One Step Closer To My Dream Of One Day Thoroughly Annoying Tim Gunn In Person
Farmville, Part Two

Left To My Own Very Limited Devices

Jason's been away on a business trip. It has taken every ounce of restraint I have in my system to not be complaining constantly about this. 

I remind myself about the single mothers, the divorced or widowed mothers, the military mothers, the mothers with husbands that travel all the time, for weeks and months at a time. And how many of these mothers have a shitload more children than I do and no part-time babysitter to help out during the day and no webcams and Skype so their children can spend an hour or so shrieking at Daddy while Mommy makes dinner and/or single-serve cocktails in the other room.

Yes, I remind myself that my life is not very hard at all. And I even completely believe that.


1) Jason accidentally packed my phone charger, and


Yesterday, after picking Noah up from school, I did that thing where I actually counted the number of hours to fill until bedtime. Four and a half. Not bad. Not bad at all. Easily achieved with the help of:

1) One episode of Yo Gabba Gabba with a Wonder Pets chaser,

2) Slipping some broccoli into the macaroni and cheese at dinner, guaranteeing that Noah would sit at the table for at least an hour and a half, carefully removing each and every individual green-looking dot from each and every noodle before actually eating anything, 

3) The aforementioned Skype-time with Daddy, where Noah asked if Daddy saw any chickens on his field trip to Jamaica and Ezra said "HI HI HI HI HI" a lot and threw broccoli at my laptop, and

3) A creative art project involving family photos, gingham fabric, some glue and oh who am I kidding they watched more TV and then went to bed. 

After everyone was tucked in and asleep, I watched Glee by myself, though this isn't unusual because Jason doesn't like Glee because sometimes we have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN COMMON OMG, and then wandered around the house, straightening up piles of clutter that I have happily ignored for months, taking advantage of the situation and throwing stuff out that I know he'd vote to keep if I asked him but will never, ever actually notice is gone. I took out the trash and cleaned up the dishes and caved to the siren call of Eating Snack Food After 7 pm for the first time in months. I wasted money on iTunes. Then I went to bed and secretly hoped that one of the boys would wake up or have a bad dream and request to spend the night with me. 

Nobody did. 

Jason comes home in just a few hours, and I am so very, very happy about that. 

(PS Tomorrow I am chaperoning a class field trip to a pony farm. I think the ponies are all really tiny ones but I will do my best to fall off one or get kicked in the head or maybe bitten by another goose so I'll have a more entertaining entry for you.) 



man, i wish i had this much energy when left to my own devices.

i usually drink and lay around.


My husband has two business trips scheduled for July. He'll be gone a total of 15 days. I am already dreading it.

C @ Kid Things

There was a miniature horse farm close by where I lived as a kid. The owners sometimes let a few of us neighborhood kids in to feed the horses. Except one time, I guess one of the kids gave one of the horses the stink eye because it charged after him and bit him, hard, on his back. Like really clomped down. So, you know, there's always that. Hope for the best!


You can delete this if you think it qualifies as spamming and I'll completely understand.

I was wondering if you would tweet about this fundraiser.

Totally tacky and selfish to ask but I just want to spread the word far and wide.

...And now I hope nobody internet yells at me for asking. :\


My husband is a truck driver. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. It's tough for him to be away so much....and we don't even have kids yet! I'm

Hugs to you though...I'm glad Jason's coming home soon!


Hey, I often feel this way when my husband is gone at work past 7, soooo....yeah. ;p xo

Sprite's Keeper

When the husband is away on trips, I fully bow down to a stocked DVR and growl when the kid wants to bring out the playdoh.
Just yesterday, he was working late and I let Sprite watch the music scenes of last week's Glee. I think she may now be enamored with Artie and his Safety Dance.


Coming from a single mom, I say you're fully entitled to feel like that! As I say to everyone, I don't know any different...don't know what it's like to have someone at night on a regular basis..SO, we don't know what we're missing! You do and it would be hard!

Megan (Best of Fates)

I am eagerly anticipating any and all pony stories.

Angela Noelle

I'm a military wife and while it certainly sucks to have my husband gone all the time, I would never ever think that means other people aren't allowed to be upset that their husbands or loved ones are away--even if it's just overnight.

I wonder if I could find a way for my husband to "accidentally" pack my phone charger... On the one hand, I wouldn't be able to check email or facebook when I'm away from the computer. On the other hand, I wouldn't have to talk on the phone for MONTHS!!


My husband is away often. OFTEN. I always use it as an opportunity to sort clutter and Throw His Crap Out (e.g. 5-disc CD changer that was state of the art in 1995).

Btw - you totally got me with the second #3.


I know what you mean! The nine days without my husband to help out were major suckage.

Oh, and the phone charger issue? Now that we both have iPhones, each car has a charger, we each have a charger and we hijacked the USB cords from our kids ipods and put them in the laptop bags.


That broccoli idea is brilliant.

So is the throwing out of stuff while he's gone. My husband isn't gone too often (although I whine like mad when he is) but I will be storing that idea away.


Tiny Pony Tips:
1) one end bites and the other end kicks
2) they also fart a lot
3) they have a big blind spot around their back legs and a smaller one at the end of their nose. See point 1.
3) suitable bribes - mints, apples, carrots (NOT cut into circles as it can choke them)
4) small children should feed ponies with thier hands flat out, palm up, thumb tucked in as ponies sometimes can't tell the difference between tasty treats and tiny fingers...

cagey (Kelli Oliver George)

Ugh. I hear you. For those years that my husband was traveling between KC and DC, I spent some evenings like the ones you mentioned.

Now, he works from home and I daydream about those evenings spent frolicking around our house by myself.

Yes, that clanging you hear is the sound of Me Not Winning.


Oh, DH has a business trip scheduled the first week of June, and I too am already dreading it. Of course, I always make it 10x harder on myself - this time by planning to join friends on a big camping/boating trip the day he leaves, so I'll be on my own with a toddler (and 6 months pregnant)in a small tent. I won't be reporting back on the logistics of using a latrine with a 17 month old in tow...


My husband fights forest fires in the summer. He used to be gone for 3 weeks plus travel time. Not it's just 2 weeks plus travel time and all my kids are older. But to survive it I would remind myself at 3 in the afternoon that even if he were home he'd still be at work and I'd be alone with the kids anyway. Then I would countdown from the time he usually got home until bedtime. It always seemed to help to realize that I actually only had the kids by myself for 2 hours a day.


OMG you just recounted my day yesterday, right down to thinking about military wives, counting the hours, throwing shit out for the same reasons, watching Glee, and wasting money. Holy shit. That just made my day.


I work full time, hubs works full time and yet...days I'm home with the kids by myself, yeah, I watch the clock too.

And Noelle watches waaaay too much tv on those days.


Don't you guys both have iPhones? We've got, like, half a dozen iPhone/iPod chargers floating around the house at any given time. I assumed you did too. Does this mean we're GEEKIER THAN YOU?????

Anyway, my husband's going on a business trip in July (to your neck of the woods, no less) after going to Chicago and Tampa and Philadelphia and various other exciting places in the last few years and what's my business trip this year? One night in a city an hour away. Waaah.


HA, I love what Tracy just said. Yes, we have 5 billion phone chargers around here as well...


I love it when my husband goes out of town. Life is a little more relaxing then. Although it would have been hard when the kids were as young as yours are.


I am so so happy to hear that piles of clutter collect for months in someone else's home. Perhaps you inspired me to stop ignoring them. We'll see. :)


Husband is a musician and is away a quite a bit. My least favorite is when 4 year old asks "When is Dada goin' ta be home?" 8 bazillion freaking times. In his defense, his 6 month old sister and I are kinda dull. What with all the nursing, diapers and crying.


Sounds so familiar. My husband started working evenings in March. This means I'm up with our 2.5 year old at 5:30 and putting her to bed at (please dammit!) 7:30 not 8, or 8:30. I find myself often wondering what the heck I was thinking wanting another. And there's no way I'm touching those piles of clutter in my last conscious hour!


Sounds just like when Josh goes out of town except I put one kiddo in bed with me. I can't sleep alone!


My husband left early for our camping trip today, and oh have I been cranky all day anticipating my 3.5 hours alone with my children. All evening I've been thinking "what is wrong with me? How can one evening with my daughters terrify me so much?" But you are so much better than me. I made my nanny work a half-hour late while I got myself ready for the gym, took my girls to gym day-care, brought them home for quick bath, junk food dinner and movie. What's pretty funny (sad?) is when my husband called tonight he was shocked I was spending even an hour alone (instead of dragging family or friends over to help me). Even sadder? I am so proud of myself for actually reading them a story tonight! And my girls are not particularly difficult kids. I am just a loser. And there's no way I'd take on clutter cleaning. You are awesome!

From Belgium

Strangely I don't mind so much when my husband has to travel, perhaps it is because I grew up with a father constantly living in another country, but recently my hubs had to travel to... Liberia! Yes, as in civil warn torn country where he cannot get out in the street without an armed escort Liberia. Oh how I worried. And oh how glad I was when he came home safe and sound.


THANK YOU! I am one of those divorced moms. Luckily I read your blog first thing this morning, because it reminded me I had forgotten to take the trash out last night. And considering there is currently a dead o'possum baby and a Diaper Genie sausage roll bag stinking to high heaven in said trash, it really needed to be taken out. Whew.


Did i write this post? No, well it sure sounds like my life right down to the watching TV separately because we can't agree on anything. My husband travels often and it is REALLY hard not to be resentful of his lounging in a hotel room by himself while I am screaming "Get back to bed!" for the 800th time. The worst part is, he thinks he has it worse because he has to travel! #$%@! Do you see the steam coming out of my ears? OK done ranting, good luck and hope all is happy when he returns.


I want to assure you that this post was valuable for many reasons. My favorite one? Helping all the wives realize that we have something in common: taking opportunities to throw his crap out.


It's just the break in routine. I'm not married - was a single mom for quite a few years after my divorce, and am more than used to (and even enjoy) not having a husband around. But for the last couple of years my grown son has been living with me because he's out of work. I can not tell you how much this annoys me. I wouldn't have him be homeless for anything, but to say I'm tired of him living with me is possibly the biggest understatement of this millenium. Last weekend he got invited on a four day camping trip. I could barely contain my joy at the prospect of four lovely days without him. But you know what? I missed him. Dammit, I missed him.


When my husband was gone to Australia for a few weeks, I took the liberty of cleaning out our closets. Maybe it's because I'm new at this whole wife thing, but I put them in a pile for him to go through when he got home.

BIG MISTAKE. He only got rid of about 40% of the pile.

He tried to keep a pair of tapered-leg black jeans that are too small AND they have a rugby club's emblem sewn on the back pocket. LIKE WHERE HIS BUTT WOULD BE.

I don't even know if we should donate them. Who wants pants like that?


On a lighter note, was anyone else as creeped out as I was by the mother-daughter duet of "Poker Face" on Glee?


Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm counting down the hours until my husband comes home from work (about 2?) even though I take care of this teething seven-month old every gosh darn day. Today we're both cranky and have made not one, but TWO trips to Bed Bath and Beyond to "look at the pretty stuff".


I have always said that I don't understand how single moms or moms with husbands deployed do it. After 2 days, I'm completely beat, the house is a disaster, and there has been waaay too much Dora on the tv. I guess I should reconsider all my complaints about DH not doing enough around the house, if a few days of his absence renders me barely functioning.


Yes, having a husband who is gone more than he's home DOES suck, but duuude. You're totally entitled to feel that way even if yours is just gone for a week(ish).
My husband is a Merchant Marine and is gone at least six mos. out of the year, and I can honestly say it's the first few weeks that he's gone that are the hardest! Hang in there, he'll be home before you know it.


Hey, that macaroni and cheese plus broccoli trick works on my husband, too!

Cynthia McIntyre

Loved your post, especially the broccoli trick!


I don't think anything you write could ever be boring! You always entertain me!

Korinthia Klein

My cousin and his wife are having a baby soon, and my one big piece of advice to him was that if he tells his wife when she's home with the baby that he will be home at a specific time, he must be home at that time. Any minute after that she will just start feeling a vicious circle of resentment and guilt, and avoiding that is a very good thing.

Of course it's all relative. My husband's been deployed since September and we still have a few months to go, so I won't start that antsy frustrated resentment thing until he's a month overdue.

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