Blogher, Part One
Blogher, Part Three

Blogher, Part Two


Part One: I've Made A Huge Mistake Of Bluthian Proportions

The next morning Jodi texted me and offered to sneak the baby and I into the Club Level for the free breakfast. I wrote back that I wasn't showered yet, but then decided that I didn't really care, and went up anyway, only to immediately bump into a crew of immaculately coiffed and professionally dressed women from MomCentral. Stacy DeBroff fed Ezra a banana while I blearily caffeinated myself and by my third sip my brain suddenly turned on and I realized that I was out in public -- at a professional blogging conference, where people take pictures and blog and stuff --  in pajama bottoms and no makeup and gross oily hair.

And my nipples were showing through my nursing tank. I ate a croissant and fled.

Part Two: All Better

3763641935_eacbe6a8f3 Down at the actual conference, I learned that with Ezra in the Ergo's back-carry position, my hands were truly free to carry both a cup of coffee AND a complimentary bloody mary.

I started meeting people and recognizing people and being recognized by other people, reuniting with Linda, fangirling at Alexa, awkwardly screaming after Kate seconds after she'd stepped on an escalator, like NOOOO COME BACK I LOVE YOU. I met...a lot of people, and I hadn't even retrieved my conference badge yet. (They didn't have it under my real name, the name I registered with, but just my blog name, meaning all weekend people squinted at my badge and said "Ahhhhmala? Who the hell?)

I want to thank everybody who listened to my plea last week and came up and introduced themselves. It was beyond lovely meeting each and every one of you, and I'm glad you got to meet his Mighty Ezness in person. (He seems quite bored of me, now that we're home. He's all, "Where all my aunties at?") I know that feeling -- that panicked deer-in-the-headlights feeling -- of stepping off the elevator and walking into a crowded lobby and suddenly realizing that you know NO ONE THERE and you've left your conference agenda upstairs so you can't even PRETEND to study it while trying to figure out what to do next and the seconds are ticking by and you have NO ONE TO TALK TO AND WILL PROBABLY DIE ALONE MOMENTARILY.

You guys are all awesome, so I didn't die after all. Hooray!

(Photo by Carla Duharte Razura)

(Arm and half a head by Lori of Spinning Yellow)

(Nail biting due to overwhelming anxiety, deflated muffin gut courtesy of THAT KID RIGHT THERE.)

Part Three: In Which I Attempt To Learn Stuff

I made it through oh, about 15 minutes of the Transformational Blogging panel before Ezra decided noisily to work out that banana from breakfast. Good job, son.


It fell out of my pocket at lunch and was hidden under somebody's purse. I proceeded to panic for...oh, a good amount of time because I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL THE INTERNET I LOST MY iPHONE AGAIN, and pretty much everybody at the table remembered the time I dropped it in the toilet, which is still one of my top trafficked posts thanks to all the other people out there who turn to Google after dropping their own iPhones in their own toilets.

Part Five: "I Just Think You Need To Keep Things In Perspective"

Ezra and I retreated to the Lactation Lounge (yes, seriously) at some point in the afternoon for some downtime -- I realized I'd left my wipes container in there from the morning's diaper change and was kind of surprised it was still there, what with everybody kind of losing their minds over OMFG A FREE HUGGIES TRAVEL WIPES CONTAINER MINE MINE MINE. I nursed the baby and hummed to him and cuddled, feeling very calm and motherly and proud of what an amazingly good little trooper he'd been all day. He smiled at everybody (except for Mir, who made him cry) (but only one time, and they later bonded), took naps right in the carrier, and patiently indulged the approximately 6,429 people grabbing at his toes. (NOTE: I may have encouraged this. In fact, I believe I told at least one woman to "git in there an' git you sum.") After a rocky start, we were getting this thing down, we were both having fun, and I was cheesily treasuring this trip -- the most uninterrupted one-on-one time I'd had with my second child since our hospital stay.

Two women came in right as we were getting ready to leave. One was there with a four-and-a-half-week old. The other was there with a two-week-old.

I'd entered the room with a BABY and left with a goddamn freaking Godzilla child strapped to my back.

Part Six: Sponsorville

I've read quite a bit about the sponsored bloggers and whether people found them rude or amateurish or whatever. I only met two, and in case they're reading those posts as well and feeling embarrassed or worried that they came off that way: No, you did not. I'm not sure either of them actually knew who I was so they may never read this, but I met a lovely woman who was sponsored by Born Free and who let me get ugly and baby-elbowing over bottles and sippy cups and listening to my long and involved story about how I clogged the hotel room toilet with a gDiaper insert, and another (and I don't remember her name, I'm sorry!!) who simply admired Ezra for a bit before presenting him with an Eric Carle lizard from Kohl's.

I haven't been able to afford Blogher some years either -- this is actually the first time I went on my own dime, having been lucky enough to have employers who sent me in the past, and I've skipped the other years when that didn't happen -- so I totally understand desperately wanting to go but wanting to offset the cost. And I also understand that some sponsored bloggers did not necessarily do this in the most professional manner, or even realize that it was indeed, a professional arrangement and not a lottery ticket. Hell, there's a right and a wrong way to go about everything. As Kristen said, quite aptly: Not all bloggers are like that. Mommy or sponsored or otherwise.

(Also, I stupidly only packed one bottle for Ez and so I was REALLY REALLY GRATEFUL for the free bottle. Yay!)

Part Seven: Sparklecorn 2009




That was a ridiculous amount of fun, no?


(Unicorn cake by the CakeGirls. I was a little disappointed that it wasn't red velvet cake, but it was still a really nice piece of ass.)

I have no bragging rights to that party -- Tracey and Catherine planned it all, down to every last geektastic poster on the wall and the stand-up Edward (who vanished mysteriously at some point in the evening...I really earnestly hope someone out there tried to get him through an airport security line). My contribution was writing an entry once upon a time about talking deodorants, and one of those deodorant companies turned out to have an incredibly good sense of humor and agreed to help sponsor our party. The sole swag (besides, uh, booze) was a tube of Dove Clinical Strength, and for the record I did not get one. And I am pissed, because that's what I actually use and last time I went to Target I got so distracted by the new "deodorants as elaborate showpieces" trend in packaging that I FORGOT TO ACTUALLY BUY SOMETHING I WOULD USE.

(If you haven't seen the professional photos of the party, click here. I think I am dancing in that one photo, or possibly threatening to punch someone for not keepin' her hands offa mah damn man.)

After the Mamapop writers arrived but before we started letting people in, I had to take a moment and sit down on the dance floor to compose myself -- my laughing at the cake, the Edward, the posters soon turned to gaspy crying, because it was like the prom planning committee had been taken over by the nerds, by my people, by my friends, read my diary to plan my dream prom, and everybody got crowned prom queen just for showing up.

I kicked off my shoes and danced like a drunken moron to every song, I hugged everybody I could get my arms on and I wondered why I never did stuff like this anymore.


I woke up the next morning and was like, "Oh, right."

(Oh my God. Will I ever shut the fuck up about this? One more day to recap, I swear. Trust me, nothing else has happened since I got home, except that Ezra has suddenly become Mr. Professional Cruiser and is spending horrifying amounts of time upright on two legs and RUN IT'S GODZILLA BABY NOOO.)



It was nice to meet you and it was great to see how nice and friendly you are with people who are such huge fans of your blog.


A 4.5 weeker & a 2 weeker? Wow. When my kid was that little, I'm not even sure I realized my house still had doors. (o:


It was FANTASTIC to meet you and nom nom nom on little Ezra's toes. I've been following your blog for years (before Noah's pregnancy - and I remember asking you about CSS layouts and the cherries and how awesome I thought your site was... and is), and it has been great to see your family grow and finally put a voice and a real, live, 3D face with such great humor. :)

Ok, I am no longer at BlogHer, can stop with the gushing. But, for reals. Awesome.

Carolyn Online

So great to see you speak in the break out session at Blogher. "Shut up baby!" was my favorite line that day.

And I'm glad no one swiped your wipes.


No apologies! I'm loving reading about your trip.

cindy w

Funny, I was wondering if the Dove sponsorship had something to do with your Deodorant Wars series.

Oh, and I promised to email you this (if you want the actual jpg, I'll send it, but it turned out sorta grainy b/c my camera is Teh Suck).


I love this recaps, don't apologize.

And I have dropped not one, not two, but three iphones in toilets. Two were recovered, one died. I'm on my fifth phone. It's getting to be a REALLY BIG PROBLEM.


Ez with the standing stuffs! He was doing that on Friday night, pulling himself up on the side of the bed and trying to walk along the side while holding on, then tipping over when the comforter moved. That was a good twenty minutes of entertainment right there.

I think he was entertained, too.



Not to go all stalker or anything, but Ezra was one of the highlights of my trip. From munching on his feet in the lobby (I actually think I'm the one you told to "get sum") to seeing him fall asleep on the stage of the session on Women and Writing in the Age of Britney, he was such a cutie.

And I want to thank you publicly for being so nice, so open, so willing to talk to anyone. You were just as great in person as you are on this blog and it was a refreshing change of pace.


It was so great to meet/talk to you this year! I'm glad that there were many times we were coming up the escalator and you were chilling with Ez and we could admire his cuteness and get to talk.

I love your recaps and you're smarter than I am because trying to cram it all into one post? Overwhelming and way too long!

Megan@Blueberry Scones

Oh, awesome! I love that unicorn cake - it looks delish!


DOOOOD! Don't pay $7 for the Dove Clinical when you can pay $1 for Suave 24-Hour Protection invisible solid. It has the same amount of the aluminum stuff in it AND it's so much cheaper! And it totally works. I'm also a sweaty pig this summer and I can't believe how well this crap works. And it smells so much better (I got it in Sweet Pea and it's not knock you down perfumey).

I guess I understand now how you could do multiple posts about deodorant. :) Just teasing, I thought those were really funny.

Parsing Nonsense

Wow, the Cake Girls did a terrific job on that cake! BlogHer sounds like so much fun, exactly like you said wherein the nerds take over the party planning.

Lori at Spinning Yellow

Oh, god, that is my arm and half-head. Wait, no, that's fine, much better than a full on photo! Great talking with you and meeting E. I loved your panel, too.


I am loving the posts about BlogHer. And, thank goodness no one swiped your wipes.

Jessica (@It's my life...)

That party was da bomb. I didn't show up until midnight, but I stayed all the way through until the sob inducing "Stand by Me."
My only BlogHer regret is not having kissed Ez's widdle toes, but whenever I spotted you you were surrounded by adoring throngs and I just really didn't want to turn into one of the elbowing crazy people.


I stopped reading after free bloody mary. How exactly did I miss the free bloody mary?


Having dinner with you and Tania was one of the highlights of my weekend. You are one of the funniest women I've ever met, and you had THE best baby there. (Hello - he fell asleep on stage!) The MamaPop party was just fantastically awesome and I hope you all do it again next year.

sweetsalty kate

Silly you. It's only awkward to chase after someone on an escalator if that person does not reciprocate by attempting to run down the up-going stairs with arms outstretched and yelling "WAIT -- STOP -- SOMEONE LET ME GET OFF -- AARGGH"

Yeah. So yeah. Not so awkward, you were. As much as me, you were not.


Sprite's Keeper

I was hoping the deoderant tie in was in reference to the deoderant wars. Loved it. And I lost mine after handing it over to a friend so I could dance (Oh, I danced!) and then losing both the friend and the armpit swag. But later, she did hand it back over and it's a nice scent. Great swag, Amy! (I too was hoping the unicorn would be red velvet..) Good time!


It sounds like you had a good time. I'm glad.
You're the first person who has made me wish I could go, although largely that's just so I could meet the adorable Ezra ;)

The Happy Housewife

Hello again! Meeting you was definitely a highlight of the conference for me. I missed my kiddos so it was fun hanging out with Ezra and talking babies and clogged toilets for a while. I am glad the bottle came in handy during your trip.
I am very bummed to have missed the sparkle unicorn shindig, as I was trapped at the Nikon party for what seemed like an eternity. From all accounts your partied rocked, and I hope there is a repeat next year.

Sensibly Sassy

I am loving these recaps, it makes me wish I could have afforded to go this year. Thanks for letting me live vicariously through ya!

Amy of Binkytowne

I totally thought of you when I saw the sparkly deo samples in the exhibit hall.

True BlogHer confession: I took 2 Dove deodorants at mamapop because my god it's like the best thing since REGULAR deodorant. But at least I didn't elbow Ezra to get it and it was late and I think the Dove reps were kind of drunk and didn't even care. Want me to send you one? (Or perhaps a flash drive?)


It's nice to read something that is an actual narrative about what your time was like. So many people either wrote editorials or were just like 'oh yeah OtherBlogger1, wasn't it awesome when we saw OtherBlogger2 with that HAT!?' or something. Plus, YOUR blog has pictures of Ezra. Double bonus.


Well, I'm glad you didn't care that I walked up to you with a "Hi, uh, I love your blog gush gush blah blah..." You were so incredibly nice and even let me gush some MORE on that delicious baby.

Amelia Sprout

I'm so sorry about having your phone hiding under my purse. I swear I didn't mean to. My ovaries thank you for letting me hold Ez though. He was absolutely more delicious than the pasta sauce lunch. He still has all of his toes, right?


Great recap! Really wish I had the guts to go myself, but until then, I shall "relive" it through your "eyes"...

I am going to try to get enough guts by this time next year and attend in NYC.


I cannot BELIEVE how big Ezra is in that pic! He certainly is looking old enough to cruise. He is not a little baby anymore at all--though still mightily adorable!


Dude. All of these Blogher updates. I'm feeling soooo behind.

It was nice meeting you and glad you found your wipes!


I had no idea you could have ads on your blog if it wasn't super popular until about a year ago, when my sister added google ads to hers. (re: what you mentioned in last post) I thought you had to EARN the respect of the community to have ads. I added mine as a way of tracking traffic, because I am technologically illiterate.


Your baby completely ruined my reputation as The Baby Whisperer. It's a good thing he's so damn cute (and also that later he was nice to me, because I was all "OH NOES I'VE LOST MY TOUCH!" when he cried the first time).


First timer here. Following the links of people writing about blogher.

You're play by play is insightful and funny.


I haven't been to BlogHer yet, but after reading everyone's stories, I really must go next year. Sounds like you had an awesome time!

Katie Kat

One of the things I love most about your blogging is that I can just HEAR your voice as I'm reading (even though I've never met you, and only saw you once briefly on the Bobby Flay Throwdown thingy). But it makes me feel like I'm there, sipping wine with you while you recall all the dramas and hilarity of things like Blogher. Thanks for sharing and keepin' it real for your blogger readin' peeps!


You ate a Cakegirls cake! I'm jealous!
and God, Ezra is cute no matter wha he does.


I'm now very curious as to whether unicorn blood would actually be red, a la red velvet. Wouldn't unicorn blood be made of liquid gold or diamonds? Possibly purple with sparkles?

samantha jo campen

That truly was an awesome party. I got deodorant but no cake. How is THAT fair? :-)


more pictures of you dancing and looking smashing, please!

those always make me excited because i think: wow, i could have a kid (or two) and still have a side to me other than the mother-side.

plus, i like your taste!


It's not your fault that you're naturally adorable and don't need to get all fancy pants for breakfast. :) Pajamas during breakfast are always acceptable. I mean, unless you sleep nude. Plus,you can't be expected to get your brain working with the in-room coffee that tastes like rotten mud. Seriously, people, that stuff if bad news.


I love that tshirt! You definitely were "Born to Blog". I was not a BlogHer attendee and yet, I am still totally riveted by your writing! Looking forward to the rest of the recap :)


It has been a while since I have commented here, but I wanted to see what some of the did you put it..dinosaurs of the blogging wolrd felt about the conference this year.

I am debating whther I should go next year.

I am enjoying your recaps.


You are a gdiapering mama too! Me too-- for 5 month old twins. Are we crazy?!?

I do wish I could afford those flushable inserts though...much easier to think about traveling with those rather than all the cloth and their accessories...

Thanks for the exciting recap! Much better reading that than doing laundry!

Kerri Anne

These updates are some of my favorites.


In the interest of full disclosure, I must confess that you are the only Mommyblogger I read without fail. It's your voice, lady; I'm in love with your voice.

Her Bad Mother

We'll always have Sparklecorn.

(Um, Would that I owned that url. Also, that I'd thought to trademark 'Catherine.' Because, you know.)

(Where are you finding the time to write all this? I'm still stuck at BLERGH.)


Would it be weird if I admit I think of you every time I walk into the bathroom with my phone in my back pocket, because it can happen! Yes, it could fall out of my pocket into the toilet. I hope that doesn't sound creepy.

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