oh hey, i'm first? yay. :)

Sometimes the only way to heal is to go through the hurt. Big hugs for Noah and a huge glass of wine for you and Jason!

You know, parenting can be a bitch sometimes, but it's almost always wonderful in the long run.

My oldest had some problems at first, she's off to Sarah Lawrence in the fall.

I like the way you always remember that you're the grown-up and Noah's the kid. I don't always remember that, even now.

actually going back to reading this again, i think it's amazing that his teacher even noticed that music helped him. that's such a subtle thing, so it's really no surprise at all that it took so long to apply around home. i mean, whatever helps, helps. sometimes, it's a total crapshoot figuring out what does. what works beautifully for one kid might be hell for another.

Don't listen to the critics! Only YOU (& I guess maybe your husband) know what's right for YOUR child, so don't stop until you get there. Your letter to Noah was so touching. He'll be fine, just keep the best you can. :-)

That's so wonderful about his speech and I'm glad that these people are seeing what you are seeing and are willing to help.

To Amy & Jason: Hugs for being very involved parents and doing the heavy lifting on Noah's behalf, before he's old enough to realize there's lifting involved.

To Noah: You are perfect and wonderful and tie for second cutest boy on the planet. (sorry, my son is first.)

To Ezra: Nothing really but NOM NOM NOM.

On behalf of every elementary school teacher in the entire freaking country, THANK YOU for paying attention to your child's developmental shortcomings as well as his strengths!
I would relish working with parents like you rather than parents who frankly don't give two hoots how their kids are doing.
Anyone who says you are being too "obsessive" can come spend a day in a room full of first graders who have had NO preschool or other educational or social preparation for school, THEN we'll see what they think about what you and your husband are doing for Noah.
Yay for you, yay for your family, yay for Noah!

Evals are the best time for the shit to hit the fan...so for that I'm glad. I'm sorry for the nerve-fraying experience and the strong desire to drink that follows these things. LOL.

I'm glad I'm not the only one crying over your letter to Noah. Your love for him just knocked me on my ass.

You're doing such a good job, even if it doesn't always feel that way. Noah is lucky to have a mom like you.

Oh, and the "he's ONLY three" thing? I get that all the time with my four-year-old from people who only read about the crap we go through (he's a pediatrician-diagnosed ADHD poster child). Once those same people actually witness him running in circles around their living rooms or swinging like a monkey from our dining room light fixture, they switch from "he's ONLY four" to "What are you going to DO with him?", like he's already the 16-year-old hoodlum knocking over convenience stores. I try to ignore all of it.

You should add a picture of Noah to the end of this post, so that we can look at his sweet, sweet face while we cry. Your love for your son is beautiful. So, so beautiful.

Amalah, damn you! I'm choked up at work again. You are obviously one kick ass mom. You all will get there and of course you want to take advantage of all the help you can get so that things will be easier and more fun for Noah.

I really hope you can feel all the support coming your way!! Thanks for sharing Noah with us. He is so special in the very best sense of the word.

Noah is amazing. You and Jason are amazing. You guys are doing everything right and everything you can. Just keep trucking. Just keep pushing. I understood everything Noah said to me when I saw him recently, everything. That is a huge feat.

And hey, maybe you will get FREE PRESCHOOL and a school that meets all of Noah's needs out of this. How bad can that be?

You guys are such great parents. I am in tears from the letter. How many times have I wanted to say the same thing to my son after putting him through an unpleasant experience, you are just awesome.

What a blessing that your child has such an advocate in his life. I've spent a lot of time in preschools and elementary schools and it's amazing how many parents don't seek out the help their children DESPARATELY need. Good for you for not ignoring the things that worry you. Thank goodness you live in county that has the services that will aid your son for many years.

And thank you for sharing your story. Maybe someone else will gain the courage to be an advocate for their child too.

It's really fantastic that music has such a soothing effect on him, no wonder he loves Little Einsteins so much!

I KNOW he's only three and I know you have a lot of work left to do with him and tons of other crap and I am probably not the first to suggest this but in case I am? What I am getting from this post is- musical, music therapy, musician. Your son is making leaps and bounds in his speech through music. There is no reason to believe that he won't improve his motor skills through the same kind of direction. Right? I mean, of course it's more complicated than that but it's also so exciting!

"Then I'm happy and sad for you."

In non-movie-quoting seriousness, the most important thing I've learned thus far in SLP school is the importance of early intervention. You are doing right by your kid.

(uh, it's from Real Genius, circa 1980-something)

Your Noah posts make me cry.

Your Ez posts make my ovaries hurt.

Your feelings and your humor and your warmth make me want to give the parenting thing a try.

Thank you.

Huge congrats on a productive eval, even if it was pretty rough on you all. You're getting there. You're making progress. Noah is so lucky to have such engaged parents. I know you'll all come out of this fantastically one day.

And that was such a sweet note to your darling boy. He will cherish it one day.

Hugs to you all.

You're doing a great job! I remember feeling so many of the same worries and insecurities when Cordy was three and going through her first evaluation.

Now I'm stressing out at the thought of her medical diagnosis evaluation coming up the first weekend of May.

It's torture to go through these evaluations, but the unpleasantness lasts for only a few hours, and what you gain from it will last for his entire life. Giving Noah the tools he will need for success in life is the best thing you can do for him. It's not an easy path, but you're a fierce mom who is strong enough to handle it.

My husband was sent to be evaluated for learning disorders when he couldn't SKIP, of all things, in gym class. Then they discovered he was basically an effing genius and he was immediately placed in "gifted child" classes, went on to become a National Merit Scholar, and is now kicking ass as an attorney. He was a cute little blond, just like your wonderful, loved, SMART Noah.

Not at 14. People still say ONLY 14.

My son has some mild issues like sensory issues and some characteristics of Asperger's Syndrome, without a full range enough to get the diagnosis. After 9 years of public school failing him, and him failing miserably. I'm pulling him out of school. Yes, in April. I'm going to try homeschooling this amazing but yes, sometimes mysterious kid. I'm wondering if I can help him realize how smart he is.

When he was little, a lot of his behavior was deemed because he was ONLY three or four or ten. GO ON WITH YOUR BAD EARLY INTERVENTION SELF.

We could have used that instead of people saying he's fine.

I have my own Noah who just turned 4. He has delays in every area and our life is unique because of it. Those last lines you wrote in your letter to Noah? I'm in complete tears. Oh, these beautiful boys in this complicated world.

You are an amazing mother and your family is very lucky to have you ...

Your letters to Noah make me cry. I can only imagine him one day reading all of these wonderfully touching things written just for him from his mommy. I need to start doing that with my 4-month old.

Oh, and is it bad that I'm NOT 4 years old and I like to fall asleep to the Vince Guaraldi Trio too? Perferably the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack.

Give yourselves a pat on the back -You all just kicked that speech delay to the curb! Now it is on to the next! With you at his side Noah will knock down that one too! It is really true that once you become a parent your heart grows outside of your body!

You are doing a great job - my heavens those boys are LOVED!

Your letter to Noah at the bottom was one of the most raw and real things I've ever read. I love my son spectacularly and know what you mean that it's the world's issue with him, not his issue. You are really doing a great job handling all of this, getting information, getting him testing, seeking answers and alternatives and therapies. Too many parents blame and blame and blame and get caught up in the issues rather than seeking positive outlets and answers.

Oh man, this certainly isn't something I should have read at work. I'm nodding along with all the details of the eval you've written and thinking you are an amazing mother.

Then of course I get to the Dear Noah letter and the tears are welling up in my eyes. Thank goodness I'm in a cubicle.

So many people don't recognize these type of issues in their children at a young age and school is so difficult for both the children and their teachers. Serious props to you and your husband.

You are doing an amazing job with Noah!

I've been reading your blog since I got pregnant- I have a six month old too. I've actually been thinking very much about Noah since I started reading because I'm a school psychologist...if I were you I'd start learning as much as you can about special education laws in your state (your state's board of education would be a good place to start). You'll always be your child's best advocate. I also recommend finding any support groups for parents of children with autism (not as much for the support, although I'm sure that would be good too, but for the information)- I know Noah has not been diagnosed with anything other than SPD- but it is very common that it takes a while (or that it will be a mild case and he will never be officially diagnosed). The knowledge that other parents have of programs, services, and other benefits in your area will be very useful when you're trying to get Noah all of the early intervention services that are so effective. There are so many services available which vary from area to area- other parents will probably be much more knowledgable even than school personnel.

I wish you guys the best of luck- the boys are both so cute and they are very lucky to have such a great mom!

You.Are.A.Good.Mother

Please, consider this YOUR homework. repeat it until you believe it.

You.Are.A.Good.Mother

Not that you need me to say it, but you're doing just what you should. You're getting help for your son based on your concerns. As an Intervention Teacher in elementary school, I can add my two cents that the earlier the better. You rock!

Annnnd cue tears. Rooting for Noah!

Oh, I vividly remember the day that my 3-yr-old flipped out at his evaluation. I was angry, mortified, frustrated and elated. They would be able to see the whole George! And they recommended that he attend the developmental preschool. Which was wonderful. He's 7 now. Still working out some issues - but the school district has been great and has a four year history of IEPs and evaluations to work with.

It can be overwhelming (as you know) but you've just got to keep advocating for your child (as you know!). Good for Noah!

Amy, I'd just like to say that I'm proud of you for keeping on keepin' on. I know the looks, comments, etc. I have a 5 year old and a 9 year old (who at one point were a 3 year old and 6 year old) in child psychiatry. You can imagine the "let kids be kids" or "must be the parents" type comments and looks I get. I've learned with the younger one, the earlier we get our arms around the issues, the better life is later on. We just found out the 3rd-grade, 9 year old has fine motor problems in his right hand. ***Smacks head!!!!*** That would explain why the extremely bright, articulate kid can't get a story down on paper.

Anyway, keep at it. You're doing the right thing.

I think you are doing very good things for your son. I have been lurking for years and rooting for you all.

I have a question. But first a little about me. I have two daughters 11 and 4. D11 is super smart and sensitive and does ok socially. She went to K but not Preschool. D4 is extremely smart and drives me crazy. I wasn't going to do Preschool with her either but she drives me nuts needing so much stimulation. She is enjoying school very much - all's good.

So here's the question. How come we all think kids need to be all socialized up by Grade 1. I thought that was what Grade 1 was for, or maybe kindergarten. But Preschool - I think that should be just for fun. I don't know the answer to this, so its not rhetorical, but when did Kindergarten and then Preschool age 4 and even at age 3 become sooooo important? How come kids can't just stay home with mom and cocoon and grow into bigger little people and then. meet the world? I have wondered this for quite a while because people were all shocked that I wasn't originally going to send D4 to preschool this year again. But your comment that Noah is shedding skills because of his discomfort in the setting really disturbs me.

I really don't want this to come across as criticism. I don't mean it that way. I really am just asking the question - can't we let them grow a little more first? Like little Joey's in their mama's pouches. Born but sheltered for a while longer.

I just want you to know, unequivocally, I think you and Jason are awesome parents.

Ah, you're making me cry again. Such relief to start getting better answers and strategies that really fit him from people who seem to have a clue.

I think most people are just not prepared to deal with other people's different-than-average situation, and so they will tend to be what they think is encouraging but is actually dismissive. Very frustrating and infuriating at times. We'll help you ignore it - Lalala!

And about the music, it's taken me decades to realize that I focus on tasks better with some background music. I don't recall getting any useful help with my own (sensory, etc) issues at a child. So a big yay for some early recognition! Hallelujah! Can I get an amen? :)

Your boy is so lucky to have parents who are willing to put in the time to help him find his sweet spot! He is blessed.

If every child had parents like Noah? This whole world would be a different place.

When we've struggled through tough, wondering times -- I think "the only difference between today and yesterday, is I know a little more about my child (and her struggles and how to help her) but she is the same wonderful, extraordinary child.

I know you certainly don't need my approval, but I feel compelled to comment. Yea! Yea for you being your child's advocate! We had one of our twin boys evaluated at 4 1/2 months and people thought I was crazy. But he was lagging behind physically and developmentally and pretty much in every way. He tested in the normal range and has made up ground in the last few months. But I will never regret getting my child evaluated. If there is a problem at least we can get started on it early. And...he is in the system now and if in 2 months or 2 years we think he needs to be re-evaluated all it takes is a phone call and they will be here. I think you are amazing and brave and doing everything possible for your wonderful little boy. Don't worry what other people say. They would do the same thing if they were in your place.

On my son's first ECD evaluation the pre-school and the ECD both stared at me accusingly and said 'Cass can't work scissors.' And went on to explain what a huge catastrophe that was, how it borders on child abuse that he can't cut out his own kangeroo in art class, blah blah blah less stimulation Do you want him to end up at McDonald's in ten years blah blah blah. (Maybe not all that, but I was new to the 'WHAAAAT? Mah baybee is perfect?' shock and trauma, and was busy dissolving into tears.)

After about five minutes, I finally said (in a small, I-am-SO-never-winning-any-Mother-Of-The-Year-awards voice) 'but he can't use scissors because WE DON'T GIVE HIM SCISSORS. He's TWO.'

The teacher smirked at me. (She's an EX-teacher now)'We let Cass have scissors here.'

Then she turned around and realized Cass had been busy in her office while we were gone and had cut not only EVERYTHING on her desk up, but the curtains too.

With his new best friend, his scissors.

I hope this made you laugh! You're doing a good thing for Noah here. Don't doubt yourself.

Amy ~ Been reading for a while, all stalker-ish. I teach early childhood in my little town and would love for many of my parents to have your insight into their little one. "quirky kids" have a special place in my heart ... I know it is hard to watch the screenings, I have to put several parents a year through the process too. I remind them, as I will tell you, to not look at the unsuccessful items as things he "can't do" moreso as things he didn't do for a stranger in a room full of other toys he would rather play with. Because, although we have to mark the item as unsuccessful we know that many of the items are not can't but didn't.

Go you! Congratulations on all of your hard work around his speech paying off. Can we just say that? Congratulations! To you! For working hard on something that was important!

In the same vein, can we also say congratulations to you for coming up with a good idea about the music? Good idea! I know the self-deprecation is part of your humor, but sometimes I want to reach through the computer and pat your shoulder and tell you not to beat up on yourself so much.

It's like I've always said - he's a truly smart (genius even), funny kid, he just relates differently. Your statement "You're too amazing for this world, Noah" is heart-stoppingly beautiful. What a wonderful mom you are. He will blossom and find his place in this crazy world - he will.

*smash* (the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces after reading that letter). Why is it so painful to try to do the right thing? He has two parents who will move heaven and earth to help him succeed, so there is no way he won't.

I'm sure this sounds stupid or glib or whatever, but I don't think you're giving yourself and Jason enough credit. YOU are amazing. It takes a lot of courage to admit that things aren't perfect, and a lot more to actually do something about it. I wish you and your fabulous little boys luck.