My husband is about to make the switch to staying home, and going from a two-salary family to a one-salary one is killer. But. It is important to us, and reasonable to us. I know there are a million options, and I know they are all right, but I think --- go with your gut. And my gut, worthless as it is to you, says send Noah to the school. Money be damned. So to speak, and pray for good roofs and disposals and ... I know money is never damned. Anyway ... Oh! Aren't these questions hard?!

Amalah...the decision y'all (it's ok, I'm from Texas. I can say y'all!!) ;)
Back to it - the decision you and Jason make will be the right one. Need it again? The Decision You And Jason Make Will Be The Right One.

Just my opinion.....no amount of money spent on an appropriate education for your child is ever poorly spent.

The other stuff will take care of itself over time, but for Noah, time is of the essence.

I think you should make all necessary cutbacks in order for Noah to attend the more expensive school... especially if you have seen such HUGE improvements with his summer camp.

If the long-term goal is worth it, than the short-term sacrifices are worth it as well.

WHOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRrrrrrr

Hi Amy, I don't have a special needs kid, but I am wondering if you would strongly consider going back to work to allow Noah to attend the special school? Of course, you would have to be able to afford care of Noah while you are at work, so it may be a toss up. But I'm not sure running up the credit card in the long run is a great idea for your whole family.

I agree with Nancy. As a former elementary school inclusion teacher, time is of the essence. The financial aspect will be a burden, but if Noah is showing improvement, it will be worth it in the end. I had so many students whose parents left it to the public education system to "fix" their child because they couldn't justify the expense of a private program. But there are just too many kids in the public system, and too much red tape, to give every kid exactly what is needed. It sounds like you've found a program that can do that for Noah, so I say go for it and skip the basement carpet and garbage disposal repair for now! Good luck. :)

I agree with Nancy. Put Noah in the program. Do whatever it takes. You've obviously found a program THAT WORKS FOR HIM. That alone is worth it. The gains far outweigh any losses.

It'll be OK. Really.

Hugs to you and your family.

I "third" the sentiment that you should put up a paypal donate button... I definitely have a couple bucks that could be put to better use than buying me a big mac! (My thighs would thank you also)

My son struggled with reading and spelling in school. By a chance conversation with another mom when he was in 4th grade, I found out about vision therapy. With some simple tests, I found out that one of his eyes SHUT DOWN when he tried to read and then there were some other stuff that happened as well. We were told he needed 16 sessions at $100 each. My husband said 'no way'. Insurance said they would pay (later recanted) so I signed him up. It was the best money spent ever. He is a different boy because of it. He has more confidence and is more social and way less sad. IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!!

I agree with Shari - please make sure you have a fully-funded emergency fund, too. (I wasn't sure if that's in addition to the savings you mentioned above, or something else.)

I also agree that the benefit of sending him to school would be more than worth the money. Can you go back to work (outside the home; I know you're already working!) part-time? Would that be enough to cover daycare expenses, too?

I've read your blog for years. I feel like I'm one of Noah's aunts that he's never met, but is so proud of his accomplishments. I'd totally donate something.

I've also read of his progress with camp, and while I know it was expensive, it sounds like it was well worth it. If the school is more of the same...then go for it. See if you can get a loan from a credit union, anyway - they won't have the scary-high rates of a credit card.

We're recession okay, too. I got an extra freelance thing (much more part-timey than I like) and then lost my first freelance thing and holy hell, I am glad that we don't have kids.

Which brings me to "holy hell am I glad I don't have to make this decision." But really, if there's gaps in what Noah's IEP, then the private preschool "OMG expensive" thing will probably be the best for him. But OMG expensive! And did I mention I'm really glad I don't have to make this decision?

I think you should send him. You've sounded more positive about that camp for Noah than you've sounded about any service for Noah in months -- years?

And I'd send you $10 for Noah if you made it possible. I'm fond of the little fellow.

Holy cow these are hard questions. But, only you and Jason can make it. And I agree with Merynn - The Decision You And Jason Make Will Be The Right One.

Can't you just stick cutie little Ez in some Huggies or Pampers or OxyClean commercial (I hear they may be looking....) and then use his monies to pay for Noah's education and then when he's older and all where's muh monies biatch, just tell him he owns shares of Noah. Or something like that. And then there will obviously be a Where's the Oxyclean Baby Now? VH1 episode and then you'll all get a reality tv show ($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$) and your boys will be rollin' in playboy bunnies. I think this could be a win-win-win situation. Then again, I don't have children so you probably shouldn't listen to me...

This is isn't great advice, but my BFF always says, you will never know if you made the right decision b/c you will never know what the other happened if you made the other decision.

You love Noah, Noah is a great kid, and you only have his best interests at heart. You will make the right decision. But, you only know what that is.

Call/email/text if you want to talk.

Disregarding the money aspect completely, when you think about the morning preschool, does your gut say it's the right thing to do? If it does, do it. I firmly believe things happen for a reason and that the other money-related stuff will work itself out in time. Just hang in there, it WILL work out. Heck, put up a paypal link, I'll donate 20 bucks to Noah's bright-and-happy future!

This is a REALLY stupid story, but bear with me. I've lisped my whole life, and no one ever told me until I was 18, because the school district doesn't give a shit about you if they can understand you. If everyone can understand you, no speech therapy. I found free speech therapy through my college to try and correct it, but apparently when I was born they snipped the... thing... the thing under my tongue? too much, and at the age I was it would never really be corrected no matter how hard I worked. If someone had gotten to me earlier, things had been fine.

Why? Why am I still talking? Because if you can fix things now, and have some burden now, it would be better than letting it go and having more burden later. I can't even begin to figure out if this WILL work for Noah, because my whole experience with this topic is through your blog and a foot note in developmental psych class.

Basically, if you really feel this is what Noah needs, go for it and do it however you can. If you think you're just equating spending the money with better services, though, then don't.

I agree with the reader who said PayPal acct. for donations, but I can see how that's squicky. So many of us love Noah, and have watched him grow up and want to help... but we also don't want to put you through having to deal with the shit that would probably result from that.

Oh, my god, why am I still talking?

Oh, in refernce to the whole not writing anything yesterday. I want you to know that I was really disappointed. Alllll day I was clicking on google reader and NOTHING.

Ugh. Hate money woes. We all have them and we can all empathize. Hang in there!

Now for random opinion - I say do it - you've already seen huge improvements from Noah and I have to think more of the same would really benefit him.

First off, there is never enough money. There will never be enough money. There isn't enough money in the world.

But there is a Noah, who has grown enormously from his experiences at camp and we can hope he will continue to grow enormously from the special school.

Seriously, you will never be anything but poor. I retired for a year and lived on $850 a month and felt no more poor than I do now, making close to $5,000 a month. It's just that now my whimsical purchases are things like new pillow top beds instead of a Snickers on the way through the checkout lane. So you may as well do what your heart and gut tell you. And we know what that is.

Dude, pay for the school. I mean, you're laying the foundation for Noah's future: preschool leads to elementary school, middle school, high school, ivy league college, etc. You want the kid who's someday going to be responsible for wiping your dementia-ridden ass to have the best start possible!

I think the right decision is to put him in the expensive school. There's a reason he's in morning public school and that there was a spot left in the private afternoon program. The system has screwed him over so much with discharging him from services, etc. Do whatever you can to help him out now so he won't suffer more later down the road.

I'm really glad you posted this.

I quit my job 3 months after baby cakes was born because my husband was graduating in January and was getting a job FOR SURE.

Here we are 9 months later with no job. And I pity myself EVERYDAY.

But. I still stand on top of my sugar coated soapbox that says: if you do what is best for your kid. It will work out.

Do it. Get him what he needs now. It will be so much better for him (and you) in the future.

I'm glad other commenters have said it, and I will agree. Please let us help! Your blog is a constant source of hilarity in my life. It would make me so happy to put a little bit towards Noah's education.

Okay. So. I debated posting this comment because it might seem self-serving as in, come check out my blog. It's not. I promise. I'm starting up this thing called THE GREAT EXPERIMENT where anyone with a blog can enter ($2 entry fee), write a post and at the end of month we vote on the best post and winner takes all the money in the pot. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. I started it a week ago and so far I've received $60. A lot of folks are just donating to the cause, not entering the contest. And I'm sure I don't have a quarter of your readership. The reason I started THE GREAT EXPERIMENT was to help people like you in situations like yours. Good karma for me! And to help bloggers with no readership connect. If I can raise $60 in less than a week you can certainly do better. Or if you're uncomfortable with that, enter THE GREAT EXPERIMENT. (I'll even waive your entry fee). Get all your readers to come vote for your post and you win! It may not be much but it's a start. What if we collect a thousand bucks next month? What if a thousand people donate a dollar? Wouldn't that blow your mind. Anyway, that's the whole point of THE GREAT EXPERIMENT. One blogger a month donates instead of buying a Starbucks and BLAMMO, someone wins some cash for a blog post.

http://www.thegirlwho.net/journal/2009/8/14/the-great-experiment-rules-regulations.html

I agree with the majority sentiment here. You'll make it work financially, and the earlier he gets the help he needs, the better it will be for him later. When I have tough decisions like this, it always comes down to envisioning the regret: If it were me in this situation, if I regretted sending him, it would be for a financial situation, which can always be fixed (though the fixing may not be comfortable, it can be done). If I regretted not sending him, it would be because he wasn't thriving, and that can't necessarily be remedied like a run-up credit card can be.

I'm frustrated for you that you have to make this decision -- wouldn't it be nice if the public schools really did meet all kids needs? -- but it sounds like your heart (and your readers) are leading you to a choice.

Even hookers need grape jelly.

(And that is all I have to say. Because if there is one thing that little boy will never have to doubt, no matter WHAT you decide, is just how deep and endless and bottomless your love is for him, no matter what you decide to do. Because nobody can decide but you and Jason.)

My assvice is to beg, borrow and steal but send him to that school. I agree with the commenter who said you should set up a paypal account. I remember reading one blogger who equated a paypal account button with the tip jar for a street musician. That makes sense to me and is not offensive. I enjoy your writing immensely and wouldn't mind throwing a few dollars your way as a "tip" for the pleasure of being entertained -- especially when it's for such a worthwhile "cause."

Thanks for all the comments so far. They're really helping me sort through more things.

First, I took my PayPal button down this morning, while I was writing this. I felt like leaving it up was disingenuous. And you know what happens with shit like that. I know we shouldn't let haters win and blah blah blah...I'm tired of it. You guys aren't an ATM, I am spoiled selfish whoor, etc., the end.

I do have other trepidations about the school -- the $ isn't the only con. I do feel like we're getting the hard sell on it -- it's the agency's most expensive option, and I feel rushed and hurried into it.

It would also mean Noah would be in school ALL DAY, five days a week, mornings and afternoons. He's...little! He still takes a nap! It's silly, but I worry that it'll be too much for him, schedule-wise, and he won't really get everything from it that he needs, where maybe some private OT for shorter periods once or twice a week would be more effective.

I'm perfectly willing to go without carpet and disposals (those were, in hindsight, poorly chosen examples) and go back to work once Ez is a little older and pay off debts, but the emergency fund is a stickler. If we were to do this school and then Jason lost his job...oy. And I'm prone to MASSIVE ANXIETY problems about money. MASSIVE.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. So much to think about, GAH.

Right now you should go ahead, fill out the application and put down the deposit (with savings, credit cards, etc). Then go to the financial aid session and beg and plead for some help.

Commit for 1 year. 1 year you can do, right? Then re-assess after that period. Take it one step at a time. Things will work themselves out. Even a year will be of great benefit to him.

That'd be my advice.

All early childhood research indicates intensive early intervention is essential to put the child in the best possible position of success. The younger the child the better as their brain is still making neuro-connections. Most parents of special needs children carry some debt from time to time. Do it and go back to work if the amount of debt begins to bother you too much.

I agree with @Nancy. So much so, in fact, that I'm going to re-say what she already said:

NO AMOUNT OF MONEY SPENT ON AN APPROPRITE EDUCATION FOR YOUR CHILD IS EVER POORLY SPENT.

Sorry for yelling. @Nancy is so right that it needs to be yelled.

Also, @Noelle, Amy works already. She does not do all her writing here, at Mamapop and at AlphaMom for free. She already brings in a paycheck! The expenses of WOH again would most likely negate any kind of income increase a ft/WOH job would entail.

Anyway, Amy -- DO IT. Sack up, slash the budget and enroll him. You may regret that you don't 'have more money,' but you will never regret the benefits this program might provide your child.

Also, I can't contribute to the cause (see above: 'slash the budget,' but for different reasons) but I definitely support a 'donate' button.

I agree with Judy above. There will never be enough money for everything you want/need in this life. Remember that haunting D.H Lawrence story, the "Rocking Horse Winner", where that poor little boy is rocking on his horse trying to get to the finish line and win, because the house is whispering to him, "There must be more money!" Oh, that story has always haunted me, because that's how i felt as a kid.

I was sent to a fancy high school, given all kinds of private lessons, and my parents paid my college tuition in full. Same with my brother. BUT...they never let us forget it. We were always made very aware of the money they had spent on us. My mom would call me and remind me not to skip college classes, because every class i skipped was X amount of "her money" down the drain. I went to classes with mononucleosis and a broken back (not at the same time) rather than skip.

My brother, before he died, was trying to actually "pay back" our parents, in dribs and drabs, for his high school and college tuition. Three months before he died, he took out a life insurance policy, with my mother as the beneficiary, for the exact amount he figured he owed them. And then he died. Suspicious circumstances.

So....what i am babbling about here is, I will move heaven and earth to do all I can for my kids. I personally would put my kid in an expensive school if it was exactly what he needed to shine and grow and live long and prosper and all that.

My only caveat is, don't talk about the money around Noah. Please. Do NOT ever mention around him how expensive the school is, or talk about the corners you are cutting to send him there, because believe me, kids understand. They absorb. And they will feel guilty. Kids don't ask to be born, they don't ask for diapers and formula and schools and all the other things we need to give them. They don't ask to have special needs that require intervention.

Tough, tough choice. If it was waaayyyy too expensive, you could shrug and say 'oh well'. If it was cheaper you wouldn't be worrying about it. But here you are, right on the teetering edge of can-we-swing-it. Good luck with your choice, is all I have to say. I'm sure you'll do the right thing. What are the school's policies on withdrawl? I know you'd probably lose your deposit, but how many months is the penalty? Could you go until Christmas and then see what you think?

I don't know about you, but I get these blank checks in the mail from my credit card company about twice a month? If I were you, I would load those babies up in a heartbeat. If you can, keep your 3-months of savings and pay the interest on credit.

Money can be made. You have your whole life to make money, and you can start making Noah pay you back once he's a little bigger. (KIDDING!)

Also, open up that Pay Pal link. Seriously. We are all itching to pay something forward here, and I just watched 10 comments pop up on this post in the time it took me to browse the rest of the page. THE GOOD KARMA YOU'VE UNKNOWINGLY BUILT UP IS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR -- SO OPEN UP AND LET IT IN!!!!

Go for it. His teachers at the camp know they can help him. That last spot may have been a sign. The money will be worth it.

And I missed you posting yesterday, but I'm not like, irrationaly angry or anything! :) Just glad to hear from you today.

I agree with the PayPal idea and the Jason delivering pizzas idea and the send Noah to school and figure it out as you go idea. As if my opinion really matters (and it doesn't. It really really doesn't).

We all know that none of this is easy for you guys, just as all things that matter in life aren't easy. Ultimately, you'll do the right thing, all of our voices be damned and Noah will be the better for it. You're a great mother. Jason is a great father. Trust your gut.

My gut says DO IT!! how can you not?

My gut is VERRRY smart.. I would trust it! :)

Since we're always living a hand's breadth from disaster at my house (except now, when there's no hand's breadth between us and disaster at all -- my husband's GAship that usually pays 10 months starting in August is now paying 9 months starting in September and I have BILLS, y'all), I'm probably not the best advice-giver when it comes to finances. But I can also state categorically that living a hand's breadth from disaster is actually pretty livable, especially when you're doing it because you're investing in someone's education (in our case, it's grad school for the two grown-ups). Also, as the daughter of an audiologist, I spend a lot of time hearing about the vital importance of regular, consistent therapy; whether it's speech, language, OT, whatever is needed, having it as regularly (and as frequently) as is recommended is worth the expenditure. Ultimately the decision is yours, and you know ALL the particulars (including the size of the hand whose breadth will be between you and disaster), but if the OT camp was really effective for him ... well, you get the idea.

Please, please, please let your readers help. I'd be happy to make a donation via Paypal. I had a baby in April, and Zero to Forty, Bounce Back, and your blog have been just as valuable to me (and infinitely more entertaining) than the gazillion pregnancy/new mommy books and magazines I've wasted money on.
P.S. I also checked way too many times to count yesterday for a new post.

Oh, Amalah, what an anguishing situation. I don't have any great advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. Thanks for sharing this with us.

I agree with those who have said this totally has to be YOUR decision. Is there an unbiased professional who could help you navigate whether or not Noah absolutely needs that afternoon spot or if your former plan might work?
(((HUGS))) These are the kinds of difficult in the heart decisions that make it so hard to sleep at night.

So, I have one child who is special needs (similar though different from Noah) and a baby, and I totally know where you're coming from.
However, last year when Matt was going into jk I was sourcing schools, and found one that I almost sent him to. The problem was cost. It is ridiculously expensive. Prohibitively so.
I went to see the public school and I met Matt's future teacher. I knew from the minute I met her that she understood my child and she was willing to help him - and us.
For us that decision worked out really really well. The teacher he was assigned is a gift from heaven. really - she was trained in ADHD (part of matt's issues) and has made an incredible difference in his life. He has her for SK as well. So, the decision to keep him at this school for another year is all about the teacher.
Added to that is the fact that she works with the special needs team, and I feel that at this point he is getting the best help possible.
But, the truth is I trusted my instincts and knew the minute I met his teacher that things would work out.
So, my long-winded point is trust your instinct. In my case it's at our public school, but if this teacher were at the private school I would be re-mortgaging my house to have her.

Question! Does Noah have to go to both schools? Would the camp school be better for him right now or does he need to go to the other one to secure the IEP etc for later??

Children cost way more money than I think any of us are every prepared for.

There was a button, I saw the the button - put the button back.

I want to help, that's all.

I agree with so many others: If you have seen big progress this summer, and you don't seize this opportunity, you will always wonder, 'what if'?

I didn’t finish reading all the comments, but I 100th the sentiment of doing whatever it takes to send Noah to the private preschool. In 5 years you will never feel guilty for not replacing the basement carpet or the garbage disposal, but you will feel guilty if you think Noah could have been better off with the services he gets in that school. Being poor sucks, but feeling like a bad mom sucks worse. (Not saying that you would BE a bad mom if you don’t choose the school, just that you might feel like one.)

Also, the paypal account is not a bad idea. As far as I know, my son (14 months) has no special needs, but I’m still setting up a “Send Cash to Preschool” fund for family to contribute to at Christmas, birthdays, etc. Preschool is expensive, and we will need help paying for it when the time comes. If other people want to help, let them.

I say do it too. Noah needs it and now is when the most benefit will happen. I got a couple of bucks I can donate too.

Only whoors own a Wii!! (I own a Wii)