And all you other mothers can't deny
March 10, 2009
This morning started off with me randomly composing a song for Ezra about how much I like coffee, sung to the tune of "Baby Got Back."
Five minutes later, I realized I'd forgotten to put the inner basket in the coffee maker and there was a veritable flood of delicious, life-forcian coffee seeping all over the countertop and under appliances and soaking the fancy baby food cookbook that I'd just used to whip up some homemade barley cereal that was promptly rejected with EXTREME PREJUDICE and those stupid brown hippie paper towels fucking SUCK but those pre-fold diapers really are pretty handy so I guess I can still keep my newfound crunchability cred except for the part where I cursed out the coffee maker in the presence of my three-year-old, but needless to say the day did not necessarily get much better after that, except maybe for when I finally got to shower at 4:30 pm, just in time for Jason to get home so I can open some wine because I STILL HAVE STANDARDS, PEOPLE.
I like big babies and I cannot lie! lol
Posted by: Stacy | March 10, 2009 at 05:21 PM
Um, yeah! Prefolds freakin' rock for cleaning up spills. When we were potty training I kept them close at hand to soak up pee from the carpet. Better than a ShamWow.
Posted by: Kelly | March 10, 2009 at 05:28 PM
Whew, I'm glad you still have crunchability cred, I was worried there for a second while you were cursing your crap-tastic recycled paper goods.
Posted by: Kandace - One Crazy Chick | March 10, 2009 at 05:33 PM
That is so funny -- I also have a song, Baby Bok Choy, set to the tune of Baby Got Back. "I like Bok Choy and I cannot lie. . ."
Hate when I have a coffee problem. The pain is compounded because you're cleaning up a terrible mess before you've had coffee!
Posted by: Elena | March 10, 2009 at 05:33 PM
Yikes, showers when husband comes home. I remember those days! :( Stick to the good paper towels! Aren't you doing enough for the environment with your hippie diapers???
Posted by: Jennifer | March 10, 2009 at 05:40 PM
I know those days, and I most definitely do NOT have children.
Wine will help.
Wine ALWAYS helps.
Posted by: Sarah | March 10, 2009 at 05:42 PM
Have you seen this? You might relate.
http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/2008/04/0730-saturday-morning-reconstruction.html
Posted by: sinda | March 10, 2009 at 06:00 PM
I always figured it was a productive day if I managed to get my bra on. Everyone needs standards to live up to.
Posted by: stangmom | March 10, 2009 at 06:12 PM
You have just validated my morning choice of running through Scooter's for coffee. My first thought upon waking this morning was "ok, when can I get a nap."
Posted by: Tracy | March 10, 2009 at 06:34 PM
it's good to have standards :-)
Posted by: MommyNamedApril | March 10, 2009 at 06:50 PM
What I love most about this entry is each paragraph is ONE sentence. Whooh.
Posted by: mrspooley | March 10, 2009 at 06:58 PM
This is why I love you Amalah - you have the power to take a shitastic morning and turn it into comic gold. Keep on keepin on.
Posted by: Vanessa | March 10, 2009 at 07:28 PM
I just came across your blog today, hilarious. Your day sounds a lot like mine. Make up songs, spill stuff, swear in front of the 3 year old and then drink about it all later :)
Posted by: The Informal Matriarch | March 10, 2009 at 08:15 PM
I definitely used a maxi pad to clean up coffee this morning. I knocked my mug off the bathroom counter while plucking my brows. Didn't want to stain the white towels, ya know?
Yay for wine! That sounds like a good idea right about now...
Posted by: Jen L. | March 10, 2009 at 09:03 PM
That really is such a versatile song. SO catchy. I've often said that Big Lots should buy the rights to it. Ya know... "I like Big Lots and I cannot lie." I would totally shop there if that was their jingle!
Posted by: Christina | March 10, 2009 at 09:14 PM
I'm partial to Beyonce's latest:
All the Stinky Babies
All the Stinky Babies
All the Stinky Babies
All the Stinky Babies
If it's stinky then you shoulda used a wipey on it.
If it's smelly then you shoulda changed the diaper on it,
Uh-uh-ohhh, oh-oh-ohhh, uh-uh-ohhh, oh-uh-ohhh....
Posted by: Meegan | March 10, 2009 at 09:50 PM
i have a friend that is an electrical engineer, with a master's degree. When he visits my house, he isn't allowed to TOUCH my coffee maker. Seriously, he forgets either the filter, the coffee, the water, the pot or to turn it on. I have decided that geniuses can't make coffee. Congrats, you're smart! Or you have Mommy brain. And cursing? I told my two year old yesterday that dinner wasn't ready yet because "Mommy F**ked up" Yeah, stellar moment that.
Posted by: Kimberly C | March 10, 2009 at 09:55 PM
Ouch. Losing the coffee is definitely curse-worthy.
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | March 10, 2009 at 10:30 PM
Which fancy baby food cookbook do you have - and do you like it?
Posted by: Ashley | March 10, 2009 at 10:31 PM
Was it the D&M Coffee? Hope not because that would be tragic! (I am fully aware that it could all be gone by now. Hope not. ;-))
Posted by: Starbuck | March 10, 2009 at 11:09 PM
Greetings from a 13-year-old!
Ouch, coffee mess. My uncle is completely ADDICTED to coffee and won't stop drinking it. Do you know that if you can cause muscle twitching? Pretty weird, right?
-Ricky Samuelson of www.bykids4parents.blogspot.com
Posted by: Ricky Samuelson | March 10, 2009 at 11:26 PM
I have no children, thus I have no excuse. However, I have made coffee all over my kitchen counter more than once (how many times in nunya!). I'm also famous at work for starting a latte at our super fancy machine, getting involved in a conversation, and cleaning the entire kitchen after everything overflows and fucks everything up. First thing in the morning. Yay me. And they still love me, thank God, because I make a mean latte when I'm paying attention. As Laura said to me last week, "Jess, This is just like Starbucks!" And I was just happy it wasn't all over the damn floor, counter, sink, etc. Again, Yay, Me.
Posted by: Jessica | March 11, 2009 at 12:22 AM
Start drinking vodka.
Posted by: Kristine Sorochinsky | March 11, 2009 at 12:38 AM
I had such a shitty day with the incredible non-napping baby.
You gave me my first laugh. Might have been helped by the wine I'm drinking. Cheers!
www.theparentingmyth.blogspot.com
Posted by: Joy | March 11, 2009 at 01:11 AM
That's the best sentence I've read today!!
Posted by: Tanya | March 11, 2009 at 06:11 AM
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who makes up on-the-spot versions of random songs. I never know which song I'm going to cover next. :)
Hmm, yes, the coffee spill. This is precisely why I've given up coffee for the most part -- too many things to possibly go wrong at such a crucial time in the morning. Also, me before coffee = GRRRRRRRR. :) So now I'm just tired. Ah well.
Posted by: Faith | March 11, 2009 at 06:32 AM
the wine makes everything seem so much easier.... red or white, it doesnt matter..... spills, what spills!!
www.minihipster.com
Posted by: MiniHipster.com | March 11, 2009 at 06:38 AM
We had a coffeemaker that would do the grounds-and-boiling water flood randomly, JUST BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE IT. And the fun thing is the grounds because when you throw towels on it to soak up the water it leaves y ou with the grounds which refuse to be blotted up and start rolling around everywhere like little crunchy coffee marbles.
But yes, prefolds rock for cleanup. 3 years after the last prefold adorned a toddler butt, we have a stash of them in the hall closet for emergency cleanups. Two XL toddler prefolds will soak up an entire watering can of water (that you left next to the christmas tree and forgot to put away and the 5 year old kicked it over all over the hardwood floor). I need to write a book: Things do to with Prefolds Other than poop in them. Because they are awesome.
Posted by: Sara | March 11, 2009 at 08:59 AM
Losing coffee - bad
Making it up for it with wine drinking? Priceless
Posted by: Sharon | March 11, 2009 at 10:08 AM
Losing coffee - bad
Making it up for it with wine drinking? Priceless
Posted by: Sharon | March 11, 2009 at 10:08 AM
Phew. I have to say spilt coffee does SUCK, but it is a relief to read this after all the other dramaz happening out there on the internetz. Maybe yesterday the planets were misaligned or something? I wish everyone in the world had your attitude. Can tomorrow be International Blog-Readers Chill Out With A Glass Of Wine Day? Thanks.
Posted by: Jo | March 11, 2009 at 10:44 AM
When my son was an infant, I'd give him a bath and sing Chingy's "Holidae Inn" i.e. "Ryan be pimp chillin' in his hot tub..."
Posted by: Maureen | March 11, 2009 at 10:50 AM
HA! I've been there, minus the baby got back song.
Wait till you use cloth diapers to wash your car. They are magical!
Posted by: PBfish | March 11, 2009 at 11:39 AM
Wait a minute, two entries in a row you have mentioned some sort of quality time with your husband (unless you drink the wine alone after he comes home to watch the kids). How do you manage that? I have two boys near the ages of yours, and I see my husband only in passing. Oh, and occasionally I am aware of sharing the bed with someone bigger than a breadbox.
Posted by: CJ | March 11, 2009 at 12:04 PM
Ok, I totally have a song all about the stuffed cow that I use to keep my son occupied during diaper changes...to the Spiderman theme...
Potty Cow, Potty Cow
Does whatever a potty cow does.
Does he moo, when he poos?
Yes he does, he's a cow.
LOOK OUT!
Here's comes the potty cow...
..at which point potty cow appears and dances for a minute before I ferverishly attempt to fasten the new diaper before he flips over.
Posted by: Katie Bug | March 11, 2009 at 12:09 PM
Amy- your blog is seriously sucking these days and you have become really annoying.
Posted by: katie | March 11, 2009 at 12:50 PM
YOU ARE HILARIOUS! I think I've said this before, but reading your blog daily brings me so much joy! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! :)
Posted by: Julie | March 11, 2009 at 01:34 PM
Coffee...it is the reason my children still have a home.
Coffee...nectar of the gods.
Coffee...the new crack.
Posted by: Missie | March 11, 2009 at 01:35 PM
that was one long sentence! haha
ohh coffee drama, there is a lot of that in my house as well.
Posted by: Alicia | March 11, 2009 at 01:40 PM
I like caffeine and I cannot lie...
My "baby" turns six on Friday. I still have a stash of prefolded cloth diapers on hand because they are awesome for spill cleanup, furniture polishing, and many other household functions.
Wine is almost as life-forcian as coffee, IMO. The only thing better than wine is wine that is brought to your doorstep- I almost danced for joy when my wine club delivery came yesterday.
Posted by: MamaKaren | March 11, 2009 at 02:12 PM
Is katie for realz?
Coffee and wine, mmmmmm. I have a daily habit for both. Only I don't get my wine till 9 (pm okay?) since husband travels 5 days a week. Oh woe is me;)
Posted by: Catherine S | March 11, 2009 at 02:47 PM
I sing a version of baby got back to my dog Buddy. He's got hip issues so he's skinny in the middle parts, but wonderful. Goes like this:
I love Budro and I cannot lie
Those other doggies can't deny
Skinny in the middle but he's got much heart
Skinny in the middle but he's got much heart
Posted by: Shea | March 11, 2009 at 02:58 PM
So sorry your barley baby food got the shaft, but doesn't barley smell delicious?
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | March 11, 2009 at 03:13 PM
I'm definitely gonna second the comment above recommending Vodka - glorious vodka. Did you know you can melt Skittles in it and *voila* candy flavored booze. Seriously, what could possibly be better than that?
Posted by: Zu | March 11, 2009 at 03:29 PM
I'm definitely gonna second the comment above recommending Vodka - glorious vodka. Did you know you can melt Skittles in it and *voila* candy flavored booze. Seriously, what could possibly be better than that?
Posted by: Zu | March 11, 2009 at 03:29 PM
The skittles take about 24 hrs to melt in the vodka so if you're in a hurry to forget your day(like me) just mix it with some lemonade or Sprite.
Posted by: Zu | March 11, 2009 at 03:31 PM