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June 2010
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August 2010

Oh Hey What Up?

The beach. The beach is what up. Just FYI. Point the first: My children -- my lousy, wretched, terrible children -- have insisted on waking up at 6:30 am every morning of this mini-vacation, and for that I am ready to...uh...I don't even know what I'm ready to do to them, I'M TOO TIRED FOR RETRIBUTION. Point the second: Shovels. Shovels as big as toddlers. Madness! Point the third: We're smuggling about half the beach home in our children's thigh rolls and underwear pockets. Don't tell anyone. Point the fourth: We're leaving today, so I better get back out there with my big-ass shovel. Read more →

Dear Insurance Company: Please Define "Effective"

Our insurance stopped covering Noah's occupational therapy back in November -- conveniently, right around the time we hit our out-of-network deductible, and actual promised benefits would actually have to be paid by them, but they indicated that they'd be happy to consider an extension of the coverage, so long as we provided them with X, Y and Z. Two months later, they came back and said that actually, could we also send them W? And expand on Y? And provide some background on Z? And we did, and Noah's therapists did. We got doctor's notes and his school typed up reports and then longer reports and then the insurance claimed we hadn't sent something that we actually had, and on and on it went. For seven months. We continued to send Noah to therapy, the claims we submitted anyway came back rejected, the bills piled up unpaid. For SEVEN MONTHS. Then finally, a decision: Scientific legitimacy for sensory integration therapy has not yet been established. While accepted by occupational therapy standards of practice, there is disagreement in the medical community to the effectiveness of sensory integration therapy. Rejected. *** Noah never got mosquito bites, or at least, that's what I... Read more →

America's Next Top Toddler Sensation Idol-Type Person

Look, so I can only half-pretend to know what a Justin Bieber is (and that one-half is all thanks to Miss Banshee's helpful field guide), but I am pretty sure that he has the same haircut as my 20-month old: *here's where I would insert some lyric from a Justin Bieber song if I knew any, so instead let's pretend he sings stuff like "ooh ohh baby I got your Cheerios right here" or something* There's a little girl in our neighborhood who likes chasing Ezra around and kissing him once she catches him. It must be the hair. Or the eyelashes. Or the stink-eye. You know, if she's Team Edward or some such shit. She did bite him that one time, now that I think about it. We taught him "raise the roof" awhile back and that's since morphed into...some kind of unfortunate-looking arm-flapping thing, but he can shake a mean booty. He loves Lady Gaga, Spoon and those God-awful picture books with the buttons that correspond with icons in the story and I GUESS the idea is to have kids follow along and press the right button at the right time but instead they just sit there hitting... Read more →


Jason caught another mouse* last week -- a particularly feisty one that scratched at the trap all night and kept me awake until I kicked Jason in the shins and told him to move it outside or shove in the garbage disposal or something. He put it in the basement because he worried something else might attack the trap and eat it off the back deck and WHAT A SHAME THAT WOULD BE. The next day, he drove it all special to a big huge field far away from houses or office buildings or my goddamn good baking sheets. He turned away after watching it dash off into the high grass, but turned back around when he heard a tremendous SWOOSH...just in time to see the hawk flying away with the mouse in its claws. *I KNOW. Oh God help me, I know. The first person to mention exterminators or poison traps or very small rodent-sized atomic bombs is more than welcome to come over and beat my husband with a common-sense stick, because my arms are plum tired out. *** In other Stupid Nature news, a family of rabbits has moved onto our front lawn. It will likely not... Read more →