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Ball Popping Pills

I should really know by now that the best way to fuck shit up is to put said shit in the form of a declarative sentence.

Scene: Like, Yesterday

Amy: You know? I NEVER get migraine headaches anymore. I haven't had one since I was pregnant. I am cured! Hooray for having babies!

Scene: Today, Now, This Exact Moment In Time


So. Yeah. Today is fantastic. Really, really great. I hate everyone and everything and why did I ever think a white MacBook was so cool and clean when really it's just so WHITE and BRIGHT and BLINDING and assaulting the inside of my skull with a pointy stick as we speak.

Wait. I take it back. I don't hate you. Probably. Maybe. Whatever. Mostly, I just really, really, really, really, really hate that blasted fuckerbitch of a Ball Popper.

I am alone in that hate though. At least in this house.



I likewise do not share his enthusiasm for banging balls against the Ball Popper...


Or the walls...


And come to think of it, this noisy VRROOOOM VRRRRRROOOOOM* ride-on thing doesn't exactly have my everlasting love either...


This one is also a bit on the screechy side, but otherwise acceptable...


(Yes, those are teeth marks all over the crib. Take heed, pregnant ladies. Only buy expensive nursery furniture if you plan to never, ever let your baby near it. Ezra's done most of the damage to the crib, but I had to replace all the drawer pulls on the other furniture in between children because Noah preferred to gnaw on those.)

Happy Friday. No everybody comment really, really quietly.

*Oh, but wait. Funny story! Noah is learning about the letter V this week, and came home today with one stamped on his hand. I asked him about it and was all, "And what's a word that begins with the letter V? Hmm? LET'S LEARN AND BE EDUCATIONAL!" And then I promptly blanked on every possible preschooler-appropriate V word. The only ones I could think of were "vagina" and "vampire." (And I haven't re-read the Twilight books all year, I swear!) So after a few minutes of bafflement, I offered up "v-v-v-vrooooom" as an example of a word that starts with V. Noah looked at me for a second and then helpfully suggested "vehicles" as an alternative. He's going to fucking KILL ME at Scrabble, I can tell.


C @ Kid Things

Something about being pregnant makes my migraines go away, too. Unfortunately, they always return. I guess it couldn't possibly have anything to do with all the NOISE in my house.


Bwahaha. There are naked, varnish-free stripes marking three sides of my son's crib. He learned early how to remove the plastic protector thingy. Which I didn't want to fasten on using the sticky fastener glue stuff, because it might.... wait for it... ruin the finish.

I dunno, was I thinking I'd rather have him do that all on his own? What the hey, it's child-safe varnish, let him at it.


I am laughing...very, very quietly. There's hope for the future, most of their toys have that handy little "headphones" plug in. I've bought many pairs for my two...and that is considered money well invested!
*whisper* Feel better soon.

C @ Kid Things

Something about pregnancy makes my migraines go away, too. Unfortunately, they always return. I guess it couldn't have anything to do with all the NOISE in my house.


The letter V is also for vegetables and (especially when I have migraines, anyway) vomit. Feel better!



That's all I could think of. :)

Hope your head feels better!


VACUUM. and then put one in his hand and say GET TO WORK BOY!



Sorry you have a migraine. Pregnancy made mine worse unfortunately. Now it's peri-menopause that's making them worse. Blech. I hope you feel better soon.


Right there with you on the money-wasting-furniture thing. I have NO IDEA how to fix it, and we got one of those cribs that converts to a toddler bed, then headboard and footboard. It looks so gross, I don't know what we'll end up doing.

As for the ball popper-- do you notice that when the batteries aren't ABSOLUTELY fresh, that there isn't enough oomph to get the air going and the balls out? I go through so many batteries (that aren't even all used up) with that thing.

One time we got a wooden tomato stuck in it. That thing has A LOT of screws to take it apart, but it is possible. I don't recommend it, though.

Oh, and the music reminds me of a Nintendo Super Mario Brothers game.

:P Happy Weekend!

Mama Bub

I am disproportionately happy to see someone else with teeth marks all over their crib. I cry a little inside every time I look at the crib rails. I plan to put those gummy teethers over them for the next baby, which I imagine will look even worse.


I feel your pain. Have had two migraines in my life, both AFTER childbearing. Both incredibly and closely linked to extreme sunlight, whiteness, and computer screens. Yuck. Get well soon!!


Let's not forget Valium!


Feel better. Migraines are the worst. I can't imagine managing one and taking care of children at the same time. You are my hero.



Sorry, my bf and I play word games a lot where one person says one word starting with a letter and then the other person has to say a word--whoever can't come up with a word first loses.


Valentine! Van! Veterinarian!

Oops...sorry, didn't mean to shout there. My exclamation points get out of hand sometimes...

Feel better.


Shit, woman. I just bought the ball-popper-of-awesomeness for my son for Christmas based on your they-go-apeshit-it's-the-best-thing-ever descriptions!

I do thank you, though, for the hint that it should be hidden on headache days. :)

Aunt Becky

Vicodin and Vodka!

I am a VERY good influence!

Sprite's Keeper

Heh heh, I have one of those bad boys wrapped up for a Christmas gift for my niece whose parents decided my 9 month old had to have a Sit'n'Spin, which sat without spinning for about 2 years before she even looked at it.

Parsing Nonsense

Yowza, sorry to hear about the migraine! I second Aunt Becky's suggestion of vodka, a nice chilled cosmo always chased my migraines right away.

Y'know, before I got preggo and stuff.


How crap on a cracker this post is exactly what I needed today! Now all my co-workers want to know what is SO funny about that tax plan I supposed to be working on. Gotta go...*waves bye-bye*


We have singing dancing holiday decorations... 3 of them. Not once have they NOT been played simultaneously. It's torture!



Also, I am totally going straight to the store after work to get that ball popper after seeing the joy on Ezra's adorable face. Christmas shopping is almost done!!!


OMG, I love the story of Noah and the letter V. Hope that migraine leaves real quickly.


Picture number 3? That is what I feel like on Friday afternoons. But I am directing it towards a bottle of wine and the newest Entertainment Weekly.


I had a migraine not too long ago and popped some pills, put my kid in her pack and play, tossed her some toys, and took a nap! Mother of the year, right here! She let me get a solid hour before she started squawking at me.

And fuck, my kid ate her crib too. Annoys me every time I see it.

Jen L.

Want to eat that baby's face. Him sweet.

Dean has gnawed on his crib, too. And of course, it's a lifetime crib, so when he's 17, I'll still be able to point to the marks and go "Look what you did!"

I feel your pain with the toys and I swear to God, if my mother in law mails one more Christmas present involving tiny parts to this house, I'm moving.

Not Levar Burton

Your ad network needs to rework what they are sending you, this site should include booze and AA ads I look forward to your Santa visit and the red faced kid pictures. Where do you fall on the 'this will suck and you will scream now' but laugh at these pictures later.


Quietly look at the pictures of Noah and then at your childhood picture on the blog... mini-Amalah!

Megan@Blueberry Scones

My daughter chewed on her crib, too! It looks like a beaver went to town on the railings. I should have known better, as *I* was a crib-chewer, too.


We have the ball popper and guess what we have let the batteries run out of that mofo! I got so tired of chasing the balls around the house, trying to fish out all the other crap my daughter stuck in there (pens, crayons, hair clips, etc)and she has "hidden" or lost all but 3 balls. She loves the damn thing and now brings it to us to manually turn it over shake all the crap out and rinse and repeat.

Hope your headache is better.


The crib that my mom, aunt and uncle used when they were babies had so many teethmarks in it that it looked like my grandparents were raising beavers.


that first picture of Ezra looks just like the one of you when you were little!


A timely post. I'm trying to come up with a cure for my migraines because I realized that next year my migraine medicine will cost me EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!! Solution: babies. My boyfriend will be thrilled.


I've had migraines (due to the hormone fluctuations around my period) my entire life - usually one but sometimes two a month (before and after).

I did not get them when I was pregnant, either.

I did not get them when I had the Mirena IUD, either. I've even told my husband that I don't expect him to get a vasectomy when we're done having kids, anymore, because I'm going to have a Mirena until menopause.

If you haven't tried Mirena, and you're willing to do an IUD (they're safer now), you might try it.

Amy (you cure my milia, I'll cure your migraines! :) )


You have me rolling today! Between fuckerbitch and vagina, I got a good laugh in, so thank you!


****hope your headache goes away soon. i've never had a migraine, and never want to. ezra is way too cute, though.***** (**** = whispers)


oh honey, i feel your pain. i've had so many migraines. started in high school and since i don't have kids i have no idea how pregnancy will effect them. the birth control hasn't made them better or worse, but bright lights do. i hope your head stops hurting soon!


I feel your pain! I get migraines so bad they have to put me on IV magnesium and DHE. Now I inject myself, but one thing I learned through this process is MAGNESIUM. I take supplements at night. It does 2 things - it mostly eliminates my migraines and when I get them they are nowhere near as bad AND I sleep fabulously! It's worth a try, since it's just a vitamin supplement.
That's all I can offer...Good Luck!


Migraines are teh suck :( I'm sorry, hope you feel better soon!


I do not for the life of me know what it is with that ball popper. As far as I can tell, it plays one (boring) song, and the balls fly into the air, go back into the thing, and fly up again. That is: dull. Except to children, it is like a combination of crack and mainlining sugar -- addictive beyond believe. They universally ADORE it. And I suppose it could be worse than finding the perfect toy for $20. Sorry to hear about the migraine, and hoping that the baby crack didn't actually cause it.


Oh, "fuckerbitch" is my new favorite word. And my daughter's name is V (that's her whole first name. Seriously) so we know lots of V words. Velvet, vascular, violin, vicious, violent, violet, verve, vista...


OMG this post made me laugh out loud! Two reasons:
1. I am 32 weeks pregnant and it's like you read my mind with the crib picture. I was cocking my head to the side, all "Are those teeth marks? DO BABIES CHEW ON CRIBS?!" and then you captioned it like you knew what I was thinking in my head.

2. LOVE the Noah anecdote about vehicles. Had to read it aloud to my husband, who offered up the word vacuum.

Thank you for making me laugh! And I hope your migraine got better...


When my sister was little, there was a week she was learning the letter "f". We all had to think of words that began with "f". (I'm 13 years older than her, so I was 18 and my brother was 15.) We all laughed ourselves silly; at one point, my mom said, "reFrigerator", so desperate to not say the f-word we all were thinking.


I think my new favorite word is fuckerbitch! Luckily you weren't at our house 14mo was mainly screaching and wailing and breaking most things he could get his hands on today because of some damn tooth that decided to start coming in at 3am this morning. What I would have given for him to sit and make hella noise on the ball popper instead of trying to grab every coffee cup or bowl within grasp ARGGGHHH!


Oh MAN, I just had a doozy of a migraine myself yesterday. (I get really barfy and crazy/out of my mind with them too, they're noooooo fun). Basically my prescription is trail mixing advil migraine w/ tylenol, getting in to the HOTTEST bath I can stand (the bathroom completely black), with my head alternately mashed up against the rim of the tub (to massage my neck HARD) and hanging over the toilet or a bucket. Then I wash and condition my hair deeply with a strong peppermint shampoo/conditioner (Pureology is AWESOME, it freezes my scalp!), then top it off with a couple hours sleep curled up next to a bucket. Seriously, I HAVE to do this, it's like a ritual, or I'll be in agony and feel like a crazy person if I don't (pain makes me a blubbering incoherent psycho).


I still cannot think of an appropriate V word..


7 years ago I bought a crib in "antique white" with a shabby chic finish just as everyone started going for the dark dark dark wood and they were all like sophisticated and I was not. After 5.5 years of use our crib looks chic-er, and theirs look like shit. Now, if only the kids had ruined all the adult furniture too. Ikea birch + highlighter, etc = fug.

Oh, all I could think of was vagina.



feel better!


i am also (sorta) in the post-pregnancy 'waiting for migraines to return' phase. my baby is 4mos old and i have had a couple minor migraines, followed by a couple days of spotting, but a "full blast" migraine, along with a full period, has yet to hit. i'm really hoping nursing will help hold 'em off!

for the woman looking at hundreds of $$ for meds and for the one taking advil/tylenol "trail mix", y'all should look into (generic) fioricet. it's a mix of acetaminophen, butalbital and caffeine, and it's cheap, cheap, cheap. it's been around forever and some docs are wary of it due to the butalbital (which makes it a schedule 1 drug), but i can easily say it's made living with migraines tolerable. i always start with excedrin migraine, but if that doesn't work, move to the fioricet. it doesn't make me high or sleepy, which means i can be functioning!



I've only had one migraine. It almost killed me.

ccr in MA

I hope your head is better today. I get migraines too and they are awful things.

He probably got "vehicles" from when they were talking about v words at school. As soon as I read that I drew a total blank on v words myself.


My fourth nephew teethed on the windowsill in their living room. He can be an extremely picky eater, but apparently loved the taste of wood and varnish!


--this is a fun word game!

hope your poor head is feeling better now.


That is the best Noah story! I'm sorry you feel horrible and I hope your migraine goes away soon!




Crazy. I just talked to my doc about the return of my migraines post-baby on Friday. Charles is 13 months old, and for two months they have been plaguing me. I am (still) breastfeeding, though weaning, and the slowing of milk production is apparently tied to their evil return. I was told that when I am totally done with the breastfeeding, I can try beta-blockers. Right now I just have a prescription for hydrocodone. Gonna try that magnesium supplement, though!

Jessica (@ It's my life...)

We did the letter B a few weeks ago. Boobs, butts, and boogers were not acceptable things to bring into class. Go figure.

So sorry about the migraine. I'm no fan to say the least.

mrs. q.

I thought "vaccine." That was so hilarious, I read it out loud to my husband. He said "vulture."




I was tempted to shriek when I read this post ... I checked myself, though, for the sake of your skull.
See, I just got off the phone with my mom, who told me she got a Ball Popper for my daughter for Christmas. Aaaand I, too, am familiar with migraine pain. Ugh. I hope you're feeling better!


Sorry! Migraines = Suck

But! Babies in stripy pajamas who smile and gnaw = adorable medicine? Right?

Fawn Amber

Violin! Victory! Villain!

I hate that you have a migraine, girl. My own declarative sentence - I have never had one myself. So now I will have one tomorrow. Aces!

Trenches of Mommyhood

Fuckerbitch might just be my new favorite word of all time.


V for VERY clever little boy!


I JUST bought the Ball Popper yesterday for Snackbox (I had forwarded your earlier post about the ball popper to my SIL with a not subtle hint about his birthday, but apparently it was still too subtle) and he ADORES it. I was a little wary of the recommendation, since he does not love the Spermhorse with the same intensity as Mr. Zah, but perhaps mine is missing the vaporized opium?


Who makes that Ball Popper toy? I think my little guy would dig that... although I am sure I will be right with you on the annoyance factor.


My sister was just asking whether that ball popper toy is a good present for her daughter. I'm sending her a link to this entry!


It's by Playskool - Kohl's had it on sale this weekend for ~$20; I've also seen it at Target for the same price.

Also? I'm sniggering about the beaver comments. I know y'all are talking about your gnawing baybees, but I'm still sniggering.

Halala Mama

hAHA...My son has that fire engine too - never rides it. Plays the music and dances along side it. He just rediscovered the ball popper but, has a penchant for dropping things in it that are not balls. THAT is not fun - and tonight I found my cell phone in the ball popper choo least that is easier to empty!


i just bought this bitchpopper for my granddaughter!!

Note to self....send it 'home' after opening!

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