The Basics
84 Hours

When It Snows It Blizzards

I woke up in the wee small hours of the morning today, just barely awake enough to wonder WHY AM I SO COLD, a thought that semi-occurred to me as I padded off in the general direction of the bathroom, right before I collided with the hard, unyielding edge of my closet door.

Oh. We're back home. The bathroom's a bit more to the right.


We're back home, where it is snowing, where it will apparently be snowing FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES, or at least the rest of the weekend. The villa staff did all of our laundry for us in Jamaica, so our suitcases are full of fresh clean..shorts. T-shirts. Tanks and sundresses. Bathing suits. I am tempted to just zip everything back up, shove it in a closet (I know just the one!) and sort it all out in June.

This weekend I am going to go through the roughly 40,000,000 photos we took and dust off my old expired Flickr account and upload them there, just to spare you the boredom of looking at 25 virtually identical shots of my preschool cavorting in the sand, dozens of sunset pictures, and there was this one day that I got really overly obsessed with getting photos of sand crabs. I have an ungodly number of sand crab photos.

THIS JUST IN: Sand crabs are ugly, kind of creepy.



In the meantime, if you are also stuck in the snow and would like to dream of a warmer climate (or, alternately, if your body temperature is soothed and warmed by feelings of burning hot jealousy), please to enjoy another batch of vacation photos. What? It's not like I invited you over for dinner and then set up the slide projector while you weren't looking. Oh Irving, remember the sand crabs? Here's a photo of a sand crab. Here's another one. Here's a photo that would have been of a sand crab if the sand crab hadn't run back into his hole right before Mabel snapped the picture. See that dot right there? Yep. That's another fucking sand crab, can you fucking believe it.


The most private public beach in the world.


Noah, post-beach-post-nap.


Contemplating the Jonas Brothers. Quite seriously, I may add. That Nick one sounds very driven! (NOTE: I have no idea which one is Nick.)




Oh! So funny story. After contemplating the terrible state of my toenails here, I decided to get a pedicure. And after finishing this beer here, I decided to open another. You know, to sustain me through the terrible ordeal of a spa treatment. Except that instead of the bottlecap coming off, the entire lip of the bottle went with it. And I stood there for a minute, contemplating this hunk of jagged glass attached to the bottle opener, when our housekeeper was all, OH HONEY! and pointed out that I had gashed my entire index finger open. Then I was all, huh. She bandaged me up and said something like, TSK! AND THIS IS WHY YOU ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO OPEN BEERS FOR YOU.

Anyway. My finger was fine. I skipped the manicure, though.


On Wednesdays, James makes jerk chicken for everybody. (And a hunk of jerk tofu for any vegetarians.) The cooking demonstration was, for Jason, about the equivalent of a teenager getting hair-styling secrets from the Jonas Brothers. The secret is to smoke it over pimento leaf. You know, FYI, if you were wondering what to do with that pimento tree in your backyard. I know I sure was. Lousy freeloading tropical climate tree. 


Yeah. I miss it already. It was really, really nice.



So jealous! So, so jealous!


Snow in Ohio too, Ames. And your pics make me burn with jealousy... over warm weather, Red Stripes... and baby snuggles on a floaty in the pool overlooking the ocean... That one really burns...


Oh that last picture killed me dead. DEAD. Send flowers. Or? Jamaican rum.


That last picture is beautiful.
I am so tired of DC and snow! Winter, you can go now!!
You missed a few smaller storms while you were on the island in heaven. Thanks for posting while you were gone and for the lovely pics.


Years ago we had a trip to a deserted island, where my baby fell asleep on me just like that, as I floated in the water. It is one of my all-time favorite memories.


Glad you made it home before SnOMG but don't you kinda wish your vacation was supposed to last a day longer so you could've gotten stuck there??

Parsing Nonsense

Welcome home! Sorry about your gashed finger though.

And yes, those sand crabs are way too creepy. Why would you take so many pictures of such a creepy creature?


Please tell me the sand crab running across your face is a joke, because I think it might be, but I'm also really gullible and now will be haunted by that thought and may never got to Jamaica.

all things BD

Glo. ri. ous. That last picture is priceless.

And when I read about the jerk chicken, I though it said to smoke it over pimento lOaf. That sounds.... delicious?


the last photo is stunning. It just makes me happy.


I love that last picture. Makes me want to find a pool, any pool, and do some of my own baby-snuggling.

Sounds like a heavenly trip. Good luck with the Snowpocalypse!

Mrs. D

Sounds so so wonderful!

But my jealousy is somehow not keeping the cold, cold winter weather at bay...? Huh.

Springsteen fan

Wow. Just wow.

Wife to a Vegan

Jerk Tofu???? OMG I want to GO!!!!


Amy Dearest...

Here in the land of 10,000 Lakes and 10 Foot Snow Piles, lives a little 'ol business knowns as
Pimento Wood.
Yes, here in the Great White North, you can buy genu-wine Jamaican Pimento Wood for all your jerking needs.

(Jerking needs. hahahahahaha)

Sprite's Keeper

That last shot is perfect. :-)


That last shot is frame-worthy. How did you get Ezra to lay on you like that? Am JELUS again. I can never get my now 16-month old to do that.
I watched the Weather Channel this morning and thought of you. (no, I'm not obsessed or think that we're BFFs or I was hoping that you were still there, and would have to delay your flight home because of the winter storm! Too bad.
Welcome home! Love the photos (Noah post-nap = ah, sweet).


That last picture? Like honey and butter on a warm buttermilk biscuit.


Wow- so I went to the site and did some calculations about how much it would cost for us to go (it will take years to save, but whatevs). I'm going to be rude now and ask you how much you tipped everybody and if the nanny put up much of a fight when you tried to jam her into your suitcase.


Oh, that last photo made me sigh out loud.


All of that almost makes me want to go back to Jamaica. Almost.

(Our Jamaican experience was only, say, 1/1,000,000 as nice as yours.)


I want to go to there.

I am thinking this place looks perfect for our maiden vacation with our baby. You know, after she is born and stuff. I am sure I never would have found it without your test-driving it for us out here in the Interwebs, so hooray for smart bloggie marketing!

Oh, and incidentally, why does immigration suck so loudly in Jamaica? When we went there a few years ago (to a way less swank resort), I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives in that freaking line.


Holy crap! Could Noah look any taller?


Everyone keeps saying it, but that last picture is amazing.


Even after washing all your vacation clothes, I promise when you open that suitcase in a few weeks (months?) they will still smell of sunscreen and sand and sun. When we got back from Mexico this fall, it was a couple weeks before all my husband's white t-shirts stopped smelling so heavenly. He was thrilled to put a shirt on the other day (that he had only worn once since our trip) and smell, ever so faintly, that resort scent. So definitely don't unpack...maybe just go in that suitcase every other day and pull out another article of clothing and smell it for a while...


I agree with Lawyerish.

I want to go to there.
Or anyplace that resembles there.




omg, i live on florida and i'm STILL jealous.
by the way, this made me laugh so fucking hard:



I think I'd like to go there just so I could have that moment in the last picture. With my totally non-cuddly baby who would be much more interested in seeing how much water she could consume.


I'd just like to join the chorus on how awesome that last picture is. Actually, this whole little series of posts from your time at Bluefields has been awesome. Thank you for sharing it!!!


I just can't get over how much Ezra looks like you! (says the woman whose husband's baby pictures are identical to her son's baby pictures)


I am now doubly jealous of you. First the resort, then you come home to snow! And here in NC all i've gotten is rain. I hope you had a great time! And I for one, LOVE the sand crab photo! I would totally put him in frame and put him next to my bed! But maybe that's becuase i'm a Cancer and the crab is my sign or my all consuming love of all things beachy.


As the White Death currently pummels us here in Ohio, "jealous" doesn't quite do this feeling justice. :) But still, what an awesome vacation. I could do without more sand crabs, though.


Yep, you called it. Warm with the jellus....

Kristin J

Blue Steel!! Haahaaaa! Too funny. Glad you had a good time! Now you are just going to have to rough it and open your own beer from here on out.

Erin (Snarke)

*sigh* It looks heavenly there. I would like to go back in time and live vicariously through you please.

Big Gay Sam

Wow. Bad timing. The storm is supposed to get really bad. I hope you stocked up for the winter. :P


Your last picture made me get all teary. So sweet. Blue steal is gorgeous. And Noah, post-nap? Num nummies. I'm incredibly jealous of your trip and actually made a sad sound when I read that you're back. Boo.

Bachelor Girl

So glad you guys had a good time!

But at the same time, SO JEALOUS.

Internal conflict, it sucks so much.


I can't decide which photo is my favorite: Blue Steel (HAHAHA!) or the Baby on Board while floating (Awwwww!).

So glad you had a great getaway. We're supposed to go to Arizona on Sunday at 10 am.

Out of Dulles.

What do you think our chances are??


I am widowed and hope that, one day, I may find another wonderful husband. And I am saving your beautiful Jamaican resort for my honeymoon with my, to date, imaginary husband!! And while I wait for the man to show up, I will be saving up for Bluefields. It looks FABULOUS . . .and all the personal service, wow!


Oh. Oh! Color me JELUS. That last picture is killer, and your babies are SO precious.

Sand crabs, however, are creepy.


Yay. I was thinking about you during our meeting for another evaluation. We have the opportunity for a free one through UNC Chapel Hill. That was a kill joy, no? Nothing like the word Evaluation to snap you back to reality! I just wanted to ask how Noah did, although the pics seem to answer that one for me. FABULOUS!
Glad you enjoyed the restful trip and am very anxious to read more.


Looks like you had a wonderful trip! :)


Loved loved loved the pictures! As for the snow, well, just remember if not for global warming think how much snow there'd be!


My Jamaica photos are almost as good. Yay, Jamaica!


Re-entry must have SUCKED - to leave all that and return to the real world, and the real world with snow, no less.

What if we could live like that all the time? Or even half of the time?

I love the last photo of you and the wee boy.


Don't comment a lot on here because I am usually chasing around two girls but just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed your vacation with you even though it was through a computer screen!!! I will agree that it burned a little but it was worth it!

Sadie at heyMamas

OMMYGODDDD. That last picture a)is adorable and b)looks like heaven on earth. I may just have to go there and play on a beach with my family alone as well.

Sorry you are back home to snow. It is snowing in New York as well. Boo.

Thanks for the photos.

Sadie at heyMamas


ok..the Blue Steel pic made me laugh SO loud at work..people stood up to stare...HA!!!
Can I just come over and gnaw on his cheeks for a few minutes?..ok, that was weird...

Shana in Texas

Uhm, Nick is the cute one. DUH!


Jealously .... aaaaaah, toasty!

Now excuse me while I turn my heater off and weep.


Holy snow batman! I live in your ugly stepsister of a city (Bmore) and we have, what looks like, a ski resort out our front door! And we don't even own a damn sled. Life sucks. ;)


I'm pretty sure that bed is the one I've imagined for Edward and Bella on their honeymoon. Yes, I'm a dork.


Gorgeous pics. Sleepy Noah and Ezra-lander are too cute for words.

We got Blizzarded here in southcentral PA, so your pics today were a nice break after shoveling. GAH. I think some smut and alcohol are in order for recovery.


Oh! That last shot of you and Ezra... THAT is what a vacation should be.

Amanda Brown

Blue Steel just killed me dead with the cuteness!! That boy is just too stinkin' adorable.


I LOOOVE the Blue Steel. It's such a perfect description of that face! Ya know, he's never really been a fan of smiling in pictures. Haha..


oh man... i miss it and i wasn't even there.

Fairly Odd Mother

OH, that last photo. .. sweetness and jealousy are fighting inside of me but I think sweetness wins.


That last picture? So sweet...


The last photo!!!!! I love the last photo!!! That is, like, my ideal heaven right there. Pool, float, baby. The end.

I am soooo warm inside from the JEALOUSY. MMmm, toasty toasty envy.



I was ok right up until that last pic. Pardon me while i go book my trip....


Even at an all-inclusive resort, I'd have a hard time handing a beer to someone and saying "open this for me". But that nanny thing? Someone to take the kids on nature walks and to the pool and read them stories? That sounds like my idea of a vacation!

"Blue Steel" - ha!


Checked out the villas online and I am desperately trying to convince my husband that we NEED to take a family vacay there ASAP!!! Love it! Glad you had a great trip!

Karen Chatters

I bet your wishing you'd stayed right where you were or your flight had been canceled. And instead of watching your vacation pictures and being all, "Oh, remember when the sand crab did that, honey?" you're sitting in the dark and freezing your ass off.

Welcome home!!


Yes please, dust off the Flickr account.

We live right below ya'll, in the mountains of NC.

Forecast for Wednesday. BLIZZARD.

I would like to look at your beach photos. And crab photos. Because this winter SUCKS.


Awesome pictures. But before you crack another Irving joke, I should tell you that Irving was my grandpa and yes, he's dead. Way to go.

I also posted pictures of my son on the bed today and I hate to say it, but he might win the centerfold-off. I'm not proud.


I am almost physically ACHING here looking at those photos.


Is cold as fuck in Utah.



Went to the islands once. I'm such a jerk - because I had a hard time relaxing, cause um, those crabs freaked me the hell out.

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