how uncomfortable she really was. Then she started screaming.

The thing is, she does this even when she's not hungry. My child has no discernible hunger cues, other than me knowing what time she ate last. And shrieking. It's making me insane.


Ezra is yummy. My three month old was born around the same time as your little Ez, so I check in often to hear what your little man is up to and Oh! Mine wouldn't take a nap today either! How fun. :)


Can I suggest a "First Year" month-by-month in addition the 0-40 calendar? I would loooove reading about baby's first year from the viewpoint of Amalah!!


Gosh, you have nice skin! I wish I looked like that unshowered and make-up free! I don't think I can go out in public without scaring children.


I have two kids (one of whom is 4 months old, and both were/are breastfed) and I didn't know about the baby-sucking hickey love. Totally news to me!


Um..oh my god..a face hickey..motherhood looks kinda scary from where I'm sitting..but babies are just so damn cute!!

Put a cold spoon on it..ha ha

Elizabeth Kiker

Even in your "most unflattering pic ever" you look perfectly lovely! You are the envy of the rest of us schlubs (read: me) who always walk around with hair in a ponytail and no makeup ...


You get money for comments left on the luvs site? Wow, I'm not sorry about whining at you over there're welcome!


That face looks like "Woman! Get that effing camara outta mah face!" He's like, a GUY already!


OMG That face...those cheeks. I'm surprised you have time to take pictures with all the smushy goodness that is the mighty Ez! :)


His face is divine and very
" Oh woman, you have no idea....this face is not even thinking of sleep until you need me to be awake" Glorious boys you have. I am so excited for you...there is nothing like having little boys who play and fight and are best brothers. I got me 5 of those and even the 23 year old is friends with the 5 year old, they all adore each other, nothing is better.


Ooh, I love it. I hope the next contractually obligated pictures are of nom-able thigh rolls and iddle biddle toes.


I have been trying to catch up from my last few days of personal hell, and I am sorry to see my comment a few days ago became so relevant. But you are right on the Never Doing That Again column, I find myself there a bit. I also found some irony in Noah's fortelling of Ricardo Montalban's passing...

Off to do some clicking...

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