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December 2010
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February 2011

Back From the Wilderness

Whoa. I've been away so long that Typepad logged me out of my blog publishing-y thing. And I couldn't remember my password. Or the real, actual word I'm thinking of when I call it my "blog publishing-y thing." So we went to New York! It was fantastic. I think I finally succeeded in gaining a million pounds, thanks to Travelocity and Restaurant Week and Mario Batali's Eataly where I ate pasta and then had a cheese plate and more pasta for dessert. Or maybe that was considered pre-dessert. We were there for like, four hours and didn't stop eating once. That was also where I spent a good 45 minutes staring at some poor random guy a few seats down from us at the crudo counter that I SWEAR was on an episode of Law & Order or something, only to realize once he got up and I was actually sitting directly next to Andrew Zimmern. You will all be terribly proud of me, I think, for managing to NOT start pointing and shouting "BIZARRE FOODS! Hey! You're BIZARRE FOODS! What up, BIZARRE FOODS. I TOTALLY CAN'T THINK OF YOUR REAL NAME RIGHT NOW, BIZARRE FOODS." Jason, always the bad... Read more →

Gnome Encounters, Part II

DORK ALERT. The Gnome recommended the cheese plate, but I wasn't convinced that would be cheesy enough. So...fake pose time! Also, for the record: MoMA is at 11 West 53rd Street, in case you find yourself at the mercy of the one cab driver in Manhattan who has apparently never heard of the Museum of Modern Art and attempts to drop you off a couple blocks away instead. "I'm pretty sure that's it," he said, pointing at a random storefront. "I'm pretty sure that's a Duane Reade," I said. I was right, but we got out of the cab anyway, because after pulling up MoMA's website to track down the exact address, I learned that it was closed on Tuesdays, and thus, yesterday. Because we excel at planning. Or this was just another attempt by the universe to save us from our excruciating lameness, since we decided to go to the museum in the first place to specifically see an exhibition about kitchen cabinets. And today, provided we are not foiled by Snowmaicesleetcapocalyptico 2011 or whatever the weather is doing outside right now (I have not looked out the window yet, our hotel room is still a dark closed-up tomb... Read more →

Gnome Encounters

Oh, hi there. FROM NEW YORK CITY! *awkwardly makes some imprecise hand gesture that I'm not sure actually means anything* Jason and I have escaped the clutches of our germ-encrusted children for a little getaway this week, where we can expose ourselves to culture and an entirely new city's worth of viruses and bacteria. Especially since it is, according to some very reputable cab drivers we've spoken to, approximately negative 57 degrees outside and you are risking iciclehood just by walking outside. We arrived yesterday. So far we've: 1) Learned about the effect of cold weather on Amtrak trains, which seems to be similar to the effect of snow, ice, rain, electrical storms, wind, understaffing, overcrowding and/or cows standing around on the track. In other words: DELAYS. LOTS OF 'EM. 3) Checked into hotel. 4) Stripped hotel bed and inspected for bedbugs. 5) Found no bedbugs. 6) Ate $8 container of hotel Pringles. 7) Took a nap. 8) Had dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. 9) Bought $1.77 replacement for hotel Pringles at drugstore. 10) Slept some damn more. Today should be every bit as exciting. And more! We're actually here with a little help from Travelocity for NYC Restaurant... Read more →

I Really Hate Coming Up With Titles Some Days. (There. Done!)

And two days's still a boy! What? Not quite as exciting anymore? Damn these follow-up posts. They're such a letdown. I spent all day yesterday in rapid reverse-gear, solely fixated on my older existing-model child and visiting our kindergarten options for next year. A variety of special education flavors and regular strength. I started off the day with a pre-existing belief in one of them, only to end up with that belief shaken and stirred and coming home to wail that I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THEM, EVERYTHING IS WRONG. One option is too this and the other is too that. I still haven't come to any great revelations about the day and the experiences and what I saw, other than to randomly decide that I think I'm going to sign Noah up for a karate class. That will solve...none of the big issues at hand, but it's a DECISION. About SOMETHING. Everybody golf clap. DO IT. Oh, and I bought like, five boxes of chocolate truffles. They were on sale, because they're tied up with Christmas ribbons, and they're practically PRESCRIPTION truffles. Because once again, I showed up at my OB appointment having gained zero pounds. The baby... Read more →


A blobby ghost baby! Congratulations, self. Oh. Right. One other little thing... It's a boy. We're having ANOTHER BOY. I've been sitting here trying to think of something else to say. Except. ANOTHER BOY. Jason: If this were the 1500s, you'd be really popular. Amy: Seriously. Henry VIII would be all over me. He'd probably have you killed. Doctor: Um, okaaaay...and that's a foot, right there. Another boy. Another giant-headed, adorable, perfect baby boy. Read more →

I Wrote This Because I Don't Know What Else To Do With Myself

First of all, thank you for everybody who commented yesterday with ideas and suggestions and just plain old-fashioned reassurances about Noah's non-hunger strike. At this point, it seems like the kid just isn't hungry yet, with no underlying secondary health issue lurking in the shadows, because he is otherwise completely symptomless. He'll nibble on pizza crusts and Cheerios here and there, then STILL run around like he's been pumped full of pixie stix and caffeine. For the record, I dropped a full 10 pounds during my own flu tussle the weekend before last, just because I had no appetite and couldn't smell anything so food tasted like paste for multiple goddamn days. I eventually just forced myself to eat the paste-food, what with the GROWING AND SUSTAINING OF LIFE side gig I've got going on, but since Noah has no secondary higher purpose like that, I'm guessing he just needs a little more time for the congestion to fully clear and give him his taste buds back. What's been great this winter -- and here you will fully see the low, low depths a mother will sink to in search of something she can describe as "great" -- is that... Read more →


Hey! So who's sick of hearing about how sick everybody is? ME ME ME ME ME ME. We celebrated the end of the flu onslaught this weekend with haircuts and grocery shopping. AS ONE DOES, when one is finally free to leave the house and attempt a couple much-delayed errands and the kids are walking into walls because their hair is long enough to French braid. NOT THAT I CHECKED OR ANYTHING. We went out for pizza. Some of us even ate some! We came home and put the kids to bed and a few hours later, as I mentally debated whether or not I could possibly tolerate the idea of my husband touching me without hacking up a lung all over him (sexily), Noah woke up screaming his head off in pain, because NOW he had an ear infection. HEADWALL HEADWALL HEADWALL. I had this whole other tangent typed here, and then I read it. And...I'm not going to lie: I don't know what in sam hill I was talking about. It started off with something about ears and seemed to end up about two sentences shy of me lying face down on the floor, clutching the earth in... Read more →

Slow Burn

Noah's fever spiked last night -- not high enough to necessitate a trip to the ER or anything, just one of those HOT. DAMN. moments when you stare at the thermometer and struggle to hold on to everything you know about small children's resilient little bodies and their tendency to run 102+ degree fevers for no damn good reason. We dosed him up with Tylenol and I hovered around his red-hot presence anxiously, obsessively rubbing his back and his hair, convinced that we were, in fact, going to end up at the ER later and that it was pneumonia or something equally horrible, and wondering who the HELL left me in charge of this small, helpless human being? And the one in the next room? And the one that's not even born yet? Dear God, why didn't we just stop with the damn CAT while we were ahead? *** So I mentioned that kindergarten transition meeting thing yesterday. Kindergarten transitioning is a Big Honking Deal for the kids in the district's special education preschool program, obviously. It involves weeks of observations by a whole team of people, preliminary plans and pre-plans and planning to plan, then an initial "invitation" to... Read more →

Second Wave

We were all feeling better. We WERE. I swear I did not just imagine it. Noah went to back school yesterday. Jason went to work. I went to "work." And even Ezra didn't demand constant nose-wiping by screaming HALP ME NOSE! every five minutes. (It was more like every 10.) Jason and I attended a kindergarten transition meeting at Noah's school last night where we were mostly successful at NOT being Those Assholes Who Coughed The Whole Time, thus interfering with other parents' enjoyment of sitting through an hour meeting that consisted of someone reading a PowerPoint version of the school district's special education services website out loud to us, and then I came home and powercapped Top Chef All-Stars until the wee hours of the morning. That was yesterday. This is today. If anyone needs me, I'll be the other end of that couch. Read more →

19 Weeks

Oh my hell, I am 19 weeks pregnant. And a half! Pregnancy-wise, I am feeling...oddly great. A little tired, a little prone to lightheadedness or wooziness if I jump up off the couch too quickly (solution: don't ever bother getting off the couch), though probably a little MORE prone to snappishness and short-temperedness at my husband and children. I have enough of that last thing sometimes that I have to occasionally ask myself "What the fuck is your problem, man?" And that's when I remember that oh my hell, I am 19 and a half weeks pregnant. That is my problem. LAY OFF ME, ASSHOLES, THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT HARDER THAN I AM LETTING ON. I was *thisclose* to five whole pounds gained after Christmas -- a job well done, and one that I was quite proud of, those pastry-wrapped sausages didn't just eat themselves, you know -- but then lost seven during the Extended Flu Remix of the past week, and am once again looking at the exact same number on the scale as the day I handed a positive pee stick in an envelope to my groggy, recently anesthetized husband and yelled SURPRISE! REAL GLAD TO HEAR... Read more →