LOVE THIS. I saw Make Way for Ducklings in a store and wouldn't even buy it because it was too damn long to read before bed! And you know which Dr. Suess book is really long? Horton Hears a Who! I love it, but it takes FOREVER!

The one I have to read over and over and over is Fox in Socks. Fox. Socks. Box. Knox. Blahhhx!

At my house:

The Cat in the Hat:
Claire (age 3) - The cat is bad mommy. I don't want the cat to come to our house.
Hannah (11 months) - I need to honk your nose and dig in with my claws.
Mom - I loved this book when I was little . . . and you know, I am allergic to cats.

Pat the Bunny
Claire - I can wear mommy's ring. Give me your ring mommy.
Mommy - No, it is too expensive, I don't want you to lose it.
Hannah - nom, nom, nom.

Great Day for Up
Claire - That man who doesn't get up looks like Daddy.
Hannah - shrieking for fun.
Mommy - Yes, Daddy likes to sleep a lot. Because we are so loud.

I just have to skip thinking about the life lessons or I'm stuck with You Can Count at the Ocean.

I LOVE "What's Wrong, Little Pookie." LOVE LOVE LOVE. It's the one book that goes with us everywhere...namely to the doctors office as a shot distractor (did I just make up a word?).

Amen to Sandra Boynton. Henry can be calmed or alternately set AFLAME by _Hippos Go Berzerk!_. We read it before every nap time, because I like it so much, too. But I picked up _Oh My Oh My Oh Dinosaurs!_ (also Boynton) yesterday to try to mix things up a bit.

We read _Goodnight Moon_ at bedtime. I also want to know why the "old lady" is referred to as such (seems a bit rude) and why she isn't related to the little bunny in some way. If she's a night nanny, then I might not want my little boy exposed to this snooty upperclass b.s. But it is a pretty great book.

The only other board book with any narrative (so not counting _What Does Baby See?_ and the like) is Wise Brown's other one: _Runaway Bunny_, which we received as a shower gift. It is the CREEPIEST. FRIGHTENING. ABSURD. I intend to give it away.

I have "Whats Wrong Little Pookie" because that's my daughters nickname...Though I got it because she looked like Garfields little bear.

As for I'll Love You Forever...Even at like, 6, I thought it was creepy. Who the hell sneaks into a teenagers bedroom at night to rock them and hold them?! But yeah at the end...OMFG WE NEED MORE KLEENEX, THIS IS SO SWEET BAWL BAWL BAWL.

And all the McCloskey books! Blueberries for Sal!

And Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel!

Hahahaha, love the commentary from the children! Very funny!

"Guess How Much I Love You" = how to not take a compliment while teaching your child one-upsmanship

"Moo Baa La La La" by Sandra Boynton = give that woman an award!

And why did we say "good night clocks, good night socks" when neither clocks nor socks were acknowledged in the first half of the book? Why?????

The "Plop!" always gets Henry and has since he was like 4 months old. Also popular: "Brush brush brush brush comb comb comb comb" from One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.

My kids loved Brown Bear. It's the only one they would sit quietly for. Until they tore it pieces.

Love, love, love this! My daughter was pretty much in line with Ezra's reviews on all of them. I totally agree with you on the Monster at the End of This Book "DON'T TURN THE PAGE!!!!" And, oddly, Brown Bear was a favorite of kids that I worked with who fell under the PDD spectrum - maybe it's the predictability? While I agree with you on Boyntin's Pookie, my personal fave in her collection is Pajama Time. I enjoy giving a very dramatic interpretive rap performance while reading it - complete with some interpretive dance thrown in (I have a trademarked routine for "Jamma to the Left! Jamma to the Right! Jamma, Jamma, Jamma, Jamma, P! J!").

I said it when I was a little kid and I'll say it again now- "Goodnight nobody/goodnight mush" is the greatest couplet in a child's book in all time.

It's just so calm and still and beautiful in a way that the rest of the goodnights just quite aren't.

(Am hoping you will do the Seussian HBP.)

This was a brilliant post. Thank you for admitting that "I Love You Forever" is a bit stalkerish. If only her son had a blog, she wouldn't have to drive across town and crawl through his window to see what he was up to.

Thank you, Amy, for never failing to make me laugh!

Thanks so much for this.

OMG - I had the SAME reaction when I read B the Dr. Suess books! I was like "Really? It's like 408 pages long? I always thought it was maybe 10..." And one of my faves from childhood was "A Fly Went By." After reading it two times to B, I was like "Uh... yeah. Wayyyyy too much paranoia for one little book."

For us Goodnight Moon and Guess How Much I Love You are great. The one I just can't quite get myself to read is The Velveteen Rabbit. I can't get through it without crying, and I can't explain it to B whilst blubbering! It's like Dumbo. That movie is NOT allowed in my house because I totally lose it at the part where Dumbo's Mom rocks him with her trunk when she's all locked up... OH GOD, I'm even tearing up now!!!! *SOB!*

Oh this was good!!!

Guess How Much I Love ALWAYS makes me sob pathetically and my voice catches so the boy stares at me funny and asks to read A DIFFERENT book mommy.

Love Boynton too - glad that we have a baby to read these to again. The four year old is basically done with that board book stuff and like a wine snob he even turns his noise up to them. OY!

Agreed on the Good Night Moon thing. I mean seriously - classic?? Wha? I do not get it and I do not remember ever reading it as a kid so THERE!

I have loved Snowy Day since I was a kid. I still smile heartily when I see it on bookshelves

The mouse? Dude, the main characters are rabbits, with CATS for pets. One day the kittens will grow up and EAT the quiet old lady rabbit, because for damn sure she'll be too slow to run away.

I have similar concerns about the bowl full of mush in Goodnight Moon. I'm not sure what "mush" is, and as appetizing as it might be fresh, I doubt it would still be good in the morning...

Fabulous! I can sooooo relate to the "Please let me read you something else! Please let me read you something else!"

I literally LOL'd, then got in trouble for reading a blog at work, then closed the window and reopened it to say that I think this should be a recurring feature because this was the funniest fucking thing I've read all day. Or week. It doesn't hurt that my kids are 4 years and 7 months so this could be my house, except I have more estrogen and things like Purplelicious and The Starlight Ballerina. Wretch.

At our house I would beg not to read Curious George, it was so boring - "Please, I will even read The Pokey Little Puppy or A Berenstain Bears."

P.S. There are people who haven't heard the name Ezra before? I always figured he was either named after Ezra Pound or the Book of Ezra. Or, you know, you guys were really into Better Than Ezra.

Next time people accuse you of making up the name Ezra, just go all smarty pants on them and ask in horror, "You've never heard of EZRA POUND?"

I grew up with waaaay too many Sandra Boyton books around our house. She and my mom were friends in high school. She's as sweet as her books would make you think she is.

So I totally hide books that I'm sick of reading. Right now I've hidden "Jake's Big Adventure," b/c it's a little too self-help, and I keep trying to hide Eric Carle's "Will You Be My Friend." I HATE that book, so naturally my kidlet loves it. He keeps closing the "Going to Bed Book" as well as "Goodnight Moon," I think he's on to me.

Pookie also learned the terrible lesson about sequels. Let's Dance, Little Pookie is a major disappointment.

Awesome. Being a lurker, I don't tell you enough that you rock but you do.

Bloglines and Ask.com teamed up to add this to the feed of this blog post:
Related Searches on Ask.com: SOB SOB SOB , OMFG DUCKS DUCKS , Panda Bear , Polar Bear , Eric Carle

I'm just wondering what would happen if I really searched Ask.com for "OMFG DUCKS DUCKS"...I think I'm off to do that now.

Your Ezra is one of three that I know of . . . this name is making a comeback - I'm calling it right now.

So glad you wrote this. Reminds me of some books I should go out and get. Also, didn't know if you knew of this blog: http://thediamondinthewindow.typepad.com/ She reviews the books her kids are writing (not as amusing are you do it though) but you can write to her and she'll recommend books (with her daughters' input) that your child might like to also read. Can you tell I'm a book person?

hahahhaha. The Giving Tree is probably the saddest book EVER though

You really need to avoid reading The Frog Ballet then. *Still sobbing*

You are hilarious.

Just wanted to second (until I read your comments and saw I am one of many fans) your comments about Boynton. My little ones love "Snuggle Puppy". If you asked I could tell you every part, sing the singing parts, on command.

Oh, and if you haven't read it... I LOVE "I love you the purplest". Its about two sons who are competing for Mommy's love.

I Love You Forever is totally creepy. And *SOB*. I was excited when I got it because of Joey's reading on Friends, and then I read the whole thing and was like, WTF? although, I may totally turn into a moom who is sneaking through her grown children's windows at night to snuggle them. Cause I'm creepy too. At our house, all book reviews sound like this:
I love this book!! I'm going to refuse to let you read it to me, beg to take it to bed with me, and then while you are sleeping rip critical pages out and tear them into tiny pieces. You may think I cannot do this with board books, but I can. Only then will I allow you to read it to me, and possibly cry when you tell me that it can't be fixed. Also, mom, the parts you make up to replace the missing pages? Lame.

Wait.. people think that Ezra is a made-up/girl's name?

Lord.

Amalah, I afraid I'm going to have to sue you for not putting the warning; Pee Before Reading in your header.

My kids are 11.5 and 10 and we STILL quote Boynton books regularly. She rocks. Hilarious post. Hilarious comments, too. :D

MONSTER AT THE END OF THE BOOK!!! Was my favorite! I read it to my Kindergarten classes, complete with Muppet Voices. To this day, I still say "Oh, I am so embarrassed." like Grover.

Not only are you hysterical, several of your commenting audience are too! GNMoon sux, and Guess How Much I love you inspired my kid to try to do all of the things the bunnies do.. yeah, um, there were almost stitches involved....

I don't comment often as I hate being 1 comment out of 80 some or more, but I had to comment on this post. I LOVE this one. Amy, you crack me up every time I read you. (Unless you're being sad and reflective and then I feel all sad and reflective, too...)

"love You Forever" is THE most horrifying book in the history of language. No joke.

I read it in one "standing" at our local bookstore, while my husband was entertaining my 3 year old son with those Sandra Boynton books. When they found me twenty minutes later, I was a quivering mass of sobs, barely held together by Therapy-Sessions-Yet-To-Be.

All kidding aside, it is the most powerful, mindblowing and CLEAR explanation of the love a parent and child share. Which means it is completely inappropriate for children.

OMG. One of my favorite posts ever.
Go Dog Go...LOL. We like to quote this book at bunco when we are all losing and switching tables and saying "Hello Again!" "Hello!" "Do you like my hat?"

What about the annoying Elmo books when he refers to himself in third person?

I love Blueberries for Sal and any Leo Leonni book (Alexander and the Wind-Up Mouse).

I never really got Goodnight Moon, but I wasn't read it as a child either.

This was awesome! Thanks for a good laugh, as usual!

My kids (3 & 17 months) would totally second the Jane Yolen recommendation (How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight?). I, on the other hand, have read it so many times I wake up at 2am reciting the damn thing. It's insane how much little kids love repetition.

I bet you will like Goodnight, Gorilla. It's got gorgeous pictures and no words at all, so you can make up whatever you want. Perfect. Also, every child I've ever met loves it.

I knew the author of the Brown Bear and Polar Bear books (not Eric Carle, the guy he collaborated with, Bill Martin, Jr.) and spent one of the greatest weeks of my life with my family at his apartment in New York.

He, at a time in our lives when we were very short on money, paid for us to fly to New York, bought is dinners, cooked us breakfast and sent us to 2 broadway shows simply because he thought we should experience New York. He died a few years ago, but I will never be able to hear those book titles without feeling a sense of gratitude to Bill.

Not that it has anything to do with what you wrote, but it's been so long since I've thought about him, I just wanted to share.

(The end)

I love you. Seriously -- love. I have gone through this same *crap* (ha, that means "excellent book adventure in kid-speak) and hallalujah, I am mostly out the other side. Now my kids are old enough to read Nancy Drew and Harry Potter, etc., and I just occasionally read Love you Forever to them just because I need a good cry. :)

Have to say, at least two of those are house favorites, and they were both inherited from me--The Monster at the End of This Book and Good Night Moon.

Another home favorite is "A Dark Dark Tale" by Ruth Brown. So many fond memories of my father reading that to me, and it gives me a little twinge of nostalgia now to hear him read it to my daughter.