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Obligatory Pre-Blogher Freak-Out Post

How is it July? Like, the end-ish of July? What happened to June? And May? And that little squishy baby I had? Did this giant one here eat him, just like he ate the dog kibble last night? Repeatedly? Because my babyproofing knowledge is limited to saying "NO!" and then moving him across the room? Which is surprisingly ineffective?

Anyway, I'm bringing this baby to Blogher. No need to vacuum, Sheraton, he'll take care of it.


Yes, you can hold him. My arms and neck and back would very much like you to hold him.

I will NOT, however, be bringing that drum. Fuck that drum. Vamanos, bebe! Cállate, tambor!


Or that refrigerator, even though...oh, I love our new refrigerator. I do not love that we had to buy it, but now that it is here and I open the door and I can like, find stuff I need RIGHT THERE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYEBALLS, I am very happy about the new refrigerator. I'm sure I'll eventually be less happy with it, once it gets more full of food and crowded, but right now it's gloriously organized and spacious, mostly because I enjoy opening it and eating everything.

Luckily I still have plenty of time to lose 10 pounds or so before Blogher, right? RIGHT?


Mmmmmmm glorious fingerprint-y magic food box...

(No, still haven't painted the stupid kitchen. There's a reason. Can't tell you why yet. WINK! NUDGE!)

(Hi, I'm deviously transparent!)

Anyway, I'm doing that thing that I do every year, which is to wait until the very last minute to even think about packing for Blogher, and immediately going from, "whatever, just wear what you're COMFORTABLE in, people, it's not LIKE THAT, no one CARES" to "oh my God I hate everything I own hate hate hate!" And I guess I need to pack some onesies or something? Diapers? They sell Cheerios* in Chicago, right?

So. Listen. If you see me at Blogher, and you would like to say hi or something, please say hi, oh dear God. Please don't feel like you need to apologize for wanting to say hi or assure me that you are not a stalker. You read my weblog! That I write! And publish voluntarily, with the hope that people will read said weblog! I promise you that I am not in any way creeped out by the idea that you read my weblog and recognize me or something.

If I read YOUR weblog, prepared for some agressively inappropriate hugging and reckless disregard for your personal space. I am sorry.

This is what I look like these days. No makeup, ponytail, eyebags and lopsided boobs. Boobs you may very well see more than you'd like of, since Ezra has a habit of yanking my shirt down when he's in the sling without me noticing. I'm not sure that cashier at Petsmart has ever recovered. But I believe it's important for teenagers to learn that p0rn movie scenarios never really translate into real-life all that well. I mean, the guy who delivered my fridge didn't use a single sexy double entendre either.


If you ask me to pose for a group picture, this is how I will ruin it:


This is how I look in every candid picture ever:


And if you still aren't entirely sure who I am, here's a surefire identification technique:


I'm speaking for the first time ever this year, another thing on the long list of Things I Am Woefully Unprepared For, along with Tracey and Catherine. We're discussing "Women Writing In The Age Of Britney: Pop Culture & Gossip & Feministy Stuff, Oh My."

I talk with my hands. I should tell you that now.


Okay, so now I need to take a break from packing (HINT: I HAVE NOT PACKED ANYTHING) and go to the store in search of 1) bras, lest we repeat the Petsmart thing, 2) adorable shoes that cost less than $10, 3) lip gloss.

*This is what my baby** ate for breakfast, by the way: a not-insignificant amount of breastmilk, followed with an 8 oz. formula chaser, three grown-up handfuls of cereal, an entire blueberry waffle, one banana, half of a peach and three strawberries.

**This is what my other baby*** ate for breakfast, just like he has eaten for breakfast since the BEGINNING OF TIME: a bowl of dry Cheerios, a milk/yogurt/strawberry/peach smoothie, possibly some residue from the bit of banana that he demanded Ezra give him but then refused to actually eat.


***I eat coffee for breakfast.



Hey! Gimme some of that banana!

Megan@Blueberry Scones

I wish I could go to BlogHer this year! I was really looking forward to meeting you, too.


Holy crap, Blogher is in Chicago! What hole have I been in, though I do briefly recall seeing a bilboard of this. I may have to go (since it's practically in my HOUSE it's so close) and do the creepy-gushing-huge-fan thing.


Thanks for the Blogher briefing! I'm a noob and very nervous about running into people I would very much like to meet. So the girl who rushes up all Farley-like and says "That thing? You wrote? That was awesome"? Is me. I'll bring Cheerios to make up for it.


Dammit, Arun used to have that same alligator outfit. Now I am teary-eyed for my baby. Thanks, Amy.

Looking forward to meeting Ezra! And your breasts? Huh.


I'm distracted by how much I love that tank top you're wearing. You wrote a bunch of words and cleverly strung them together with photos of cute kids & my brain Will Not Stop trying to analyze the pictures to see if that is really a grey & yellow striped tank top and if so where can I find it it's perfect but I'm broke so I hope its from Target.


Those pictures cracked me up!! I hope you have a great time. at BlogHer.


I wish I was going so I could totally be one of those people who runs up and promises I'm not a stalker. But, not going. Not famous enough or brave enough to travel sans husband while pregnant. Have fun!


sarah: It's actually greyish blue and white, but good news! It's from Old Navy. 2 for $15, or something.


MANNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnn I am SO seriously cheesed that I don't get to come to BlogHer. I don't get to hold anybody's babies - and by next year, they'll all be big kids that probably bear no resemblance to the chubby round things they are now. *snif*

But the good thing is, since I'm not coming, now you will have only about 17 dozen of the (like Julie two comments above me) Farley-like stalkers to differentiate, instead of 17 dozen plus one.



You're killing me. Every morning, you just make me laugh hysterically. Have fun at Blogher!


Has anyone mentioned lately that you're really pretty? You are, you know.


The squishy baby is coming, too! Yay!

Very much looking forward to your panel, particularly the "feministy stuff" part.

Krys S

I just found out blogher even existed about a month ago.
Man I'm behind on the blog'n times!
I hope you have a great time! Maybe next year I'll get to go too!


I wish I'd been able to scrape together the cash to go this year. I would absolutely say hello to you and turn beat red and be slightly awkward, but mostly chatty.

Have a wonderful time!

C @ Kid Things

That is a nice refrigerator. Also, we have that same drum. I hate that drum.

Another also (from reading the comments) BLOGHER HAS A BILLBOARD! Seriously?! I wish I were going just to see that.

Sprite's Keeper

Oh, hell yeah! I will be there and very much look forward to meeting you. You surely have never read my blog, but that won't stop me from telling you how much I enjoy reading yours!
I'll be the one who probably forgot to pack her make-up seeing as she rarely wears any and the dark circles under my eyes will emphasize that. And don't forget to look for the frizzy hair that will be coming out all angles over my head because, me? and Product? We're barely speaking.
Just really excited about going and yes, I did see that you and Sweetney were commanding a workshop and yes, I will be there, proud that I am one of the few who knows how to correctly pronounce Amalah.See you there!


um I haven't freaked out about blogher yet b/c I've been too busy freaking about about selling my house and buying a new house and moving. Twice. In 30 days. But now I feel like I need to freak out. B/c your freaking out.


(I'm kidding)


I had no idea who you were until you held up the glass of wine. And then it was like, wow, that's the amalah lady! Good to see her again!


So judging by your paint comment, it sounds like you are pregnant again. Congratulations!
It's amazing that you would want to have another baby given the fact that you seem to have money troubles and that you constantly seem exhausted by the two kids you already have. All the best!

Sarah Viola

Hmm. Maybe Asher and Ezra can keep each other busy while we drink the wiiiine.


Wait I'm confused. Why haven't you painted the kitchen?

And Stacey, if we all waited until we were financially solvent and well rested to reproduce, those of us without trust funds wouldn't have kids until our 50's, which has obvious limitations. Go for it and figure out the details as they arise.


Awww, this was a cute post! lol


Stacey: Um. What? No, I'm not pregnant. There's a link in the word "NUDGE." We're getting some design help, is all.


Are you going to be on HGTV? If so I am so jealous as it is a dream of mine. You have already been on the Food Network. If you make it to E! you will have the trifecta of good TV...IMO


You're going to be on HGTV!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! When?????

And yes have fun at BlogHer and on the boob thing, um, my wee one is 26 months, stopped nursing at 17m and this morning, some leakage. WTF? Must Google immediately.

Stacey = Not nice.


I have that same damn drum. It is crazy annoying, and my kids love it, of course, and the batteries never die.

If I went to Blogher I would be one of the crazy people stalking you. I really would like to know tons more about SID(? is that even right?) because one of my twins is very much like your bigger baby, right down to the dry O cereal every morning.

Because I'm an idiot I too, (like Stacey the very snarky chick) missed the link and thought you were pregnant at first. I can't wait to see your new kitchen! Enjoy Blogher! Safe travels and all that jazz.


No, just an online collaboration with their design bloggers. ("Just!" Ha!) They're going to come up with a whole color palette and budget facelift for the first floor. I'm super excited, though I owe them a million more photos before things can really get going, and I keep waiting until the house is clean. And the house is never clean.


Seconding, or thirding, the really pretty thing. Enjoy being pretty. I really mean that. It's not your fault. And life is short. Enjoy it. Feel no guilt.


OMFG!!! We totally have all exactly the same magnets!!!! (that makes me COOL right?? and us like BFF's?) Except those flat cow/sheep(?)/chicken/pig ones - which kind of totally negates the whole "all exactly the same" part huh? But - do those actually show the various cuts of meat on each animal!?!?!?


You guys! With the pregnancy thing! Not painting kitchen = pregnant. Huh. I never would have thought that. Perhaps I need an assistant who will proofread all drafts to remove any and all Unintentional Pregnancy Hints. ("You mentioned DECAF COFFEE ZOMG PREGNANT!")

I actually did take my third (and final, I promise this time) test this morning and it's officially past the point of "maybe it's too early still!" Not pregnant, just all wonky-cycled again. And yeah, we were a little bummed. Because GET THIS! Turns out we really, really like our kids. Love them, even when it's tough, even when I blog about things being tough. I would not change a thing about either of them, because they are both the most amazing people I've ever met. (Also: personally I think there's a distinction between not having a lot of extra money to replace expensive appliances unexpectedly and having "money troubles." But maybe that's just This Damn Economy talking.)

I would have whole mess of kids, if I could. I won't, but I can see the appeal of that much boisterous, child-related chaos.

(I really need to stop procrastinating and pack. Gah.)


Can't wait to see you! I'll be the other one with lopsided boobs. Represent!


Reading comments now makes "OMFG Magnets!!!" comment seem - lame? unoriginal? whatever - I apologize, but OMFG magnets!!!!



1. I also love that tank top. Unfortunately, it is not suited to my current lifestyle, as I have a one month old baby who is unhappy unless she is attached to my rack.

2. "...since Ezra has a habit of yanking my shirt down when he's in the sling without me noticing."

How did Ezra get in the sling without you noticing?

Sorry, I love dangling modifiers. I am the dangling modifier police.

Carry on.


Wet'n'Wild lipgloss. For serious. At any CVS. The clear one that is tinted pink smells like cotton candy. The colored glosses look like something a decrepid tranny who once was a regular at the Copa Cabana might wear, but the clear/nudes are fabulous and cost all of $2.


I have that same drum... i don't see how it could entertain any living organism... but I see now that it does...


I fail to understand why snarky people comment rudely on the site??? Instead, just read another blog elsewhere if you don't get the humor here. This is why I ended up locking my blog and why only a select few can see it. People ruin da intrawebs!!! I never see you as complaining or whiny...I see this blog as the sanity in my crazyass borning day.


er boring know what I mean. Can't type when fired up.


so sorry I won't be coming to BlogHer to drool on all my favorite bloggers and make them take back their entries insisting people saying hi don't creep them out! but I get all the fun of moving. In a car with three kids 3 and under, and a cat. To kickass Omaha! bet you're jeaous now. By the way, we had that same drum. It was hidden in the closet for about a year and then smuggled out of the house and donated to charity as soon as was humanly possible. Cause that toy blows


I am very excited to meet you at BlogHer! Well, the parties, since I am not conferencing, just having fun.

Jessica (@It's my life...)

I'm staying away from Ezra before he eats breakfast. I'm not a good sharer. But I am a good baby holder and I'll be happy to give your back a break for a bit.
Oh, yeah, and I'll try not to be a freak this year when I say hi. It's like totally my second BlogHer so I'm going to be super cool and collected this year. Heh.


When I saw you last year, Ezra was in your bellah.

Cannot wait to smoosh hime. And you.


I may have to say hi if I see you there, since I've only been reading your site for about 5 years now, but it is quite possible that I get so nervous coming to say hi that I will trip and totally fall on you. I apologize ahead of time, and I'll try to aim elsewhere, especially if you're holding Ezra at that time.

Miss Grace

If I'm wearing my glasses and therefore I can see and therefore I can see you, I'll find you. And say OH HAI I READ YOUR BLOG YOU HAVE CUTE KIDS I LOVE YOU.


It was so wonderful to see you last year, and now that I know you are bringing Mr. Ezra? I will SO be stalking the hallways looking for you. I'll try to duck around your wildly gesturing hands, too :) xoxo


ok, i don't get to go to blogher this year, which sucks.
but, for anybody who still might be afraid to talk to amy?
let me just tell you that the first time i said hello to her i was drunk out of my mind and i'm pretty sure she wasn't because she was pretty pregnant and i could not stop talking about a haircut that noah had recently gotten.
and she was still really nice to me the next day, when i was slightly more sober.
so, you know. you couldn't embarrass yourself more than i did. so, rock out, people! have fun and give amy a hug for me!

Jen L.

I have to miss BlogHer this year due to my husbands stoopid 20 year reunion (I am so supportive, no?), but know this: If I were there, I WOULD come up and say hi, AND hold Ezra, AND hug you around the waist and drink wine with you. So there.
Have a blast!!!!! Can't wait to hear your report of it all.


I'm going to be squee-ing in your face (oh, that sounds really rude) in a couple of days. I've been reading since Noah was so little, around when my oldest was born. I'm a big fan. I'm going to be telling you that in person. Enjoy yourself! I'm looking forward to it. If you need someone to hold that baby for a sec, I'll be happy to do it.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy

Man, I wish I could go to BlogHer! Alas, though, I'm pretty new in the blogosphere (only been at it since March) and didn't even know about it until it was too late. Bummer.

BTW, you could totally invade my space, as long as you were willing to share your wine. ;)


GOOD LUCK at BlogHer, Amy "Boob-Pop" Storch!


Since you are doing your packing now, I thought it might be helpful to know that it's supposed to be raining in Chicago for the next week and temps will be in the high 70's low 80's. I hope you have a wonderful time at Blogher.

Katie Kat

WAAAAAAAAAH!!! I wish I was a bloggery type person so I could go and meet you. I know you don't know me, but I'd treat you like we'd been best friends forever. Because I heart you like that. So, now is the time to MOVE TO MY TOWN AND BE MY BEST FRIEND.

The offer will stand until you slap a restraining order on me.

(I'm really pretty harmless and I'd just trip over my words and gush and be a TOTAL geek if I really met you. But I think you'd relate to that!) ;)

Melissa Bond

I really really wish I could be there for your speech talky thing! I have been following your blog for 2 years and can only imagine how amazing it will be! I also pay more attention when people talk with their hands!

Cynical Nymph

I would like to apologize in advance if I bust your eardrums when I see Ezra's behbeh feet in person. It's probably going to happen. Perhaps I should hand you earplugs first.


"We sing, and we dance, when we play the drums
Dun der neh neh NEHH...

We clap our hands! We play the drums!"

I think I hid my Noah's drum somewhere, no idea where.

You should know, when you mention your boobs, I totally stare at your boobs. Totally.


Welcome to Chicago. We'll have the Cheerios ready for you. Target, Jewel, or Dominick's in the cereal aisle. (Actually, Target even has them in the babyfood aisle in a cupholder shape.)

Have a safe trip!


don't forget an umbrella and a warm cardigan. The weather here in chi-town has been cool and rainy(=shitty) all summer long.


Oh man, I wish I was going to BlogHer so I could get a picture of us making awesome faces. Me with my patented "head tilt" and you with Ezra yanking your boob out. Classic!


You crack me up. Are you writing a book? That would be awesome.


I loved the pic of you holding the wine. "Maybe you'll recognize me THIS way." Ha! Have fun at BlogHer.


Man, you are ridiculously cute. Like a kitten. With balloons. And lollipops.


Not-painting = pregnant??!!!!

I just assumed that not-painting = lazy.

Wait! Am I right? I'm so confused. (just kidding...)

Hope HGTV can come up with something other than many different beiges. Can't wait to read about it.


Can you please tell me exactly where this mythical 10 lbs you think you need to lose are residing? You look fab.

Valerie Gibson

I SO wish I could go to Blogher and meet you and hug you inapprppriately. Maybe I will actually post to my blog regularly and become funny and then you will read it.

Ez is growing up beautifully and Noah is adorable. That is all. Good luck!


I would love to say hi. Yours was one of the first blogs I latched on to back in 2004, and I've been a faithful reader ever since. I can't wait to meet you. Have safe travels!


okay, lemme try this again. I think I posted before I was done typing. Put me in the "not painting = pregnant" group. Even though I saw the link. and understood that the link meant it was something else, not that you were pregnant. But, I still held out hope!! So excited for the hgtv makeover bit! (w
Oh, and also put me in the "Amy = beautiful" group.


okay, lemme try this again. I think I posted before I was done typing. Put me in the "not painting = pregnant" group. Even though I saw the link. and understood that the link meant it was something else, not that you were pregnant. But, I still held out hope!! So excited for the hgtv makeover bit! (w
Oh, and also put me in the "Amy = beautiful" group.


OMG, I am such an incompetent poster. What I left off was...what if hgtv says red would be great for your kitchen??


Do you ever want to just block out readers for being stupid (ie Stacey). Just wondering. 1) Obvious embedded link. 2) You share that you will be the one imbibing at Blogher; something that even a poor, exhausted mother like yourself probably would not be doing if you were prego.


Oh, I have a feeling when HGTV gets a load of you they will put you on TV, somehow!! Either way, I can't wait--it sounds like fun! Wish I wasn't going on vacation--I'd only have to take the train to go to Blogher, and I'd love to see you and your delicious Baby # 2. Oh, and your interesting boobular arrangement,also. Hey, Stacy!! Nice drive-by!


That second photo? So that's where Noah gets that nose scrunch smiling thing! ;-)


Goddamn I hate that drum.

samantha jo campen

You have no idea who I am! But I can't wait to see you!


Ohhhhhhh Amy, you crack me up! These pictures of you made me laugh out loud; you constantly crack me up my dear. Too bad I'm not going to be in Chicago to meet you and hear you speak. You'll do great!


we have the same drum...and the matching maracas. Both gifts, I hate my family.


You are adorable. I wish I was going to Blogher so that I could hug you (you said I could, kind of) and hold your also adorable baby for you.


Whatever, you're so freakin' cute. That drum had better never make an appearance in my house, what with the problems I have with repetitive, irritating noises. (Um, like crying and shrieking of children sized people? ZOMG, who's going to be a great new mommy in like 4 months? THIS GIRL. High fives over here! No? Fine.) Have big fun. And packing is for losers, whereas you're obviously a winner. I don't pack, either. We should start a club, and there should be hats. Or pins. Or a drink named after our awesome club! Or, whatever, reoccuring morning sickness blows and I'm tired. Forgive.


He may have been eaten by a giant baby but the giant baby is very cute. Enjoy Blogher.

M. Butterfly

Have fun at BlogHer! I so wish I could go.....I'd love to meet you and Ezra....but I'm moving that weekend so BOO. HISS.

Also....OMGWTFHGTV????? Srsly? That's so amazing!!


Too bad I won't be there this year, we could have discussed our weird kids again. This time with booze!


Well, crap, you go and GIVE me permission to go all gushy on you and I'm not even going to blogher??? Aiiieee! I should go back to my blog and pretend to be a blogger just so I don't feel like a moron for being there among actual bloggers. Just so I can go all gushy. Maybe I'll try next year. (I say that ever year.)


Cutest post! Love your baby, so cute! I don't only say the word cute, but I have I feel like I have to with this post. Love your blog. Yeah, yeah, you've heard it all before... I'll be back. :)


I think when I meet you again I will introduce myself and recite every comment I've ever left on your blog, which is what I always seem to do when I meet you. Because, Amalah! Oh my god! Amalah!

Also, I'm very impressed by the OCD-like presentation of magnets on the side of your refrigerator.


No fair - you get everything!!! Cute babies, ticket to BlogHer, AND design help from HGTV?????!!!! Clearly, you deserve it for being brilliant and snarky and awesome :-) Am still green with envy.

Springsteen fan

Amy, I am ALMOST as disappointed that I won't be going to BlogHer as I was to miss out on tix to Springsteen's fall shows. However, I do revel in the fact that I get to read all about it from you, and know in my heart that if I ever do meet you in person, you won't run screaming from the playground/mall/Smithsonian once I tell you I read you and love your writing. It happened to me on the playground once with one of my other all-time favorite bloggers. Her face fell, her eyes glazed over, and you could tell she was all ("Geez, my reader/stalkers are EVERYWHERE, even where I live! Huh."). I'm still bummed, can you tell? And yeah, I totes thought you were preggers, too, glad you cleared that up. Can't wait to hear the good news someday in the future. You can raise 3 kids so I, mom to 2, won't have to.


Wow..that part about being willing to let others hold Ezra RE-ally makes me want to jump on a plane and go to BlogHer. I'm having bad baby fever these days and there aren't any babies around me to indulge the craving to hold one, and Ezra is so darn cute. Guess pictures will have to do. Thanks for sharing them!


There you go with your wine glass imitating Bossy again... Can't wait to hang out. Oh, also, Bossy hates all her clothes. Hates. All. Her. Clothes.


(No, still haven't painted the stupid kitchen. There's a reason. Can't tell you why yet. WINK! NUDGE!)

OMG. ARE YOU PREGNANT? Have you announced this? Implied this? Indirectly, maybe, kinda, slightly mentioned this in passing?



um, how creepy / child abusey is it that almost every time i see pictures of ezra, my first thought is not, "i want to hold him," (although i'm SURE that Blogher is going to jump on that one! they are going to be all over you both!), but "I want to suck on his nose?" his nose is SO. CUTE. MOST. DELICIOUS. NOSE. EVER.


What you don't realize is that the stalkers (like me) don't just read you're blog. We want to move next door to you and be your BFF and hang out every day near your pool because you are just too freakin' cool!


Love the new fridge. Really, really love the kids. I have my own grandchildren to chew on. If I were going to Blogher, I might try yours too. But I'm not. Could you PLEASE post a video on how to pronounce Amalah?


That pssssst picture is hilarious.


I love Ezra's romper. I suppose I shouldn't complain, because girl clothes are soooo fun compared to boy clothes, but why don't they make girl rompers like that?

(OTOH, my babygirl would rock that alligator romper, found-in-the-boys-section be damned.)


Your baby is the very hungry caterpillar! And they are both deliciously adorable! Have a good time at Blogher! I can't wait to hear the stories. ;0)

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