Blessed Preshus Milestones of Doom
ANGRY BIRD

This Mortal Coil

I dropped my mom off at the train station yesterday, and she fretted over leaving so soon. Jason wasn't going to get home until the wee hours of the morning, so was I sure I would be okay without her that night? All on my own? 

I laughed. Come on, Mom. I can handle one measly night alone with my own children. I've done it before, you know. 

That's the conversation that kept running through my head a few hours later, when the oven caught on fire.

I'd just finished heating up some fish sticks for the boys -- the nerdy homemade kind, full of vegetables and healthy crap that always disappoint Noah because what happened to the rectangle kind, Mom? From the bo-o-ox? -- and was starting to steam some broccoli for my dinner. (Broccoli that I was planning to utterly drench in cheese sauce, however, lest you think I'm some kind of healthy wizard, or something.)

I heard a loud pop, like a blown light bulb, and saw a bright white flash from the general direction of the stove, like metal in the microwave. 

Something had sparked in the oven. Something was still sparking and hissing and glowing red. Something else was burning, with actual fiery flames. 

Um, fuck?

I opened the door (DUMBASS) to see what was happening and...okay, the heating coil was sparking and freaking out and then random bits of filthiness and crap from the bottom of the oven that we hardly ever clean (DOUBLE DUMBASS) were catching on fire as the coil snapped and fizzed. 

I slammed the door shut and turned the oven off. When this failed to solve All The Problems I went for the fire extinguisher. 

It occurred to me that I have never actually used a fire extinguisher in my life. This occurred to me right as I noticed the words "STAND BACK SIX FEET" printed on the instructions. I noticed these words right after I blasted the thing at the oven, which I was standing directly next to. 

While I was choking and gagging on the cloud of...whatever it is that comes out of a fire extinguisher and frantically opening doors and windows, Noah cheerfully asked for some milk. 

NOT NOW OKAY MOMMY'S BUSY.

The fire extinguisher succeeded in killing the extraneous filth fires, but the coil continued to glow and crackle and shoot off sparks and smoke. And it was...moving, from the back of the oven towards the front, like that scene in The Money Pit right before the entire kitchen blows the fuck up.

I stood there and debated my next move. I settled on chewing on the inside of my cheeks and wondering when a grown-up would arrive to help me.

When this also failed to solve Any Of The Problems I wondered if I should call 911. Get the kids out of the house, sit outside and wait for the fire department to come fight a fire that wasn't really a fire, but just, uh, I don't know. A VERY ANGRY OVEN. 

No, I decided. I was not going to be the mother -- the person -- who got all spooked out over a malfunctioning oven coil and called 911 because she had no problem solving skills. Fuck you, oven. I was going to DEAL WITH THIS.

Free Business Idea For Google: Make a version streamlined for emergencies, that senses if someone is frantically trying to look up things like "OVEN FIRE" and "ELECTRICAL COIL THINGIE BURNING" and "HOLY SHIT NOW WHAT," you send them directly to a result that tells them what to do.

Instead, I got a page full of forum topics and OH THE IRONY, multiple complaints about defective heating elements catching fire in MY OVEN MODEL THANKS GE SPECTRA. The first link I clicked was a message board where someone described my exact predicament and said that the fire didn't stop until he unplugged the oven. And then the first response was from an "electrician" who claimed that what the OP was describing never happened and wasn't possible and it was probably just a grease fire and HOLY HELL I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR "PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN" ARGUMENT.

I spent all of about 15 seconds speed-reading through Google results and content farm garbage before gathering that I needed to unplug the oven. Okay! That's easy enough.

Um.

Hmm.

Where...does the oven plug in? Right behind it? In one of the cabinets? WHY DON'T I KNOW THESE THINGS SOMEBODY REVOKE MY IN-CHARGE-OF-OTHER-PEOPLE PRIVILEGES.

I opened several cabinets and yanked out the contents to see if there was an outlet visible in the back. No luck. I stepped back and stared at the oven and took a deep breath. Okay. IT'S ON MOTHERFUCKER.

I grabbed it by the sides and started pulling it away from the wall. Noah repeated his request for milk and pointed out that Baby Ike was crying in his swing on the other side of the room.

I KNOW SWEETIE BUT MOMMY IS STILL BUSY DEMONSTRATING SUPER-HUMAN STRENGTH TO SAVE YOUR LIVES OVER HERE OKAY

I managed to get the oven a few feet away from the wall, enough space for me to scramble over the countertop and reach behind for the cord and see that it...went directly into the floor, through a hole cut into the hardwood floors, and then disappeared to God-knows-where. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME COME ON

Okay, fine. FINE. Circuit breaker time. I ran downstairs to the basement and was immediately faced with some challenges:

Basement-problems

1) The fusebox and circuit breakers are in the far, far back corner.

    1a) In front of which we have been thoughtlessly hoarding an incredible pile of miscellaneous and randomly hurled junk.

    1b) The only lightbulb in the vicinity of that corner has burned out, because who cares? LOOK AT ALL THAT JUNK.

    1c) The labels for all the circuits were written very small, in pencil, several years ago by an electrician with terrible spelling and handwriting.

    1d) Oh, did I mention that Jason is pretty sure he saw a snake down there a couple weeks ago? 

    1e) And we put down traps but haven't caught anything yet? 

    1f) BUT THE OVEN WAS ON FUCKING FIRE.

So I did what any mother who just left her three defenseless children alone upstairs in the general vicinity of a volatile appliance (though to be fair, I did scream "ANYBODY WHO GETS OUT OF THEIR SEAT IS GOING TO BED" before I ran downstairs): I barreled through and up the pile of junk with bare feet and no flashlight, only to discover that I could not make out ANY of the labels and had no idea which circuit to turn off. 

So I threw the main breaker and killed the power to the entire house. 

And then. Dilemma. I was sitting in the far corner of a pitch-black basement, on top of a rickety pile of boxes and baby exersaucers and broken Ikea furniture. I could assume that cutting the power solved the oven problem and just turn everything back on, OR I could stumble back upstairs to check on the situation and try to make my way back here, hopefully with a flashlight. 

I inadvertently solved that dilemma by accidentally falling ass over teakettle OFF the pile of crap, knocking over a bulk-sized bag of dog food in the process. 

At this point I realized my children were screaming. 

Oh no. Oh no no no MOMMY'S COMING WHAT'S WRO--

--THUD. I miscalculated the path out of the basement and ran facefirst into the wall. 

The boys were crying because they were scared. Really, really scared. 

And yet they'd both run into the foyer to huddle around Baby Ike, who was also crying. 

The oven was dark. It worked. I dropped to the floor and tried to give everyone hugs and reassurances and not to worry about oh my God, alllllll the doors and windows are open and the neighbors are probably able to hear all this screaming, which was seriously at home-invasion-murder-van volume levels. 

"It's okay! It's okay! Mommy had to turn the lights off but everything is fine and I'll get a flashlight and have everything turned back on in five minutes, okay?"

...

Hey, anybody remember that scene in the first Jurassic Park when they shut off the power to reboot the system? And then they have to go flip some circuit breakers "just at the other end of the compound" to turn it back on and Samuel L. Jackson's all, "No biggie, I'll do it, I'm  Samuel L. Fucking Jackson," and THEN HE GETS EATEN BY RAPTORS?

Yeah, me neither.

I dug around our kitchen junk drawer for a flashlight. I kept thinking I'd found one but kept picking up the same goddamn screwdriver over and over. Finally I remembered we'd stuck a bunch of them in the coat closet in preparation for Hurricane Irene. I found two of them...

...neither of which had batteries.

WHAT THE WHO DOES THAT COME ON

Back to the junk drawer. All three children are still screaming at the top of their lungs. I manage to get batteries in one of the flashlights, guessing with my fingers as to which direction they're supposed to go, but it still doesn't work. Noah is convinced that we are all going to die and is yelling for "somebody" to come help us. I ignore this vote of confidence and try putting the batteries in the other direction, but still no luck. The flashlight is broken. I hurl it out the open back door just fucking because and start fumbling with the next one, realizing a moment too late that it requires the same size batteries as the one I just threw into the backyard. 

At this point I'd probably been fighting with the damn flashlights for longer than the oven even burned, but I didn't dare try to navigate the basement without one. (SNAKE.) Finally, I get one working and the boys threw themselves at it like terrified little moths. I want them to STAY PUT while I head downstairs but they will have none of it, determined to stay as close to me and the light -- the glorious, holy light -- as possible. 

So that's why Noah fell down the basement stairs, right around this point. 

OH MY GOD COME ON

I stopped to make sure he was okay but instead of his usual theatrics he all but screamed at me to leave him behind and get the lights back on. DAMMIT WOMAN I'LL JUST SLOW YOU DOWN.

I scale the pile of junk and spilled dog food one last time and throw the switch. Everything comes back on. The boys rejoice. Ike continues to howl, because uh, lights are great and all, but I am mostly interested in some boob.

But we were all okay, the oven fire was out, and everybody got all the hugs they wanted. Including me.

Photo (82) 

EPILOGUE #1: Nobody ate their fish sticks, but I gave them chocolate milk anyway. I ate potato chips while watching Project Runway, because my broccoli got ruined and I was in no mood for any cheese sauce that did not come out of a can. 

EPILOGUE #2: I was also in no mood to scrub fire extinguisher chemicals from the inside of our oven and several nearby surfaces until after midnight, but I did that too.

EPILOGUE #3: Jason got home around 2 am and said I mumbled something in my sleep about clocking out and it being "his turn," but I wouldn't say for what.

EPILOGUE #4: Replacement coil will be here tomorrow. Currently keeping situation under control through the Power of the Stinkeye, also eating out. 

Photo (81)

Comments

Della

OMG SERIOUSLY THAT HAPPENED WTF.

Thank you for the laugh; I would have announced that I was "clocking out" too.
Hope it goes better from here on out.

Stacy

I know what my to-do list is: buy fire extinguisher, batteries, and flashlights. Seriously, I had this weird thought last night as I turned on the dryer in the basement and went to bed - what if it caught fire while we slept and we have no smoke detector (new house), extinguisher, or flashlight handy. I really almost went back and turned it off. So - I beleive in messages and the universe has sent me this blog post to read and now I have to do something. I am glad everyone is okay, Amy!!!! You did great, I would have called 911... *blush*

jooliyah

I was so crazy with finding out what happened next in your post that I almost burned out dinner. I was frying chicken on a gas stove. Um....yeah. Sosorryyou weresostressedout but this post rocks.

Sue W.

To save yourself from the Great Flashlight Hunt again, get a magnetic one and stick it on the upper front right hand side of the fridge. Then you know where it is in an emergency. We did this years ago. Comes in handy in FL when we have the summer thunderstorm power outtages.

Glad everyone is OK.

Marinka

It's like God is speaking to you through your oven telling you never to cook again. If you believe that sort of thing, I mean.

Emily H.

Such a great post! I almost peed myself trying to not wake up my family laughing. I am also dubious about the judgement of nurses and doctors who let us leave the hospital with children. Obviously they don't know us well.

Emily H.

Such a great post! I almost peed myself trying to not wake up my family laughing. I am also dubious about the judgement of nurses and doctors who let us leave the hospital with children. Obviously they don't know us well.

Emily H.

Such a great post! I almost peed myself trying to not wake up my family laughing. I am also dubious about the judgement of nurses and doctors who let us leave the hospital with children. Obviously they don't know us well.

Emily H.

Such a great post! I almost peed myself trying to not wake up my family laughing. I am also dubious about the judgement of nurses and doctors who let us leave the hospital with children. Obviously they don't know us well.

Samantha

I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.

Samantha

I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.

Kris

You are so funny. Sorry that happened and all but that is some seriously 'I'm-laughing-with-you-stuff'.

Kris

You are so funny. Sorry that happened and all but that is some seriously 'I'm-laughing-with-you-stuff'.

Kris

You are so funny. Sorry that happened and all but that is some seriously 'I'm-laughing-with-you-stuff'.

Kris

You are so funny. Sorry that happened and all but that is some seriously 'I'm-laughing-with-you-stuff'.

Kris

You are so funny. Sorry that happened and all but that is some seriously 'I'm-laughing-with-you-stuff'.

Mary

While I always enjoy your blog, and while I am sure that the events of the incident you describe were quite traumatic at the time, I have to say that this is one of my favorite posts of yours ever (not including the pictures of your kids, which will always win). So thank you for that.

And (AND!) I also have a GE Spectra oven, so I am going to figure out where it plugs in JUST IN CASE. If my coil shorts out and I fix it by unplugging it, you will get all the credit (Amalah saves lives!)!

Mary

While I always enjoy your blog, and while I am sure that the events of the incident you describe were quite traumatic at the time, I have to say that this is one of my favorite posts of yours ever (not including the pictures of your kids, which will always win). So thank you for that.

And (AND!) I also have a GE Spectra oven, so I am going to figure out where it plugs in JUST IN CASE. If my coil shorts out and I fix it by unplugging it, you will get all the credit (Amalah saves lives!)!

Mary

While I always enjoy your blog, and while I am sure that the events of the incident you describe were quite traumatic at the time, I have to say that this is one of my favorite posts of yours ever (not including the pictures of your kids, which will always win). So thank you for that.

And (AND!) I also have a GE Spectra oven, so I am going to figure out where it plugs in JUST IN CASE. If my coil shorts out and I fix it by unplugging it, you will get all the credit (Amalah saves lives!)!

Mary

While I always enjoy your blog, and while I am sure that the events of the incident you describe were quite traumatic at the time, I have to say that this is one of my favorite posts of yours ever (not including the pictures of your kids, which will always win). So thank you for that.

And (AND!) I also have a GE Spectra oven, so I am going to figure out where it plugs in JUST IN CASE. If my coil shorts out and I fix it by unplugging it, you will get all the credit (Amalah saves lives!)!

Mary

While I always enjoy your blog, and while I am sure that the events of the incident you describe were quite traumatic at the time, I have to say that this is one of my favorite posts of yours ever (not including the pictures of your kids, which will always win). So thank you for that.

And (AND!) I also have a GE Spectra oven, so I am going to figure out where it plugs in JUST IN CASE. If my coil shorts out and I fix it by unplugging it, you will get all the credit (Amalah saves lives!)!

Mary

While I always enjoy your blog, and while I am sure that the events of the incident you describe were quite traumatic at the time, I have to say that this is one of my favorite posts of yours ever (not including the pictures of your kids, which will always win). So thank you for that.

And (AND!) I also have a GE Spectra oven, so I am going to figure out where it plugs in JUST IN CASE. If my coil shorts out and I fix it by unplugging it, you will get all the credit (Amalah saves lives!)!

amy

Oh mah gawd! It's so ridiculous it's funny, but so real it's not, yk? Jeesh. I'm glad you're all okay!

amy

Oh mah gawd! It's so ridiculous it's funny, but so real it's not, yk? Jeesh. I'm glad you're all okay!

amy

Oh mah gawd! It's so ridiculous it's funny, but so real it's not, yk? Jeesh. I'm glad you're all okay!

amy

Oh mah gawd! It's so ridiculous it's funny, but so real it's not, yk? Jeesh. I'm glad you're all okay!

Kimm

Still laughing! Especially about the climbing over stuff in the basement, sounds familiar. Also Google should take your suggestion, there should totally be googlemergency.

Melissa

Something very similar happened to us except I was done with the stove and insisted on getting a new one. I'm glad to learn that we weren't the only ones with a hard-wired stove and that fire extinguishers are supposed to release that god-awful powder. Glad everyone is okay!

Melissa

Something very similar happened to us except I was done with the stove and insisted on getting a new one. I'm glad to learn that we weren't the only ones with a hard-wired stove and that fire extinguishers are supposed to release that god-awful powder. Glad everyone is okay!

Nan

That sounds like a hard time. You dealt with it very well all alone.

Dawn P.

This exact thing happened to my oven last summer! My husband was about 5 states away on a business trip when it happened. Except that I panicked and called 911, at which point a first responder, a full-sized fire truck, EMS, and fire captain all showed up to my house, while several neighbors came over to make sure everyone was okay. Yes, thank you, we're fine. And, thank you, Mr. Fireman for bringing your truck to my house just to flip off my circuit breaker.

tracey

Oh my word. This is so similar to when my son set the microwave on fire... Glad you're all ok. And I also had no idea how to use the damn extinguisher!

tracey

Oh my word. This is so similar to when my son set the microwave on fire... Glad you're all ok. And I also had no idea how to use the damn extinguisher!

tracey

Oh my word. This is so similar to when my son set the microwave on fire... Glad you're all ok. And I also had no idea how to use the damn extinguisher!

Lisa

I love you!! You can't make this stuff up!

Cheri Burke

I just checked my oven... Kenmore! And tomorrow , I'll be going to get fire extinguishers and batteries. This is one of those only-funny-because-nobody-got hurt kinds of things. The whole time I was reading, it was like I was at your house.

jonniker

I reaaaallly don't want to make this about me, but I am now full of panic, because that is the PRECISE oven range we have, and . . . will it set me aflame soon?

Chris

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and am glad everything is OK now, but I read this entire post out loud to my husband while tears of laughter poured down my face........you have a gift for writing (and taking care of multiple small children).

Elle

Why does shit like that ALWAYS seem to happen while the husband is away?

Charlotte

Quite possible my most favorite Amalah post ever. I'm so glad you are all okay and I was snorting with laughter as I read this. LOL

Kirsten

HOLY CRAP.

So glad I'm not the only one with electrical problems of TEH DOOOMZ this fall. Hubby called me from work a few days ago to tell me that when he turned the electric heat on for the first time this year, that it sounded like a damn machine gun shooting in our living room. He went into the living room to see the wall heater shooting a spray of sparks that could rival a 4th of July fountain firework, and then 2 feet of flame climbing up the wall when the sparks stopped.

We had the landlord call an electrician pronto, then spent a week and a half terrified to turn on the heat again after it was fixed because OMGZ what if it happens again nao? Did I mention I LIVE IN ALASKA? ALASKA IN OCTOBER WITHOUT HEAT IS NOT FUN! *sigh*

Judy

I loved this post. I'm still laughing esply about waiting for a grown up to come help--me too and I'm probably 30 years older than you are. But WHAT ABOUT THE SNAKE? I cracked up when I saw your picture bc our basement looks the same--same burned out bulb, same hard to get to circuit breaker box (Why can't the electricians put these boxes someplace EASY to get to??!! Like at the top of the basement steps? And write clearly!?), same possibility of snake, same piles of stuff. What is Jason using for a trap? Or do I need to get a mongoose! HALP!!

WifeMotherMe

Ok so this is the deal: I am kinda not happy with your right now.

I am very sorry this happen but as I was reading I started laughing so hard it hurt, and I felt guilty for laughing so hard, then: "that's why Noah fell down the basement stair" happen and I lost my shit! Great you made me hysterically laugh so hard it woke the neighbors up over a child falling down the stairs! SHAME ON YOU!

WifeMotherMe

Ok so this is the deal: I am kinda not happy with your right now.

I am very sorry this happen but as I was reading I started laughing so hard it hurt, and I felt guilty for laughing so hard, then: "that's why Noah fell down the basement stair" happen and I lost my shit! Great you made me hysterically laugh so hard it woke the neighbors up over a child falling down the stairs! SHAME ON YOU!

mark @ yelling near you

The appropriate card to send you right now would say: "POW! Super Mum!" Well done.

Shelbey

This is so funny! Oh thank you for sharing, it cracked me up.

Marnie

I think you are a complete moron, and that Karma was served today....I love people who are so "organic" that can't even function w/o modern devices. You suck!

Sarah

I'm glad that you're all okay, well done Amy! It's sounds both terrifying and hilarious from the distance of D'internet, but I bet at the time it was only terrifying. You did brilliantly under the circumstances, and it's a reminder to all of us to have a fire extinguisher at home - I don't right now....

Julie

HILARIOUS! Oh my God, I laughed out loud so many times while reading this. I also truly appreciate the tag of this post: "breathtaking dumbness"!!! You have such a way with words Amy, seriously. Thank you. Oh and I'm really sorry to hear about your oven! You handled it like a Champ with a capital C.

Lea

While I am truly sorry you had to experience that debacle, I am so happy you wrote a long-ass post about it. It made me laugh and laugh! Oh, yeah...hope your oven gets fixed today!

Katy

I have been awake on and off for three straight nights with a feverish, croupy toddler who has learned how to projectile spit grape-flavored Motrin at me. This made me snort lemonade out my nose--thank you for the much-needed laugh! (And I'm really sorry about the oven and kid trauma...)

Melanie

So happy to hear that everyone is okay. Seriously, your stories make me feel so much better about the fact that people are going to let me and my hubby, no expect us to take home a newborn in 4 months! I consider you pioneer in the ways of parenting. =)

Cindy B.

I had the exact same thing happen to me with my stove, well minus the breaker and the lights out and the flashlights and the 3 boys screaming, but other than that - exact same thing.
A 2-inch chunk of the coil just broke off and the rest of the coil was a hissing, sputtering, bright white coil of evil. I just turned it off (didn’t even unplug it) and stood in front of the open door staring it down while holding the fire extinguisher, which I didn't actually use in the end (I was waiting to see if the sparks actually mutated into FIRE!!!)
I did have these thoughts all while panicking and waiting for a fire to erupt : 1) I have never actually used one of these things before, 2) the best time to have to read directions on fire extinguisher use is not while staring at something waiting for it to catch on fire, 3) Where the HELL is my husband, I am not enough of an adult for this situation – fire is in his part of the marriage contract, right between to creepy crawly things and trash removal.

B

I'm glad everyone is ok...but that is hilarious. I was laughing so hard at work that people were looking over the cubicle walls at me.

B

I'm glad everyone is ok...but that is hilarious. I was laughing so hard at work that people were looking over the cubicle walls at me.

CC

Ok I don't mean to laugh at your trauma but that Sh*t is funny. Only because you and the kids are ok and your house didn't burst into flames. And because you didn't run into the snake during this ordeal. I think that would have been too much to handle.

I support your idea for emergency google. They should make an algorithm for that. For reals.

ladotyk

I literally have tears streaming down my face after reading your story. BUT, you have inspired me to make sure I know how to shut off the electricity (and gas and water) in case of an emergency. Why can't all PSA's be this awesome?

Alex

You have the funniest stories, EVER!

"...wondering when a grown-up would arrive" /FML

Alex

You have the funniest stories, EVER!

"...wondering when a grown-up would arrive" /FML

Alex

You have the funniest stories, EVER!

"...wondering when a grown-up would arrive" /FML

Sarah

You are awesome. I would not have known what to do, but I am going to check which model GE stove I have and label the fuse box circuits.

I am glad everyone is fine, I hear whiskey is good for PTSD...

mark @ yelling near you

Really you need to show some appreciation for GE's complimentary fireworks, provided at no extra charge with your range! Glad everyone's alright (mostly).

joaaanna

Holy shit - that is funny!

Brandi

Because of this post I got busy today relabeling my circuit breaker guide with my label maker since the original was scrawled in pencil back in 1985! I've been meaning to do this for a long time so thanks for the kick in the pants Amy!

Thrift Store Mama

The girls and I just got back from a weekend away, husband is out of town, suitcases and crap all over the house, kitchen a mess. But this post, oh this post had me teary with laughter. Am now going to double check location of flashlights and path to circuit breaker.

Brie

OK, I read this after a particularly rough night with the baby (duuuuuuuude, you gotta sleep!), and I laughed so hard that I had tears pouring down my face. My four year old came to make sure I was ok. Thanks for the giggles.

Shannon Lell

Okay damnit. I'm an exhausted, nursing mother with a no-napping toddler and an infant who screams from midnight until 2am. I need to take every single precious moment I have to either sleep or perform some act of personal hygeine but NOOOOO... this post was so damn funny I couldn't stop reading or laughing and oh crap I guess I'll just shower tomorrow. Thanks for that, you are too funny.

Miss Krissss

...And to think- if you hadn't helped me open this bottle of wine without a corkscrew(Google's obviously good for SOME emergencies), I would've never had the pleasure of perusing; THIS IS SHEER BRILLIANCE. Write a book please, if you haven't already. The future of this shit nation is in YOUR HANDS. No presh.

Miss Krissss

Update: Stop the bus- it might not have been you that helped me open the bottle of wine without a corkscrew, but that Google search led me to you nonetheless.
Mishap is quite possibly Trader Joe's (3-buck Chuck's)fault.
That irresistible bastard.
Happy either way.
Thanks, mama.

Caroline

My best friend sent me a link to your pregnancy calendar when we were both pregnant (due dates 5 days apart!), and I've continued to read alphamom and now amalah. I've never commented, but just wanted to say THANK YOU for some great posts on all sorts of topics, and thanks for this one too. So glad that you and the boys are okay. I feel a little guilty that I was laughing until I cried about this situation, since it could have ended tragically, but wow -- you are a very funny writer!

Stephen

This is one of the greatest stories I've ever read. Extremely well written. Also, I'm glad you all survived.

Kat

I can say with 100 percent certainty that I wouldn't have handled this crisis any other way. I laughed until I cried because I could see myself doing ALL OF THE THINGS.

Mary

I don't know you, but I LOVE YOU! I'm sure this has happened to other people...I lie. I'm sure other people have had their ovens catch on fire, but no one could have captured it in the typed word quite like you. The Jurassic Park reference is priceless as is Noah's understanding of sacrifice for the good of the tribe. I'm glad your house did not burn down and that you got to eat potato chips while watching Project Runway. Thank God it wasn't the TV that caught on fire!!!

lonek8.

so happy to see in your final stinkeye picture that your oven is exactly like mine. Guess I'll familiarize myself with the fuse box and flashlight locations just in case

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