Amalah On Tour
Shut Up


I didn't even go to bed last night. I took a packing break and a nap at some point between 2 and 2:30 am; we left for the airport at 3. (And yes, that was THREE TO THE A TO THE M.) We got on a plane. Two planes. However many planes. I put "writer" as my occupation on my customs form and the officer was all, "SO WHAT DO YOU WRITE, AMY STORCH?" And I was all, "Uhhhhhummmmonlineparentingcolumns?" He let me into the country. Some guy tried to hustle an iPhone from my four-year-old. We drove across Jamaica and saw orange groves and burning sugar cane and poverty and cook shacks and beautiful children in their spotless school uniforms. We stopped at a roadside stand and ate the most incredible jerk chicken I have ever tasted while talking with kind people who were easy to talk to. Ezra also ate a ridiculous amount of that chicken, then gnawed on a drumstick before giving up and just dipping his hands in the hot sauce and licking it straight off his fingers. Noah saw a rooster. He is still talking about that unbelievable, real-life, amazing, cock-a-doo-ing-damn rooster.

We are indeed here in Bluefields, and oh, but I am so tired. I will leave you with some photos, and a promise to post again tomorrow and the day after that and so on and so forth until we go home OH GOD THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE US GO HOME NOOOO.






Call me an optimist, but I think this is going to be a pretty good week.



I can't believe I can type through all this RAGING ENVY. But it looks beautiful!


Yippee! You deserve an awesome week!!


Why would you think that???
P.S., Ezra is a CHUNK.

C @ Kid Things

I hate you. (Not really, just in case you were worried about such a thing. Which I'm sure you're not. Because you're too busy swimming and enjoying the sun. Again, I hate you.)


Amy, it is FREEZING here. And it is supposed to snow this weekend. I promise to forgive you, but we must, must hang out when you get back. I can't believe how big Ez is. And look at Noah swim.


I am sooo excited for you (and maybe a leetle jelus too)! Have a blast - you all deserve it.

chatty cricket


and EZRA'S AAAAAAAAARMS. I love baby arms. LOVE THEM. How do you refrain from snacking on those shoulders?!


Please post a lot of pictures, it's snowing here and wind chills are going to be below zero tomorrow morning and I'm ready to start punching total strangers, I'm so sick of winter.

Kristin J

Holy COW woman! That is beautiful. You escaped just in time because it is really cold here. ENJOY!!!!


Amalah! I'm so jealous of your Jamaican vacation, as well as your beautiful children. I hope this does not come off as negative, but I do just have one thing to suggest. Please try to stay away from water wings... I know that they are ubiquitous but they teach the complete wrong things to your child. That is to say, they teach your child that if they fall in the pool, the should go vertical and they will float. Bubbles, life jackets, or those suits with the inserts in them are better because they at minimum teach kids the feeling of having their backs or fronts floating to the surface. I'm sorry to say this, and totally hope that you don't mind me spreading advice to the internet in general because I am sure your child is being supervised at all times, and sometimes water wings are most convenient to pack because they are the smallest, and deflate, and I hope you aren't mad that I said this (RUN ON SENTENCE). As a lifeguard for several years, I pulled many kids out of the pool who were used to wings but fell or jumped in on their own when their parent wasn't watching and they tried to just put their arms out to float up and it did not work, because no wings. so weird rant over!! I sometimes give this whole spiel to strangers, hope it came off in the helpful but non-judgmental way I meant it. Have fun and come back tan!


Oooooh, have fun!


I swear I can hear Ezra saying, "Yes! This is what I'm talking about! I knew you were holding out on me, but I forgive you. Nice work. Home at last. Carry on."

And Noah just floating. No words necessary.

Ellyn B

I am SUPER excited to live vicariously through your vacation. The weather in CO today: 'Ice fog.' So yeah for you in the warmness!
Have a great time!

Mrs Chaos

I want. Like a lot, I want.

(Have such a great time!)


you deserve a nap! traveling with kids is not my favorite thing, but for a place like that it'd be SO worth it. have fun!

Parsing Nonsense

I promised myself I wouldn't get envious, but MAN that water looks inviting after a billion days of Washington winter dreariness.


Wow. So pretty. That last photo really did me in. What a way to lay back and relax, with THAT VIEW! Holy cow, Amy Storch, onlineparentingcolumnwriter, you are SO LUCKY!


Precious! I can just picture him sticking his hands in the sauce. That would SO be me.


From today "Temperature: 12. Feels like: -17." More pics please. I will turn the space heater on high and pretend it is a warm tropical breeze.


That looks amazing! SO JEALOUS!!!! And we are about to get dumped on with more snow in the DC area again!!!!

Anna Marie

So effing jealous I cannot stand it. GAAHH I WANT TO BE IN THE ISLANDS!!!!


OMG Amy...we're all so jealous here stateside, and it's incredibly beautiful and perfect and I checked out the website and...OMG Amy....OPEN BAR ALL WEEK. Including wine. WINE. And people to make your delicious tropical meals and just WHOA.

Sorry, got carried away. God, just ENJOY, and pleeeeease post lotsa pix and videos!


OH MY. I will dream of warm waters tonight.

When I told my husband about this vacation of yours, he said "yeah but you still have the kids and you have to cook or go out to restaurants all the time and it's NOT A VACATION." And then I pointed out the spot on the website about included nannies and chefs and HE ABOUT LOST HIS MIND.


Enjoy, for our sakes if not your own.


La la la la Bossy can't hear you.


The only thing making me feel better for being here in the cold cold COLD midwest while you are there in Jamaica is the fact that it was sunnier here today than it was where you were. So nana-nana-boo-boo.


I want to go to there!


Ok. I wasn't jealous until I saw those pics. Now? Now, I'm feeling a bit green. But happy for you! Oh. So. Happy. For you and your warm water and sand and floaties and....

sigh. I'm frozen.

Sprite's Keeper

Am jealous. Have fun!


I would comment but I'm not speaking to you because I'm mute with envy.



Looks like heaven.

Jen L.

Noah is the cutest thing EVER in his arm floaties! Have a blast!

Kristin H

Oh my stars, I can't believe you thought about saying no to this!


I wish I were there. Oh so much. Iowa is nice and all but I haven't seen my son and his sweet chunk arms in a tank top in months and months.


That's funny, I'm in Iowa, too. I agree, Jamaica would be much better right now.


NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE! So jealous! It was 9 when I took my kids to school this morning and 12 when I picked them up. Degrees. Fahrenheit. Sucks dude!


It's the weirdest thing. I don't know you, but I read everything you write and I adore your little family and it makes me happy to know you're going to have a good week. You're that good of a writer, dammit.


Shoutout from freezing cold Illinois--Wow! Enjoy yourselves!


So, let me get this straight. You get a gorgeous view, a private pool, sunshine, and roosters?!

What more does one need in life?


I hate you.



It's snowing here.

Bite me.

(But have tons of fun.)

Amy Uncensored

Delurking to say...I don't know what that I am so happy for you that you get to enjoy this and also so very very envious! Can't wait for updates!

Erin (Snarke)

Mmmmm. Jerk chicken.

The photos are awesome but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sitting here looking at the cold and windy outside (knowing I have to go out in it tomorrow) and thinking "no fair, mommy bloggers have all the fun."

Have a great time!


I am so incredibly jealous. Its gonna be snowy and icy and frigid this weekend. That sun looks wonderful.


It looks beautiful there. I am so JELUS! The boys are adorable though, and I hope it really is an awesome week for you all!


Ezra looks like he smoked a fatty. I love Jamaica.


Go eat sugar cane. And yams. And dumplings. And jerk chicken. And jerk pork. And steamed fish. And Sky Juice. And drink rum. And cocktails. And drink rum. And eat pineapples. And mangos. And did I mention rum?

Why the hell did I choose to live in the UK, exactly?

*not at all jealous and not showing it too much or whatever*


Looks fantastic! I hope you all enjoy the break and the pampering and the pool. And my goodness, that second pic makes Ezra look like he's going to grow up to be a trucker!

the Moira

Their ploy worked. Saving the pennies now.


I can't wait to read all about your trip. I am living vicariously through you because I can't get my husband on a damn plane to go anywhere. And! I so need a vacation. Plus you will keep me laughing.


i am jealous!


Last time I was in Jamaica.....5yrs ago for our destination wedding. After my morning commute in 17 degree weather & looking at your pics, I'm looking up prices right now for a now, family of 3...
You guys are gonna have soooo much fun!!!


Jealous! Especially since it is 9 degrees here today in the tundra AKA Michign.


My husband and I went to Jamaica for our honeymoon, and I thought the people who lived there were some of the kindest people I'd ever met. And when a monster hurricane (Category 5) was being predicted to roll over the island the day after we left for home, I was so, so afraid for everyone in Jamaica. Thank God, the hurricane pulled a last minute move away from the island, but all I could think about when I saw the pictures of Haiti was that that would've been what Jamaica would've looked like post-hurricane. And I cried a little, because Jamaicans seemed so kind, so lovely, but there is so much poverty there, so many people suffering. *sigh*

Sorry to be Debbie Downer; your post just brought all of that back to me. I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing vacation.


I'm so happy for you! My head would have totally exploded over the passport situation, so congrats on making it there in one piece. That water looks heavenly!


I'm jealous!


That looks lovely.

I wish more affordable resorts would send bloggers to check 'em out though. I looked at the photos and started daydreaming so I clicked over.

Six nights for two adults and two children in their lowest priced villa in mid-season would be $5330. Yikes! I know it is all inclusive and includes nannies and food and whatnot but that is still crazy expensive, especially when you add in airfare.

Still, it looks beautiful.


so....what youre saying is onlineparentingcolumn writer = jamaica? must research career change.


We are so going next February/March after checking out how awesome it is. Is it wrong to spend the last week of December/first week of January in Hawaii only to head to Jamaica a month or so later? I hope you all have an incredible time!


Which one of their cottages (and I think from the photos that is a loose term for MANSION) are you guys staying in? It looks lovely. (Also now that I've asked that I'm going to add that I do not work for the resort and am not fishing for further advertising, I'm just curious about which one).

P.S. Just as an aside, when my 18 month old took his official Starfish swimming lessons they put water wings on him. So I figure if the registered life guard thinks it's good enough for an 18 month old then it's good enough for Noah.


Want pictures of romantic dinner with hubby--- hoping you get a chance for some quiet time alone.


Yes, add me to the list of "jelus" and "not speaking to you" (but obviously, "speaking" to you). Also, after you nap, please post details like, how long the flight was, how the boys did on the flight, what the place looks like, etc. etc. DETAILS, Amy Storch, onlineparentingcolumnwriter, DETAILS. Oh, and pictures, too, of course.
LOVE the picture of Ezra. He is just so beautiful. I just want to squeeeeeeeeeeze him. Please don't cut his hair...I love the way his hair is growing out! And Noah, a big swimmer ALONE in the pool - YAY for Noah!


Wow, this is a stellar experiment in the power of the mom blogstresses. These people are super-smart to send you there; I am totally listening to your report! You are venturing to this paradise-sounding place at the precise moment that I -- 22 weeks pregnant with a wee tiny girl, our first baby -- am contemplating what is to become of our luxurious vacays in our post-baby life, and this feels very much like an answer! Can't wait to hear/read/see more about your adventure and how you guys all enjoy it!


Snackbox had his first taste of pineapple in Hawaii, and he was chowing down on it. I told DH -"wow, he really likes pineapple!" and he said, "Or the rum, since it was the garnish on your mai tai". Mommy of the Year, right here.

Have a wonderful vacation and take every advantage of the nannies and the cooks - you know, for research sake...

Crystal D

Oh my god it looks so fricken warm there. I have been inside all day and my fingers are so cold they feel like they are going to crack off.


I am jealous. Looks amazing. Have a great time!


I've only been to Jamacia from a cruise ship and we took a taxi to Dunns falls. pretty place, but not kid friendly. ENJOY. it's a beautiful place.


Love the pictures, love hearing about the trip. I'm not in a place right now where I can take my own vacation, but I do really enjoy have a little mini-vicarious vacay through your posts. That first one of Noah in the pool cracks me up. Looking forward to reading the next installment!


looks amazing. their webiste looks like a fairy tale. bookmarked!


Liek the kids say: OHH EMM pretty. I'm rallying 12 ladies together from work (Oh God, we'll kill each other) to plan a vacay to this place..we've named the guy by the pool on the website "Dexter" and we've made up about 10 fantasies about how inappropriate we will be with "Dexter" when he serves us lunch each day..we're whores..and proud of it thankyouverymuch. HAVE FUN!!!

Karen Chatters

There is jealousy seeping from all of my pores and it's ugly and I'm not afraid to admit it. I hope you're having a BLAST!

raeleigh/big sky girl

amy, i don't ever comment because i am nowhere NEAR as funny as you, but i thought you might get a charge out of this: in google reader, the line about the beautiful children and the jerk chicken are right on top of each other. and at first read i thought it said that you ate the most wonderful jerk children.


amy. stop eating children. even if they are jerks. cannibalism is just as jerky.

Bachelor Girl

I can't think of a family more deserving of a great vacation than the Storches. Have a blast!

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