I'm so glad you didn't have to beat anyone up. I would have missed all the squee pictures of the kiddos if you had landed in jail. (Which... yeah. I'm one of the ones who encouraged the beatdown, so JUST IGNORE ME.)

As another mama bear of a classified cub, I think you handled this very well. Glad it was all okay but I have found that a healthy suspicion is a reasonable default in these situations.

I just emailed school asking when my kid's speech/social group would be starting (hello, it's late October). Guess what? He's been attending it and never told me. Thanks for the tip, sonny.

Oh. well. okay then. Here's your earrings back, and I'll go put away the Vaseline too.

OMG, this was so me. I think I love you. We even have the same name - are you sure we're not the same person? Love how you handle things (because it is just like me!!!). So glad it turned out well.

I love that you asked Noah what he wanted. We always can't trust kids to know what's best for themselves, but here, it sounds like he really did. Good for you.

Yes, the special education teacher could have called the parents or emailed and explained her needs and their best idea for fixing it.

You are still 100% in the right to inquire further while explaining his legal rights to a fair and appropriate education.

That being said, D recently told me that he wasn't getting to go to recess because of his behavior. I wrote his teacher asking, "WASSUP?" I cc'ed the SPED liaison, the OT and the principal and guess what? My 5 year old was LYING! So, there is no more head first fighting from me until I information gather. It happens because we are used to being crapped on. we just assume it is happening again when sometimes, it is ok.

Amy, you did what you needed to do. I wanted to write to you yesterday...I'm a veteran in this, my daughter is now 26. You could only imagine what we went through, as she has ADD. After trying to work with her teacher, and the school I decided I had enough. I went right over their heads and straight to the board of Ed. It gets really hard in middle school. My daughter was being treated with disrespect, and was in violation with her IEP...I had enough of that, and went right to the State of TN. By the next morning when I got home from taking her to school I had voice mails from board of Ed, principal and her teacher. I still was pissed off and told her Dr., he sent a letter to put in her file as well. fight on.... After the board of Ed got involved, they followed her IEP...Finally they did their job

I loved reading this. The surprising news. The flare-up! The discussion! TO ARMS!! The explanation. And then the process I recognize so well when you describe it, where the adrenaline is still there and the arms are still at the ready---and now actually, oh, nothing to do with either of those things. And the letting go of them but kind of wanting to keep them. That's JUST how it is.

As a future special educator who used to work in a moderate/severe disability class, I applaud your calm, rational communication and understanding. Hope all goes well for Noah in his new arrangement.

Princess Bride reference AND continuity, FTW! I'm so glad it turned out to be a tempest in a teacup, and hooray for playgroups and moms' nights being planned!

I honestly love reading about Noah and your experiences. You write so eloquently and have such a gift with words--plus, there really isn't a whole lot out there as far as blogs go with people who deal with this. My son is older, (4th grade) and is just now being tested at his school for learning disabilities. Up to this point he's been pushed through. He was diagnosed with ADHD in 2nd grade--not the hyper kind, the unfocused kind. We did do medication which doesn't seem to be helping much. Stupid me though---seeing how much my son is struggling I pretty much trusted that the teachers would initiate testing if they thought he needed it. Sadly, it took my husband and I to initiate the request for testing--so we went in guns blazing and they all agreed that of course he should be tested. Great! Thanks a hell of a lot for not doing SHIT until we came in a demanded it. GRRRR. We find out the results of this magical testing next week--basically find out if he qualifies for special ed services through the school. And if he doesn't--at the very least hopefully we can be enlightened as to how to help a kid who is struggling--below grade level in most academic areas. It is sooooo frustrating!!! But it helps when you and others who are in the club shed some light for those of us just getting started. So thank you!!!

So glad things worked out and holy hell does he look JUST like your husband in that picture.

Nice to know that it all worked out. Will the school learn from the PR debacle? Probably not but the group has now solidified and is ready for the next one :).

For what it's worth, this parental rush-to-arms, I-must-advocate-for-my-child thing happens with all parents regardless of if their children are mainstream or special needs or purple with one eye or whatever. Don't feel bad about assuming you need to jump in, because we all do from time to time. But we should all remember to jump in as you have--with a level head, respect for the educator, and the understanding that there are usually two sides to every story.

As a teacher, yeah, IEP meetings can be tiring. Accommodations can be tricky and frustrating, especially in classrooms like mine with no aide. However: I am HAPPY to help, happy to be part of the team working to educate some pretty awesome people. It might help that I'm a mom of three and one of my kids had his own IEP in school.

Differentiating instruction and helping kids learn is my job, but it's also my calling. Which sounds so precious and twee, put like that. But some days, when politicians are telling the media that I'm an entitled mooch and I have parents telling me that I'm lucky to get off work at three (Hah), it's just pure cussed stubbornness that gets me up the next morning and back in the classroom.

Well, that and my terrific students and their amazing parents.

The desire to say "as you wish Noah, as you wish" combined with the ability to keep every piece of paper and fight every battle, and topped with the wisdom to know which one to choose makes you Noah's ideal, fabulous mom. You truly, truly rock, even when you are setting the oven on fire. Nicely done!

As a junior high speech therapist, it makes me very sad that so many parents have had experiences leading to mistrust. I have to attend a lot of IEP meetings (13 this week!) and definitely see the differences in style. I have the utmost respect for parents who want to make sure their child is being given all the tools he or she needs to succeed. I am happy to partner with parents as they are the expert on their own child. It's just hard sometimes--as a speech therapist who chooses to work in the public schools because I really believe in free services for every child who needs them and as a PERSON with FEELINGS when those both-guns-blazing parents come in and treat me with complete disrespect.

On the upside, they make me appreciate the polite, respectful parents like you all the more!

No, maybe it was a false alarm (and I'm so glad of that), but it was not a crisis of your making. That's what happens when the professionals assume they can just make the decision without bothering to explain to anyone else. I'm glad the teacher was able and willing to explain but the (acting or not) principal should have done so in the first place. Do NOT beat yourself up over this one. You did the right thing.

holy cow, he's good looking. and i don't think you handled it wrong at all. next time they'll communicate it the right way, that's all.

Kudos. Everybody learned something. No kids got ruined. It's awesome. :)

LOVE that Noah ended up saying THAT at the end. Of course, it always ends up being that the kids are way smarter than we give them credit for and we shoulda just asked them in the first place. What are we THINKING trying to be ADULTS here???!!!! Argh!

I can relate to Lisa, the speech therapist above. I'm a regular ed teacher, and even though I absolutely acknowledge the need to protect our children and make sure their needs are being served, the both-guns-blazing parents (I don't consider you to be one of them, Amy) can make make me feel like my efforts to serve their children against difficult odds (budgets, complex circumstances) are totally worthless to them. I have to work hard not to take it personally and keep my spirits up. I feel like I'm viewed as the enemy, when I gave up a career teaching at the college level (with a PhD) to teach high school math to kids who struggle. I don't regret it, but it is a thousand times harder to teach in a public high school (even in a wealthy district) than it was to teach at an ivy league college.

Schools are complex places with many parts that need to work together. That's not to say that there aren't situations where immoral school personnel don't have the best interests of kids at heart, or where people try to cut corners, or where school personnel view parents as the enemy. All of that is wrong. But I hate gratuitous hatred of schools. I hate to be assumed to be the enemy, or incompetent. It hurts. Until you've tried to do the job we're asked to do with the constraints we're given, please do not criticize or belittle thoughtlessly (again, Amy, this is NOT you).

It's not even the both-guns-blazing-in-support-of-you-this-situation that I mind. It's the both-guns-blazing-because-schools-suck-and-are-evil mindset that I mind.

I would like to see both-guns-blazing parents fight FOR teachers (resources, reasonable expectations, working conditions, respect) as much as they tend to fight AGAINST them. Work to understand the complex system that is your child's school. Realize that we are governed by federal laws and state laws that require things to happen without necessarily funding them. Realize that well-intentioned legislation may be at cross-purposes with local realities (not always). Realize that school board presidents are ELECTED and sometimes make decisions with the intent to get re-elected rather than because they are the best decisions for children. All of these things can make running a school well and smoothly an even more difficult task than it naturally is. Public education is a complicated, complex situation, and we need every parent's help to make it function as well as we possibly can.