I Know
Anytime Now, Fetus



For the record, I promise -- pinkie swearsie promise -- that updating my blog or Twitstream or whatever will indeed be among the very first things I'll do, should anything interesting happen re: my womb. In the meantime, you can safely assume that radio silence just means I am sleeping. 

Or, in the case of the last 24 hours, that I was alternating between sleeping and running around like a crazy person trying to take care of things related to my two pesky existing children. Oh, and puking. Because why not? It's the third fucking trimester, let's get all NOSTALGIC for the first 12 weeks for no particular reason. 

Yesterday was absolutely ACTION PACKED, I tell you. First up: an OB appointment, just to determine how incredibly NOT in labor I currently am, or will be in the foreseeable future. Thanks, cervix, you lazy good-for-nothing piece of...

Ahem! Right after that, I had to waddle my way over to Noah's school to meet with the school psychologist. We had his most recent evaluation conducted privately, through our insurance, and apparently the act of handing over the results to the school district triggered some kind of MASSIVE PROCEDURAL CLUSTERFUCK OF PROCEDURES, including additional reviews, in-classroom assessments, parent conferences and another entire whole damn IEP meeting. (Which is scheduled to take place approximately 10 minutes after I give birth.)

The conference yesterday was an almost two hours long touchy-feely-fest, during which I was asked to use adjectives to describe what I loved most about Noah. A terribly unfair thing to ask an emotional nine-million-month pregnant lady, I think. I've gotten very good at objectively discussing our challenges and concerns with special education professionals, but whenever any of them leave an opening for me to get all schmoopy about my kid, I very quickly tend to tear up and be all, "HE IS MY HEART! MY EVERYTHING! HE IS A BETTE MIDLER SONG DRESSED IN MISMATCHED OLD NAVY! WEEEEEEEP!"

After THAT, I had to take Ezra to the pediatrician for...well, let's just call it a Fruit Sticker Related Concern. I'd first noticed the Concern on Monday, and had been alternating between Neosporin and YES, Vaseline ever since, but while I was meeting with the psychologist, Jason had inspected the Concern and of course, called the doctor immediately because MAYDAY MAYDAY WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE OF CHAFING.

So I took him, patiently explaining to the doctor that I actually wasn't all that Concerned about the Concern, but figured it was better to get it checked out now, rather than wait too long and suddenly be dealing with a newborn baby AND an infected, gangrenous Concern. Also: My husband still owes me a trip into the attic to find a missing swing part. I'm just trying to keep everybody happy here.

The doctor was also not Concerned. A little more Neosporin and Vaseline. He'll be fine. 

Then I came home and ate some brownies. Then got wicked heartburn, threw up the brownies, and took a nap. Though "nap" is probably misleading. More like I went to bed at 4 pm and never really got back up. 

Yep. These last few days are going to be super exciting. Today I have big plans to take care of some fingerprints on the downstairs windows and maybe give those brownies one more try. If all goes to plan, I'll be in bed by 3 pm this time. 


Parsing Nonsense

Brownies give me heartburn too, unless they're the Ghirardelli mix kind. Good luck with those insidious fingerprints, and take a nap for me, too, will ya?


Skip the fingerprints, they will just be back tomorrow. Get sleep!


i went to bed at 730 the other day. and i am neither pregnant nor 88 years old.


We had a similar uh, concern, with our 3 yr old recently. Turns out he had outgrown his undies and I just kept trying to stuff him in there. Bigger undies = no more concern. Made me feel like an awesome mom for letting it get to that point.


Currently a thousand years pregnant with my fourth. And. Would really just like to drop said baby and then drink some beer.

Babies need a 'done' timer. A little "ding!" and then we know they're finished marinating.


I feel for you. My least favorite part of later pregnancy is that chocolate = heartburn.


While I will admit it is totally weird, this makes me so nostalgic for late pregnancy.

Yes, I read the whole thing. :)


I feel you with the return of the nausea. Yesterday my husband passed his US citizenship test so I waddled out to buy American flag paper plates and streamers and a chocolate raspberry mousse cake. Chocolate has made me sick this whole pregnancy, but I thought just a small piece! Just a few bites! NOPE. Heartburn. Sickness. Blah.

So, while my fellow pregnant ladies are fantasizing about that first beer or wine, I'm thinking about the day (THREE MORE WEEKS!) when I won't throw up chocolate. And, yeah, I've already pre-ordered my OWN mousse cake.

The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful

I think along with the brownies a little cunnilingus with George Clooney might be nice. It doesn't count as infidelity because you're pregnant.


Hey Amy --- first of all, I'm totally thinking of you during these last few days of pregnancy. I don't know how you do all that you do with TWO kids, let alone being all pregnant with a third.

Second, I had a c-section with my first, due to "Fetal intolerance to labor." (Talky speak for 42 weeks, induction, low amniotic fluid causing the cord to be compressed during contractions. Voila! C-section!) Anyway, I actually had to change doctors at 31 weeks with my second to get someone who would support my desire for a VBAC. I went in for my last appt on my due date (January) and NOTHING was happening. The baby was still high,and I was neither dilated nor effaced. Around 1 am, I woke up with *for reals* contractions and had the baby (VBAC!!) around 1:30 pm. It can happen! Even when your cervix was all lazy and blah and closed like mine.

Totally in my thoughts. And man, I feel just horrible that you've been so very sick. You poor thing.


OMG! Chocolate gives you heartburn during pregnancy? That's it, I'm staying gestating-human-free!!

I'll be waiting with bated breath for any labour-related tweets x


Chocolate didn't give me heartburn. Gatorade did though.

Also? "Concern" is now my euphemism of choice.

Your posts make my day.


Just wanted to wish you luck for the rest of your pregnancy and delivery. Also thank you for "zero to forty". It is saving me my sanity.


I think your cervix is the opposite of lazy. It is a super strong fortress of strength...holding baby in... keeping baby safe from elements. Hang in there. Just a few days now.


Seriously, asking a nine months pregnant woman to say what she loves about her first born son is just asking for buckets of tears to be shed. Don't worry about those fingerprints sweetie, just take those naps while you can! Sorry about the heartburn :(


"HE IS A BETTE MIDLER SONG DRESSED IN MISMATCHED OLD NAVY!" Should probably jot that in my kids baby book, for it is the truth.


HOW DO YOU DO ALL THIS? I think I'd toss my brownies, too.

It's amazing how you are such a great mom to your kids AND super pregnant AND in the midst of serious grief AND cracking us all up on a daily basis.

Now go to sleep.


I have a feeling that when I'm as preggo as you I will only be focusing on the sleeping and brownie eating. You're getting more done in your last days of month 9 than I do ever.

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Still the Baby Doesn't Come and Please take care your self because, i think The Baby will Come in within Two Days.

Barefoot Liz

I haven't had a chance to check in lately. You know, you have a talent of making me laugh and cry all in the space of a few minutes.
Wishing you a lovely birth experience.


Fruit Sticker Related Concern.



Those last few days of waiting are exhausting and awful! Good luck! (I never had a problem with brownies during my pregnancies! Kind of wish I had then maybe I still wouldn't be trying to lose the last 10 pounds 8 months after my daughter was born!)


Hee hee, 'Concern' might just be my new favorite description now. Good luck with these next few days and here's to keeping chocolate down!


Have you and Jason been having sex? If so, I know why you are experiencing morning sickness again. You probably have two uteruses and are actually about 4 weeks pregnant in one of them (hence the morning sickness) while 9 months pregnant in the other. It's the only logical explanation.


Okay now Jason is doing it just to torture you. Ha.

Love the room Amy. It's adorable.

mrs. q.

As a mother of two who has been oohing and aahing over other people's infants this weekend, I'd like to say THANK YOU for reminding me why my womb is done. As much as I would love a third, I'm too old and tired to do that again. Consider this post a public service announcement.

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I visit this site because of Searching your new Blog. But i can't found your new Blog. I think Baby is Come Out.

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