You're a really...amazing mother. I almost always cry whenever I read about you and Noah. Because your love for him is so obvious and beautiful. I volunteer with kids that...never had the chance to survive in a world where their parents would do anything for their safety and well-being. So when I read your posts, I am reminded of all the good that is in the world. And I am thankful that all the little Noahs out there, with moms like you, have a fighting chance at getting through this mess we call a world in one piece.

You and Jason are two lucky and loving parents.

Ezra and Noah are two lucky and loving kids.

There need to be more moms like you and more dads like Jason.

<3 geiger

I would have lost it, too. It has been a long road with our diagnoses, PDD-NOS, Sensory integration...blah, blah...

Some days I want to advocate and scream at the top of my lungs. Other days, I just want to be "normal" and make it all go away.

He is a precious boy. You and Jason are doing a great job.

Amy, man. You're doing a great job. I know you get that from us a lot, but you're doing SUCH. A. GREAT. JOB.

It will get better. It will. It did before, and I know that's what makes this down swing so much harder, but it will get better.

Oh, Amy. I know we talked about this briefly at BlogHer but I wanted to say how I feel for you. He is wonderful, and so loved, and it's going to be ok.

Panic attacks suck. My 11-year-old with Asperger's--ELEVEN YEARS OLD, I still can't believe that this was even an issue--had one, six months ago, over a pair of tweezers coming at the Monstrous Toxic Shock Splinter embedded in his hand.

He broke our dining room table.

But! That was the first one he'd had in years--YEARS. He hasn't had one since, either. And I didn't even get him early intervention, he's only been getting help through the school system since he was in preschool, but it still helps *so* much. You will see it in Noah, too.

(Also. My more-autistic [or however you'd like to refer to it, my son doesn't hand-wave or verbally stim and she does] daughter hurt her kindergarten aide so badly that the poor lady had to go to the hospital for a wrenched shoulder. The school's response? Get a behavior analysis and develop an FBA for her. Her FBA wasn't renewed last year because... she didn't need it any more. See what I mean?)

I'm not going to placate you, because having children isn't all sunshine and lollypops. Especially, when your child has "special needs"...whatever the hell that really means.

Special needs in my house translates into boatloads of patience *which is running on empty lately* and me crying in my car in the parking lots of grocery stores.

I feel ya, Amy, I really do. I've been reading your blog since my son Moose was born. We lead parallel lives (minus the fact that Noah's a few years ahead of Noah).

I'm grateful that we all have this community of blogging to vent. I nearly busted out a glass of wine with breakfast this morning...

Chin up, mama.

oof. this made me cry for the second time today, the first being after I read your Stir post.. He'll get there again, I'm sure of it. My son isn't dealing with the things that Noah goes through and he still has wierd two-step-back-isms and freak outs and terrible meltdowns. Of course, as his mom, you want to tell them it will be OK.

Here's me telling you, while I did virtual clean but crumpled tissues from my bag, that it will be OK.

I think that all would have made me lose it too. You know, sometimes when a child is getting ready to make a big developmental leap, it can cause occurrences like Noah's panic attack. I know my kids seemed to have nightmares right before they hit some intellectual milestone when they were little. Maybe his panic attack was caused by something like that.

That said (sorry if it came off a little assvicey) I truly believe Noah is going to be fine. Y'all are truly incredible parents.

Amy, I want you to know that you and your family are one of the contributing factors to my healing (for a lack of a better word). My family wasn't always the best, let us say, and reading your blog as your family grows has made me realise not all familys are like mine. You, Jason, Noah and Ezra make me simply desperate to have a family of my own, because I now see the complete joy and love it can bring.
I started reading about your Noah-pregnancy and Noah story after my father died. Everything around me was deathdeathdeath, and your stories of Noah helped bring me back to life. Through many nights when I was afraid to fall asleep, your words about Noah changed my tears from tears of grief to tears of amazement over life (and also some "Omg why can't I have a baby right now?!" tears haha).

Noah is an awesome kid. And everyone who has influenced him in his journey so far is awesome. You are amazing. If I can be half the mother you are, I will be very happy indeed.

Noah is doing so well at being an inspiration to the world! I am 100% certain that the other stuff will come.

Oh, Amy... Your article at Stir made me cry. And as for the crying and the not fair and all the rest? You're so entitled. Sometimes logic and *knowing* have nothing to do with where we're at in this moment, do they?

So I was sitting right behind you during that panel. I wanted so badly to just hug you when I saw you sniffling, but I figured it might be super creepy.

I too giggled at the misery comment. Is it always easy and sunny and puppies and unicorns? Nope. But it's not misery at all. I love the kids I work with.

Wow, it's kind of dusty in here. This one really hit me in the gut, I think. I know a little of that feeling of wanting to do something to help him and not knowing what. Such a terrifying and powerless feeling. I think you deserved a good cry if you needed and wanted one. All of us mothers want to scoop up our little ones up, protect them, help them feel safe and strong and when we can't it's indescribable. I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I love seeing all the progress Noah has made and pics of his sweet little face on your blog. I'm very glad you have the support of all your readers and fellow bloggers.

I don't know anything about all that other stuff, but darn he's adorable. <3

I can tell you, without a doubt, that any decent public school will not pull him out of an inclusion track if he hits or breaks things...that's not true inclusion... if you are at a school where that would happen, find a different one!!

Jar-Jar is enough to push anyone over the edge, NT or otherwise.

In any case. I read somewhere once (it was either in a geology textbook or a Peanuts cartoon; can't remember which) about the expansion and contraction of glaciers, and how they can lurch forward two or three feet one day, then retreat eight or ten feet the next day, and then expand forward again on the third.

It's popped into my head as a metaphor for ASD more than a few times, and a reminder that - for many of these kids; our kids - while linearity is nice... it's not the only way to grow.

You need a hug. Thank you for putting all of this out here. We're also going through some rough stuff with our FAS adopted son. His issues aren't the same as Noah's in terms of diagnosis and labels and all of that SpecEd gobbeldy gook, but they are remarkably similar in terms of how difficult the world is for him to navigate sometimes. It is good to know that we are not the only parents who are in the dark when it comes to raising a happy, confident child in spite of fighting a deck stacked against us. It is good to hear that a variety of therapies work for real kids in real ways. It is good to know that there are other parents out there who will not look at us like we are stupid/insane/incompetent when we have deal with "an issue" in public in an unconventional way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Every little thing gonna be alright. For all of us.

Those panic attacks always come out of nowhere for me. I wanted to come to your session, but knew I'd be the one hyperventilating in the corner like an asswad.

Not actually about my autistic son, but the other one. My daughter. Who is going through this all again.

I wanted to be there so, so badly, though. It broke my heart not to be there.

Amy, I know you know about kids who are intolerant to chemical additives in food. Although this week I looked into Feingold's diet and found out there are eight other chemical additives he recommends taking out of diets for kids who react to food dyes.

Now I'm going out on a limb here and ask you if you've ever suspected Noah could have a form of reactive hypoglycemia? It never occurred to me to tie that with my son's sorta out-of-the-blue crazy behavior, like you mentioned. Fine for a while, then...not! He was 8 before I made the connection and it has made a big difference for us. So I thought I'd mentioned it on the off chance. Email me if you'd like some info on how it affects kids.