When I take my kids to downtown KC and point out all of my old office buildings, their eyes grow large at the thought I used to work in them.

So do mine.

When my fat, pregnant ass waddled out of the Federal Reserve for the last time nearly 5 years ago, I had no regrets. And I still do not.

Yeah, I hear you. I was assistant director of communications for a homeownership education and foreclosure mitigation nonprofit in DC, and if you want to know how good things were when I started there, it's a nonprofit that could afford an assistant director of communications. And my executive assistant too.

I got laid off in April 2008, about the time that I was thinking I'd really like to be laid off from a place that was increasingly stressful and stretched increasingly thin in every direction under the economy. It's picked back up, by lots, and I've been offered my job back, several times, but we've moved from the DC area and wow, am I ever in a different place now. And not just geographically speaking.

Anyway, yeah. I hear ya.

My first baby is due late August.

This makes me really, really wish I didn't have to work. Alas, my husband is starting a PhD program this fall...

Yeah, I hear you. I have had those thoughts myself, especially when I get emails from old co-workers (while I sit in my pjs at 11 AM and am wiping a dirty tush for the 1000 time). But you summed it up perfectly when you wrote, "...the (first of) two greatest decisions I've made." YEP!

I'm jealous. Though I know every family is different and "makes it" in different ways. I know change is coming for me, and this gives me peace knowing it will be the right thing. At the right time.

I wasn't in the corporate world as long as you were, Amy, but I totally understand feeling like it all happened in some other life, or some other dimension. I see my old office building all the time and still can't believe I put on pantyhose -- PANTYHOSE! -- 5/7 days a week and paid for parking for the privilege of working there. I'm much happier in my sweats having my car in my own driveway. But I sometimes think that maybe I'll be back there one day. Errrr. Ahhh. Hmmm.

Don't really wanna. Not yet.

Every night I dream of being able to walk away from it all.

A 20-year-old asked me yesterday, "So you JUST stay home?" Yes, I just stay home with my beautiful, inquisitive, bubbly, loving 16-month-old daughter. And I am thankful every day that I made that choice.

It's so nice that you can be thankful at at time that isn't late November. Good for you. I'm not a mom but so many of my friends are and they really struggle with this decision - it's such a biggie. I remind them that it's all about pros and cons and no decision is perfect! Glad to hear that you have found peace in your choice.

I am on maternity leave right now and do not want to go back to work. Even part time work is just not that appealing right now. But, I'm so worried about the long term outcome if I decide to quit my job...I have a masters degree, a professional license, etc. and have been working "up the ladder" for years. I know this is an unfair question for Amy and readers, but here goes anyway... how will I figure out what to do???

Good to hear Amy, especially on a day like today when I part of me just wanted to run away (and for me running away would mean getting a "real" job where I wouldn't have to bear the 24/7 responsibility of having 2 small boys). Thanks for the perspective. :)

Frequent reader, now de-lurking. I am a single mom, with a fabulous 9 mo. old son, who used to go to school and work 3 jobs. I qualified for ChildCare Assistance when I was working at the daycare where my son attended. When I no longer qualified, I quit my job at the daycare and now stay home with my little man. The daycare costs and my paycheck would have evened each other out. Not worth it. I am lucky enough to still have 2 jobs with flexible, very part-time hours, and excellent pay. I still attend school and only pay a sitter for the time I'm in class. While I was pregnant and even on maternity leave, I couldn't imagine not working. Now I can't imagine not being home. This is the best decision I ever made. I LOVE being home with him to see him learn and grow. The budget is tight, but we are making it work. I'm continually learning new ways to shave a little here and there. I wouldn't trade it for anything. More money isn't worth the time away.

I'm typing this from my office, while The Dad watches The Kid run around in the park. Because of the kinds of jobs we had, it wasn't a choice -- that's the way it had to work out. If I'd had the choice, I don't know what I would have done, but I do know that when The Kid was The Baby, leaving for the office did feel like leaving a part of my own body behind. And now he's six, and it's still really, really hard. But ... life goes on.

I would love to have the financial flexiblity to allow me to quit my job....but not yet. However, I am fortunate enough to at least be able to work 20 hours from the office and 20 hours from the home office. One of these days I would love to say that I don't miss a single moment of my son's development... but sadly that probably won't happen for another couple of years at best. Good for you though... I am jealous!

Nicely written ----- I totally get where you're coming from. My family-friendly job is so much better than the other work I could do. And I am very grateful to have it.

Whenever I see debates like this it always seems the arguments for working are just about more money. Isn't there anyone out there who enjoys the stimulation and challenges of a rewarding career? I'm pregnant with my first and plan to come back to work, if only part time, because I really love what I do and I don't want to give up that part of myself that I've worked so hard to attain. It's still a difficult decision however because I want to be the best mom I can be too. I just wanted to see if there's anyone out there struggling with the thought of leaving a career behind, not just a job.

You know, my story is almost exactly the opposite--stayed at work, decided not to have anymore babies, now looking at a promotion while the Mr. takes a stab at being The Primary Parent for a while.

But still, I totally get it.

I've been working from home a FRACTION of the time (like I'm AMAZED when I get 18 hours in for the 2 weeks). There have been days when I think, the stress is sooooo not worth it, trying to squeeze in some work while I'm taking care of the two under two and the house - my husband works 2 hours away from our home so is gone 13+ hours per day, so I'm stuck with it as if I was a single mom. I think, I should just quit this, relieve the stress.

But then I remember how good it feels to be the expert on something, to be needed by people, to pick up a handful of tasks and juggle them until they fall into place and think "most people I know couldn't have done that".

I am so incredibly lucky that my boss allows me to do this - lucky that I got that three day temp assignment at this tiny company, a chance to show myself off, that led to getting hired. Lucky that the company buys lunch for everyone, every Thursday. I grump because I never get that perq any more since I work at home. Lucky that the company takes us all on a summer trip. I grumped because this year I was informed of the dates (instead of asked to vote on a couple different dates) and told to make a decision within 4 hours. We're going to the freaking Bahamas, people, my husband and I both for FREE for four nights five days, and I found myself complaining that they didn't consult me on that and made me make a snap decision.

I am SO incredibly lucky with my job.

I would drop it all in a HEARTBEAT if they insisted that I had to come back full time instead of working my piddly hours from home, playing with the baby, building towers with my big boy.

But I'm hoping I can keep my foot in the door long enough to see them both into preschool/kindergarten, and then I can go back full time. Because I DO like being the Photo Lady and the File Queen and everything else they depend on me for. The Bahamas is just icing.

I don't think Amy was being judge-y of other people at all - she was talking about HER experience (it is HER blog, after all).

I just "retired" to stay at home with our 14 month old, and it was absolutely the best decision for us - I realized I didn't enjoy the job, and about 1/2 of my salary was going to pay for a (wonderful) nanny. I feel a little sheepish when I think about the fact that I am STILL paying off student loans for that fancy-pants private college I just HAD to go to, but oh well.

We are making it work financially and so far it seems to be the right decision for us.

I totally understand where Amy is coming from! But to join cjlo from the other perspective, I'm one of those women who loves her two children and loves her job. I'm a physics teacher at a public high school and adore all sixty of my "kids" that I see from 7:30 to 3:00, then I come home to be with my own loveable crazies. I stayed home for a year after each of my kids were born, and was delighted to go back to work each time. My husband makes enough that I could stay home. I choose to work.

So for those who are wondering - yes, it IS possible to work and feel that you are both a great mom and a great something-else. Be whoever you are.

Nothing like staring at a computer screen and nodding as chills run over every part of you. Lovely post!

It's a rare gift to be able to look back on past decisions and ask "what if...?" - and know you made the right decision.

Sigh. As soon as I hit publish I worried this might get read as a PRO-SAHM! and BOO!WOHM! thing, which is so isn't. It's about looking back at decisions and wondering about the road not taken, and knowing that you took the right one. FOR YOU. FOR ME. Etc.

The "best decisions" I refer to at the end are *my children themselves*, not anything about choosing to stay home or continue to work.

I think it's obvious that I love my career now as a freelance writer/blogger waaaay more than I loved my old one, but you can't know that stuff for sure sometimes. I wrote this to say that I'm really happy that I made the choice I did. I hope everybody else is happy with their choices. Most of my friends work outside the home, and most are full-time, and they are fabulous mothers who love their children and I really don't get how anyone could think otherwise. I'm sorry people here felt the need to defend themselves.

(And I go to the sandwich place on Mondays and leave Ezra with a sitter simply because OMFG, I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DO WORK LIKE OTHER GROWN-UPS LEST I LOSE MAH MIND.)

Happy for you, but I am so jealous of moms who can stay at home. We just haven't figured out how to make that work, financially. I love your writing and your point of view, and appreciate the sentiment of this post, but I think I might have to take a break from reading this blog for a while.

It's great, yes? It wasn't easy when I quit working almost 15 years ago, financially or emotionally. But the rewards FAR outweigh any negatives. I'm so glad you're appreciating this. Like you, I do some work from home, but my real shift starts when school is over!!

I am sitting here at a job that I no longer care for wishing I could have your experiences. Since my second was born in August, I've really wanted to be able to stay at home with him. This was a complete surprise since with my first I couldn't wait to go back to work. But I can't and never will be able to and it just makes me sick to my heart.

But they are, as you so eloquently put it, the two best decisions I've ever made.

What a great post! I often wonder where I'd be had I not made the decisions that I made. I'm happy with my life, don't get me wrong, but thinking about what roads I could have possibly gone down and where I would have ended up is fun to do sometimes!

I didn't feel judged by this post, I just felt jealous. If I wanted to stay home full time, we could afford it. I feel lots of social pressure to put my master's degree and my fancy private college degrees to use. But also, I don't think I would be a fabulous SAHM. I think I would be a really good Part-time SAHM/WOHM, which isn't an option right now with my career. Someday it will be though, and I'm looking forward to that day.

Amy, PLEASE please tell me you're framing & hanging some of the pictures from your vacation. They. Are. Beautiful. I'm just floored. (And I have a BFA degree w/ an area of specialty in photography...so I know good photos.) PLEASE

I'm at the precipice of a possible crossroads, and I'm not sure exactly which of the roads I really want to pursue. I'm hoping to walk my own line right down the middle between the two. But reading this reminded me that whatever the outcome, I'll end up right where I'm meant to be and soon (hopefully sooner rather than later) I'll look back just like this, satisfied with my choice.

Thanks - because we so often doubt ourselves and the decisions we made to NOT WORK. Now, the NOT WORKING stuff has caused some financial hardship, but I'm still convinced that there is an answer and it's not necessarily in a cubicle somewhere. I'm gonna keep telling myself that in the belief that it just might turn out to be true.

Wow. Great post and this is something I think about all the time. It really is like D2 in Lost when you think about it. I can't imagine "doing the drill" and being on call 24/7 like I was the first year of my daughter's life. It was exhausting and when I look back I have a hard time remembering anything but the gray walls in my office and not her first year. It's sad.

"We have a motherfucking PLAYDATE"

Ouch. I winced when I read that sentence. Some words don't lose their meaning no matter how many times you hear them.

Isn't it crazy what things cause us to reflect on life.

What a wonderful post.