Things I Would Have Twittered On Saturday If I Hadn't Left My Phone At Home
The Best Answer To That Annoying "So What Do You DO All Day" Question Yet


Oh my God, y'all.

So Monday night* the phone rings, it's my mom, my dad is back in the hospital. Irregular EKG, lung problems, dizzy spells with chest pains and problems breathing, yadda blah etc. By midnight, he's been admitted, by Tuesday morning the doctors are all, MEH, go home, it's all probably nothing. Have some more Xanax. (My mother is EMPHATIC that these episodes are not panic attacks, as he already HAS panic attacks and takes Xanax for them but there is also Something Completely Different going on that no one seems willing to get to the bottom of.)

Oh, but before you go home this here nurse is gonna draw some blood and slap a bandage on you while completely forgetting about the massive amounts of blood thinners you're on and WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE THINKING WE ARE ALL MAYBE LESS THAN COMPETENT?

I was all set to do that EVERYBODY! IN THE CAR! NOW! thing that I do, but I woke up with a cold, another blablittyblatbitch cold, hopefully the last one for winter (just in time for ALLERGY SEASON!). But still. Two topics that this blog has covered a few too many times in recent months: mortality of aging parents and mucus.

AND THEN! Something weird and complicated and completely boring happened with my phone and a voicemail from LAST THURSDAY suddenly appeared in my inbox and lo, this phantom voicemail was the school district, calling at long last to schedule Noah's evaluation. And I immediately called them back, all AAAAEEEIIII and OMGGGG and the nice lady who answered informed me that "everybody" was out at clinics that day and could I call back on Thursday? And then I said, "Sure! No problem!" And then I went home and bit my pillow and my brain leaked out all over it so FINE. NOW I HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY.

And then I thought to myself, "Self, you should just not write about any of this and hope that by Wednesday morning everything in the world is just magically all better."

(My optimism! It borders on deranged.)

Anyway. Hi, Wednesday! You sure did turn out to be overrated.

Here: Have a baby story. Ezra officially clocked in at five months old on Sunday, and according to my email newsletter of things to obsess over this month, he should be fully rolling from front to back by now. And I thought: Hmmm.

He can roll from his side to his front, but I'm not sure I've ever seen him roll back over from tha- OH LOOK THERE HE GOES.

So now we're at that delightful stage where I put him on a blanket, on his tummy, like I've always done because he actually really loves being on his tummy, only now he rolls over immediately and then squawks in protest because he hates being on his back WHY AM I ON MY BACK HALP HALP MOOOMMM!

And then I flip him back over and put a toy in front of him and he's all YAY I LOVE THIS TOY I'M GOING TO ROLL OVER WITH JOY OH FUCK NOW WHAT.


Therefore, I don't feel guilty about slapping bibs on him that represent my own personal belief system and values. He can't even READ yet. God. Those baby newsletters a load of crap.

* I know, I know. The recent-ish compulsion to start sentences off with "so" is SO on the top of my list of non-adorable grating blogging tics** to get rid of, along with overuse of "apparently" and "totally" and of course, ending every sentence with CAPS LOCK, but I am apparently totally unable to DO THAT, SO...

**Oh, God. I bet a good 25% of you never really noticed that I do those things all the time but now it's going to drive you completely batty everytime you read an entry here, sorry.



I overuse "so" as well - it's a tough habit to break.


Hah! I have the same blogging tics and have also hoped that most people don't notice.

I hope everything is okay with your dad and with Noah and that you get good news on both fronts very, very soon!

A Fellow Amy

Lauren K

OH MY GOODNESS! Where did you get that bib? I absolutely have to get one for my unborn daughter! The husband grew up on a pig farm and let's just say, we like our meat! I love it!

Sprite's Keeper

My blogging tics extend to "seriously". I think if I were to wordle my site, it would eclipse all else.
1. I hope your dad feels better.SOON. Seriously. (oops.)
2. I hope Ezra finds out soon how to get back to belly blissdom without parental aid.
3. That bib is SO not Kosher.


I'm a vegetarian and I WANT THAT BIB.

Back to you, I hope you get the evaluation scheduled pronto, and that your dad will be ok.

Courtney in FL

You're right I never noticed because I over use the terms "so" and "totally" too. I realize a 27-year-old shouldn't be using terms that make her sound like a valley girl or a surfer dude BUT I just can't stop.

Good thoughts for your dad from over this way.


The need to start sentences with so is so much less annoying than the need to start sentences with Oh well (mine).

Also, I know it's evil but I hate the rolling over period. This is when I let my kids roll off the bed without noticing and they roll over onto pointy crap that shouldn't be on the floor, but is and so on and so forth.

I prefer crawling. But really my favorite is laying like a big lump of numminess in my arms with no apparent aspirations of mobility.


You should get yourself the grown-up version of that bib:

(My husband got me that shirt for our anniversary. That is why I married him, folks.)


I have similar blogging tics. I work very hard to keep them out of my academic writing, so I figure I might as well get them all out of my system on my blog.

I also discovered that I use the word 'actually' a whole lot, as it is a staple of my almost-6-year-old's vocabulary. Although he says it "ashually" and it's much cuter then.


I also need the bib. Must find the bib!


My grandmother can't really hear, so she has a hard time following conversations. Sometimes, when she wants to change the subject, but can't transition because she doesn't really know what the subject is, she just says "incidentally."

Me: Hi Grandma! Yes, things are going well, husband is good. How are you?
Gma: uh-huh. Incindentally, did you hear that Barbra Walters slept with....

Grandma loves celebrity gossip.

My thoughts and prayers are with your dad.

Also, Ezra is one of the nommiest babies ever.


Found it:


As long as you don't start with the periods. after. every. word. for. emphasis., you're good. At least by me.


It sounds like you need an afternoon to yourself. My mom used to order my dad on Saturday afternoons to take me and my brother on an "adventure." (This really can be just a trip to the hardware store, anything as long as it lasts two hours). I think you need those kids to be taken on an "adventure" this weekend while you sit somewhere quiet and read and drink wine or just take a nap. You deserve it.


So does this mean I should stop it with all the so-ing going on over at my blog? Crap! There are so's do-se-doeing all over the place!

(And I swear that I didn't even notice that I started this whole thng with "so" until I was about to hit post...this is going to be a tough one to break.)


Um, hello- another vote to know where that bib came from! I NEED one!


So... yeah, I have the same problem with "so" to the point where I actually have to go back and scan for them to make sure I'm not starting every freaking paragraph I write (or every sentence for that matter) with the word "so" because I just can't help it.


First- your dad, I'm so sorry. A person can only take so much of that.

Second- I miss stuff like important evaluations all of the time without mysteriously hidden voicemail messages. At least you have an excuse! It will be ok...whatever happens.

Third- yup, yup, yup on the rolling over thing. My 6 month old just figured out the rolling-over thing last week. My other kids did the stuck-beetle thing, but this one is happy both on front and back THANK GOODNESS.

Fourth- I start sentences with 'well' and 'and'. A lot. 'Actually', 'totally', 'seriously' and...yeah, I'm going to stop there.

Finally- Jessi's comment made me actually laugh because all 3 of my children have rolled off of our bed. With me standing there. Because I forgot that they could roll. I am SO GLAD that it isn't just a freak thing that's happened to me.

Parsing Nonsense

Wow, drawing some blood from a person on blood thinners without being prepared first sounds like the sort of thing nightmares are made of, what with the squirting and shrieking and tourniquets and all that. Maybe you should suggest that the inept nurse come over and help out with the laundry to make amends for her oversight?

That bib is very cute, and I bet Ezra would agree with the sentiment because he seems to be pretty down with food in general.

Here's to hoping Thursday's phone call goes well and that life takes it a bit easier on you soon.

Mary @ Holy Mackerel

My overuse of so is actually quite apparent on my blog, in my humble opinion.But so what, I protest. SO WHAT.

So, don't fret the small stuff, is my motto.

And your baby is adorable. As if you didn't already know that.


I start too many sentences with "so" and end them with "anyway".

My pet peeve is how often commenters, when in agreement with the blogger, write "I, too, have xyz...." Nobody talks like that. Why do they write "I, too,..." instead of "I also..." or "I have xyz, too."

I hope your dad feels better soon.


oh amy I am sorry to hear about your dad. I hope that hospital figures out what the freak they are doing! argh so annoying, and soo annoying that you are sick again!! hope it passes soon, at least you have a yummy totally nommable baby to munch on all day.


So I have to comment that as I type this, my 5 mo son is lying on his back like a stuck beetle. I guess I should pay more attention to those milestones, because according to that newsletter, my baby is seriously behind.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and that another cold prevents you from seeing him. I hope that everything gets better with your dad. And I hope Noah is eval'ed soon!


Don't fret about the rolling thing. My daughter is 14 months old and still doesn't roll over unless there is no other way for her to get to her feet. She went from laying on her back, to trying to do situps, to sitting, then crawling and now walking. Rolling was not on her agenda.
My son on the other hand rolled over starting at 2 months and rolled around the house instead of crawling or walking until he was a year old.
At least he likes tummy time, both of mine hated that.


So, apparently that totally SUCKS!

(seriously though, it does.)

Habesha Child

please, I AM BEGGING YOU, tell me where you got that pig bib. I am a pork meat freak. Love my bacon. And that thing would make my life complete.


Same blogging tics here, because I write the same as I talk. I'm sure that it is even more delightful when speaking to me in person.

Hope things start looking up soon!

Ezra is just precious, by the way. DUH.


I'm currently obsessing over the fact that my nearly 5-month-old is not rolling over from his tummy to his back. He hates tummy time and loves to lay on his back...he's also big (19 pounds...go me!)but it doesn't quelch the crazy voice in my head that says he must! roll! over! I'm sorry things aren't going well with your dad, I wish there was something else that could be said. It just all sucks and I'm sorry.


Oh those stupid milestone reminders! I finally stopped looking at them because they were making me crazy. The Boy would be doing all but one thing, some things beyond his age, but would I rejoice? No. I would obsess over the one thing he had not yet mastered.

Hope things work out with your dad.


I personally think "SO" is an underrated transition word. Personally.

Hugs and positive thoughts from afar for your family, Amy.

bad penguin

My hudband teases me about starting sentences with So. Apparently I do it a lot.


My fav was when my kid used to wake himself up b/c he rolled on his stomach and couldn't figure out how to roll back. I'd have to trudge in there and flip him back over at crack-of-dawn-o'clock.

So annoying. (See! Using "so" rulez!)


My husband decided to point out my overuse of the word "so" one day. I reminded him that when we met he used the superfluous "at" on the end of sentences. I won.

By the way, while everyone else commented on the adorable bib, don't think the coordination of Ezra's outfit to his Bumbo went unnoticed.


Hugs Amy! I hope all this craziness with your dad soon turns into finding some REAL FREAKING ANSWERS! (Can you tell I just did the medical drama thing with my dad too???)
And I have similar blogging tics-because like others say, that's the way I talk. And if people don't appreciate it, eff 'em. You're funny dammit and that's what matters!


I start blog posts out with So too. I say awesome and amazing way too much. I find your use of cap locks very endearing so don't get rid of that.


Hang in there, Amy. Your family is in my prayers.
(Yes Anell, I PRAY!)

On another note, that bib should totally have picture of Ezra on it. hee!

Sarah @

I hope to hear some good news about your father and about Noah's preschool soon. I'll keep my fingers crossed and send out some hippy good vibes.

Also, the baby is not allowed to get any cuter or else I will need to fly there and gobble him down.

Catherine S

Love the use of "y'all." Didn't think they allowed that sort of thing up in the DC/Baltimore area, you know Yankeeland. Can we have more of that please?

**Please note that I am from Atlanta and think that this IS a proper way address an audience of more than one.

Sending healing vibes to y'all!!! And the bib is delicious.


Amy, you're funny ALL the time to me. Seriously, every time I read (unless you're being purposefully serious) I laugh. Howev, I've just discovered that three plus glasses of wine into my evening?
You are hi. LAR. ious. I feel like you're my sister-wife or something.
just thought I'd say.


BTW, b/c I'm an insensitive beeyotch first and foremost, I hope your father is okay. I've been on blood thinners (not the wine I'm presently drinking--actual blood thinners) and drawing blood with that junk in your system? Is just stoopid.
I hope he's better and home soon.


Small issue with the bib, thusly: number 3 on the swine schematic is marked, "Kinda Delicious."

Number 3 is where bacon comes from.

"Kinda?" Explain.


Periods of ellipsis... that's my overused writing tool(?) of choice.

Also, my brain has stopped for the evening. Sorry.


My 3 month old (4 months tomorrow!) learned how to roll over last week. She rolls from back to front, but absolutely HATES being on her front, and screams. I will be so happy the day she learns how to roll back over to her back because I CANNOT PUT HER DOWN NOW! I *need* to put her down. Seriously...


I so heart you, honey. You are just so real and honest. It's such a breath of fresh air and the things you say are exactly the things I think. So, Yay, You!


Oh, no, don't get rid of your 'So's, or I'll have to feel badly about my own. EMBRACE THE TICS.

Katie Kat

LOVE Ezra's bib! And may I suggest you post a few pictures of him (7 or 8 or 250) in every single post? NOM NOM NOM!!!!!

The only problem with that is I just skim through what you have written to get to the picture. Of course then I go back and read it... I DO! :)


I just have to say that I want that bib!


First, I really hope your Dad is okay. I'm very familiar with the Dad + dizzy/chest pains/irregular EKG + blood thinners situation. I practically need a Xanax every time my phone rings and caller ID says it's my Dad.

Second, omg EZRA so YUMMY and now decorated with BACON nom nom nom NOM!

Third, I wonder if the fact that I've been reading your blog for three years has anything to do with why I start so many sentences with "SO" and like capitalize random words? I see nothing wrong with it! ;)


Hey! It's Thursday now! Maybe everything is magically all better? I'm hopin!

Just wanted to chirp up that I loved the story about Ezra rolling from his front to back and then getting all worked up about it, it reminded me of when my daughter Gwen did the EXACT SAME THING (except it was back to front). I'd put her down on her back, she'd flip over and start fussing, I'd lean over and put her on her back again, and BY THE TIME I STRAIGHTENED UP TO STANDING AGAIN she would have flipped onto her front again. Fuss fuss fuss WAAHHHHH the view from here SUCKS! Good times, good times.

Prayers for your dad are coming from every corner of the Internet.

Wacky Mommy

Hey. Love to your dad and I hope he is feeling okay. *So.* All babies are *totally* cute, but that Ezra is extra nummy nummy nibbly cuteness.

Musings from Me

I'd like to ban LOL, OMG, ROFL...

The comments to this entry are closed.