Star Wheres
(Please Nobody Tell Her It's Technically a Cat Bed)

Star Wherefore Art Thou


There was this other story I meant to include in yesterday's entry, but I completely forgot about it until a comment by Julie triggered my memory. And then I went and told the story (kind of ) in the comments section, which was DUMB because it's a GREAT STORY and deserves BETTER, especially because it involves me GETTING HURT. 

So if you haven't read the comments section: Good. Don't. If you have read the comments section and already know about the story I'm going tell: *waves hand mysteriously*

(I just erased your memory using the Force. Did it work? I bet it totally worked.)

Last week Jason and I were outside on the back deck, dueling via the Lightsaber app on our phones. (BECAUSE OF COURSE WE WERE.) "Dueling" mostly entails waving your phone back and forth a lot and pretending to block your opponent's imaginary lightsaber blade. It's kind of like playing on the Wii, only with way less dignity.

Anyway, we were getting pretty into it (OF COURSE WE WERE) but were also sitting way too close to each other, so after a few minutes Jason swung his phone down wildly and *CRACKCRASH* whalloped the side of my hand, directly on my knuckle. This hurt like a fucking bitch, to put it nicely. The phone hit me so hard that it then flew out of Jason's grip and sailed a good three feet in the air before landing on the deck. 

Faced with a yowling injured wife and an airborne iPhone, Jason dove after his phone while I dug ice cubes out of my cocktail to hold on my throbbing hand. He picked it up and reported that "it was fine" and moreover, the stupid goddamn Lightsaber app had just declared him the winner of our duel.

"CURSES!" I shouted. "I shall go build myself a robot hand and come back to defeat you, asshole."

Anyway. That's also kind of why hard and unyeilding lightsaber toys are probably not a good choice for anyone in our family right now, myself included. Thank y'all for the many links to all the the soft stuffed/knitted versions available out there, which are absolutely delightful. (I'm especially partial to the catnip-filled felt version.)  Also thanks for the various ideas re: the Yellow Letters In Space request. I think Noah will be thrilled with any of those suggestions, considering this is what he came up with in the meantime: 


Three soundtrack CDs, lined up end to end, which he slowly pushes upward while humming the theme music. I honestly have no idea where he gets his weirdness from. Especially since his parents are the absolute epitome of perfectly normal, sane human beings. Other than our weekly imaginary lightsaber duels in the backyard, of course. 

(My bruise is almost gone, which means IS REMATCH TIMEZ NAO.)




Oh wow-the CDs lined up on the table and humming the theme song? I totally just fell in love with your son. again.


That Noah is so clever!


This was hilarious!


I love Noah's manual streaming idea. And your hand, SO UNFAIR. Your husband should have to donate his phone to a more deserving, FAR LESS VIOLENT friend of yours. Someone whose allegiance to you is far greater and who would NEVER let you lose at light-saber-dueling with said phone.

Star Wars. Star Wars motivated my son's friend to give himself a wee side-of-the-head ponytail this morning, a-la-Anakin-Skywalker, and to inform my son of its existence. In a sweet, tiny voice. To which my son responded, in preschool-overlapping-speech, YEAH! GUESS WHAT? I GOT A Y-WING AND A LUKE SKYWALKER AND A HAN SOLO SKYWALKER THIS WEEKEND! To which his rather-dissed friend replied, oh. I haz a ponytail?, a little sadly. I had to prod my son to acknowledge the Star Wars love on his friend's part.

Yay consumerism.


As I laugh, I'm thinking "she rocks!"


Your kid is so smart and clever. You are totally going to make-over his room with a Star Wheres? Yes? (I want to call it Star Whores, 'cause imma ho-ahh for the Star Wars) with the intro on the wall? Yes? Please? Also? Halloween at the Storches will rock this year.

cindy w

So, you realize that your lightsaber duel is basically exactly like the one from Empire, with you as Luke Skywalker & Jason as Darth Vader? Hence the hand injury? I'll bet Luke WISHED he had a cocktail nearby to ice that sucker.

And technically, I think Darth Vader won that round too. But he got his ass kicked in the next movie.

Laura Jackson

Crap. I just woke up my kid from laughing so hard!

Noah is awesome!


I was thinking the same as cindy w above: lightsabers = hand injuries, of varying severity. It's just the way it goes.


OMG! My daughter and I totally have the lightsaber wars in front of my son who LOVES Star Wars to a level that is almost inappropriate BUT who doesn't own an APP Alicious Ipliance for the LightSabering. So he is all "Thats so dumb. You people need to get a life" But we know that totally means "I'm dying of envy please send me lightsabers!"

Anyway - how long till Noah gets to watch Space Balls?


I exploded laughing. I'm "studying" at the library for finals.


I like Noah's idea the best. Too funny.



(Dude, Noah and Wito need to take their quirky act on the road. The combined cuteness/weirdness of the two of them would blow minds.)


I am begging you: please give us video footage of you and Jason dueling. And squeeze Noah's face for me.

Shelley I the only one who thinks the catnip lightsaber kind of looks like something else?


Well, I think the CD cases pushed slowly up while singing the theme song is a brilliant idea. This kid is going to grow up to do something fabulous.

As for the catnip-filled light sabres - I've had vibrators that looked pretty much the same, only not quite as pastel.


Long time lurker, first time commenter. But I just had too!
While searching for Curious George on PBS this afternoon, I noticed a Star Wars in Concert special. If Noah likes the music then he might like that. It's worth a try anyway.


Brilliant! Noah wins for creating his own crawl!

And dude, if you lose your lightsaber, you lose the battle. This should be obvious to all!

And yeah, am jelus. Much. Long live geekdom!


I'm not aloud to get that app because a bunch of my husbands co-workers put it on their phones the first week the iPhone came out and they happened to be having a lightsaber duel on a boat. Do I have to tell you that 2 of the $400 phones landed in the water? Yeah, you probably figured that out. I also know of 2 other people whose phones died a horrible death from that app.
I still want it, though.


I am cracking up over the homemade credits. Noah is awesome.

I once threw my iPod across the kitchen and watched is bounce off the wall before landing on the floor. The screen only worked in a few special, select spots after that. But it was less than one year old, so I got a shiny new one for free. I <3 Apple.

Shelley, what else could that light saber possibly look like? Hmmm... Oh! Pervert! :P


I am laughing SO HARD at Noah's INGENIOUS way of mimicking the yellow letters in space. I kind of love your kid.


Am I the only one who clicked on the catnip lightsaber link and immediately thought "That looks like some kind of felt Star Wars sex toy"?

(I am, aren't I . . . this is why I don't comment that often -it reveals too much about the warped inner workings of my brain).


Right there with the light-sabering hand injuries. Mine was with a spoon. And involved blood. (husband *still* likes to tell the story)


The CD case thing is toooo darn cute! Love it :) And I also love your geektasticness, because, well, ossim.


How freaking cute is he?! You could run a yellow highlighter over the white words to turn them yellow!


That is possibly the most adorable thing I've read/seen in a very long time!!!


I love that you're almost nerdier than I am...


Lining up the CD cases to create the intro? Fucking brilliant. That's one awesome kid.

Robin do I put this delicately? The kitty lightsabers look a little, shall we say, adult. So much so that I almost shot coffee out of my nose after bringing up the link. They should be featured on Regretsy.


noah is clearly a creative genius. am trying to think of ways to steal his idea for my very own to show off at a dinner party or something...


I did not read the comments yesterday so this story was most hilarious to me.

And I think it's amazing that Noah came up with the soundtrack to imitate the scrolling. Quite clever.

Mama didn't love me

That is freakin' hilarious. I love how we get all "how can I bring awesome into my child's life?" and then they do it all by themselves, and the awesome they can make is so much better than you ever thought was possible. Freakin' genius, his OWN scrolling yellow letters, OH YEAH!

No, I'm not high, but I am a little sleep deprived.


That is not weirdness in Noah, it's ingenious.


That's actually a rather brilliant solution he came up with! Bright little boy!


That CD solution is a damn creative one.

Be sure to let us know if he starts asking for a metal bikini (or bikini clad Leia). ;-)

Anna Marie

Noah totally created his own yellow letter crawl - GEEEENIUS.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

I don't mean to sound like a dork, but if you take pool noodles and cut them in half, you can use duct tape to make an end look like a handle and then the battles are much safer.

Plus, you can get two light sabers for about $3.99 and your iPhones are safer.

Not that I would do that or anything.


No, of course you didn't erase my memory with The Force. You have to use the flashlight thingy for that.


@ Tracy: BWAH HA HA! Another MIB reference. This IS the sekkrit entrance to dorkdom!


Yeah, who would guess that a "mommy blog" would attract so many geeks? (typing this on my iPhone so double geek points for me!)


My husband and I also have lightsaber iphone app dueling wars. We get QUITE annoyed when our kids try to get in on it too. (We are serious duelers.)

On a separate but similar subject, are you getting the iPad???


Noah is a GENIUS child! So cute too. Also, you and Jason are hilarious dorks.


Love love love Noah's creativity, fashioning his own version of Yellow letters in Space! Go Noah!


Sorry if someone already commented with this idea...
We had a Star Wars party for my son's 6th birthday. I bought several pieces of pipe insulation, and rolls of colored electrical tape, as well as silver duct tape. I covered the foam pipe insulation with different colors of electrical tape (winding it AROUND and AROUND and AROUND, each time wishing we had invited only 2 other kids instead of 14...), and then silver duct tape at the end for a handle. The kids had a great lightsaber battle in the backyard, but no one got hurt. AND, everyone got to take their own lightsaber home. Except for the 4 extras I made, that we all play with, 5 years later. Totally awesome.


That is hilarious. Although I am sorry about your hand. Who knew the joys and pains an Iphone could bring into our lives.

rsa training

It was funny. Thank you for sharing!


reminder:must get boxing gloves.


The cat toys sold out the day after you linked to them. Coincidence?


Remember those baby toy aquariums where you turned the nob and the fish swam by? I reckon we could adapt something like that to work for the credits, using old paper rolls and a cardboard box, except we do them upways rather than sideways. I'd be more than happy to faff with the artwork and provide something for you to print out and join together. then you'd only have to find the box, the paper rolls...oh...and now I sound like a loony! i think your boys are wonderful,and wish you were next door so we could invent the toys you need.

sally c

Noah is an utter genious! seriously!


I love all the Star Wheres talk :-) It makes me happy because, while I love my husband, he does not understand the wonderfulness of all things Star Wars. So it's nice to find someone who may be a tad bit more geeked out about Star Wars than me. Oh and I was thrilled when my neighbor's kids started calling my son Star-Warner (his name is just Warner but now it's even awesomer).

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