How Bad Was My Weekend
Mother's (Not Even A Significant Chunk of a) Day Out

Assorted Epilogues


Jason, the last man standing, is down. I repeat, THE HUSBAND IS DOWN. He is by far the least disgusting patient, at least, and his illness has resulted in absolutely nothing I had to clean up.


But! Noah is fine. Ezra is also, finally, oh-thank-God fine and at back at school today.

I don't think I need to tell you that, humor and poor-poor-me snark aside, I was really, really worried about that one. I have never seen any of my children that sick, for which I know I am lucky, because it obviously could have been so, so much worse. He's lost a ton of weight and is still sleeping approximately 18 hours a day, but last night around dinnertime he asked for scrambled eggs and meatballs and macaroni and steak and polenta and cheese and chicken and was basically grabbing anything from the fridge he could get his hands on to eat. A jar of mustard! A pomegranate! Parsley! Whatever!

(Except for what's left of the raspberries. Those are being pointedly ignored.)

Ike is improving but probably needs another day to be back at 100%. I'm still washing a lot of diapers. And if you, like Jason, wonder why in the world I wouldn't cut myself a break and use disposables in the meantime, I will give you the Official Party Line, which is that the disposables equal blowouts and give him a rash.

(That's sort-of the truth. The rest-of-the-way truth is that I seekritly ordered some more diapers and doublers that I absolutely 100% did not need but just plain waaa-aaanted so this allows me to wash and prep them faster all seekritly-like. "What? Those? We've had them for ages, I don't know what you're talking about. Go back to bed. YOU'RE CLEARLY HALLUCINATING.")


No word from the school re: the lice issue. I like to think that they are waiting until they have had time to have an Official Emergency Response Strategery Meeting and can respond with a concrete and satisfying Serious Business Is Serious battle plan, but the more likely reason is that my email read like it was written by a crazy person at the end of her fucking goddamn rope. 


Last night some animal(s) got into our backyard and attacked a bag of trash we'd left on the patio table. (Stupid, yes. But I have an excuse: Carrying it across the yard to the covered trash receptacle would have required me to put on shoes.) The mess was epic. Wrappers and plastic bags and various bits of grossness were everywhere, and unless I felt like dealing with approximately 1,237,942 requests from Ceiba to go OUTSIDE OUTSIDE OUTSIDE throughout the day so she could eat some Shitty Plastic WrapTM remnants, I had no choice but to -- sigh -- clean it up right then. 

So that's how I ended up in the backyard at 7 am this morning, in my pajamas and rainboots, picking up every individual paper towel befouled during the original Raspberryhorkgate 2012, every shop rag and pair of underwear I'd decided was too unspeakable to even deal with laundering, and other assorted disgusting momentos of this weekend. Again. For the second time. That is some next-level, insult-to-injury, Alanis-Morissette-style-irony karmic bullshit, right there. 


The babysitter offered to stay a couple extra hours today, in case I had any "work" I needed to "catch up on." 

I fibbed and said that yeah, there are a couple things I need to do. And while a lunch out alone, a pedicure and maybe some aimless wandering around the mall aren't exactly "work," at this point I think those things all practically come with a prescription. 


Dawn @ thedalaimama

I also think a glass of wine at lunch, at the pedicure and while aimlessly wandering are also prescribed.

Glad everyone is on the mend.


Maybe you should make Jason some cookies to help him feel better! ;) Glad things are getting back to normal and that you got to pamper yourself a little bit today. Oh, and washing the diapers and mixing them in with the others is totally something I would do!


Shop therapy, be it online (diapers) or walking around an actual store are mandatory at this time. Please, do them all and relax, breathe and then pat yourself on the back for surviving Ick-ville 2012.


I am cringing at the thought of those vomit-rags the second time around, because fresh-off-the-press vomit is bad enough, but cold congealed vomit? Exponentially ickier! So, yeah, you totally need to get to "work" asap ;)

Jessica V.

Yes - all those things are definitely needed - at prescription-strength levels even (take with wine and a nap)! Also - Starbuck's comment about cookies for Jason just made me snort.

Glad people are feeling better (and hope that Jason gets there soon)!

Life of a Doctor's Wife

It is a wonder you haven't escaped to a private island about now. Or, you know, gotten yourself arrested so you could enjoy a nice quiet cell that you don't have to clean.

Glad that the end is in sight!!


Get thee to a pedicure chair, STAT! And buy a lottery ticket--your luck is bound to turn around in a big way soon.


we had the "shhhh-lice " issue here also and the school also waited 5 days- FIVE DAYS!!! to check the others in the class - who clearly gave them to my son- and probably caught them again. When I politely emailed the nurse FOR THE SECOND TIME -"when are you going to do something about this" They asked me to go help check the kids.... uhhhh NO! glad to hear the barfing has subsided-somewhat.


So glad everyone is faring for the better (Jason, sadly, doesn't really count b/c 1. he can change his own drawers should he have an accident, 2. he should be able to make it to the toilet to dispose of his blown chunks properly, and 3. COOKIES REALLY?)


I can't believe the incredible awfulness of your last week. I mean, I CAN believe it, but I kinda was hoping weeks like that didn't happen, ever, in the history of the world. I'm not sure what to do with this new knowledge.


Get a crazy-fun toe color. And maybe tequila.

Martha H.

U deserve it! Have a nice afternoon!


You definately deserve your break today! Whew. Wish I could send you some of my birthday Godiva truffles. Glad the sweet boys are feeling better.

Greg S.

Bless your baby-sitter. I'm assuming he or she picked up on what's been happening with you lately and thus offered; but even if it was purely coincidental, bless them.


I do hope you had a glass of lovely, lovely wine with your lunch.

And I do hope that one day poor Ezra will again appreciate raspberries.


can i get a prescription too?!!!

Becca Lynn

Oh. Mah. Goodness, Amy. This has got to go down in the records as the worst weekend EVAR.

And the fact that you not only had to clean up horkiness once, but TWICE thanks to some asshole animals? Total bullshit.

Do whatever you need right now... You deserve it!


Damn right those things come with a prescription!
Hang in there - things are bound to get better soon. Maybe there's weird cosmic shit going around. So many people have had a shitty past week/weekend.


God bless your babysitter. You totally deserve a couple of hours to yourself. I can't imagine anything worse than three sick, puking children.


I have to laugh because the ad on your page right now is a barf bag LOL! Sorry to hear the hubby is down but it's good to hear the rest of the family is doing better. My husband had some mystery stomach crap for 4 days last week. So glad he went back to work yesterday--just hoping the kid and I don't get it!


Our school has a volunteer lice patrol that checks every head in the fall. That's more than 600 kids from grades k-6. It just takes one organizer mom who is sick of lice, and a cooperative principal, and a squad of volunteer moms who are willing to come in for a day or two. They send home a note before they do it, and you can choose to opt out.


Oh. Mygod. You poor thing! I know you didn't have much of a choice, but I'm not sure I could've handled what you just went through. And now I'm reading this as a stomach bug has just taken out my husband and 1.5-yr old daughter; just sitting here waiting my turn in line.

Thrift Store Mama

I've been laughing so hard over these posts the past few days. This quote took the cake though "So that's how I ended up in the backyard at 7 am this morning, in my pajamas and rainboots, picking up every individual paper towel befouled during the original Raspberryhorkgate 2012"

Another question: Why don't pedicure places serve wine and chocolate ? I think they could make a killing.


Oh Amy, you need health insurance.

Here's an ad for one. Watch it :)



Yep, I'd say that part of the day was definitely prescribed.

As for the Shitty Plastic Wrap, well, that's the only kind available in Switzerland, where I live. I bring back a roll of name-brand Saran Wrap with me every time I'm in the US visiting family!


Omg, just too too too funny. What a week, memorialized so perfectly!

The comments to this entry are closed.