If You Liked It You Shoulda Put A Padlock On It

Home Sweet Hazmat

(What up, people. This is a sponsored post. Big thanks to Oreck and the AirInstinct Air Purifier. As usual, there's an awesome giveaway at the end and lots of me making an idiot out of myself in the meantime. Enjoy!) 

One of the weekend prompts for the March Photo a Day challenge on Instragram was "a corner of my home." A lot of people chose nice, neat, book-filled corners. As I do not own one those corners, nor did I have the energy to clean and organize and stage a fake one, I posted this instead:

Hot mess

I admit that even before I had all these children (and all their related sold-separately accessories), housekeeping was not really my forte. I have a very high tolerance for clutter and a natural knack for procrastination. (Both of which I am clearly passing on to the next generation, since that photo above was at least taken after we told the kids to "clean up.")

Now there's a cat and a dog and three boy-children -- two of which have officially started to Smell Like Boys on a regular basis, and I have not nommed on their little footsies in a very long time because STANK, DUDES -- I just...I don't know. It's overwhelming. It's...disgusting. 


1) Shoe rack in front foyer, filled with shoes that emanate the aforementioned radioactive foot stank.

2) Kitchen sink/disposal/trashcan area, filled with various unspeakable things that attract various wildlife.

3) Basement, better known as the place the dog likes to spite-poop on the floor whenever it rains outside. Also, one time Jason saw a snake and I will never, ever, ever, never stop being freaked out about that. 

4) Cloth diaper pail, at top of the stairs, outside the nursery. Everything is all well and good when it's just sitting there closed, but when the lid comes off...well, let's just say things get very, very REAL up in this bizzatch.

5) Noah and Ezra's closet. This one I will never understand. I wash their clothes. I do. I wash their clothes on an extremely regular basis and use perfectly nice-smelling detergent. Then I fold and hang up clean, perfectly nice-smelling clothes. Yet that closet smells exactly like feet and sweaty hair, mixed with a vague hint of maple syrup.

6) Noah and Ezra's bathroom. Holy God.

7) The closet in my office. There's a litter box in there. Now that poor old Max is really and truly aged, it's unfair to hide his litter far away from his favorite place to be (my lap). So FINE. Nearby closet it is.

So you'll never guess which corner of my home got the super-sweet air purifier, right? 


Anywayyeah. Oreck sent me a (freeeeee!) AirInstinct Air Purifier just in time, and while I gave them my whole "I'm not a review blogger but will be happy to find an appropriate, conversational topic that fits with your brand blah dee blah blah" pitch, it would be unfair of me to not include the relevant fact that I LOVE THIS THING TO ABSOLUTE DEATH. Hot ham, it's fabulous, and if you ask me about it in person I will make overly-dramatic faces about it. 

EVE the air purifier

Hello! I am EVE from WALL-E crossed with an iPhone! I am your silent soldier in the war on disgustingness! Do you smell anything coming from that closet over there? Do you sense any litter dust in the air? No, you do not. FACE. I also offer mood lighting! 

Am I easily impressed? Maybe. But maybe not. I like to think I'm pretty grounded and measured about a lot of th-OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND A DOLLAR. IT WAS UNDERNEATH THIS GROSS PILE OF SOCKS AND GRANOLA BAR WRAPPERS THE WHOLE TIME!


Would you like an EVE of your very own? Aw yeah you do. 

1) Visit Then come back here and comment, including one thing you learned about the AirInstinct

2) Um. That's it. 

3) Well, you can also enter three additional times, if you're feeling frisky:

    3a) Follow @oreck on Twitter. (Then leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

    3b) Like Oreck on Facebook. (Then leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

    3c) Tweet about the giveaway, mentioning me (@amalah) and Oreck and the link to this post. (Then -- wait for it -- leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

4) Comments will close in seven days, and then I will select a comment using and email the winner. 

5) Okay, that's REALLY it. Other than the fine print stuff I have to copy and paste now.

The giveaway winner must be a resident of the U.S. 48 contiguous states. Oreck Corporation provided the prize for the sweepstakes but is not the sponsor of the sweepstakes.



As the lolcats say, OH GOD I NEED DIS. (I like/learned that it's portable!)


I honestly didn't know that air purifiers worked on SMELLS. We could use that.


And, I followed @oreck!


My husband keeps asking for an air purifier and I've always said no b/c I'm mean (and it's one more thing taking up valuable floor space). But, this system looks like it might be nice and useful in our house since the AirInstinct has a three-stage PATH system that reduces odors and captures 99.97% of the gunk in the air.


It's also a white noise machine! Also - I need this!!!!


HEPA stands for high efficiency particulate air! Learn something new eerrry day!


HEPA stands for high efficiency particulate air! Learn something new eerrry day!


HEPA stands for high efficiency particulate air! Learn something new eerrry day!


High efficiency particulate air. HEPA! Learn something new every day


Visited the website and am HEPPED up about the 3 year Heppa filter. One of the reasons I don't buy stuff like air purifiers is because of all the extra stuff I am then required to buy to keep up the original cleanliness. Yay!


Followed on Twitter


Liked on Facebook!


Oh, man, I need this! I'm pregnant with my first child and my husband thinks we're going to be able to walk each and every diaper out to the garage. I think he has a reality check coming, but this Oreck AirInstinct would really really help the situation. And my favorite part is that is captures 99% of allergens because I get allergies and am not looking forward to a spring with no allergy medicine!


Tweeted. Can you tell I want this?


With 2 big dogs and a husband that does construction, I really really need this. Dust, dander, fur - you have me sold!


Truman cell NEVER needs replacing!


Liked on Facebook :)


I learned that this will work on smells! With two boys (ok 3, if you include my husband) who think farts are hilarious, plus a toddler in diapers, this would be amazing in my house!


My kids stink and my baby could use some white-noise napping time!
please please me!


There can be two different kids of filters? My sinuses rejoice.


I learned it can be used as white noise, and that it looks super awesome!


I would love to get one of these. The fact that it monitors and changes the settings from low to high on it's own is marvelous. Like that the fan is child safe too because little fingers can't help but find their way to fans!


A 3-year odor filter comes installed in the AirInstinct™ 200


So...are you telling me that my sweet little baby boy is going to STINK SOMEDAY? I thought that the different setting of the Oreck air purifier thinger were interesting, it looks like a really nice thing to have.


I learned that it collects 99.97% of dust, allergens, smoke, pet dander and other stuff.

It seems awesome and it does kind of look like an iPhone. Love!


Um, amazing! I just bought a purifier in my price range (let's just say around 1/10th of the price of this bad boy) and I can't imagine it works as well as this one. I love the option to have it really quiet or as white noise!

Jen K.

It automatically senses how much junk is in the air and then runs accordingly. It was be on red much of the time in my house.


I learned that it is way the hell out of my price range, but I want it and its fancy three-step filtration because I have two cats and a husband.

Jen K.

Liked on facebook.

Jen K.

Follwed on twitter.


I tweeted about your giveaway at @amyperry19


It's got 3-year HEPA and odor filters? Sign me up, please!


I NEVER like a company on facebook to win something. But I did this time, because I want it so much.


Followed on Twitter.

Also noticed that there are several Amys who read this blog apparently.


Sweet fancy moses, I followed them on the twitters!


It's smart! When it senses more junk in the air, it increases the setting.


Also liked them on Facebook.


Followed on Twitter!


This thing looks awesome! And smart. I like appliances that think by themselves & try not to think that some day when SkyNet goes online, it will spell our doom.


Uhh... girl children stink too! And so do little rat-like dogs. I need this!
I learned that it captures 99.97% of dust, allergens, smoke, pet dander and pollen at .3 microns from the air that passes through its filter
(I totally know what .3 microns means)


That's a 500 dollar machine, and the only way I'll get it is to win it. If it can stop the smell of kitty litter though it's worth every penny, if I had that many.


...and followed on Facebook!


I learned that it has a 3-year odor filter. Huzzah!


Three-year odor filter: RELEVANT.


I learned that it self adjusts it's own airflow, which is very appealing to my lazy self!


I like them on Facebook. And I learned that missed a cool Oreck sale this weekend. Boo.


And tweeted about this sweet give away on the twitter. @lesserhomes is me. Somebody is going to get an awesome prize - that thing is cool!


And I am following them on Twitter.


I visited Oreck and learned that the filter to this bad boy only needs to be changed every 3 years. HOORAY! I would love that, since my Brita filter has been blinking for weeks. Okay, MONTHS. GOSH. Am gross.


Would loooooove to have this!!! I learned that the Oreck AirInstinct is smart! It changes color to show you exactly how it is working.


Also liked Oreck on Facebook.


Holy moly I would love this puppy for the same reason as you, especially since I learned it has a 3 year odor filter!!!


oooo, different color lights... sooo pretty...


Liked on Facebook!


It monitors the particulates passing through the sensor and changes how hard it's working based on that!


I followed on Twitter...


And I tweeted!


I love that it changes settings automatically, depending on the air quality. Awesome!


I used my third tweet to tell everyone (meaning the 3 people who follow me) about this product, which would be awfully handy during the massive home renovation we are starting in May (can you say rip off the roof!)


I follow Oreck on Twitter.


I follow Oreck on Facebook.


"....the air inside your home may be up to 5 times more polluted than the air outside."


Love that it detects stuff in the air and then changes it's speed to capture it! I have 2 stanky dogs (one is really old and the other really dumb), 3 stanky cats and a stanky (but adorable) baby, I could use anything that captures stank...


Speeds have specific colors.

I only feel good about the colors for Low and Medium. Actually I would like the color of Low/Medium. I'm picky about my air purifying mood settings!


Liked it on FB :)


I learned that I can't afford to buy one on my own, which was my natural inclination due to the fact that entering random contests to win the stuff I want has not only been an ineffective procurement strategy, it has also caused strong feelings of incompetence and rage.


Can it go back in time to Friday night? My drunk neighbors seem to have put a microwave pizza in their oven but forgot to take off the plastic wrap. Or maybe they put it on the plastic silver thingy that's for the microwave only and then put it in the oven. At least that's what it smelled like. Actually, there's a new horrifying smell here every day, so I still want one—enough to have looked at their website.


following on twitter too :)


My new kitteh makes my sneeze. I love him and squeeze him and call him George, so I sneeze a lot. This would suck up his pet dander any maybe I would sneeze less and not scare him so much.


um, I'm excited to learn I can't ram thing inside of it. You wouldn't think you'd need to childproof things like that for a 14 year old (our son) and a 34 year old (me), but we do.



Liz K

The AirInstinct helps with allergens, we need this!

Liz K

I follow Oreck on twitter

Liz K

I tweeted about the giveaway!


I need this! Love that it can suck out the stink from up to 248 sq ft!


"4 Self-adjusting speeds"!

Jessica C.

The filter is good for 3 years! We have TWO cats, and oh, would this come in handy...


Follow Oreck on Twitter - check!


Liked on Facebook - check!


Oooh, I also have a litter box in my office that I would LOVE to destinkify! And the litter dust trapping power would be a huge bonus!

I learned on the Oreck site that the pre-filter captures large particle matter like hair and pet fur. I need that feature EVERYWHERE! We constantly have cat hair tumbleweeds rolling around our floors. Makes me feel like I'm in a very un-hygenic Western.


OMG, I need that! I live in the mold state (Florida) and I'm allergic. I inherited a cat and I'm allergic to him, too-but he's cute, so he stays.

That would really, really help my situation. The color coding is a smart feature, too. :)

Kim W.

First of all, thank you for showing my your corner. Second -- dust, allergens, smoke, pet dander and pollen? That's what I learned. This thing would have to go in our bedroom to help reduce my husband's allergies. Though I would really like it in our dining area, where one of the four litter boxes has to live (three years of odor elimination!). So many pooping creatures in this house!


It would help with my seasonal and pet allergies. Yay! And it is also too expensive for me to purchase at this time. Boo!


On Oreck site, costs $499; $299 on Amazon. And it has pretty-colored lights!


It has a pre-filter that never needs to be replaced! huzzah!
That's awesome because I also learned that is's $499, OMG!

The Other Laura

My son has terrible allergies and his air purifier is so loud. I would love one of these.

I learned that they can remove a pollen particle as small as 0.1 micron from the air. Yippee!


It monitors the dust, pollen, and smoke in the air...which...dude, that makes this air purifier smarter than me. I love that I'd be able to turn it on and just leave it and it knows when to get to work and when to just hang out. Awesome.


I just followed Oreck on Twitter.

Liz K

I liked Oreck on facebook


Tweeted it here:!/livlaugheat/status/181785051594362881


OhWOW, that thing is cool. I'm actually excited about an air purifier. Plus, it's "smart."

Amy K

I learned that it will filter smoke out of the air, so when our crazy hippie neighbors have some sort of burning ceremony in their yard again (and I'm not even joking about this), we wouldn't be able to smell it even though we're directly downwind and it goes through our house!


It works with the dust AND the dander. And now I liked them on facebook, because who the heck doesn't need clean air friends?

And I had a whole blog going at one point of the mess that was my life. But a nanny who may be mary poppins entered our life and I should probably just call her a household manager at this point...

sonja lange

I like the white noise part as well, yay!


Who knew air purifiers worked on smells? We have three cats and I am always terrified that people walk into my house and think "wow, it smells like a litterbox in here!" This looks really nice!


"the air inside your home may be up to 5 times more polluted than the air outside"
Oh, ICK. There is so much poop outside, how is this fact true?


The dog, the cats, the stinky baby and toddler...I could really use this. Also my favorite thing is the 5 year warranty because everyone under this roof breaks things.

Jen B

Visited the site and read that the sensor has self adjusting speeds and, most importantly, it has built-in child safety features


IT captures 99% of allergens! My 4.75 year old. :) Is getting allergy tested because he is constantly congested. I would love to be able to make the house a better place for him!


OMG would love this!! It automatically monitors the dust, pollen and smoke in the air!

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