The Loop
Teh Update, Okay, Fine

Much Like the White House Party Crashers, This Is All Reality Television's Fault

Yesterday, 2 pm, after a combination of 1) mild yet persistent stomach issues, 2) boob weirdness, 3) overwhelming craving for an entire can of black olives in spite of said stomach issues, 4) the realization that condoms DO INDEED have an expiration date, hellooooo May of 2008, and 5) entirely way too many episodes of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, better known in our house as The Oops You Had a Baby In Your Pants Show:


Better known as Exhibit Wait What Squint Squint No Way Squint Oh Shit

Yesterday, 5 pm, after my plan to wait until morning to retest failed miserably in the face of Googling for pictures of other people's store-brand peesticks with very faint second lines but not like, a real second line and I totally didn't actually think I was pregnant, I was just checking, because taking unnecessary pregnancy tests is kind of a hobby of mine:


Better known as Exhibit That's More Like It

Today, 7:30 am, after a restless still-unconvinced night of boob-poking, attempts to imagine life with THREE OF THEM, followed by fits of maniacal laughter:


Better Known as Exhibit Well Now We Know How We Really Feel About THAT

My fellow peestick aficionados: Total false positive/defective test, yes? Proof that Discovery Health is a front for pregnancy test manufacturers to ensure that you always, ALWAYS opt for the three-pack over the single test? I can believe those two negative tests, yes? Is okay to go soothe my stressed-out nerves with wine? Should I still cancel that combination amusement park/camping/cross-country tour of public restrooms vacation we had planned in about eight months or so?

For those of you who have no idea but would simply like to tell me what I want to hear: Yes. Total false positive/defective fluke of a test. We've decided to hold off on any talk of a third baby for awhile, because it turns out that babies turn into children. (I know! The FTC should look into this.) Anyway, I thought we were being quite responsible but apparently my husband thinks condoms are everlasting like Twinkies or something. And seriously, this one woman on that show had a baby in an amusement park restroom and it fell on the floor and was just lying there and about 10 people opened the stall when they heard her screaming and were like, "WAIT HERE. I'LL GET HELP." Like she was going to wander off and get on the goddamn Tilt-a-Whirl or something, and I sat there screaming at the TV for someone to GET THE BABY OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD and so that's why I had to take a pregnancy test. I had to. You wanna read a lame blog post about peesticks or you wanna walk into a bathroom stall and have to pick my baby up off the floor next summer? HUH? YOU WANNA?



I am laughing so hard I almost peed (but not on a stick).

You are fine. Either way.


You should really look into that...false positives are reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hard to get...false negatives tough happen all the time!
Good luck!

Sarah Lena

Dude. I wouldn't have been able to retake because I would've FALLEN INTO A PIT OF DESPAIR AT THE FIRST SEMI-STREAK.


Ummm, maybe it's just the picture, but in the last picture--- the one you are saying is supposed to be the second negative for sure test--- I am seeing a faint blue line. Is anybody else with me? Not to add to paranoia or anything.


Umm . . . I see double lines on the second and third pictures. Possible I've just started seeing lines everywhere I go (I was having problems with my contact lens this morning), but you might want to test again. Just in case. :)

Either way, I'm happy for you!

Kimberly C

This baby? That I am currently 17 weeks with right now? I took 4 tests with. All of them had that faint stupid "who the hell knows" line except for the last one. Digital. Plain english, PREGNANT. Test again! Woot!




Well, I'm glad it turned out the way you wanted it to!

So funny!


No clue, like the commenter above, false positives are hard to get, but I would think that the first morning urine would show pregnant too. I'm leaning towards not-pregnant.


I'm thinking someone is headed to Target right now to buy one of every brand on the shelf?

Shannon M.

Go get another 3-pack RIGHT NOW!!!!


Haha, oh neurotic pee stick Amy is back! ;) Very entertaining hehe.


I'm guessing you'd know for sure before a baby fell onto any bathroom floors.


Glad someone else said it first, but umm....I kinda see a line on the last one too. And that first test? That's not a faint line (like the ones I got when I was pregnant.) I would have rejoiced if my first test looked like that. So....yeah...


THIS is why I buy the digital ones! "PREGNANT." "NOT PREGENANT." I mean, at first, you see the adverts and think, "Really? How effing hard is it to decipher the one-line-or-two system?" But then, you have situations like the above, and you go all modern and digital and "PREGNANTNOTPREGNANT."


Wait, WHAT? Condoms have expiration dates?

I found that out almost six years ago. Her name's Rosey.

Congratulations...on using the whole three pack!!!


Thank you! That was hysterical! I never went for the line thing...I like the words pregnant or not pregnant. Now, I suppose the not could be faint...then I would be in trouble.
I would tell you to wait a couple of days and test when you wake...but we both know neither of us would wait a few days...


Go get the digital test now please. Pregnancy cliffhangers are the worst. Do it for me. I HAVE TO KNOW.

chatty cricket


Put a warning label on these kinds of posts because I just tried to spoon cottage cheese into the baby's eye while I was gawking at that first picture and then trying to see if that really was a faint hint of a phantom second line I could see in the second picture.


I agree with the commenter above... go get the First Response Digital test.

I thought that false-negatives were totally common, but false-positives not so much.

Ummmm........ go to your local CVS or whatever they have out in DC and get another three pack please.


I see a line on the last one too. Maybe just go in for a blood test to make sure? Not to add to the paranoia or anything, but that first test is positive...and it's really rare to get a false positive. You make me giggle. Good luck!


Umm...I always want to eat an entire can of black olives. ALWAYS. Hopefully that's not a pregnancy symptom because I'd ignore it and just might have a baby in my pants...


Totally a false positive defective test. Totally. But, perhaps you should hold off on that wine until you take the digital test you're going to take anyway.


Let's take deodorant wars to the next level -- pee stick wars!


I'm glad, like others have said, that I am not the only one who see's the lines on the last two tests. I personally would be forgoing the tests and be going in for a HCG test with my Dr. And your faint line, was quite dark. And hard to come by accidentally.

My aunt, (haha, love those stories, friends of friends, ect.) had negatives for the first 4 months of her pregnancy. And finally the Dr did an ultrasound to see if she had some cysts on her ovaries, due to her getting big, and not having a period. Oops, hello my new cousin, lol.


I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. But. There's absolutely no such thing as a false positive on a pregnancy test. A positive, however faint, is, in fact, positive. However, there IS such thing as as false negative. Lots and lots of false negatives. But no false positives.

AKA ZOMG UR PREGNUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Good lord, the refresh rate on your page looking for an updated pee-stick post is going to be insane. You never fail to crack me up, woman.

Burgh Baby

Hi. I'm THAT chick. THAT chick who is the reason that pregnancy tests can't say "100% accurate." Her name is Alexis and she was very much so wanted, but THE DAMN TESTS NEVER TOLD ME SHE WAS COMING.

Just sayin'.


Hmmm - I'm gonna vote for trying another brand or two in the morning. I had a faint line awhile back that turned out to be nothing, despite all the "false positives are rare" info out there. But also, I have no idea how fast those lines showed up for you...within the 10 minutes? Half an hour later?
Now I feel compelled to take a pregnancy third daughter is only 13 months old, and I have yet to have my first postpartum period thanks to her (still constant) nursing. It makes me paranoid that I pregnant and just don't know.


Maybe I am also line-happy... but I see a faint line in the third picture.

Go forth and pee again!


OK, maybe I'm wrong, but I didn't think it was possible to get a false positive. And, also, I'm pretty sure there is a faint line in that last picture. *Ducks, covers head, waits for blow.*

I'd hold off on the wine. =)


I... see a line in the third one as well. Hmm.

I would invest heavily in different brands - blue tests were horrible for me.

Mama Bub

Might I suggest a digital? And waiting a few days? Because, my first two tests said very clearly, NOT PREGNANT. Then, slightly less than nine months later, a child was born. I'm just saying.


I'm with some of the other commenters. My understanding is that it is really hard to get a false positive. Because your body is either producing those hormones or not. But I false negative is possible.

I think that first test was defective, however, and water would have made that same line appear.

To be safe though, I would go out and buy another test.

Also, I can't believe you rely on condoms. I hate them, and if that were our only method, we would have a quiverfull of children, instead of just expecting our first. :)


I too screamed at the TV to PICK UP THE EFFIN BABY OMFG!!!!!

also, yeah....I would go get a blood test because false positives are reeeeally rare....

kim at allconsuming

speaking from experience (i.e. three of our four children were of the unplanned kind- Felix, the morning-after-pill-FAIL baby; Jasper, the pill + antibiotics baby; Grover, the camping, drinking too much homemade limoncello then forgetting to take the pill for two mornings baby) the third child is an absolute blast. No seriously, a shitload of fun. It's the fourth that breaks you. Trust me.


Having spent SO MUCH TIME on babycenter boards where people post pee sticks asking if they are pregnant, I vote pregnant.

Digital tomorrow morning!


Um.... Amy? I had a fainter line that one time. Much, much fainter. Little dude is in first grade now. Better test again.


Um.... Amy? I had a fainter line that one time. Much, much fainter. Little dude is in first grade now. Better test again.


Congrats Amy! You are gonna have another baby! Weeeee!

Okay, sorry. Got that out of my system. Like many others have said- false-positives generally don't happen. The test picked up something and it couldn't pick it up if it wasn't there. It CAN miss it though- hence false negatives.

Get a blood test done and know for sure. That's gotta be cheaper than buying $50 worth of pee-sticks.


Sorry to break it to ya... I'm seeing lines on all three! (or am I sorry? MWA HA HA!)


We also rely on condoms only and if I had not just had my period I would be taking a test. And I just texted my husband to check the date on our condoms!

PS my friend had a false positive but they think it had to do with the Nuva ring.

chatty cricket

(which now that I've read through the above comments I feel as though I need to confirm the "I kept getting phantom lines that were driving me BA NANAS until I went out and got a digital test which did, in fact, say "Pregnant (dumbass)")


Kim sees a faint blue line in the last one, and I see it too. :) Also, false negatives happened to me with both of my kiddos but never a false positive. May wanna comfirm with a blood test?


Uh, that'd be "confirm"


Just a heads up here. Children turn into teenagers; I suggest you start drinking today to calm your nerves. Also - the boy kind, instead of being weepy and pondering their place in the universe like the girl kind - they get all these mean angry horrible language hormones while they eat 12 billion pizza's and 3 cases of ramen. It's very scary. Maybe start stocking up on ramen now.


I'm quite familiar with false negatives-even on a digital one. My insane craving for Spicy Cheez-its, which I'd never consumed in my life, told me way more than the three false negative tests I went through in two weeks. False positives? I know they're out there, but much less common.

I'd definitely retake with a digital, and maybe follow up with a blood test.

If you are indeed NOT pregnant, I'm gifting to you my ration of alcohol for Christmas I'd drink if I wasn't currently getting kicked in the bladder all the time.

Good Luck!

Aunt Becky

I see a faint line y'all. And I'm not even Southern, which makes the y'all WEIRD.


Just like the poster above, I had that faint line once, and she is going to be three next week.

You better cancel that vacay.


I do not like those pregnancy tests where you have to guess the line thing. I tried them exactly one time and I thought it was horrble.

Go get the ones that digitally say PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. Much more definitive and worth the moola!



Okay, I posted a comment that seems to have disappeared. Now all you have is a weird comment addressing my typo in the missing comment. Not that you care to hear from me multiple times, but I was trying to say that you should confirm with a blood test because I haven't heard of so many false positives. I think I see a faint blue line in the last one too.

Hairy Farmer Family

I'd maybe hold off that there vat of wine a day or so longer, honey!

Type (little) a

I totally see a faint line on the last one.

You're totally pregnant.


I have no words.

(Except, well, those. FAIL.)


F5 F5 F5 F5


I actually HAVE had a false positive before, on a Target store brand test. Then I read that apparently some target tests have this issue happen frequently. I was most defintely not pregnant... So false positives can happen. But.... I think I see pale lines onthose other tests!

Megan@Blueberry Scone

I'm with the above - get a digital and take another test with your first morning pee tomorrow. Your urine has a higher concentration of the hormones at that time, so you'll have a more accurate read.


OMFG, Kim, you've just scared the bejebus out of me. Here was me sitting thinking: "Two mornings without taking the pill will be OK. I've been taking it for ages. I'm sure two missed won't be a problem..." Thanks, dude. Eyes are now popping out my head. :os

Amy, if it makes you feel better I don't see faint lines on the bottom two. Just that honking big line on the top one, which would be totally freaking me out. Go get the digital, just because we are ALL neurotic and demand to know!


You're gonna kill me but I see a line in the other two also. I even clicked on it to make it bigger and I still see it. I'd go get the blood test. I think you're preggers woman. I have three and trust me, it really isn't that bad and I'm doing it by myself. (BTW, mine are twin boys that turn 3 in April and a girl who turns 1 the end of March. 8 days between their birthdays.)(Oh, and breastfeeding and a single mommy now, too, so you can do it if you are.) Trust me.


You should *so* keep your vacation plans intact. I mean, who *doesn't* want to be on The You Had a Baby In Your Pants Show? Nobody, that's who. Also they can then do a nice double-header: Back-to-back bathroom stalls episodes!


I vote to call the O.B. and just make a damn appointment. I'm seeing ghost lines in all 3 of them. I tested negative 3 times with son #1 (7 weeks in!) and negative once (4 weeks in!) with son #2... Just go make them take a look with the creepy little internal probe ultrasound dildo thingie and find out for sure because I don't think my nerves can TAKE waiting around to hear about something like this!


Dude...the faint line always means yes! But the false tests AFTER the faint line has me confused.

Sorry I didn't tell you what you want to hear. But yay....babies!!!!


Those blue dye tests are the DEVIL. the month before we got pregnant with my son I had 2 false positives with those effers. I wasn't pregnant but I would go take a digital test to make sure!!



Eh. I'd wait a few days and test again before downing a bottle of wine. I think in this case, that positive (yes, it's positive) needs one more negative in order to consider it a fluke. Maybe get a dollar store cheapie? I had a positive on one of those long before the mainstream brands.

You know what they say -- a line is a line is a line. Eeek!

(And Jesus you get a lot of comments fast.)


I've gotten the false positive before with a line that was just a 'WTH does this mean?' kind of line in the first pic.

I also vote for digital as, when I was actually pregnant, the line test was a little fuzzy, but the digital test gave it to me straight.

Someone Being Me

OK. No more line test. Digital tests only. Nice neat message. Pregnant or Not Pregnant. That is the only way to test.


My money is on "ZOMG you're pregnant!".



Michelle Madayag

Dood. Get one o' those digital ones everyone is talking about. I'm another one who had a "Is that line? IS IT? No. BUT IS IT?" tests TWICE with my first pregnancy and finally got the idiot proof one that just tells you in plain english.

I confess, though, that when I saw those pee tests I got TOTALLY excited about you having another baybee. Because, y'know, just when you are NOT trying would be when you just "end up" preggers, right?


Blue dye pee tests are the DEVIL. I had 2 false POSITIVES with those the month before I had my son. I was most def not pregnant.

I'd test with a digital to be sure though. OMG.


Yep, there's a line on the 3rd test it looks like. Selfishly I hope you are pregnant because I'm 6 weeks along, and want everyone to be pregnant!

jive turkey

Logically, I KNOW that first test was probably a false positive, but I know if I was in your shoes, I'd pee the FUCK out of about 3 more tests.

(And I am kind of seeing a faint line in that third one.)


LOL, sorry for the multiple comments, didn't think the first one went through.


Kelly! Yes! These are Target-brand tests! So! Therefore! False positive.

(For the record the line that appeared minutes after I took the first test was much, much lighter/fainter than in the photo -- it darkened overnight.)

(And y'all are high, there's no line in the third test.)

(Goes to stare at the third test some more.)

(Fuck. I'll go buy a digital test. FINE.)


Um.....holy crap. I've heard of false negatives, but I thought false positives did not happen.

Patiently waiting for an update to this post!


I thought the same thing as Kim up near the top.

Also, I would totally pick your baby up off a bathroom floor and not judge you for having a baby in a public bathroom.


Wait. There are DIGITAL pregnancy tests? God, I'm old.


False positives are hard to make happen because the HCG is either there or it isn't. However, chemical pregnancies often appear to be false positives- you get a faint positive and then a few days later it's all negative. I hope that's not the situation in your case! Good luck!


Heh. I took a few of those target pee sticks a few weeks ago and was all "OMFG MAYBE THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE WRONG and really the control line is in the circle?" and then there was the control line as well about 30 seconds later. So, um, yeah. Surprise 3rd baby here. And those pictures brought back some poorly suppressed panicked memories, thanks for that.


I've watched "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" enough to learn that everything that I thought I knew about getting pregnant is wrong.

These days, I pretty much just operate under the constant assumption that I am probably pregnant because come on, how do you even tell? Ladies on TV don't know until their babies are in the toilet. IN THE TOILET.

So my strategy is basically to check before flushing. Other than that, what can you do, you know?


Have Jason pee on a stick. If you get a line, then I'd worry.

Kristen P

I swear I see two lines in all three pictures. Get another brand of test. If it is really early, then the test at 5pm would show negative because there was only 3 hours between potty stops. Go get the tests that you know you already are going to get and post the results please!

Well, at least you have one hell of a Christmas surprise!


I once went through 6 three-packs of pregnancy tests in 4 days. 6. That's 18 tests for the math challenged. 18 tests. And only the last one was really clear. And it was positive. I finally gave up and made the doctor test me.

Good luck. Girl who couldn't handle it anymore and had her ever-lovin' tubes tied sympathizes.


I agree to get a blood test done to confirm. I think you've got yourself a bun in the oven, honey! The last "faint line" I got is now a 2 1/2 year old toddler who loves to snuggle against my boobs. I'm cushy, I guess.


No idea. Good luck either way.

But when you do the pee stick war Jacki mentions above, could you get a chocolate bunny in there somehow? ;)

Fawn Amber

Dude, you are totally pregnant. Take it to the bank.

I have peed on maybe, oh, 300 tests in my lifetime. Have never EVER had a false positive. Have had three false negatives. Do you know how many kids I have?

Get thee to a gyno, my dear.

Fawn Amber

Dude, you are totally pregnant. Take it to the bank.

I have peed on maybe, oh, 300 tests in my lifetime. Have never EVER had a false positive. Have had three false negatives. Do you know how many kids I have?

Get thee to a gyno, my dear.


You must do what I do. Cheap medical grade tests FTW


Oh, I am also seeing fainty faint blue in the final test. TAKE AGAIN LADY

Sorry I have paranoia too. I test all the time.

C @ Kid Things

Since all the comments I've read so far seem to fall into my line of thinking, that being YOU'RE PREGNANT....

Congratulations! HAHAHAHAHA!


Buy another 3-pack, Amy. WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE THE ECONOMY HERE! And possibly your unborn child from the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Also, I may, possibly, might also see a very faint, possibly-not-there-but-might-be line on that third one too.

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.


I will be the voice of dissent, since that's what you want! If you were pregnant enough to have stomach & boob-related symptoms then those tests would be lighting up like a Christmas tree. Until you take another test my vote is NOT pregnant. There, now go have some wine.


If you were pregnant, how pregnant would you be? I saw faint blue lines on the others also, but maybe that's just a false shadow. Have Jason take one and see if the faint blue line is there for him too.

Either way, a glass of wine won't hurt anything.


Ever read frema's blog? Those false negatives are named Nathan.

Also? I was on a bc that caused a false positive. However, I know no one who got a false positive from, uh, expired condomns.


Dude, you are for sure pregnant. Don't buy those evil blue dye tests!! Go out and get a First Response Right Now!!!



can't wait to read tomorrow's entry.... Btw, the third (rather unexpected) child is almost six months old now and is a joy to have around. :-)


JKHSKJDHSKJDHKSJADHSKJ HSDKJHSKDJ LHSKJDH SAJDHSJ is all I have to say. Because you're pregnant.


When I scrolled down and saw the third picture I thought....YAY! She is pregnant. I was surprised when you said it was negative.

Also, I yelled at the TV during that episode too. I was so worried about the dirty floor that a head injury did not occur to me.

Mommy, Esq.

You can't deny the boobs. I told myself it was my period but really I knew it wasn't.


Hate to tell you (or do I?) but I also see many blue lines. I've had false positives but only after the test sat around for a while and never as dark as the first picture. I vote pregnant. Good luck sorting it all out!


Hysterical, Good Luck, julie

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