A Letter To My Baby

There's No Crying In Blogball

It's been brought to my attention that my last couple posts have made a somewhat extraordinary number of you cry. At work, or other embarrassing places/occasions to be caught crying. Obviously, I assume MOST of you are exaggerating for the sake of affect (takes one to KNOW ONE, if you know what I mean), but I guess I do need to take some of you at your word and apologize for all the virtual sucker-punches, and promise that there will be nothing of the sort in today's entry. 


(What? No good? Not doing anything for ya? Oh well.)

Let's see if I can inspire some different emotions today. First up...


I finally typed "Mockingjay" into Google this morning to figure out what the freaking frack everybody was talking about on Twitter yesterday, and what exactly we're giving away on Mamapop today. Spoiler alert! It's a book! Now here is my dilemma:

1) Take all of you at your word that it's omg!thebestthing!ever! and start the series at the beginning, looking for all the world like a shameless fad-follower and hopeless behind-the-timer, especially since I'll probably finish the third book riiiiiiight when the "thing that is massively popular" backlash begins and nobody will want to talk with me about it or care that I read it because oh my God, you're still TALKING about that? Whatever, loser, we've all moved on to that OTHER young adult book series that everybody is reading now. Man, you can't even manage to stay hip among the book nerds. 

2) Be the one to up and START the "thing that is massively popular" backlash, on the grounds that I allowed myself to get sucked up into that whole Twilight nonsense, which ended with me reading a book about vampire c-sections and werewolves falling in love with vampire hybrid toddlers, consumed with shame over...well, a lot of life decisions, but namely the one involving me dragging my pregnant ass and child to the bookstore to explicitly buy that horrible, terrible book in hardcover. 

3) Anger just about everybody in the world by comparing the Hunger Games series to Twilight, because they are so totally different, you giant ignorant asshole, for a zillion different reasons that I will outline for you now. 

(PS. Also, Jacob IMPRINTED on Renesmee. Totally different than falling in love. STOP MAKING JACOB SOUND CREEPY.) 

I decided to go with number 3! I bet it worked!


Speaking of shameless fad-following, I bought myself two (2) packages of ZanyBandz last weekend. And then promptly lost them. I last saw them on the dining room table, after I opened them and carefully selected the cutest assortment of colors that matched my outfit, AS ONE DOES, WHEN ONE IS A MATURE, FULLY-FORMED ADULT-TYPE PERSON, but then they vanished soon after that. I'm thinking the babysitter moved them, but I am too embarrassed to ask her about whether or not she moved my ZanyBandz, as this would entail:

1) Admitting to a 24-year-old that I purchased ZanyBandz,

2) Admitting that the ZanyBandz were not actually intended for my children, in case she assumed they were and put them in a toybox or something, 

3) That I care about the whereabouts of said ZanyBandz, and care DEEPLY, and have basically been driving myself crazy all week looking for them, as I'm only admitting defeat days later, and

4) Possibly finding out that she threw out the ZanyBandz, not realizing that a brightly-colored pile of misshapen rubber bands were like, a THING, an IMPORTANT THING, and being forced to smile and assure her that it's okay, I don't mind, because seriously, I'm not going to be an entitled asshole boss about ZanyFuckingBandz.

And yet:

1) I kind of can't help but wonder if damn, bitch stole my ZanyBandz!

Anyway. If you're not feeling particularly SCORNFUL yet, perhaps this will push you over the edge: One of the missing packages of ZanyBandz was the "Moonlight" collection, which includes hearts, wolves and vampire fangs. 

(PS I was actually thinking of True Blood when I bought them. And I bought them IRONICALLY. And yes, I'm totally judging myself for suddenly caring so non-ironically about their whereabouts.)


Photo 98 

I have a snack, and you don't.


This one is really more for Ezra. I took this photo today to hold for future discussions about faith, reality, Santa, the Easter Bunny and the idea that none of us are really unique special snowflakes. Also that mothers are tricky, sneaky bastards:

Photo (68) 



Wait, have you not even been READING this entry? You MUST be feeling all kinds of superior to me by now. I'd suggest you go back and re-read it but I already promised that I wouldn't make anybody cry today. 



I am so glad you made fun of Twilight. The only good thing to come out of Twilight is the topless photos of the dude who plays the werewolf. (HOT DAYUM MAMA!)


Is that like his special blanket or something? I feel like I'm missing something in "mind fuckery" but I guess you can say to yourself--hey I won! I totally fucked with a chick's mind today! :D


You should totally go with option 1, though! The books are a really quick read, so you'll be done with them before the backlash starts, and you'll definitely have time to be part of the "in-crowd". If you go buy them now, you can just say that the only reason you haven't yet read Mockingjay is because you pre-ordered, and your order didn't get here on the release date, OMGtheunfairnessofitall!!!. (This is my current position, and it has me pretty worked up).

Also, they are nothing like Twilight (you giant ignorant asshole), they're so so so much better! (Disclaimer: I hated Twilight. It made me angry because it was just so fucking ridiculous.) I swear to you that you will love the Hunger Games series.


I just found out about two things everyone and their chiropractic loves: Hunger Games and the Angry Birds app. What happened to all my pop culture savvy?


I haven't read Hunger Games, either, but all this hoopla got me to put them on hold at the library. I will apparently be waiting WEEKS for Book 1, but Book 2 is available immediately. I sense we are not alone in our belatedness...


Yay, I can move your rss feed back to funny!


I have the moonlight zany bands. And am very sorry you are mourning the loss of yours. Hopefully they turn up. Or the babysitter brings them back.


I did not buy into Twilight nor the Harry Potter madness, but I'm oh-so-happy I'm into the Hunger Games. You MUST read it. MUST, mama. MUST!

Just Shireen

You are just my favorite part of the internet today.

cindy w

Yay! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who had to google "Mockingjay" to figure out what the effing eff people were talking about.

Also? The book? I usually go with option 2. But that's because I'm a huge jerk and I have shit on all previous "young adult fiction that gets grown adults all excited" trends (see also: Harry Potter, Twilight). I refuse to read any of that crap. BECAUSE IT'S FOR CHILDREN. (See? Am a jerk.) So I'm really just keeping with my theme here.


1) No. Not exaggerating. I care enough about your kids that I really DO cry. Luckily I work at home.

2) Hunger hu wha? Sigh. Now *I* have to go google it.

3) I am an evil stepmother who thinks those rubber band bracelets are dumb. I didn't even buy any for my stepkids when we saw them for a DOLLAR HEY DONT YOU KNOW THEY ARE SO COOOOOOOOL and it wasn't until like a week later (when their mom's bro bought them some) that I realized they are actually TRENDY and not just "I saw this 2 seconds ago and it was cool so I'm saying it's cool". Oops. Easy-chance-to-be-the-cool-one FAIL. That being said... I still think they're dumb. You can't tell what shape they are when they're on you, and when you're not wearing them.... well... they're colored shaped rubber bands. *shrug* I think I have some shaped paper clips, too, and at least I can see what shape they are WHILE I'm using them... (realize that sounds critical of Amalah; I am just explaining why I'm not one of the cool kids that thinks they're cool)
Yennyhow. I do understand the sentiment about the missing-thing-i'm-not-supposed-to-care-about.

4) I have peanut M&Ms. neener.

5) I just LAST WEEK spent $25 on ebay getting copies of the last two un-clone-owned loveys in the house. Now I have replacements of each of the 5 irreplaceable loveys... muahaha.


CORRECTION to line one, above: ... about YOU AND your kids...


Option 3 here.

My husband, who would rather stab himself than read Twilight, watch Twilight, or be in the same room as people talking about Twilight... read Hunger Games and Catchting Fire and liked both.

I think Hunger Games is going to make it onto the literature shelf at the library.


Katniss from Hunger Games is far more badass than Bella. And no vampire c-sections. It's a win!


Is it bad that all I can think about is...what kind of ZanyBandz did you buy for yourself?

Sprite's Keeper

Check your junk drawer for the zanybands. And if you don't have a junk drawer, then I'd REALLY be worried..


I'm way behind the times with the popular books, I guess... But I'm still really disturbed by that whole imprinting, vampire c-section thing. I read it while I was pregnant and was just disturbed. It really takes the unborn baby as parasite, feeding off you thing, to the next level (kind of like Alien, I don't know). *shudder*

Lisa Z

I totally tweeted today about seeing a woman over the age of 25 wearing silly bandz (which I thought they were called) and TOTALLY JUDGED her. Damn.

I do agree on the Twilight series, though.


Read Hunger Games, tis awesome and full of win. I think the primary reason the series is YA is because of the main characters being 16. Katniss is 16 years old, but her mentality and actions in the book are not typical of her age.

I also think Hunger Games has more staying power against a back lash. It is free from a lot of the silly and bizarre parts of Twilight, and has a much better love interest/conflict story line.


Read Hunger Games, tis awesome and full of win. I think the primary reason the series is YA is because of the main characters being 16. Katniss is 16 years old, but her mentality and actions in the book are not typical of her age.

I also think Hunger Games has more staying power against a back lash. It is free from a lot of the silly and bizarre parts of Twilight, and has a much better love interest/conflict story line.


Allow me to join the chorus of the rest of the internet and say, READ THE HUNGER GAMES!!!!!1! They are extremely easy to read and about fifty million times better than Twilight. (I stayed up LATE last night and finished Mockingjay. There was no point in pretending I'd sleep not knowing the ending!)

Mama Bub

Couldn't you go the "Noah has been asking about the ZanyBandz" route, thus taking the spotlight off of you?

Also, my three year old has two "brown blankies." On here, one at my mom's. The one at my mom's is conspicuously unstained, also still soft and very obviously blue and brown, rather than dull, possibly blue and brown like his blankie at home. He doesn't seem to notice the difference.


Haha! Hilarious. I had no idea about this 'back-up' blankie thing. I had a stuffed elephant 'Oddie.' My mom made him, and he had to make him new 'skin' every couple of years. I think I freaked out the first time, because she did it secretly. The second time, she let me help, so that I would understand. HA!


Oh lordy. I love you woman. You're my new girl crush. This post solidifies it.

Why oh why didn't I say hi to you at blogher. (oh yeah, cuz the autism panel made you cry. and me cry. and I figured you wouldn't like me if I snotted on you)

Brigid Keely

I really enjoyed the first two books of "the hunger games" and have preordered the third, BUT they are REALLY run of the mill post apocalyptic disaster books, only with more girlish fashion and loveangst, which I don't really care for but post apocalyptic disaster books ARE MY BREAD AND BUTTER OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM MORE THAN I LOVE VAMPIRES AND I CANNOT EXPRESS MY VAMPIRE LOVE IN MERE WORDS. Instead, I resort to a kind of clumsy interpretive dance.

THOSE OF YOU WHO ENJOY THE HUNGER GAMES: check out "graceling" and "the forest of hands and teeth," both YA, both featuring kick-ass female protags, both really well written. "forest" is the first book of a trilogy, is excellent, the second book is excellent and I'm eagerly awaiting the third. Sometimes second books drag and are awful, "the dead tossed waves" was just great.


Wait, what? Pregnant ass and child being dragged to the store . . . are congratulations in order? If so, you got me. I'm tearing up at the thought.

Unless it was all hyperbole and shit and I'm reading way too much into what everyone else glossed over!


Yeah, we thought we were all clever and shit too with the matching identical lovies for the baby. But then he found both of them at the same time so now he must have BOTH hand-knit, irreplaceable blue blankets in his crib in order to sleep. Be warned, oh ye who mock the toddler. BE WARNED.


This has nothing to do with anything but you look really pretty in the Kozy Shack picture!


Hunh. My 12-year-old stepson did a book report on the Hunger Games. I was impressed that he enjoyed it, since he generally doesn't like anything that isn't dragons, vampires, wizards, etc. It never occurred to me that I ought to read the darned thing. Maybe I'll ask him to check book 1 out from his school library for me.


I'm facing the very same Hunger Games dilemma. Have not yet decided what to do.


I bought a pack of Wacky Bandz in Chicago a couple of weeks ago, and wore them IRONICALLY at Lollapalooza. And then stuck them in a pocket before Soundgarden started, because I'm all for irony, but I'm more for Chris Cornell.

And now I can't find mine, either. And it's starting to eat away at me. And I'm glad you've blogged about it, so I don't have to...

Paula Gallagher

Yes! You must read The Hunger Games.It is nothing less than teh awesome,exciting and well-written. I'm a librarian and I say read it. NOW!


Go ahead and start at The Hunger Game. The first two are quick reads. I won't be reading Mockingjay until it comes in at the library. To me this series is only a small step up from the Twilight series, but not as irritating.

My son at 8 years old actually opened up the sliding glass door and yelled out "It's a conspiracy." when he found out about Santa, et al.


Go for option 1. The books are completely awesome and you'll go through them super quickly.


I must second or third or whatever the suggestion that Katniss is a heck of a lot more badass than Bella (not that that would be difficult or anything).

I would suggest that you read them, but I am too busy being angered by the fact that you compared The Hunger Games to Twilight in the first place. Now I will stomp off in a huff. (I'm a librarian, okay? I have to read them all. It's FOR THE CHILDREN. At least there are things that make it worthwhile, like The Hunger Games.)


I saw something about 'Mockingjay' on Twitter and totally thought it was a trending topic about how sucky Jay Leno is. Yeah. I'm a geeze.


Huh? Hunger Games? What? Sorry, I couldn't keep reading after seeing that Kozy Shack crack pudding. There's seriously a Homer Simpson-style string of dribble of drool hanging from my mouth from the mere thought. I am jealous of your snack, indeed.


The Hunger Games series vs the Twilight Series? No comparison. Well, not unless you would like to compare the Sweet Valley High series to anything that Judy Blume wrote. Both authors wrote books that made you want to read, but Blume actually wrote things that made you want to THINK. Francine Pascal just made you reach for your Bonnie Bell lip gloss and mourn being a teenager.

The Hunger Games series is like Judy Blume - you will read, you will read again and you will think. Twilight was fun, oh sure. But there was not much substance going on there.

Backpacking Dad

I don't like KozyShack. The bits of tapioca in a perfectly good pudding are like sparkles on a vampire: completely useless, distracting, just for hype, and appreciated only by those who can't see that Buffy is the One True Vampire Universe.

It's not a perfect metaphor.


I don't know about all these other things you speak of (zanyBands? What?) but you had me at prengnant arse. Although I would have filed that one under general mind-f$#*ery.


I don't know about all these other things you speak of (zanyBands? What?) but you had me at prengnant arse. Although I would have filed that one under general mind-f$#*ery.


Fuck, I've never heard of any of the stuff you're talking about. I thought I was hipster.


Wait! The last book is out?!? YESSS!!! I am on that like, well, like something sticky. Can't think. Too excited. Don't read it. Wouldn't want the backlash to start.


Quick read. Good storyline. Good characters. It's OKAY to like popular fiction. REALLY. That's why it's POPULAR. Geesh! :)

Enough smiley faces for one comment?


Please don't stop making us cry from time to time. We LOVE your heartfelt stories. Okay, back to your regular programming now. I know, I know.... this is no crying day..... got it.


Backpacking Dad is right, Buffy should've staked Edward at the end of the third book to save us all from the hybrid-demon spawn, vampire asking werewolf to service human wife, bloody vampire c-section, syringe injected directly to the heart, lack of any real conflict after that mess that was Breaking Dawn.

On another note, I have purse pocket full of about 50 SillyBandz/ZanyBands whatever their calleds I could send you. They've been big here since the beginning of the previous school year to the point where I've actually banned any more money being spent on them when they end up in my purse anyway.


Um ditto on the Vampire C-Section and the creepy creepy imprinting (oh but its not like he feel in love... bullshit, it is creepy). I downloaded it to my kindle just to finish the damn series and read the whole thing with a permanent WTF look on my face.


Wow, I feel oooollllldddd and fuddy-duddy - I've never read (or had any inclination to read) Harry Potter, Twilight etc. (haven't seen the films, either) and have never heard of any of the other stuff (books? films? don't know). And these bracelet things obviously haven't hit France yet because if they had I'm sure I would have heard of them, given that I have to daughters, aged 8 and 6, both obsessed with Troy Bolton!
But yeah, I do feel pretty much out of the loop...
What is it with all this fuss about YA books? I just can't get into it - even the subject matter of Harry Potter doesn't interest me...
Regarding vampires, I'm still pretty much stuck on Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire (which dates me horribly, of course, as I saw it when it came out and was already an adult).
Have to stop, I'm depressing myself too much!


Oh thank God. I though I was the only one who found the last Twilight book to be seriously disturbing. I've notoriously been the last to get sucked into those series'...so here I go being the last to look up whatever the hell that book was you mentioned. :)

Also - I wish my son would embrace the taggie blanket. Ours just sits in the toy box and gets ignored all day.


THANK YOU! This entry did not make my beady little eyes well up and thus I can maintain my cruel street-cred. It did make me feel wicked old, though, because I have yet to see a Twlight movie and read 10 pages of the first book before wandering away, have not heard of the Hunger Games before, and am oblivious to the lure of them Zany/Silly/Wacky/PreSenile Dementia Bandz, whatever the heck they're called. In the future, please be more attentive to MY needs. snicker.


I am actually going to Buy Buy Baby this weekend for the express purpose of buying a duplicate Taggie. I was in the same boat about the Mockingjay thing until this week, too. I was like, why are people on Twitter so into birds? But I think this is yet another trend I will be skipping (much like Twilight - vampire c-section? WTF?). I kind of topped out at Harry Potter and now I am just an old fart who doesn't understand what all those crazy kids are talking about. (I am 30.)

Elizabeth @ Table for Five

I bought Hunger Games at a Scholastic Book Fair at the end of last year, and fell in love with it. Bought Catching Fire, then bought Mockingjay yesterday. Ryan's going into 8th grade this year, and they were all required to read Hunger Games over the summer. Found out from the cashier at Barnes & Noble that she was the one who recommended H.G. as the summer reading book. Young Adult Fiction! It's not just for tweens and teens anymore!

Also, I missed the original post about Cribby, but LOL'd for reals at your pretend Etsy listings. Neckerscarf is an awesome made up word.

Now I want pudding. I has no Kosy Shack :(


I missed out on Harry Potter. I thought the first one was 'meh' so didn't keep going and before I knew it I was out of the loop. I enjoyed Twilight, but I didn't subject it to any kind of critical thought. Since I'm not an impressionable youth or looking for relationship tips, I didn't think I needed to.

I do kind of wonder why YA books get so amazingly popular with grown ups these days. Are we all just lazy and looking for an easy read? (That's my reason - accessible fiction is great when you're too tired to think much but everything on TV is just too annoying.) Is it a generation of parents of teens who reared them to be their buddies and fashion consultants? Maybe if I actually belonged to a grown up book group I wouldn't have these questions. But if I did, would they make me read Eat, Pray, Love?


Hrm. I feel nothing. Could be the vicodin...


Read the Hunger Games! You will love the series. Even my 20 year old brother liked them and he is too cool for school. And thank you for pointing out that Breaking Dawn was just straight up creepy. Don't get me wrong...I love Twilight, but eeww, ew, ew.


Have not read Hunger Games, Percy Jackson OR Twilight. Or any of "the girl who...". I'm feeling very behind but also not wanting to be on or behind the bandwagon. Sigh.

For the record, yes, your entries have produced actual wet eyes at work, although the letter to Ez just made me smile. I didn't dare watch the video of Noah because it all seems so frustrating and I knew that would get me.

Suzy Q

I fell for that Twilight garbage, read the first book, got the second one and about 12 pages in realized what a total LOAD OF CRAP it was. I have since given both books (and some others) to a middle school teacher who is building a library for his students. Heh.

I am NOT falling for the Mockingjay. However, if I win the giveaway, I will make sure it goes to that teacher.

Your babysitter totally stole your ZanyBandz.


I'm here to vote yes on proposition Read Hunger Games. Here's the thing. Harry Potter was the first preteen-book-series-is-a-THING, right? If there was one before that, I was not hip enough to know about it. But when HP was the huge new thing, I was a hater. I was way too mature and well read to read a book for 6th graders about wizards, jeez. Then, I think around the time that book 3 came out, a coworker of mine basically dared me to read it and not like it, I think there was even a wager involved. So I read the first book, and I was hooked. Humbly asked said coworker if I could borrow the next 2, and I've been a total HP nerd ever since. The point is, that experience made me decidedly choose a side of the preteen-book-series fence: I'm all about it! If I hear about a new series that everyone is loving, I dive in and give it a chance. I won't share my feelings about each of those series that I've blindly followed the herd and read, but I will say that The Hunger Games series is pretty dang awesome. So I'll lay it down like my coworker did with HP: read the first one, and I dare you not to be hooked. Don't be a hater! What do you have to lose except some blog reading time after the boys go to bed at night? :)


SO off topic... but have you seen these?!!


2 weeks before my son Payton was born, I found a Peter Rabbit lovey (the little square blanket with a stuffed animal head sewn onto the middle...not as creepy as it sounds!) at TJMaxx. That is, of course, The Thing that he latched onto and I have ALWAYS regretted not buying two of them. He will turn 5 in 3 weeks and, even now, I still look for another "bunny" every single time I go into a TJMaxx/Ross/Marshalls.


Go read The Hunger Games trilogy. It'll redeem you from reading Twilight Suzanne Collins= Actual Writer (she wrote Clarissa Explains It All and other YA books), Stefanie Meyer= Woman Who Wrote Out Her Dream. You don't have to tell us that you read it so we'll never know you're following the "fad." I just hate the idea of you not reading these awesome books.

Mom's are sneaky. I slip K's blankie from her during naptime on Sundays to wash it.


Yep I think I need to read Hunger Games...


Read Hunger Games...I bought it this morning on the way to a doctors's appt. after reading this post & the comments. I just finished it a few minutes ago. It is a quick read and worth it.

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