And They Kept Asking If This Was My First Pregnancy, For Some Crazy Reason
May 11, 2011
So apparently I very much accidentally made the end of Monday's post sound a little...misleadingly cliffhanger-y, as many of you misinterpreted my "awkwardly backing out of a topic about how crazypants I am in order to go search of better hand-me-down bin labeling materials" as "I JUST WENT INTO LABOR DUN DUN DUUUUUN."
I was totally planning to tease y'all about that, by the way. Oh! You guys! Are so cute! I forget how labor-trigger-happy the Internet gets whenever it gets within spittin' distance of a due date!
At least, that's what I PLANNING to write yesterday. Right after I took a shower. But then I started to step into the shower, and...what's that? On the floor? Pooling between my feet? And running down my legs?
Um.
Okayyyy. Quick change of plans, I guess?
Now, my water never broke during either of my previous pregnancies. With Noah, it was broken deliberately mid-labor with a pokey plastic stick at the hospital, and it stayed intact with Ezra all the way up to my scheduled section date. (I remember overhearing the nurse say the word "ruptured" while I lay doped up in the recovery room and hysterically thought she was talking about my UTERUS for like, five whole terrifying minutes until I asked and she patiently explained no, they ruptured the amniotic sac. Bless your heart, dumbass.)
So I was not entirely sure what was happening there in my bathroom, though I knew that my water breaking was only one of SEVERAL highly undignified options. I did my best to...ahem...identify and/or classify it, but remained fairly baffled.
I took to Google, surprised to find that it was ready and willing to auto-fill SEVERAL choice color/viscosity-related adjectives I planned to type. Handy! AND YET SO GROSS.
I put on a pad and laid down to stare at the ceiling, wondering whether I felt like overreacting that day. Or under-reacting. I finally decided the risk of looking like, oh, I don't know, AN INCONTINENT IDIOT was probably worth it, just in case I was actually leaking something vitally-baby-important.
Plus, for once, shit was happening during regular office hours! No after-hours answering service! No immediate trip to Labor & Delivery! I could go to the office and they could do that little pH test strip thing right there and send me on my sheepish way in a few minutes! I could hit Chipotle on my way home!
WIN. I called.
It turned out my doctor was already en route to L&D to perform an emergency c-section on another patient. He called me back from his car and listened to my description of Just What Exactly I'd Cleaned Up Off The Bathroom Tile.
And he told me to not pass go, do not collect $100, do not worry about remaining unorganized closets, but to head directly to the hospital right that very second.
"WHAT?" I yelped. "WHAAAAAT?"
You guys, I tried to argue with him. I tried to fully express the ENORMITY of how unsure I was that my water had actually broken, of how INCREDIBLY LIKELY it was that I was wrong about the source that watery, milky-colored puddle (sorry), but he was not hearing any of it. Go to the hospital. NOW. If it was your water (and you're not in full-on active labor by the time you get there), you're having a c-section TODAY.
(Here's where I sigh and rub my temples, because you MAY or MAY NOT have noticed that I've avoided the whole "birth plan" topic around here, because it's just one that you CANNOT WIN, particularly after TWO c-sections. VBAC talk will be met with gasps of horror at the DANGER or IRRESPONSIBILITY or SELFISHNESS, while scheduled section talk will rile up...well, pretty everybody else who thinks they are UNNECESSARY and EVIL and PATRIARCHY and ETC. The fact is that yes, I have a c-section date scheduled. Three weeks from today, actually. However, if I go into labor on my own before then, I do plan to allow things to just...sort of progress and see what happens. However however, an induction is out of the question either way [higher risk of complications] so in the event of broken water + no contractions/dilation = automatic c-section.)
(I hope that paragraph clears a few things up, including a big ol' SPOILER ALERT that I did not have a baby yesterday and am, in fact, still completely pregnant today.)
So. I hung up the phone and began the traditional pre-birth earth-mother-goddess process of WIGGING THE FUCK OUT. It involved a lot of pacing and hand flapping. And phone calls. Jason would meet me at the hospital. ("HOLY SHIT," were his last words to me.) Our sitter could take Ezra to her afternoon job; we'd just need to figure something out by 3 or so to make sure someone was around to meet Noah at the school bus.
Then I called Tracey for no particular reason, other than the fact that I needed someone to shriek unintelligibly to. Or at, as the case may be. She shrieked back, and then tried to get me back to thinking about like, reality and shit.
"Do you have everything you need? Is your bag packed?" she asked.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," I howled.
"So...that's a no, then."
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. But I'm going to put on some makeup now."
"I really don't think you need to worry about your makeup."
"You're right, you're right, I know."
I swore her to Internet secrecy and promised to keep her updated, then hung up and totally put on some makeup. BECAUSE BITCH, PLEASE.
Then I left. Then I ran back into the house to grab our camera...just in case. I was deeply certain this was all a bunch of fake-out nonsense but figured I'd feel pretty shitty later if my cynicism and self-doubt meant we ended up with nothing but iPhone photos of our newborn later that day.
I also called my mom while on my way to the hospital. "I NEED YOU TO NOT FREAK OUT," I said when she answered the phone. That command worked about as well as expected.
Now, here's where things get weird. And a little rage-y.
I arrived and signed in while the registration nurse tried to find my name among a pile of little Post-Its with notes from doctors about various patients they were sending in. I wasn't there, so I guess she tried to help me along in the waiting-room wars by declaring definitively over the phone to SOMEONE that my water had broken, despite my original explanation that I was there to get CHECKED to see IF my water had broken.
It worked. I was barely in the waiting room for five minutes before a nurse arrived to take me back.
But apparently she had a different idea about what "back" part of the maternity ward we were talking about.
"Usually we'd take you to triage first, but we're going to skip that and take you right back to get prepped for surgery, so we're ready to go as soon as your husband arrives."
"WHOA WHOA WHOA." I said. "LET'S BACK THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND. SCALPEL MCCUTTYPANTS."
(Okay, I didn't maybe say that exactly. It was probably more like, "Wait, what? No.")
So it turned out that some not exactly minor miscommunication had occurred along the way, with this particular nurse thinking that I'd already HAD the strip test done at my doctor's office, and the head L&D nurse thinking that my Puddle of Mystery was something more like a Gushing Geyser of Absolute Certainty, and my doctor being in the middle of surgery and fighting to keep dibs on the operating room IN CASE I needed it next ahead of a scheduled section currently sitting in the waiting room cursing people like me and MODERN HOSPITAL MEDICINE AT ITS FINEST, FOLKS, JESUS CHRIST IN A SWADDLING BLANKET.
"I need to be checked first," I said, folding my arms. "In triage or wherever. I am not sure. I am, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, a complete and total idiot."
(THIS IS WHY EVERYONE I INTERACT WITH SHOULD READ MY BLOG, YOU KNOW?)
The nurses agreed, and my one-way ticket to the operating table was rerouted to triage. Jason burst through the curtain just in time to see my cervix get swabbed with a giant Q-Tip.
"Hi!" I said cheerfully. "How was traffic?"
THINGS WE LEARNED IN TRIAGE:
The baby was doing great.
I was having contractions.
But.
My cervix was closed.
And my water was most definitely not broken.
So. I got dressed and came home, exceedingly relieved to NOT be having a baby that day, holy shit, stay in and cook, and let me pack a proper bag and launder my nursing bras first, or something. Yet also kind of embarrassed over the havoc I'd managed to wreak during the last hour and a half (over what was, probably, some random unholy episode of MUCUS AND PEE). The nurse at reception looked so shocked as I stepped on the elevator, like I shouldn't I have been crowning or something by then? My doctor remained suspicious, ordering me to call at the first sign of Any Additional Weirdness (of which there has been none, NONE), and scheduled me for a follow-up visit at the office this afternoon.
I AM SO HITTING CHIPOTLE ON MY WAY HOME, IS ALL I AM SAYING.
You're just going to spend the next three weeks writing teasers, aren't you? Because you're pregnant and bored, and all your nesting is finished.
Mazel tov. I would totally have gone to the hospital if there was a mysterious gooey something in the shower.
Posted by: Hannah | May 11, 2011 at 12:52 PM
I had a feeling something was going on yesterday. Or NOT going on as the case may be. Either way - that was hilarious! And I definitely don't think you are going to make it another 3 weeks.
Posted by: Petey | May 11, 2011 at 12:54 PM
I love this blog. And you are right, they should totally read it.
Posted by: Starbuck | May 11, 2011 at 12:55 PM
You do realize if you don't take your bag to the doctor's appointment with you, fate will laugh at you & the doctor will send you to the hospital from the office, right? But man, I hope you get that Chipotle craving satisfied first.
Posted by: Shelly | May 11, 2011 at 12:56 PM
If you want weird internet stranger experiences for future reference--my water broke at 37 weeks with no dialation or contractions. It is a little like incontinence, at first. I got up to go to the bathroom for the 437th time that night, and noticed that the pee just kind of kept trickling. Then I notice the color was a little "off." Husband was woken and called to consult. Essentially laughed at me based on massive reassurances that water just never dramatically breaks! You're only 37 weeks! And you have a massive baby on your bladder. I don't feel like anaylzing your pee at 3 in the morning. Just relax!
So I went back to bed. Got annoyed at husband. Got annoyed at bladder. Felt trickling. Stood up. There was a "pop" that I swear was almost audible, and the water gushed. I also swear I could hear the splash. It was not incontinence. No way could my bladder even produce that much water so instantaneously.
So, I guess my point is--you'll probably know, either by trickling that just won't freakin stop, or a huge WTF gush. But, I would still have called the doctor too :)
Posted by: Katie | May 11, 2011 at 01:00 PM
You need to run a full on birthing drill every now and again. Keep everybody on their toes. I won't show up for the rapture without throwing on some make up..much less a birthing! You sound good to go.
Posted by: drhoctor2 | May 11, 2011 at 01:01 PM
So...what actually happened then? Mucus Plug? Or is that what today's appt. is for probably...
Posted by: Melissa | May 11, 2011 at 01:04 PM
I am howling at my desk from this (and the slurping heifer beside me can totally suck it!). Glad everything is good, baby's still in there. But, uh, pack a friggin' bag already! Isn't it amazing how just b/c you don't know that mucus tinged pee is not amniotic sac fluid, you're automatically relegated to the first-timers club? Puhleeze. All three of mine were different.
And I feel your Chipotle need. Mine has lasted through pregnancy and beyond. Interesting how when I talk to people even slightly south of the DC area --they don't get it, my chicken bowl love.
Posted by: Arnebya | May 11, 2011 at 01:04 PM
Oh, ugh. That's funny and scary and relieving all at the same time. I actually felt the amniotic sac pop which was weird. Then wet. Very very wet. Keep him cooking in there for another couple of weeks so you don't get cheated out of your burrito!
Posted by: Dawn | May 11, 2011 at 01:04 PM
I think you mean "swabbed" up there instead of "swapped", because I'm pretty sure your cervix isn't a q-tip now.
Apart from that, you're making me really glad my water just broke unequivocally both times, leading directly to labour and delivery, in that order. Though I have to admit that I totally paused to straighten my hair at 3am the first time, lest I give birth with Bad Hair.
Posted by: Christine | May 11, 2011 at 01:19 PM
Gah! What a day!
And weird. I had a dream last night about getting prepped for a c-section and not knowing why I was having one. Highly, highly disconcerting.
Posted by: SarahB | May 11, 2011 at 01:21 PM
I went from
"What? What was written in Monday's post" because I hadn't read it that carefully.
to
"Wait, did her water break? And what the hell is she googling?"
to
"Holy shit, she's heading for the hospital."
to
"Hahahahahahaha, she said McCuttypants."
to
"Awwww, just pee and mucus. I know what that's like."
All of that to say, you made my after lunch snoozies go away, which is a good thing because I'm at work.
Posted by: Zinna | May 11, 2011 at 01:23 PM
I've so had something similar happen. You see, my first decided to join us nearly a month before her due date with my water breaking with no contractions. So with that history in mind with my 2nd pregnancy, when I had a...what felt like a leakage, I went straight to the emergency room with a "NOT AGAIN!" attitude. And yet, it turned out that my body had some weird, uh...moisture issues. The nurses made me feel like an ass. I wanted to kick them in the teeth.
So yeah...your story is way better. :)
Posted by: mrschaos | May 11, 2011 at 01:23 PM
My water broke with my first pregnancy at 39 weeks. I woke up at 3 a.m. to pee, and afterward, as I was standing at the sink washing my hands, sploosh! I was half-asleep and I honestly thought I'd peed myself. Like, "wait, WHAT? But I just peed! What the hell?" Then, ohh... Right.
And yes, in the process of wigging the hell out in the middle of the night, you know what I did? I PUT MY MAKE-UP ON. Because it made me feel calmer. So I totally hear you on that one.
Glad the baby is apparently planning to keep on cooking for a little bit longer. :-)
Posted by: cindy w | May 11, 2011 at 01:26 PM
Ugh. With my second kid, this past December, I called my husband to tell him my water broke (and he told his whole office), and I told all my coworkers I had to go because my water broke. And, yep, it was pee/mucusy stuff. No amniotic fluid. It took me a while to be able to look at my coworkers in the face again because I had totally admitted to everyone that I had peed my pants.
Isn't pregnancy awesome?
P.S. My water did break just a few days later and there was absolutely no denying it that time, what with the ensuing and continuous flooding of my pants. I was at home in the middle of the night, so at least there was less embarrassment there.
Posted by: Jessie | May 11, 2011 at 01:27 PM
You should probably go by Chipotle on the way there; you don't want to tempt fate that much.
Posted by: Clarabella | May 11, 2011 at 01:32 PM
Hope your baby gives you a few more days of preparation before he makes his entrance! Eek! My baby's EDD is June 3rd (though the doc thinks I may deliver early via induction *sad face*) and I had a similar weird mucus thing this week and I was freaking out too.
Best of luck!
P.S. @drhoctor2 - birthing drill? Like the episode of I Love Lucy where they were drilling and then it was really go time and they freaked out?
Posted by: Ruth/Salty Mama | May 11, 2011 at 01:33 PM
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I <3 you Amy.
Posted by: CrystalC2B | May 11, 2011 at 01:36 PM
With my second baby I thought I was in labor for three weeks. Three weeks of contractions, three weeks of calling my mom to watch my son, three weeks of totally freaking out, three weeks of just generally being pissed off when I realized I wasn't actually in labor. Throughout my ridiculous embarrassment, I kept telling my husband "I've done this before! I should know!" Of course, when it was real, I knew. And it lasted all of 4 hours. We barely made it to the hospital since I didn't want to cry wolf again. By the way, this post is absolutely hilarious.
Posted by: Jaime | May 11, 2011 at 01:38 PM
Oh, good lord! What an exciting adventure! I almost feel as if I was there. Which, thankfully, I wasn't.
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 11, 2011 at 01:41 PM
Oh my gosh! I totally had to skip to the end to find out what happened.:)
Posted by: Carryn | May 11, 2011 at 01:48 PM
My water broke the first time around (baby #2 is baking now). It was like somebody upended a water cooler... glug glug glug. The best part, when I got to the hospital, I had what seemed like 10 different nurses wrinkle their foreheads and say "well, we'll have to test to verify your water broke." No, for serious, there's a lake in my bed.
Posted by: Mona | May 11, 2011 at 01:52 PM
I have been reading your blog since 2005 and I think you were pregnant with Noah. I had my first 2008 vis CS and an amazing hospital vbac in 2010. Not being all birth pushy and annoying, but I hope you get your VBAC! Studies support that VBA2C is a very safe option for most women. I know at least 5 women who have birthed vaginally after multiple cesareans, so it is very, very possible. I hope your doctor supports your choice. There is also no evidence to support that going past your due date poses an additional risk for a vbac mother:)
Good luck to you and I wish you the best birth possible.
Posted by: Catherine S | May 11, 2011 at 01:54 PM
When your water breaks, you will know. After the initial gush of what seems like 10 gallons, your body continues to make more fluid...I'll spare you the details but if it does happen, sit on *several* towels on the way to the hospital.
Posted by: Monica | May 11, 2011 at 02:00 PM
You never fail to keep me entertained. Fabulous post. Hope you get lots more nesting time before the little one comes along
Posted by: Starrynite | May 11, 2011 at 02:01 PM
I agree with many things above, namely, (and in this order): lots of towels for the next trip to the hospital, chipotle today, and makeup!!! good luck!
Posted by: Patti B. | May 11, 2011 at 02:08 PM
I've had that moment. The staring at the floor, wondering what the hell that is, moment. With my second one, no less. They kept asking me if it was my first birth, too.
Posted by: Sarah | May 11, 2011 at 02:28 PM
It only takes one person to ruin the fun for everyone..I'm talking to you Catherine S.!!! (said in a teasing manner...but seriously!)
Love the post! Hope you get your Chipotle! Can't wait for baby news! :)
Posted by: Courtney in FL | May 11, 2011 at 02:33 PM
Glad baby is still cooking for a little longer. With first my water did break at 37 weeks in the middle of the night when I was not having contractions. My OB told me to go to Labor and Delivery immediately and I did, right after I took a shower so I could wash my hair and shave my legs.
Posted by: Jessicawp | May 11, 2011 at 02:35 PM
FYI: amniotic fluid smells kind of like bread. It's got almost a sweet, sweaty smell. Trust me, I'm a labor and delivery nurse, i can always tell if you've peed yourself or your water broke just based on the smell. gross, i know.
Posted by: glittergirley | May 11, 2011 at 02:47 PM
LOL! What an adventure.
I've only had one successful pregnancy which resulted in a beautiful baby by c-section only after 36 hours of mid-wife coached unproductive labor. Apparently we endometriosis types don't labor well - our bodies just don't know what the heck is going on and real labor is nothing like that horrific monthly pain. Anyway - I only knew for sure that I was in labor because we got stuck at a RR crossing - for 45 minutes - on our way to the hospital.
Good luck with this baby's arrival! :) No trains, very little pain and enjoy that chipotle!
Posted by: Virginia | May 11, 2011 at 02:53 PM
With my first baby, I went to the doctor because I either though my water was leaking, or I was suddenly incontinent. Assured that no, my water was not leaking...head pat, sent home, went into labor that night. Second baby, went to the ER on a Saturday afternoon because I knew my water was leaking. Checked, no water, yes contractions...head pat, sent home....my water broke at midnight. So, both time, leaking water bag went undetected. Could still be time!
Posted by: Kendra | May 11, 2011 at 02:58 PM
I totally skipped to the end to see if there were any pictures of tiny newborns in this post...congrats on peeing your pants!
But for real. This is hilarious. Thank you.
Posted by: Lydia | May 11, 2011 at 03:01 PM
Make-up and a real camera...love it. Third pregnancies rule. Mine was real camera and my iPod. Because I know that sitting around waiting makes me crazy.
Posted by: Issa | May 11, 2011 at 03:04 PM
LOL! What a great story to get to read after the fact and not have to live through! I'm glad you had your wits about you to say "Wait. NO. What?" before they took you back and sliced you open! Scary!
The weird milky liquid puddle far outweighs my every-once-in-a-while twinging side that keeps making me think, "Do I call the midwife about this? I was just there yesterday! Am I overreacting?!" I'm only 15 weeks..I've got a long road ahead of me, I know.
Posted by: Julie | May 11, 2011 at 03:05 PM
I've always said that if you aren't confused half the time during the last weeks of pregnancy, you aren't paying enough attention. Glad the fluids of mystery were innocuous!
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | May 11, 2011 at 03:09 PM
Okay, I gotta try me some Chipolte.
Glad all is well! :)
Posted by: Tam. | May 11, 2011 at 03:25 PM
Good grief. An almost IDENTICAL thing happened to me with my second. I woke up at 5am in a puddle. In the bed. After waking the husband, waking the sister to come and watch Baby #1, we trudged to the hospital. (Did I mention I was only 32 weeks?)
A lot of rushing around at the hospital since I was OMG SO EARLY! PREEMIE! STAND AT THE READY!
They did the swab and guess what?
I had just pissed the bed.
Sorry hospital people! I'm just incontinent. After the Walk Of Shame out of the hospital, and after my sister got done laughing, I realized that this was a good thing! Baby could bake a little while longer. And so she did.
That's my whole story. Since I didn't blog about it originally, I'm glad the story is now here on your site. INCONTINENT PREGGOS UNITE!
Posted by: Sara Plays House | May 11, 2011 at 03:26 PM
I'm delurking to say this post is hilarious. I wish with all my heart that you really did say "LET'S BACK THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND. SCALPEL MCCUTTYPANTS" just so you could share the nurse's reaction.
@glittergirley is right - amniotic fluid does have a distinct smell, and it ain't very pleasant. My waters spontaneously broke with all three of my kids which is apparently really uncommon. With my first, I was actually in the hospital, seconds away from being induced (I had just come out of the bathroom after changing into my gown), and the next two times, it happened in bed, just days/hours before I was due to go in for an induction (that's right, my kids decided in utero I can't tell them what to do). As gross as that first initial gush is, there is actually very little that is more disgusting than sitting in a puddle of amniotic fluid for hours on end.
Posted by: Zoë | May 11, 2011 at 03:27 PM
So um, you're packing RIGHT NOW TODAY BETWEEN BITES OF BURRITO, right?
Justincase? Right?
Also, just for trivia's sake: my water broke Saturday morning with my son, and I had him on Sunday night, with no ill effects. Did you know that if you keep drinking copious amounts of water, your body will just replace all that amniotic fluid, which can then leak out even MORE every time you move and then you can drink MORE water and leak MORE fluid!? Our bodies are actually pretty smart. Also, it may gush. However, it also may just leak, especially if the baby is "in position", because his head will act like a plug. Of course, if he rolls over or wiggles or you wiggle too much, you get a little break on the seal and ...
Also, I agree with poster above, the bag o' waters has a very light, sweet smell to it, almost pleasant smelling.
Posted by: Della | May 11, 2011 at 03:33 PM
Another story about ME ME ME: I kept freaking out that I was losing my mucus plug a month or two early, because there was SO MUCH MUCUS OMGWTFBBQ.
My lovely OB/GYN took the time to point out that I had a bit of a cold, and that ALL my mucus membranes were making mucus. And that the vagina is as big as a champagne glass.... to hold all that mucus. Thanks for the visual, doc. And you're welcome, internet.
Posted by: Della | May 11, 2011 at 03:36 PM
My water broke three weeks early with my second child. I turned to Google first, of course, where I learned that amniotic fluid smells distinctly of Comet. Sure enough, so did the Mystery Fluid I was so alarmed about. I don't know how it is for other women, but for me the odor was unmistakably. It was definitely amniotic fluid.
Just in case this happens again, you know. That was the only description of it that was at all helpful to me.
Posted by: Wallydraigle | May 11, 2011 at 04:02 PM
Oh gay, this is getting so GOOD!! The next 3 weeks are going to be fun, all these intertubes people leaning forward, clicking incessantly, is it today? Keep the posts coming!
Posted by: kim | May 11, 2011 at 04:06 PM
Ha. Reminds me of my third baby, when I was completely sure I was in active, full-on labor a week before my due date. Went in, the triage nurse assured me I was having regular contractions and was 4 cm dilated, which is the winning number for "You get to get admitted! Call your doula! And your babysitter!"
So we settled in, ready to have a baby and....nothing happened. Contractions were merrily happening, but nothing else was happening. Finally my OB came in and suggested I head home and labor there, I'd be more comfortable. I burst into TEARS, not because I wasn't having a baby, but because I was so embarssed over having put everybody out over what was absolutely nothing.
I had my regular OB appointment the next day, as it turned out, and when he checked me and said, "Uh...I don't know what they were smoking at the triage room, but you are only 1 cm dilated, nothing happening there at all."
I LUNGED to a sitting position and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL?!" and burst into tears again. I was huge, had had back pain for three months, and as we found out later, had a twelve-pound baby inside me. My OB patted me on the back and suggested we schedule an induction for, oh, a few days hence. I sniffled and agreed.
Stupid triage nurse with her stupid inability to measure cervix dilation.
Posted by: Karen | May 11, 2011 at 04:10 PM
@multiple other commenters:
-Yes! I totally put makeup on too! And proceeded to labor for 36 hours. Although strangely, my husband looks more tired than I do in all post baby pictures.
-Also, yes! You continue to make amniotic fluid. Thank god the seats in our car are leather. I went through multiple bed pads before just requesting some depends already.
Posted by: Katie | May 11, 2011 at 04:30 PM
Oh man. I so clearly remember being "...a complete and total idiot."
At 38 weeks, first pregnancy, I was absolutely positive my water could not possibly have broken just as I got into the car, so I drove my Dad home from the local theater, then drove another 20 minutes home (man, those Braxton-Hicks contractions are getting really annoying, but I'm sure they'll stop in a minute), yelled at my loving husband who *may* have been happy to see me arrive home ("Don't talk to me, don't touch me!") took a shower at about midnight ("Um, honey, are you in labor?" "NO!") and finally consented to leave for the hospital at about 2AM.
The baby was born a little after 3.
Posted by: Elizabeth | May 11, 2011 at 04:41 PM
Oh, Amy! This story had me laughing so hard. I'm glad Storch v3.0 has a little while longer in utero, but I do admit I skipped down to the end absolutely POSITIVE that there would be a sweet squishy newborn photo.
Posted by: Kailee | May 11, 2011 at 04:55 PM
I am so glad you went anyway because here is where I tell you how this happened to me at 35 weeks 4 days and I drove myself 30 minutes to the hospital in traffic because "no no no, I am sure I just peed myself but I better just make sure and, wait, what? My water did actually break and I am having a c-section today? Surely you jest. WHERE IS MY HUSBAND WITH THE CAMERA?!" So. Yeah. Always better to just check, eh?
Posted by: Katie S. | May 11, 2011 at 04:57 PM
I went in for a 38 week check with my first baby and my blood pressure was sky high. We had a planned c-section for the next week, but the doctor said I was being sent directly to the hospital for an emergency c-section. My response was, "Um, NO, I'm not ready yet. Sorry." After a panic plea, he agreed to give me exactly ONE HOUR to get my butt to that hospital. We ran home, packed a quick bag, and I MADE my husband make the bed while I finished getting ready. I was just so frazzled. You basically got a do-over, girl. Get that Chipotle and pack everything so you are ready for the real deal! I think it took me a month to relax into my newborn and I blame the fact that I felt so disorganized the day he was born. Hang in there!
Posted by: PopMommy Pam | May 11, 2011 at 05:01 PM
Eh, file "is this amniotic fluid? Check yes or no" under who the hell knows? My water broke spontaneously for both my kids. (Joyously, my body did not take this as a sign to actually go into labor. Ah Pitocin, I hate you so.)
No whoosh, no volume, no Comet smell, totally felt like I had just peed myself. Went in just in case, and sure enough…amniotic fluid. I knew better the second time around, got us to the hospital and had to spend roughly 1.5 hours, no lie, to convince the nurse/aide that my not-impressive display was the real deal. Which it was, though again it just felt like I’d laughed a little too hard after drinking a medium Cherry Limeade from Sonic. (Not even the Route 44, yo!)
So my point, if I have one, is just go ahead and go in. It helps break up the wait, right?
Posted by: CarrieP | May 11, 2011 at 05:37 PM
OK, I'm almost 35 weeks and I am TOTALLY GOING TO PACK MY BAG TONIGHT. And I am never letting my husband know about this post because he will freak the f**k out. Yes, it's my first. Can you tell?
p.s. We don't have a diaper genie yet. Is that ok?
Posted by: die Frau | May 11, 2011 at 05:51 PM
Have I ever 'told' you Amy that your blog is the ONLY thing that kept me sane after I had my first baby? I loved the fact that there was somebody out there going through the same shit as I was but actually making it sound funny!!! And I love your readers' comments, its comforting to know most of us are dumbasses but it's still all good :-))) Glad you get to go home and actually prepare for the baby's arrival!
Posted by: Katie | May 11, 2011 at 06:07 PM
I will look forward to seeing adorable baby pictures whenever the time comes ;-)
Posted by: Heather | May 11, 2011 at 06:32 PM
Yikes, what a crazy day!
Posted by: Jessica | May 11, 2011 at 08:42 PM
@Courtney in FL - Not ruining fun, just giving some encouragement:)
Posted by: Catherine S | May 11, 2011 at 08:44 PM
HA! Thanks for the chuckle. I don't have any good stories to share, except that I work for the company that makes the plastic pokey thing they use to break your amniotic sac. It looks like a giant plastic crochet hook.
Posted by: Steph T. | May 11, 2011 at 09:27 PM
OK, so I'm in my 50s, totally menopausal and no way I'm pregnant, but this made me laugh so hard I'm sure MY water just broke!
Posted by: Lisa | May 11, 2011 at 09:47 PM
Just found your blog, love it, and love you. Cant wait until tomorrow to read more!
Posted by: Arell | May 11, 2011 at 11:07 PM
I've read your blog for a long time, I'm delurking to say that I had a VBAC back in 1986, after my CS in 1984, then had another VB in 1990 (yeah, I'm old.) I was nervous but both VBAC's went very smoothly, and the recovery time was so much quicker. Good luck to you.
Posted by: Corky | May 11, 2011 at 11:17 PM
Sweet sassy fuck ... I only discovered you yesterday, and you are already taking up a good chunk of my "workin'" time. Love it. I mean the words, not the reveling in your drama. Although, yeah, I'm kind of lovin' that, too.
Best of luck!
Posted by: Brandi | May 12, 2011 at 06:40 AM
1. I hate the way weird stuff happens when you are pregnant. Stuff that has never happened to you before and, thus, you don't know how to react.
2. And then doctors and nurses and friends leap to conclusions and you MUST HOSPITAL NOW.
3. And then it's nothing and doctors and nurses are all, "geez, you sure are dumb not to know what this thing you've never experienced would REALLY have looked like."
4. Just so you know it's possible, I have a VBA2C a year ago. Twas AWESOME after experiencing two sections. But, you know, c-sections are good, too.
Posted by: Beth | May 12, 2011 at 07:44 AM
I just love the image of you lying on your back, contemplating the puddle in the bathroom, and deciding whether or not to freak. I wish the people (the "professionals") around you had done the same thing.
Posted by: Christine | May 12, 2011 at 07:53 AM
I hope the appointment goes well today! Definitely rooting for a May baby- though surely later in May than today. :D
Posted by: Lis | May 12, 2011 at 09:56 AM
I have been reading your blog for a looong time but for some reason this is the post that compels me to comment. Your writing is absolutely f&*%king amazing! Good luck with baby #3, whenever it may happen!
Posted by: Lisa | May 12, 2011 at 01:02 PM
You mean everyone DOESN'T read your blog??
sheesh...how very uncouth...
Posted by: sheilah | May 12, 2011 at 01:24 PM
Due date: Jan 1 (infertility treatments and all says "hello we can predict this shit")
Second week of Dec--my doc goes "um you do know you're dialated 2cms and effaced 70%) There is no way you're going past Dec 25th.
Next visit with group practice doc "well you're 2.5cms and 95% effaced. Dec 25th? Oh she shouldn't have told you that, there is no way you can predict labor based on measurements"
Dec 25th. Sitting around all friggen day long for the magic moment. Nada. Go to the movies. 7pm turn to husband AT the movies "I think the baby is going to come tonight." Not sure why I said it. No contractions, etc. But hells to the yes it was getting beyond difficult to walk. Felt like the kid was going to fall out.
Went to bed at 10pm. 11:45 get up to go to the bathroom. Take one step. "hmm I think I peed again. Oh well." Next step.
KAPLOOOOOSSSHHHHHHH
Hollywood style.
That whole "oh first time mom's neverh ave a Hollywood style water breaking" is a bunch of bull.
And so is that whole "docs can't tell you when it's going to happen".
My doc called it twice. Good luck. And the Hollywood gush is wicked cool.
Posted by: girlplease | May 12, 2011 at 03:07 PM
My water broke at 37 weeks with twins. I heard a pop, and I was soaked with a ton of liquid. The nurse did the test at the hospital and said it was negative; it had not broken. Uh, huh? My OB happened to be there and said, "Let me test you again. People lie about this all the time so we just have to be sure. I believe you." It was positive. I am still baffled at people wanting to go into premature labor???
Posted by: anne p | May 12, 2011 at 03:09 PM
I think it's weird that your doctor didn't tell you to put on a pad and wait an hour to see if if filled up.
My water broke on my due date at the grocery store. It was a trickle, not a gush. I was thick and closed, no contractions. But, they started coming fairly shortly after. I recently found out that labor with broken water is supposed to be rougher than labor where the amniotic sac buffers contractions. I don't know if that's true or not - if I have back labor again next time, but my water doesn't break on it's own before labor starts, I'll compare.
Posted by: Emily | May 12, 2011 at 04:22 PM
That's pretty scary that they would even consider doing a c-section without doing their own test to see if it was, indeed, your water that broke.
I hope that the rest of your pregnancy is without incident. :-D
Posted by: Barefoot Liz | May 12, 2011 at 04:40 PM
Omgoodness, you kill me! Great post :)
Posted by: Kari | May 12, 2011 at 04:55 PM
Are you having a baby today? You know, you have to post every day now to stop us from leaping to conclusions.
And because you've nothing else to do anyway, right?
Posted by: Christine | May 12, 2011 at 07:06 PM
holy crap. you live such a BORING life. you really need to get out more.
:+) u r nuts and make me smile.
Posted by: erin | May 12, 2011 at 08:52 PM
Love Chitpotle! These blogs, along with a pregnant coworker, remind me what I loved, and didn't, about pregnancy. Good Luck!
Posted by: Kelly O | May 12, 2011 at 08:57 PM
Oh, oh, oh!!! Me too! VBAC is so selfish to put the baby at risk so I can having a fucking "experience" vs. the EVIL patriarchy of a sceduled section. I know!! You cannot win here, you really can't. You are screwed for this. When I asked my doc to let me try for a VBAC he said "well. but you are old and you make crappy placentas" - a great thing to say to an old pregnant woman. I was too confused by mixed emotions of shame, fear, anger, self criticsm, and relief to be able to punch the bastard. I hate his ass face, still.
Posted by: GingerB | May 13, 2011 at 01:39 AM
I remember my first pregnancy when I thought my water broke. Went to labor and delivery, met my husband (who had just gotten to work and turned around and drove back) sat in a delivery room for about 2 hours with various excited family members, only to be told my water had not broken. On the "walk of shame" back to the car we passed a couple from our Lamaze class with their new baby. I spent the rest of the afternoon hiding in bed!
My grandma made me feel better though. She went to the hospital in labor with her 6th child, only to find out she wasn't actually in labor. 82 years old and she was still embarrassed! Apparently grandad told her that since they had a sitter for the other kids, they should just go to the movies instead, So they did!
When I was actually in labor my water broke on its own, and I swear 20 gallons of water came gushing out. I laughed so hard because it was so obvious when it did happened! Good times. :)
Posted by: Robyn | May 13, 2011 at 02:12 AM
Pregnancy tests are based upon measurement of the same hormone. Pregnancy is a period of expectant waiting and one that all of us aspire to experience. pregnancies have a higher chance of miscarriage.
Posted by: mahjong | May 13, 2011 at 06:23 AM
I waited twelve hrs to visit the hospital b/c there wasn't much fluid, it didn't smell, and it only happened if I laid down for thirty mins then stood up.. so I was sure it was NOT amniotic fluid at 36 weeks.. Unfortunately, yes it was, me and baby got infection(think 104 fever while getting yelled at to PUSH!) by the time they got him out with lots of Pitocin and every other intervention in the book due to my "Not wanting to bother anyone" attitude. NICU stay and all b/c I didn't want to be a nuisance. Hind water leak, they called it.
Needless to say, I hit L&D several times with number two b/c I was so freaked anytime any fluid appeared (usually right after getting out of a shower).. and it was NOT amniotic fluid, instead had major pop and gush during active labor..
It can go either way.. You are super smart for being such a proactive mother and deciding to freak the F out! :)
PS - Getting excited about BABY pics!!
Posted by: Danielle | May 15, 2011 at 07:17 AM