The Rise & Fall of the Boob Civilization
August 20, 2009
AND THEN, on top of everything else, the baby weaned.
It's been a long time coming. It's been a long time happening. It ended this morning, officially, when I finally realized that it is time to stop trying for that Last Chance Nursing Session, Come On, Really? You're Really Done Here? No, You're Not, Take It. TAAAAKE IT.
Yes, it is time to stop doing that. Better now than in kindergarten, when it just gets hella awkward.
The weaning started with a biting phase. A biting phase that started the day he sprouted fangs teeth and ended, oh, THIS MORNING. The biting was unlike anything the books and websites described, and there was no solution offered that ever worked, other than yank 'em off and glare at him tiredly. (My favorite "solution" that I read about involved wagging your finger and sternly saying "No biting!," which never failed to make the little sociopath crack the hell up.) During the worst of it, I got so sick of being bitten -- and bitten HARD -- and so tired of spending every nursing moment clenched up in anticipation of the biting, with my fingers poised for a rapid de-latching that I started giving him a bottle of formula mid-day, just so I could have a break, relax and uncurl my toes. I tried pumping to replace the feeding but found that after the early months of being a veritable milk machine, I could not produce a single drop via the pump.
One bottle eventually turned into two bottles. His appetite for solids ramped up to a level I could not believe. He was slow-ish to sit up and roll over and crawl but when it came to anything food or eating-related he was an off-the-charts prodigy. Fruits, vegetables, meats, finger foods, real foods, sippy cups. He loved it all, and he wanted more. He ate and ate and ate and nursing slowly became relegated to a comfort-only thing. In the morning, before naps, before bed. Sometimes he'd still demand a bottle afterward. My period came back. My supply plummeted, he bit me and pull away in frustration, he was distracted and twisty and kicked me in the c-section scar and I would lie in bed nursing while he stood up, sticking his butt in the air, as if he hoped to walk off with my boob to someplace more interesting. I knew that if I simply stopped offering, he would not notice.
And yet, I could not, would not wean him. I don't know why. I was talking to some other mothers this weekend -- some still nursing, others who had weaned -- about how I knew Ezra was weaning but I couldn't seem to stop trying to get him to nurse one more time, just a little bit, in hopes that it was just a phase. I told them about the biting and the flailing and I saw the looks on their faces and I finally had one of those moments where a hologram of myself floated out of my body to slap me across the face and say ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF?
And then I went home and tried to nurse him before bed once again.
Perhaps it's because I believed the websites that went on and on about how "highly unusual" it is for a baby to wean before 12 months, and oh, THIS: "when a mother says that her baby self-weaned before a year, there is a chance that she interpreted a normal developmental stage (perhaps combined with her own wishes) as baby's wish to wean." I'll tell you what, this sentence made me vaguely stabby while I was still nursing, and it's not looking any better to me now. You lying liar! You tell lies to make yourself feel better! You lie to cover up your -- gasp! -- OWN WISHES!
My wishes were to nurse for at least a year. At least. Probably longer. Though if you asked me I'd say that I wanted to nurse according to Ezra's wishes, until he didn't want to nurse anymore, within reason. It simply never occurred to me that his wishes could or would be different than mine. Oh, self.
And so I told myself that Ezra wasn't weaning, that the biting was a phase, the distraction was a phase, and all I had to do was hang on for just a little while longer, we could get back to enjoying breastfeeding again. Like we used to. Since I wasn't so sure I enjoyed it now.
I debated leaving him home during BlogHer. To just wean him then and be done with it. But then the thought of coming home and having him turn towards me expectantly and having nothing to give HURT MY SOUL and I packed him up and carted him (and a package of formula) to Chicago.
I debated it again, over our anniversary. And I still couldn't do it and dutifully returned to the hotel room several times a day to pump.
I came home with completely empty breastmilk containers and a baby who did not turn towards me expectantly. I pulled him into our rocking chair and he settled into my arms and sighed and...sucked his thumb. And fell asleep.
That probably should have been it, but I just couldn't...stop. I could occasionally get him to latch for a few minutes and I could hear him swallow and I would think that oh! No! I better stick with it! Just in case! We can do this! We can make it to a year! Two more months, dude. Give me two more months and a nice solid round number and then you can have all the Red Bulls and Coke Zero you want, I swear.
It finally dawned on me a few days ago that Ezra is not just weaning from me. He is weaning from bottles. Also a "highly unusual" thing for a baby under 12 months to do. But he's just not that into them. A few ounces here and there and then he wants to crawl away, leave multiple ounces of liquid money behind to fester in a bottle kicked under the couch. This has possibly unnerved me even more, because kid: I know you have the appetite of a five-year-old and the palate of a 35-year-old, but you still have the nutritional needs of a 10-month-old and YOU NEED YOUR MILKS. Baby cannot live by turkey-sausage-with-kale fettuccine alone! Your...brain! It needs the...DHA and...uh...ARA and whatever!
A few months ago he'd only take a bottle if I wasn't in the house. Now he'll drink formula out of a sippy cup with his meals, and take a bottle only when he's tired. He wants to walk and explore more than anything in the world, and he doesn't want to nurse. He will, if I insist, but I need to stop insisting, to stop waiting for him to make it even MORE CLEAR that he is done, and just accept that he is done.
So. Okay. I will change my Twitter picture and pack away the nursing bras that I haven't worn in ages anyway and the pump that doesn't work for me anymore and I will talk about breastfeeding in the past tense. I am not a nursing mother anymore.
***
When we moved from the city to the suburbs, I was sad. But I didn't miss the three flights of stairs to our condo and the one bathroom and the tiny kitchen and the roaches and the horrible old windows and the street parking and the tickets and the terrible supermarket that never had anything fresh and how you had to drive 20 minutes to get to a gas station that charged less than $5 a gallon.
But the worst moment was at the DMV, when they asked for my DC license back so they could issue me my new one, my non-DC, boring old giant nondescript state one. A state that I felt no connection to, while that DC license was more than an ID. It was an identity. My identity as a city person. In that moment, it didn't matter about all the less-than-awesome things I no longer had to deal with. My life in the city became glorious and idealized, the best years of my life, a time I still look back on and rhapsodize about how perfect it was and how much I miss it.
***
Dear Ezra,
Thank you for 10 of the most perfect, healing, powerful and lovely months I've ever known. I will always cherish them, and you.
Love,
MamawhoissoembarrassingOMG
Good on ya! I'm glad you had an awesome experience. :)
Posted by: Kellie | August 20, 2009 at 04:09 PM
I definitely identify. My girl is almost 10 months old and we've been going through much of the same (she LOVES solids, is way distractable, is biting). I spend all our nursing time bracing myself against the couch in case she bites me. I have been urged from all sides to just QUIT...but I don't know how or if I can. Sigh!! Thanks for the story, at least.
Jessie
Posted by: Vanderbilt Wife | August 20, 2009 at 04:12 PM
"as if he hoped to walk off with my boob to someplace more interesting." Now that's some imagery for ya!
I love the tone of this post. The perfect balance between I wish it was different and I am happy with how it turned out. That's generally my attitude toward any change and it's refreshing to see that reflected in a post about motherhood. Thanks for that.
Posted by: Jill | August 20, 2009 at 04:14 PM
A little sad and a lot Hilarious!
Posted by: Shannon | August 20, 2009 at 04:14 PM
I sincerely adore you. You are so honest and funny. I'm sorry he is ready to wean off of any- and everything that resembles a nipple, although yay!-he loves solid food and sippy cups! It breaks my heart when they don't want to be a baby anymore, even though they clearly *are*, and then it's too late....sigh.
Posted by: Danielle-lee | August 20, 2009 at 04:18 PM
At seven months I could no longer pump another drop. I had never been a huge success at pumping but suddenly there was not a drop to be found. He didn't completely wean until 12 months but we pretty much skipped the bottles and went straight to the sippy cup.
Job well done. Now have a margarita!
Posted by: Laurie | August 20, 2009 at 04:24 PM
How bittersweet for you! The license comparison is a GREAT one! I felt the same way when the lady at the Alabama DMV took my NYC license and punched holes all over it. Kudos to you for nursing for so long!
Posted by: Jen L. | August 20, 2009 at 04:25 PM
Your Ezra and my Kara share a birthday. She does the standing while I'm nursing her too. On my lap. On the couch. On the bed. She's a funny thing.
She's also never met a food she didn't like. Except baby food. No pureed anything, please pass the ribs.
My heart is a teeny bit broken for you because I would be so sad if Kiki stopped nursing. She's my absolutely for sure last baby. I'm so not ready for her to grow up.
Posted by: Kristen McD | August 20, 2009 at 04:25 PM
I'm so proud of you (for whatever that's worth).
Posted by: marcoda | August 20, 2009 at 04:26 PM
Sorry Ez is growing up on ya so fast. Cooper weaned himself at 7 months, partially because he had the flu and couldn't breath through his nose and was tired. I tried clearing out his nose, but he still refused the boob and instead hollered until he spotted a bottle, which he greedily gulped down. I tried over the next couple days as he recovered from his illness, but he still refused to nurse. Broke my heart, but at least it wasn't the other way around because I think I would've felt worse if I was weaning or needed to wean when he wasn't ready.
Cooper also took to a sippy cup well before a year old. I think he was about 8 months old when he started using the soft Nuby cups. He was refusing bottles at around 10 or 11 months. And while that might seem a little unusual, I don't think it's *highly* unusual, particularly when the baby has a cool older sibling to emulate.
Meanwhile, big back-hugs and cabbage leaves while you transition.
Posted by: Wineplz | August 20, 2009 at 04:26 PM
Aww. Dude. I get it. I am nursing my 4 month old, and just last month I realized that breastfeeding had turned from "Eh, whatever, it's cheaper than formula" into "OMG BONDING DON'T EVER STOP AAAAH!" And now that I'm back to work and she's in daycare, I just can't pump enough to avoid supplementing and there are supply issues and convenience issues and IT IS SO TOUGH. So, I get it. Hugs.
Posted by: jive turkey | August 20, 2009 at 04:30 PM
I loved this post.
I had such a rocky start to nursing my son but was able to do so until he was 15 months- the last two of which were exactly as you described. He was ready to move on- mama was not (and OUCH BABY FANG BREATH could bite).
Posted by: rkmama | August 20, 2009 at 04:35 PM
My son is 15 months and still nursing but there was a point at about 11 months where I could have stopped offering and he would have stopped nursing but I couldn't do it. It was partly the nutrition aspect but also just me and my sadness if it was over. We held on with A LOT of nudging (pushing) on my part. I think 10 months is wonderful! You did what you said you wanted to do...what is 2 months anyway? By the way, my son was a solid food and sippy cup prodigy too who stopped taking a bottle (at the babysitters) and would have weaned around 11 months had it not been for my pushing so it's not all that uncommon.
Again, congrats on 10 months! That is quite the accomplishment when some people start formula in the hospital just because they don't want to be inconvenienced (I know there are other reasons too). It deserves congratulations!
Posted by: Jackie | August 20, 2009 at 04:37 PM
I am most sad about the change in your Twitter picture. I love that picture.
My son weaned at 10 months and my doctor told me it was okay at than point to give him cows milk. So I did. I'm not telling you to do that, but if formula ins't his thing anymore, maybe ask your doctor about cows milk. It a heck of a lot cheaper and you won't feel nearly as bad about finding it under the couch.
In case you missed it, I love your Twitter picture and will be sad to see it gone.
Posted by: Starbuck | August 20, 2009 at 04:43 PM
Okay, so. I'm *thinkthinkthink* 25w5d pregnant, and all I can think about is BREAST FEEDING and OMG BOOBZ (with a dash of CLOTH DIAPERS! thrown in) because I'm... err... not what you'd call "stacked" and it makes me not-a-little-bit-nervous that I won't be able to do this thing. I want what you've had, the Nursing Mother experience. But I'm already sad for what you have now, the Weaned Mother experience.
I'm sorry you're sad. Glad Ez is so awesome, though. (HE'S SO AWESOME!) Thanks for sharing with us.
Posted by: Amanda | August 20, 2009 at 04:47 PM
Awww, what an honest post! It's so interesting to watch you go through this, I'm learning so much from your experiences.
I think Ezra should be thanking you too :)
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | August 20, 2009 at 04:48 PM
Big hugs to you Amy, and well done on the 10 months of nursing! But don't feel bad about the pumping - I got lazy about doing it and now at nearly 6 months, even though I am still EBF'ing, I can barely pump an ounce a day. The body makes just enough for the baby and no more. :-( Guess that means when I run out of freezer milk - no more 'girl's night out' for a while!!! Anyway, once again WELL DONE on bf'ing Ezra, and you should be very proud of your amazing, food guzzling, little boy.
Posted by: Stacy | August 20, 2009 at 04:49 PM
Starbuck - Noah switched to cow's milk at 10 months too, with the blessing of our old (awesome, miss him so much) pediatrician. Our new doctor is not so laid back about the eating thing, but hey, I already lied to her about when Ez started eating meats and yogurt/cheese/eggs, so why stop now?
Posted by: Amalah | August 20, 2009 at 04:51 PM
we weaned in much the same way with my 2nd. although, he did do me the the courtesy of waiting until 12mo +1 week. the biting was what finally ended it for me... i was so afraid i would have to walk into the ER, nipple in hand, and have to explain why i just offered the boob one more time...
Posted by: MommyNamedApril | August 20, 2009 at 04:54 PM
I ate off the boob till I was two. I was, like, TALKING, when I was weaned.
Posted by: Natballs | August 20, 2009 at 04:54 PM
No more reaching for the remote with your toes!
Posted by: betsy | August 20, 2009 at 04:55 PM
Crying while I read this.. Oh it breaks my heart. Probably because I think I am going through the same thing right now.. I'm just not ready for formula.. :(
Posted by: Ryley | August 20, 2009 at 04:59 PM
I swear to any and all heavenly beings, our sons are TWINS - though Snackbox is 1 1/2 months younger than Ez, and mercifully fangless. I pumped like crazy at work until about a month ago when my boss got fired and I suddenly got wildy busy. My supply had been diminishing rapidly at that point anyway, so I decided to stop pumping and just nurse am and pm. Oh, it was so hard to go to formula, especially since I had been such a Lactivist when he was born, but he simply will not sit still for the boobies, except first thing in the morning when he's still sleep drunk. Last night he woke up at 1:30 and I cuddled him for a few minutes - he didn't even root for the boob I realized later.
I have to admit, though, that I'm kind of glad he weaned himself sooner rather than the day before kindergarten started... Love the photo!
Posted by: Susan | August 20, 2009 at 04:59 PM
Amanda - I'm a freaking AA cup. Lopsided too! If you have any specific questions or concerns or just want to compare how many Kleenex you shoved in your bra at prom, shoot me an email.
Posted by: Amalah | August 20, 2009 at 05:00 PM
I wasn't able to breastfeed, but The Boy also was off the bottle by, oh, 10 months. There was too much FOOD to eat. And, I'll be honest, I encouraged it because he was such a big baby, I was getting the stinkeye from people who thought I had a toddler still sucking on a bottle.
Posted by: Hillary | August 20, 2009 at 05:01 PM
There was one pediatrician in our old practice with whom we would just smile and nod whenever she started talking about what Scooter should be eating. It was just easier.
(And re: your tweet on photocopying--I sent 100 pages easily to the evaluation clinic last year. This year--because their grand conclusion last year was "Let's wait another year"--it was only 40 pages since they have the previous stack of evaluations but insisted we re-fill out the 20-page history. If they try to put us off another year, I'm making them plant a tree.)
Posted by: Mouse | August 20, 2009 at 05:06 PM
That picture is priceless!
But maybe you should pencil in there "Ezra DOESN'T like Hooters....cuz he's pretending to be all grown up and shit."
Posted by: Nel | August 20, 2009 at 05:09 PM
You are so awesome. You double checked he really meant it and you let him tell you he was done. And you BF'd for TEN MONTHS. You totally rock.
Posted by: liz | August 20, 2009 at 05:09 PM
Thank you for the clarification on the last post. My heart aches when I read/talk to people who aren't prepared financially because when it comes down to emergencies, you don't have a choice - the money has to be there.
We were very happy-go-lucky, dad at work, mom works from home people until my hubs was laid off. Seven months later he finally found another job (he works in your field, actually). That layoff drained everything, and we haven't recovered a year later. Luckily this was a big contract month for me, and the extra cash is there to cover shit like trees falling (UGH, NATURE).
I would suggest that at the very minimum, you find out what your home insurance and car insurance deductibles are and try to have those aside in a savings account you don't touch. It's not a lot of money, but it would be enough to cover most emergencies and give you peace of mind should a toilet break or there be a car accident, etc.
It's so wonderful that you guys have been able to find something that works for Noah. One of my nearly-three-year-olds in my preschool class has problems yet undiagnosed and today she called me "Miss" for the first time, instead of "Mama." It took two years. It's really the small things when you're desperately grasping for straws, isn't it?
Posted by: Mir | August 20, 2009 at 05:11 PM
E weaned at 10 months(was also a biter!!) and I had to force him to give up his bottle. Callum - I had to wean at 14 months for my own sanity and he went straight to a cup. To each their own.
And you did an awesome job.
Posted by: lindsayc | August 20, 2009 at 05:12 PM
My daughter self-weaned at 9 months, much to my dismay. My supply had already started going down and one day, she latched on, sucked, spit it out and stuck her thumb in her mouth. She is now 19 months old, and still has that thumb in her mouth. I was sad - I wanted to go to at least a year, as well, but it just wasn't to be.
God, I miss those daily Oxytocin hits...
Posted by: Wendy | August 20, 2009 at 05:20 PM
Your posts are always so timely for me. My son is 3 months younger than Ezra so what is current for you is on the horizon for me. Your posts help me to prepare myself! Sadly, I'm thinking of weaning off the boob soon too. I'm not ready yet, but he's starting to refusing the bottle and just chews on the sippy cup. He goes to daycare so has to take a bottle, so while he might not be ready to wean yet either, it's becoming necessary. Luckily I'm able to pump enough - for now - but the pump is such a cold MF-er. It doesn't hold my hand like my sweet baby does.
Posted by: MommiePie | August 20, 2009 at 05:36 PM
Oh, Amy, I feel ya. Sort of. I have a 4-month-old baby boy, and he's already getting big and squirmy and distracted when he nurses AND starting to sleep through the night. And, I know this is the beginning of the end of nursing(in several months, not now, I KNOW.)Oh, and it makes me so sad.
But, I like the commenter above who suggests you go have a margarita. Margaritas are fun ; )
Posted by: Susan | August 20, 2009 at 05:36 PM
You know, there are averages and there is "normal" and there is "highly unusual" and you can read forever about patterns in other people's kids. Then there is the individual baby right there in front of you who doesn't know about any of that. He just knows that he doesn't need that milk stuff any more.
My sister's son weaned at 10 months. He went through a biting phase first. He could pack away more pancakes at breakfast than any adult at the table. They call it child-led weaning for a reason, right?
When people talk to you about averages and "highly unusual", just tell them that you have an outlier.
Posted by: CJ | August 20, 2009 at 05:39 PM
My kid unceremoniously weaned at nine months. He was done. He was biting, I was yelping and he had just about enough of that thankyouverymuch. I tried to get him back, but it was not to be. I read all of those same lines, "highly unusual" and so on, and cried. Then, I dug my old, cute bras out of storage and realized that they don't fit anymore and cried some more.
I wish I had the perspective then, that you have now.
Posted by: Mama Bub | August 20, 2009 at 05:42 PM
I still think it is so wonderful that you had such a successful time breastfeeding Ez since it was an experience you had so hoped for! WELL DONE AMY! :) XO
Posted by: Trish | August 20, 2009 at 05:52 PM
Hey, if you're concerned about DHA and ARA, try Go Fish! by Dr. Sears--I stir half a teaspoon into Little Miss Kickboxer's cereal every morning because I'm all NOM NOM BRAAAAAAAAAINZZZZZ over here. You can get it on the innernets for ca $15 a bottle--much cheaper than formula and lasts longer.
Posted by: charlotte | August 20, 2009 at 05:54 PM
My firstborn weaned herself at 9 months and was also an early sippy cup user. We were even able to easily wean her from bottles at a year. Then my 2nd born came along and he nursed until I had enough at 19 months.
You did a great job Mama.
Posted by: Christine | August 20, 2009 at 05:55 PM
Haha I don't think you could have found a picture that fitted this post more perfectly.
Posted by: Emily | August 20, 2009 at 05:55 PM
My two boys both weaned themselves from the boob at right around nine months. They just didn't want to nurse anymore and you can't MAKE a baby nurse when they don't want to. So yeah... not everyone can make it to 12 months.
Sorry about your DC license too! Darn the DMV!
Posted by: Mimi O | August 20, 2009 at 06:00 PM
I went into pregnancy thinking that I wanted to breastfeed, but if it didn't work out (flat/inverted nipples) I would be okay with it. Then we had lots of difficulty with BF. He couldn't latch, I have big nips, etc...
We went from BF (failingly), to pumping a lot and supplementing, to pumping a little, to pumping not at all. I have had a hard time admitting that at 3 months my son is no longer getting Bmilk, but he is healthy and growing.
Reading your post helped me remember that we all have goals, but we don't all meet them. Thank you.
Posted by: Lady in a Smalltown | August 20, 2009 at 06:06 PM
My son self-weaned at 10 months, too. I had so hoped to make it to a year, but when he started doing the nursing-while-standing, butt-up-in-the-air thing, I had to admit defeat.
Which is a hard thing, but you did it with grace and humor (at least on the blog).
Now go have a glass of wine--or four.
Posted by: Emily M | August 20, 2009 at 06:10 PM
I love that picture.
Posted by: Jill | August 20, 2009 at 06:10 PM
I'd just like to know how you came to have a Hooters balloon in your house. ;-)
Perfect photo, beautiful post. Thanks for sharing, and ditto the above...MARGARITAS!
Posted by: Pinkie Bling | August 20, 2009 at 06:12 PM
Baby Boy stands up, I thought he was the only one. He also tries to walk off or at least swivel his head away from where I am sitting. It hurts kid, what do I have to do to prove it to ya?!
Ten Months is a fantastic number and its not you weaning him so stand tall and proud!
Oh and me too not a drop when pumping and only one boob seems to give anything!
Right enough about my breasts. I'm going to bed.
Posted by: Pippa | August 20, 2009 at 06:15 PM
I had a very similar experience but it was around the 6-7 month mark. I had so badly wanted to make it to a year (or beyond, who knows) but the pump just didn't work for me and one week with my older child in the hospital and me trying to maintain my supply by pumping just sabotaged everything. And I didn't love BF but some crazy impulse made me keep going and going until I had to face reality.
The drivers license analogy is perfect. I still look back at that time so fondly and am so glad I did it for as long as I did. I just wish I could relive it from time to time.
Posted by: lisa | August 20, 2009 at 06:21 PM
That photo is awesome :D
On the flip side, he could be like my little brother... He didn't wean until he was 3 and our other brother had started calling him "the booby sucker". Since he could talk, anytime he wanted to feed, public, private, the mall, the DMV, anywhere, he would run at her and yell, "I'm the booby sucker!"
Posted by: Grizzly Kitteh | August 20, 2009 at 06:28 PM
First, OMG the picture. So cute.
Second, I understand. I insisted going the entire 12 months because I was convinced it would be So Traumatic for my daughter. She would need therapy later in life because I weaned too soon. She didn't even notice when I stopped. I, on the other hand, was in need of therapy for a couple days. But now that I can drink caffeine until I get the shakes, I'm OK with it.
Posted by: Michelle | August 20, 2009 at 06:39 PM
Congratulations on ten months! I was devastated when I had to give up attempting to nurse at eight weeks. Despite pumping twelve times a day, taking medications and herbs to increase my supply, and performing voodoo, my milk NEVER came in. For me, it was never about bonding because from the beginning we had to use a pump (lazy suck/low supply/complications from diabetes). I hope it's different with my next child, and I'm glad I held out as long as I did.
Ultimately, I had to quit because it was interfering with bonding, and I had to do what was healthy for me, my child, and my marriage. It took a while for me to be proud of the eight weeks of hell that I was able to give my child breast milk. My son is happy, active, and healthy at five months and thinks formula and rice cereal are the shit even if I still bemoan my merely decorative breasts from time to time!
Well done and cherish those memories!
Posted by: Lee Anne | August 20, 2009 at 07:22 PM
great. you made me JUST realize that my baby has more than likely been attempting to wean herself as well. she wakes up once or twice a night (STILL! AT 7 MONTHS!) to nurse herself back to sleep, but i'm fairly certain were her bed in her own room and i could *remember* getting her out of her bed instead of sleepwalking her back to my own from across the room she probably wouldn't nurse at all... all night... what a concept. i nursed my son until he was 10 months old and oh my god, THE FAAAANGS THE FAAAAAAAANGS! she's just started getting the same way... NEVER took a bottle, NEVER. eff... do i need to go ask you a question at alpha mom, or what??!?
Posted by: SUPAHMAMA! | August 20, 2009 at 07:26 PM
Yay for happy breastfeeding relationships, so matter how long they last!
And thanks for the reminder--I've been wanting to write my weaning story for 3 months. Better do it before I forget the details. (Short version: My daughter wanted to wean on her third birthday. So that's what we did.)
How are you feeling? I had a HUGE hormone crash for a few days after she weaned and my hair fell out for a day or two just like it did after she was born. It was crazy. *I* was crazy.
Posted by: another Amy | August 20, 2009 at 07:33 PM
Wow. I am just in awe that you'll be able to look back at the exact time you stopped nursing.
I wish I had that with both of my kids.
Posted by: Miss Britt | August 20, 2009 at 08:14 PM
My son started abruptly stopped nursing during the day when he was 8 months old. I pumped like mad and tried *everything* to get him back to daytime nursing, partly because breastfeeding was absolute hell for me for so many weeks in the beginning- no way, we're not quitting NOW! I committed to at least one year and I MEANT IT. I scoured the Internet, I sobbed on the phone with La Leche, I talked to nursing friends, and everyone said the same thing: it is HIGHLY unusual for a baby under 12 months to self-wean. Just when you think you can't feel any shittier!
Shortly after he passed the 9 months mark, he started refusing his night nursing, too. I pumped for another week after that, and then I was dry. We were done.
If it wasn't self-weaning, I don't know what else to call it. He moved on and he's never looked back.
Posted by: Liz | August 20, 2009 at 08:15 PM
omg - that picture is too awesome for words. I was loving the post, feeling emotional for you, kept scrolling...and then burst into laughter at the picture. You rock.
Posted by: chris | August 20, 2009 at 08:43 PM
Oh, I remember the first time Sprite bit me while nursing. I had to check to make sure the nipple was still attached! Congrats on making it this long, Amy. So many have done this so much sooner. You did great and he's growing and solid and you made it all happen, with or without the boob. Huzzah to you!
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | August 20, 2009 at 08:52 PM
Oooh, I hear you! Our nursing days are numbered. I want my boobs back but I don't want to give up that special time with my girl. I love the time we have together, I love when she gazes into my eyes, I love the ease of it all. I don't want my baby girl to grow up. I still want my boobs back.
I'm ready to wean, I'm not ready to wean - it's a vicious cycle. What to do? What to do?
Good for you for making it 10 months! Damn those babies for growing and becoming all dependent.
Posted by: Karen | August 20, 2009 at 09:01 PM
This post was really poignant. And I know everything is relative, and you can't compare, but even though weaning at 10 months would have made me sad too, I think I would rather have done that than force my very unwilling 32 month (yes, 32 month) old to wean because we really wanted to get pregnant again. I was ready, and we needed to, but I so hated making him do it when it just made him cry and beg. With words, like the talking toddler he was. Ugh.
Posted by: Spring | August 20, 2009 at 09:12 PM
Thank you. Just...thank you.
Posted by: Christina | August 20, 2009 at 09:14 PM
I love, love, love your Twitter pic. It's made me smile since the day you put it up.
My 15 year-old weaned herself at 9 months. Seriously. We'd taught her to drink out of a sippy cup (god knows we didn't want the nipple confusion that all the books terrified us about.SNERK.) So she loved the cup. The last night I nursed her, she literally pushed my boob out of her face and reached for the cup sitting across the room.
I cried uncle and we were done. Of course, she has ADD, bunions and is a cheerleader. I'm sure none of that would've happened if duct taped my boob to her face for 12 months.
My next child? She nursed for 22 months and I was in danger of having to buy pachouli oil and get a "no nukes" bumper sticker. So I weaned her. She has ADD, bites her nails, but has the good sense to avoid cheerleading. So my guess is that extra boob time was worth it.
Posted by: Lisa V | August 20, 2009 at 09:16 PM
I passed this post along to my girlfriends specifically b/c of the picture of Ez at the bottom. Frickin' hilarious! Mouth open and everything. Thanks!
Posted by: Julie | August 20, 2009 at 09:17 PM
I had a friend with athletically gifted kids. Those kids were done at 11 months. Too interested in roaming around. Don't worry. I sense a daughter in your future. A baby one.
Posted by: LPC | August 20, 2009 at 09:34 PM
It is very hard once they start biting. I had to wean my daughter at 9 1/2 months when she clamped down in the middle of the night and would NOT let go! I had to scream to get her to stop! Eek. It is sad, but at the same time, such a relief not to be so stressed during every nursing session with worry that the baby is going to attack! :)
Posted by: Jen | August 20, 2009 at 09:37 PM
I'm in the same boat. Jack (who is also 10 months old) is nearly weaned, will NOT take a bottle and loves to eat. He also wants nothing to do with formula, and I'm out of my stash of pumped milk. I can't figure out how to eek out another couple of months when he has no interest. On a positive note, he ate pasta and broccoli in lemon cream sauce for dinner. It's nice to not have to blend all his food anymore.
Posted by: Andrea | August 20, 2009 at 09:45 PM
Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm a few months before where you are now. I have a 7 month old who I nursed exclusively for the first 6 months, but he didn't gain much weight from 4-6 months and was SUPER tiny. Happy and healthy, but tiny. Then all of a sudden, I don't know if my supply dropped or if he had a growth spurt I couldn't keep up with, but I didn't have enough and he was MAD about it. After weeks of constant nursing (like every hour or less), I finally started giving him bottles to supplement. (and what do you know, he started gaining weight!) So now he gets both, but he's definitely getting a bottle preference. He won't even finish my letdown anymore before he's pulled-off and is fussing for a bottle. I think if I didn't nurse him to sleep and in the middle of the night he'd be almost done. I'm SOOO not ready to wean, but I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for it. My daughter weaned right at a year because she bit me, I screamed, and that started a nursing strike that we never recovered from. I was so depressed for about a week, wonky hormones but also I was just SAD and feeling so rejected. I don't want to go through that again, but it's looking like I might. Right now I'm just chasing him around with my nipple saying, "Don't forget about Mommy!" I am comforted, though, that pretty soon after I weaned my daughter I got over it and the thought of it kinda seemed weird and it totally makes no difference in my relationship with her now. (she's 2.5) So I know it'll be ok, and it will for you, too. Thanks so much for writing this.
Posted by: Emily | August 20, 2009 at 10:14 PM
both of my children weaned themselves just before my goal of 12 months. my daughter was at 11.5 months (little wench) and my son at 10.5 months. neither bite, thankfully. it was really rewarding for me to have gone as long as i did - more than any of my girlfriends. so i felt powerful. as you should feel as well. :) it's all good, sister!
(p.s. i can't remember how i found you but i am so glad i did. i can relate. i have been reading for a little bit of time now and don't remember ever commenting. i am so sorry for that! thank you for writing.)
Posted by: emily | August 20, 2009 at 10:37 PM
"No biting!" never did anything but make mine laugh too. with glee. At 22 months he is still very into nursing, and I've found the best response to the (very occasional) bite is the warning "Biters don't nurse!"
Posted by: mallory | August 20, 2009 at 10:50 PM
Thank you for describing my last nursing months... though I managed to take it to 16 months, the last 4 months were just plain torturous!!!
And, just like Ezra, my little eating machine would NOT take a bottle... tried EVERY MODEL IN THE MARKET, Brazilian, American, British, and International... NOTHING! Until one, day, as if by miracle, about 7 days after breastfeeding for the last time, she latched onto a bottle and decided it was the coolest thing ever in the world! I can only imagine how it will suck when time comes to take THAT away from her!
Posted by: Mariana Perri | August 20, 2009 at 11:05 PM
My daughter just turned 10 months a few days ago and she weaned herself a few weeks ago. Just like you, I had planned on breastfeeding her until at least a year and just like Ezra she had started to nurse standing up, waving her butt in the air, while attached to my boob. I was SHOCKED that she would stop nursing so young as my son happily nursed until his first birthday but she was obviously sooooo done. I'm glad to see that my little one isn't the only early weaner out there!
Posted by: Marilyn (MBels) | August 20, 2009 at 11:31 PM
My ten-month-old daughter just recently weaned herself too. And just before she finally stopped nursing she had started to breastfeed standing on my lap waving her butt in the air while attached to my boob at the other end! Not exactly cozy baby-mama time. It's nice to know that my baby isn't the only one not abiding by the "rule-books".
Posted by: Marilyn (MBels) | August 20, 2009 at 11:41 PM
I managed to nurse both my boys until 2 and a half and I still consider it my greatest mothering accomplishment. (Dork!) It's a physical memory like no other. I say that here 'cause nobody else ever wanted to hear about it. Glad it went so well for you, Amy!
Posted by: Cincy | August 20, 2009 at 11:51 PM
Oh, Amy. Give yourself a PARTY! You deserve it. Congrats on 10 months. You did good...just look at that healthy, beautiful baby boy!
Now I'm wondering when I'm going to get the memo from my 10 month old....
Posted by: Heather | August 21, 2009 at 12:23 AM
OMG. I was all teary and then I saw the picture and coffee nearly came out my nose.
Thank you for letting me express the range of my emotions.
Bless.
Posted by: JChevais | August 21, 2009 at 04:14 AM
Oh... The Biting...
My baby used to wake up at ungodly hours so I would pull her into bed and use the Magic Boob of Sleep to get another hour or so of shut-eye.
Then she grew fangs. She got into the habit of latching on nicely, letting me fall asleep, then, just when I relaxed she would CHOMP down hard on my poor breast.
Oh yeah... The Biting. It caused The Weaning in our home too. I feel for you. I never wanted to stop either...
Posted by: Jessica (@It's my life...) | August 21, 2009 at 07:59 AM
My youngest (of 4) stopped nursing at 9 months. He was a biter and liked the sippy cup. In fact, he never took a bottle. Not once. Bad mom that I am (and also completely overwhelmed at the time with 4 boys 5 and under plus a move) I gave him a cup of whole milk and called it a day. I repeat, AT NINE MONTHS. He also was a fabulous eater of solids although not a fan of baby food. The good news? He's now a very healthy nine year old. I too was sad to end my nursing career but so glad to finally unclench my toes.
Posted by: heidi | August 21, 2009 at 08:01 AM
Beautiful post, Amy! Brings back memories of my first who was also a great eater:o) We started him on whole cows milk at ten months as he was never on formula and then started weaning from the breast. I say just give him cows milk from a sippy and be done with it! sad I know but if he's not attached to the bottle anyway, save your self the money and the weaning from bottle later:o)
All this coming from a mother of a younger 7 month old who WILL NOT EAT ANY solid foods at all - I think I may be breastfeeding forever:O( And, get this, I never did introduce a bottle because my oldest only took it for 6 weeks and then refused it - I was tired of battling with him. So this time I was all like ... well by 5 months she'll be eating solids and I'll be able to get away for HOURS at a time ... ha ha ha ...sigh;o)
Glad you enjoyed your nursing relationship - it is so sad / yet joyful to see them growing up:o)
Posted by: Angela | August 21, 2009 at 08:17 AM
I think is the first time I've ever left a comment :)
My son also weaned himself before he was 12 months old - he just wasn't interested and loved his solids and sippy cup. I didn't realize this was such a rare thing.
Glad you had such a wonderful experience this time around.
Posted by: Kelly | August 21, 2009 at 08:23 AM
Is that stabby quote from Dr. Sears? He got on my bad side with this one:
'High-Risk Pregnancy: We prefer the term "high-responsibility" pregnancy.'
Yeah, okay, bite me.
Posted by: Catherine | August 21, 2009 at 08:59 AM
as always, thanks for your honesty.
i say the same b/c some people are a little astounded that i'm nursing my 13mo... "i'll stop when she's ready to stop".
however, i now have vacation plans in the works down the road, so i've cut back from 4 to 3 nursing sessions.
GOD how i wish she were as voracious of an eater as Ezra.
b/c this feeding thing is HARD.
i long for the days when she wasn't yet 6mo and it was SO EASY to give her food. just pull down my bra.
i think only now i'm realizing i'll miss holding her on the boppy and playing with her.
and she has a smile she gives me that i think only i could see from that vantage point.
i KNOW i'll miss that!
funny, i never really thought i'd care.
it'll be much easier for me when she decides to show me some signs....
Posted by: mpotter | August 21, 2009 at 09:37 AM
Why does this letting go crap have to happen so soon?! I get it--and I'm sad along with you.
I'm still breastfeeding my 6 month old and it breaks my heart to think of weaning him EVER, let alone in a few months.
Thanks for sharing what you're going through to help prepare those of us who will be doing the same soon. Hang in there!
Posted by: Lindsay | August 21, 2009 at 10:13 AM
My nursing experience with my first child (now 9 mos. old) was very much like yours with Noah, and it was very therapeutic for me to be able to read your Noah breastfeeding entries and know that I wasn't alone (my son weaned the day he turned 3 mos.), but it's also been really important for me to read about your nursing success with Ezra, to know that things might be different if/when I have a second baby. Congratulations on the ten months of nursing you and Ezra shared, and good luck on this next phase you're entering together!
Posted by: Danielle | August 21, 2009 at 10:40 AM
You'll get some of that feeling back when he's 10 and let's you hug him in public. You don't believe me, I know, but you will...
Posted by: Plano Mom | August 21, 2009 at 10:48 AM
I just had to wean for medical reasons abruptly on Sunday, no notice. I'm so sad.
Hope you're feeling better soon.
Posted by: Heidi | August 21, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Great post. I had intentions of breastfeeding for at least a year as well and between a business trip and a sudden reluctance on the part of my poops to put out for the pump, I was done at 6 months. My little guy is also a big fan of the solids and didn't seem to miss the breast feeding at all. Traitor.
Also, if you figure out how to get a baby to stop biting, please post, my kid is part piranha these days and NOTHING the books say to do seems to help.
Posted by: Monkey | August 21, 2009 at 11:10 AM
My first son, Zachary, now 4, was weaned at 7 months. I just couldn't pump enough anymore for him to take to daycare, and DEFINITELY not for me to go and actually DO anything for myself. I was so overwhelmed, and no one ever said, "hey! Just supplement a little!" that I just couldn't do it anymore. I quit on him, cold turkey. And he didn't bat an eyelash. Sigh. I regretted it for the last three and a half years. Now with baby boy 2 (now 4 months today!) I am nursing and trying to pump and be better, and am OK with the supplementing idea... except he WILL-NOT-TAKE-FORMULA-WHAT-IS-THIS-IT-IS-NOT-BREASTMILK-AHHHHGGG!!! We are going to try the slowly mixing it in thing, but for right now, I dread the idea of being forced to quit early again. However, I also am so happy to hear of a story like yours, Amy, because it reminds me that the baby has a HUGE part in this, and whatever happens... happens. And it will be O.K.
P.S. No one can look at that beautiful baby and say that weaning at 10 months was detrimental. Christ! He eats F-ing EVERYTHING and is huge and adorable!
Posted by: Kari Weber | August 21, 2009 at 11:16 AM
I was a reluctant nursing mom the first time around, but ended up nursing both kids for 9-10 months apiece. I had a REALLY hard time letting go the second time. Probably because I knew it was the last time, and because I knew how fast they go from tiny nursing infant to giant walking toddler. But there's nothing we can do to stop that. Time marches, and all that.
But look what a healthy and cute baby Ezra is. You done good. :)
Posted by: Rebecca (Bearca) | August 21, 2009 at 11:33 AM
The comment before mine makes me giggle because "STILL! AT 7 MONTHS!" waking up once, hahahah! My child is 23.5 months old and STILL! WAKES UP AT LEAST TWICE A NIGHT! Oh dear.
Anyway, we're still happily nursing, just about to meet my goal of two years nursing, and the idea of letting it go brings tears to my eyes. I'm not ready, which is excellent since he's not close to being ready to let go of the boob. I hate the idea of not nursing anymore... it's just SO EASY. And I am through and through addicted to the hormonal rush it gives me in order to fall asleep at night... I'm not sure what I'm going to do when he stop altogether. Eee.
Posted by: Gillian | August 21, 2009 at 11:41 AM
I am printing this out and carrying it around in my purse, in anticipation of that terrible, horrible, and liberating day I realize my baby is D.U.N - done. A day, I fear, is in the not-so-distant future :-( As always, Amy, you manage to bring humor and levity to the situation.
Your.Blog.Rocks.
Posted by: Elyse | August 21, 2009 at 12:12 PM
Ten months is awesome! And he sure looks like he's doing juuuuuust fine. Am loving the ballloon!
Posted by: Suzy Voices | August 21, 2009 at 12:24 PM
You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/08/five-star-fridays-edition-67.html
Posted by: schmutzie | August 21, 2009 at 01:30 PM
The title of this post is so great, so hilarious and clever and witty. I love your writing! And way to go on nursing him for 10 months.
Posted by: kellyannecat | August 21, 2009 at 01:46 PM
Could you have found a more perfect photo to accompany this post?
As always, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it.
Posted by: Austin | August 21, 2009 at 01:54 PM
AWESOME job on making it 10 months! Amazing in my book. And it truly does sound like he's ready. And he is a total doll-baby :)
Posted by: Lisa | August 21, 2009 at 02:49 PM
Wonderful post, we're headed that way ourselves and I'm just not ready, either.
Posted by: Willow Wright | August 21, 2009 at 03:00 PM
That is the best picture ever in the whole wide world!
Posted by: Sarahd | August 21, 2009 at 03:02 PM
I just wanted to take a second to say thank you. I really enjoy reading your stuff. I'm all take take take. Please consider this a little give!
Posted by: jennifer | August 21, 2009 at 03:13 PM
for us, veronica didn't sleep through the night until i weaned at 13 months...and it was just plenty. Teeth, twisting, awkwardness of all sorts. She was DONE. Or you could be like this mom (this is just for a larf if you need one)
http://www.snarkygossip.com/2007/07/18/sick-puppy-of-the-day-breastfeeding-an-eight-year-old/
Posted by: gizella | August 21, 2009 at 03:18 PM
I weaned my older son at 11 months. I was really sad about the whole thing. He totally didn't care. I got pregnant with my youngest that very same month. Oops!
Posted by: Leah | August 21, 2009 at 03:44 PM
Happybellies makes organic oatmeal (and rice cereal and multigrain cereal) with DHA and ARA in it. I haven't been able to find it in the stores, I buy it by the case off amazon. It might be a good addition to some of his foods to get more of that stuff, if you think he's not getting enough formula.
Posted by: ElizabethZ | August 21, 2009 at 04:46 PM
So funny. And sweet. And just sigh. I hate when they are growing up and you're not ready for it. (Unlike when you REALLY ARE READY FOR IT, like during potty training.) One of mine weaned before 12 months too. It was hard to let go.
Posted by: Sue @ My Party of 6 | August 21, 2009 at 05:05 PM
Claire is about a week older than Ez and we are having the same fight. She never asks to nurse, I keep offering and trying to focus her from squirming away...I've been on a biz trip for two days and she has refused a bottle (both BM and formula) while I've been gone.
I think she's just done but I keep wanting to hold on. And that literature about babies never weaning before a year? I hate that shit. LIES!
Posted by: A'Dell | August 21, 2009 at 05:09 PM