So a few weeks ago, I told Jason that I wanted to switch to cloth diapers. He was all for it, of course -- I mean, we have an ENTIRE DRAWER of Gerber pre-folds that we use for burp rags! We'll just go to the store and like, buy some pins.
(He's so cute, really. He is. Precious.)
Of course, I quickly schooled him on the Modern Cloth Diaper System, with its space-age absorbency and inserts and snaps and the fact that Noah and Ezra can actually wear the SAME SIZE, like oh my God, we can finally stop spending all our booze money on Lightening McQueen Pull-Ups (the prices of which are totally the diaper manufacturers getting all passive-aggressive on you: Oh, you want to potty-train your kid? You just need something for naps and nighttime? Oh, let us HELP YOU with that! And reward your years of faithful diaper purchasing with a totally extraneous product that inexplicably costs twice as much. Fork it over, suckers, we ain't done with you yet.).
I pointed out the number of times already that we have Totally Forgotten To Buy Diapers and driven to the store in a panic begging the baby not to soil himself (a second child phenomenon if I've ever seen one -- there was exactly one time that I ran out of diapers with Noah and had to slap a too-small swim diaper on his butt and drive all white-knuckled to the store). I pointed out that Ezra's bottom is always a little irritated and the earth and whatever and blah blah blah and Jason was all, "I said I thought it was a good idea, why are you still talking?"
And at that point I jumped up and down like I was getting a goddamn puppy and promised to always keep the diapers clean and washed and folded and take them for walks EVERY DAY, I SWEAR.
Jason eyed me suspiciously, as he damn well should have, since you'll notice I left out two pieces of info:
1) That the initial purchase cost of a decent number of decent cloth diapers is mumble mumble approximately eleventy frajillion willion dollars oh look a PONY, and...
2) OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE I AM GOING TO DRESS THE BABY TO MATCH HIS DIAPERS ALL THE TIME NOW RIGHT DOWN TO HIS SOCKS OH MY GOD STOP ME THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.
(After I went through both of the yellow diapers I put him in a sage one that matched the design on the t-shirt. Although I did have to change his socks. Last night he wore a periwinkle diaper and a blue t-shirt with purplish lettering and then oh my god, these argyle legwarmers that totally matched and yes, even when he's wearing footie sleepers I still like to make sure the diaper sort-of matches.)
(You might wonder if I have a similar tic when it comes to my own underwear. You might need to go mind your own fucking business.)
(YES. I DO.)