Home Sweet Hazmat
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If You Liked It You Shoulda Put A Padlock On It

Here's a bit of advice I wish someone had given me, once I had a child: HIDE. YO. JEWELRY. (DUMBASS).

I know! Small, shiny, expensive things plus small, grabby, impulsive toddlers. Who woulda thunk THAT was a recipe for disaster? Certainly not me. Because, well, (DUMBASS).

Once, a looooong time ago, my engagement ring vanished from my dresser. I looked everywhere for it. I knew it had to be in the house somewhere, and I suspected that then-two-year-old Noah was probably responsible for the disappearance, but that didn't exactly help me find it. And the house is full of places from which no ring would ever likely return: floor vents, an uncovered hole in the wall from a budget cable install, drains, toilets...God. Damn. It.

About a month later I randomly picked up a small ceramic Noah's Ark someone gave us (because GEDDIT?) and heard something rattling around inside. After a little shaking and prodding...out fell my ring. There was exactly one gap large enough for it to fit through -- right between a giraffe and a elephant -- and that's exactly where Noah had put it. 

Lesson learned! 


Two years ago, my wedding band went missing -- not my ORIGINAL wedding band, of course. That one cost us all of thirty-five bucks, and sports a typo on the engraving, for that extra touch of class. That one was right where I left it, on my nightstand. 

But the gorgeous diamond one? The one Jason bought me after Ezra was born, the same year as our 10th wedding anniversary ? The single most beautiful piece of jewelry I'd ever been given that we really couldn't afford but he didn't care because he loooooved me?

Yep. Poof.

I was devastated. I couldn't even wrap my mind around the idea that it was gone, that I might not find it. I moved furniture, I emptied drawers, closets, and upended everything besides the floorboards in our bedroom. Then I did the same thing to every other room in the house. I quizzed the boys -- especially Ezra, who was not even two years old, but fearsomely mobile. And adorably verbal in the LEAST HELPFUL WAY POSSIBLE. 

"Where's Mommy's ring, Ezra?"

"Mommy ring all gone!" 




*hands over glow-in-the-dark plastic ring from the dentist's office, beams proudly*

"Sigh. Thanks, dude."

I kept hoping that like my engagement ring, it would turn up again, eventually. In some crazy, off-the-wall place. Eventually, though, I gave up.

Jason somewhat not-so-secretly suspected the cleaning service we used for awhile -- I really didn't, but I did come to accept that the likely solution to the puzzle was that my ring got knocked to the floor and vaccuumed up. Especially since by the time it occurred to me to call and beg them to not empty the vaccuum bag...they'd already emptied the vaccuum bag. 

(As much as I hate housework, we no longer use a cleaning service. And no lie, the biggest reason I let them go -- besides the cost -- was that I wanted the freedom to drop important shit on the floor occasionally without fear of losing it.)

I went back to wearing my plain original band and nothing else -- even my engagement ring became painful to look at, because I couldn't stop picturing how much nicer it looked next to that beautiful, wonderful, missing-forever ring that I lost because I was careless and too lazy to stick it in my jewelry box or HELL, open the DRAWER that was RIGHT THERE instead of tossing it on my toddler-eye-level nightstand like an IDIOT, and WHY didn't I ever get around to adding it to our homeowners' insurance like Jason asked me to, GAAAAHHHHHH IDIOT. 

My most recent gasp of ring-recovery hope was the thought that maybe it would turn up in 16 years or so, on a carrot. That could happen again, right?

No. Probably not.


 But I think I like this ending better anyway.



:) :) :) :)


That is beautiful. I am all verklempt now.


oh YAY!!


aw! I love happy endings! A few years back,I lost a bunch of weight and never got around to (was too cheap to) getting my wedding/engagement rings sized. One afternoon, they weren't on my hand anymore. I cried like crazy and searched. Just when I became accustomed to the idea of maybe not having something so nice -- I found them in the bottom of my gym bag.


I love your husband. As in, it makes me happy you've got him since I love you. As in, given this ridiculous attachment I've developed for you and yours since following you since Noah's birth and going back through all the archives and all your columns everywhere even though I'm never going to buy fancy facewash...

Think I'd better stop now.

Glad you've got your ring!


AWESOME!!!! I am SOOO glad it was found Amy!!! I would have been just as heartbroken. Now call the insurance company and add it to the policy!

Mom In Two Cultures

Ren lost his ring TWICE the first year we were married. First time, he accidentally incinerated it with the trash (thank goodness it's platinum--a little polishing and good as new). The second time, it slipped off into two-feet of snow somewhere in the vicinity of our front door (a vicinity which also included lots and lots of shrubs). After several days of long, cold searching, he found it. Funny how our wedding vows never said anything about fire or ice...

My recent post: http://www.momintwocultures.com/2012/03/311-one-year-and-few-days-later.html


I'm just going to delurk here and ask, why don't you just keep it on your finger? Like, all the time? Isn't that what most people do? ;)


Oh, I just love a happy ending! Especially one that includes pretty jewelry. :-)

Angela Noelle

Between that photo and the carrot link, I am at a loss for words. How absolutely insane! I'm so glad you rediscovered it though. I'm still hoping the diamond earring I lost when I was 16 will turn up some day...


Dude, you seriously have the best husband in they world.


Wow! That is amazing and awesome.

My mother made the mistake you did and it cost her too. She took off her tiny diamond studs and left them loose on her nightstand. I was three or so. I went into her room. She had left an open bottle of coca cola on her nightstand. I spilled it. In an effort to hide my error, I tried to splurp it up. And that is how I swallowed one of her diamond studs. She caught me red handed so she knew immediately what happened but that didn't help her recover it in the slightest. Thirty-five years later she still talks about it and wonders where it is hiding.


I have the same problem :-) I even googled something about how to keep my jewelry away from my kids (thinking there was some smart way of keeping it easily accessible for me but not for them). I ended up with a bunch of search results on estate planning and wills, describing how to keep my kids from getting my jewelry after my death. Made for some interesting reading, but not exactly a solution to my problem.


I'm all teary for you. And I'll admit that I thought the screenshot of your messaging was an ad, and I thought the end of the story was the carrot, and all I could think was "Oh, my heart breaks for her. She posted that with no hope of ever getting that ring back." And THERE IS FUCKING IS. Good for you.


Yay! :)


I am practically crying for you. So happy!


Two years in a bag. Wow. This ending is far betterer. Also, you are so only gonna go a good 6 months before you toss it on the night stand again, you know? Toddler swiping fate! We must tempt it (but I'ma need you to add it to the policy like right now. No, seriously. Now. Because there's still Ike).


Can you come find the diamond earrings I lost? The ones my husband gave me when Michael was born? Also, I highly recommend a jewelry rider on your home owners insurance.

bethany actually



OH man, that stuff happens to us all the time. Of course in our case it's my husband who randomly loses his wedding band, cuff links, tie tacks, etc. all on his own.


Freaking hormones. I started crying when you revealed Jason found it.


Oh yes. How well I do sympathize. My very similar looking wedding band went missing in our house a few weeks ago and I could. not. find. it. in any of the ususal places. I was frantic because HAI NOT ON HOMEOWNERS INSURANCE and decided to employ the Colombo method of searching: where did I have it last. And then, it hit me! I had made meatloaf so took it off and put in in my pocket. Cue mad scramble through the laundry and voila! Reunited.

So glad yours had a happy ending too!


Jody, I can't speak for Amy, but I take my ring off at night and during hot weather because my fingers swell.

My brother-in-law left his ring, which had belonged to his grandfather, in a gas station bathroom when he and my sis were moving cross country shortly after they were married.

Also, I love questioning a 2 yr old about missing things. My husband lost his wallet one weekend and we asked our daughter if she knew where it was. She said no, and it turned out he had left it at work. Weeks later husband calls out, "I need my wallet". Daughter responds, "Daddy, I don't know where it is!"


Oh good! A happy ending! My parents were idiots who never insured my mother's jewelry... and when my Mom lost her custom Tiffany engagement ring they were effed. Seeing via inflation it would now cost about 100k for the same damn thing circa 1978. So when I got engaged that baby got added to our insurance within a week. And no, my Mom still hasn't found her ring.


I can't believe he took it from you and kept it hidden all those years. I don't know how you'll ever be able to forgive him.


If I could "like" Marinka's comment I would :) That would be one mean way of teaching a lesson!
And regarding removal of jewelry, I am going to chime in with Olivia. My hands swell a lot at night as well. I also have horrendously dry skin that I have to goo up with lotion every night, to keep my stones bright I remove them whenever I put on lotion. Same goes for the shower. And gardening {because I don't even want to think about losing them out in the dirt!!} And often when cooking if I know I am going to have to mix with my hands. They also have two designated places to live while not on my hand, in a tiny little drawer in our medicine cabinet in the bathroom, and in the box they came in that usually sits on my nightstand, although in light of this post I think I am going to move that to the top of my tallish dresser :)


OMG. I too can't find my real engagement ring since I had kids. This gives me hope I will find it somewhere!

Carinn @welcometothemotherhood

Ohhhh, I am in tears here. So happy for you. I lost my diamond studs, the ones my mom gave me for graduation, the ones I wrote in my journal before I even had kids that I couldn't wait to pass on to my future daughter at her graduation.

I haven't seen them in about two years and occasionally I have a glimmer of hope that I might just find them somewhere somehow. Thanks for keeping that spark alive...

Redneck Mommy

When my son died my husband had a ring made for me customized with his birth stone. Tis the fanciest piece of jewelry I own and the only ring I bother with. It's like I carry my kid with me on my finger every time I put this ring on. It has magical super mommy powers to ease grief and make me look classy at the same time.

And then I took it off.

And my children found it.

And it disappeared.

And I sobbed.

And a year later I found it in an empty vase where my kids had stuck it.

I did a happy dance and I've NEVER LOST IT SINCE.

I'm glad you found your ring too.


You are one lucky mama!If you figure out how it got in there, please let us know. Can't stand unsolved mysteries. Now go add the ring to your insurance policy. :)


Oh crap, I'm so happy Jason found it! I don't even want to think what would have happened if he'd just tossed the bag one day.

In case you were wondering, vacuuming up jewelry makes a HELLUVA lot of noise. (Don't ask me how I know...it just does.) Believe me, you or the cleaning people would know if you'd vacuumed up an earring or whatever.


@jody Like others have mentioned, I take my rings off at night a lot, because it's hot/humid here in the summer and my fingers swell.

I also (HA HA IRONY) always took *that* particular ring off quite a bit so I could protect it (and the diamonds) from stuff like lotions, shampoo, cleaning products, etc. Gardening! Doing the dishes! Bathing the children! I had to protect my preshusssssssss ring aw fuck now where did I put it?

But yes, it is now going on the insurance policy AND I have a nice jewelry box on a VERY HIGH SHELF all ready and waiting for it when Jason brings it home tonight. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE IT AGAIN EEEEEEEEEEEE!!


Call *today* and put it on your insurance policy!! It's so easy, I've done it.

Also, PHEWF and maybe got choked up for you....




That's SO awesome!!! :)


May I recommend a nice ring holder for your dresser? This way you can take them off at night (or whenever), you always put them in the exact same place, and bonus is they are FAR out of reach of small hands.

Either way, very glad you (Jason) found your ring. :)


That is amazing!!! I've lost so many things, but never had something turn up again like that. So happy for you! Because of my tendency to lose things, I have very specific places I put my rings when I take them off and never put them anywhere else (they also all happen to be out of kid's reach, now that I think about it, but that's mere coincidence). YAY for you!!!!!


YAY! That is so, so great. I've done a lot of little stupid careless things in my life but this is one that I imagine would really hurt. Thanks for the freebie, Universe!


I don't know whether I want him to have found it after two years, or to have sneakily gotten a replacement :-)


Awesome!! We found my lost wedding ring 3 months after we moved to a new house wrapped up in my daughter's stash of big girl underwear. We delayed potty training after an attempt because she wasn't quite ready and we were moving, etc. I knew when we dropped off the keys to the old house I would never see that ring again. I was wrong. I know the relief and joy you feel in your heart.


That is awesome! OK, not a wedding ring story but when I was 16 my mom and dad got me a class ring and I loved that thing, silver with a sapphire stone in it. annnd I lost it one day. I was really sad and then 3 months later I was in our basement trying to move some heavy garbage bags full of old clothes out of my way, got mad and kicked a hole in one because it would not budge and wouldn't you know it my class ring popped out of the hole I had just kicked. Crazy!


I love happy endings :D


This is amazing! I can't believe it turned up after all that.

And this story almost makes me happy that my husband never gave me an engagement ring and all my "jewelry" is from Target.


Was all choked up for you and then might have said YES! a bit loudly and had people in the office look at me funny when saw Jason's message! YIPPEEEEEEEE

Sue C

Yeah!! I just love happy endings like this!! C:


Awwwww bless!!!


so, so happy for you!

also? cracking up that you have your husband in your phone with his last name! :)


I would just like to point out that you are as capslocky via txt as you are on your blog. Consistency, yo.

Also: d'awwwwwwwww.


Aw! I love a happy ending!


INSURE YO JEWELRY. Seriously, I used to manage a jewelry store. Get a jewelry rider on your current homeowner's policy, or go to jewelersmutual.com.

Suzy Q

Lucky girl!


I NEVER take my rings off. Because I lose everything, and these... I'd rather have them dirty than lost!


Okay -- I read this post this morning, but clicked on the carrot link and never came back to finish the post. Then I saw the photo on Facebook.



I love this! I have goose bumps. I lost one of my grandmother's rings in the first apartment I lived in. It was diamonds and onyx stacked in a little pyramid - gorgeous. The last time I remember seeing it, I was trying on rings to wear for Thanksgiving dinner. I ended up not wearing it, and could not find it the next time I went looking. The very last thing I did before we moved out was crawl on my hands and knees in the closet, thinking it was stuck in the carpet. No luck. Flash forward one apartment and a house later, roughly 5 years. My friend Keri asked to borrow an old-fashioned overnight case I have (this belonged to my grandmother too). I checked the pockets to make sure it was empty, and out rolled my grandmother's ring, right into my hand! Unbelievable luck!


you're lucky woman!!
I lost my 1/2 tw diamond earrings, which were on my night stand..and never found them!! I definitely learned my lesson, oh, & i didn't have a kid @ the time either..


So you better damn well be playing the lottery since you have the luck of a thousand Irish. Seriously. Go buy a ticket. You'll obviously lose it but you will also clearly find it 12 hours before the expiration deadline for your multi-million dollar win.


I almost just cried a little, but since I'm at work, I stopped myself!

I'm not yet married, but I have a beautiful ring my Boyfriend gave me for my birthday 3 years ago...I lost it for 2 days once, and finally found it in between the couch cushions, but OH! The AGONY!!

I totally take it off when I go to bed or am cooking or washing dishes...I don't foresee that practice stopping when I have an engagement/wedding ring! Until I had this ring, I just assumed married people wore their rings all the time, but hellooooo overnight puffy fingers! Among other things...



Now, go add that shit to your homeowners insurance for the extra 5 bucks a year or whatever it is! It make me less panicky to take my rings off in the first place (not that they are worth much money-wise)



Jess F


not supergirl

My mom had something like this happen, too. She lost her wedding band for like 15 years! She was sure she'd lost it in the kitchen, but even after pulling out the oven and refrigerator and checking in floor vents, the sink trap, etc. she could not find it. Flash forward to when my parents are selling the house. A friend was cleaning the kitchen floor, and he found it under a flap of linoleum way back under the stove. Also, it was not on insurance. Because who remembers that? (I guess I better call my insurance company, too.)


So glad you found your ring. I wear the ring that was my grandmother's, which has two stones, including one from my great-grandmother's ring. My mother wore it for a while and it disappeared, only to turn up months later in a plastic grocery store bag that had been sitting in a cabinet. She never wore it again for fear of losing it and handed it over to me. My husband lost his ring while spreading mulch and we've been holding out hope for the carrot ending, too.


I lost my class ring the summer after my senior year of high school. My father found it in his garden 25 years later. Apparently it had slipped off my finger while I was weeding, and I hadn't noticed. (I always knew that weeding the garden was from the devil.) I'm so glad you found your ring.




Yay! That's so exciting!


Yay - so glad it turned up!!




I'm so glad your ring popped up! When I put my jewelry on our insurance I got a bigger multi policy discount than the cost of the rider, so it actually saved us money. Jackpot!


Wooohooo!!! That's awesome.


Oh, god, how wonderful!


I almost didn't see the screen shot! I thought it was an ad and had already left the page! But then I came back and saw Jason's name and thought "Why is HE sponsoring an ad?"
Yay for you! And the carrot-ring lady!


I'm so happy for you! I also love all of the 'we thought it was lost, but then...' stories in the comments. :)


After her wedding ring went missing, a friend of mine found it in the bottom of the trash can, courtesy of her 2-year-old. Fortunately, she thought to look there *before* taking the trash out...


Too Funny! Each one of my 4 kids has tanked a something special of mine when they where little. My son flushed the watch I carefully picked out and paid off over 3 months, 2 days after it came home with me. Years later it's funny... not so much then. ;)


Haha - I love you. And the awesome part? With this little one on the way, it's just occurred to me through your post TO FIND A NEW SOLUTION TO MY JEWELRY STORAGE. LOL

Lynda M O

Cluckin' A !~!~!~!

YAY; couldn't be happier for you. Happy Diamond Band Day Found ~!~!~!


I have a David Yurman bracelet...diamonds...love it...it cost enough. From a boyfriend of many years.

A couple years ago, I realized, after a night out, that it was missing.

The next morning--you know, when SOBER--I tore my condo apart. And--here's the really important part--I scoured the walkway outside my door, practically on my hands and knees. The walkway that only I use, because I'm the only unit on this side of the building, and it goes directly from my car to my door.

No dice. GONE.

I was devastated, and sort of threw my hands up in the air, and said, out loud, to my (dead) father, "Dad, help a girl out, come ON!" I kept looking all day, repeatedly. And then, eventually, after a whole day of that, and calling the bars I'd been at, I went to bed.

The next morning, I walked out my door, and there, in the MIDDLE OF THE WALKWAY--yeah, right in the fucking middle, three steps away from my door--was the bracelet.

After I almost collapsed, I yelled, "Thanks, Daddy!"

I mean...really?

So glad you got yours back, too. My message is to ask your father to help rather than to ask your kids. I'm not religious and I'm not generally into that kind of thing but...it worked. :-)

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*sniff* that is AWESOME!!! I too am totally guilty of not taking good care of nice things and STILL KICK MYSELF, 20 years later, for losing the totally inappropriate for a teenager aquamarine and diamond ring my now-deceased grandmother bought me. Sigh.

I clean them frequently but I never remove my rings. Can't be trusted.


Two things:

1) I'm sending this post to my wife, who leaves her wedding/engagement ring (it's all one thing) all over the place. I'm always worried it's going to get lost. She seems less concerned.

2) In the third grade I gave my mom's engagement ring to my girlfriend as a gift. My mom took it off to garden, I found it and used it to my own advantage. It was quite embarrassing to have to ask for it back once Mom figured it out.


A few weeks ago my son took my combo wedding/engagement ring and gave it to his kindergarten teacher because he wanted her to have something special. She told me that he assured her I said it was ok. Luckily he gave it to her and not some girl in his class, so I got it back.


My husband got me a "Mom" necklace with all of our birthstones on it. Paid extra to have the genuine stones on it. It's specifically thoughtful because I couldn't wear rings at my old job, but could wear this necklace under my shirt. I put the charm on a new chain, went to bed and didn't realize until I was already at work that it was gone. I didn't find it in my clothing when I changed, and I've since torn my bed apart assuming it fell off while I was sleeping. I'm sick with worry about losing this necklace, to the point that I haven't told him it's gone. I still hope I'll find it :(


Yay! And it is such a pretty ring!


YAY!!! yayayayayayayay!!!!!!


It was my husband that lost his rings- he was playing rock band drums with some friends and took his ring off because it would blister his hands while he was drumming. The next morning, he called from work but it was too late, the 20 month old had already jacked the ring. I tore the house apart, then sat in the floor, crying. Then the baby walks up to me and says "why cryin mama" And I told her that I needed a ring. And I showed her mine that matches her daddy's and she got the teapot that she had put it in and handed it to me. I found the ring, She asked for a cookie and she d*mn well got a cookie for that :) I am so glad that you found the ring, it helps to not feel sick every time you look at your hands.

Plano Mom

And... you're an Alpha Hotel if you don't get in insured. Now.

Bunny Smith

Sometimes the ring/earring doesn't disappear...but the diamond does. I learned the hard way to have a jeweler inspect the prongs on the setting now and then. I lost the diamond out of one of my 15th anniversary diamond studs. I not only sorted through the crap in my own vacuum cleaner bag, I made my sister go through hers--just in case. No dice, er, diamond. At least three years later, I look down in my bathroom and see something stuck to the baseboard that is a bit, well, sparkly. Yep. The tiny diamond had stuck there. For years. I was grossed out and happy at the same time. Now I get my settings checked.


So glad it was found but why do you even take your rings off? I've been married for almost 18 years and have NEVER taken off my engagement ring or wedding band...even when my fingers were so swollen during pregnancy...I don't think I could take them off if I wanted to now, they won't fit over my knuckle!


My husband lost his wedding ring a few years into our wedded bliss. He thought he left it on the concrete wall of a shower stall while we were camping. It was gone and I cried. We ended up buying him a cheap knock off from the internet. 2 years later, his ring showed up in the couch. He reached in to save the remote and came up with his ring.

We still have the spare, just in case.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

Jimmy's story totally cracked me up.

When my daughter was about 14 months old, a beautiful heirloom necklace I own went missing. She pulled it right out of my jewelry box, which I had unfortunately not yet moved out of reach. When I caught her with it, I thought what the hell, I can put it on her for a minute so she can have fun and then before we go outside to garden I'll take it off.


I forgot she was wearing it and then when it vanished, I had to scour an acre of land, the whole house, the garage, everywhere imaginable...to no avail. I was devastated.

Then about a month ago (what's that? a year and a half later?), Charlotte came running up to me. "Look what I have, Momma! It is so beautiful!" I have no idea where she found it, but it is now happily out of reach again lol.

Also, when I was pregnant I took off my rings when my fingers swelled in favor of wearing my husband's grandmother's rings which are a size larger. Postpartum when my fingers had shrunk back and I was ready to start wearing my own rings again...I couldn't find them. It took me months to find them. It turned out that instead of putting them in my jewelry box, I had put them in a bathroom drawer.

So basically I'm stupid all over.

Glad you found your ring! Enjoy it!


That's totally something that would happen to me. I heard a report today that we spend at least 10 minutes a day searching for things we've misplaced. I can't even begin to tell you how inadqueate that's left me feeling. My husband and I have spent about 48 hours these past 4 days searching for a lost key.....I don't suppose there's a marketable skill in that? No?


Hey, after the year you have had, you deserved something awesome to happen- other than Ike who just by being himself is awesome (and SO cute)!!


Can you please purchase me a lottery ticket? My luck sucks, but you are the luckiest person I know.


I ate my mother's wedding ring. It was never recovered - and not for lack of trying.


Love this story! My hubby's went missing from the nightstand at about 18 months. Around 2 she peaked out from around the bed like golem with her preshissssss she had stashed somewhere!

Katie S.

I second getting the prongs checked! My diamond fell out and disappeared. Glad you found yours!


I lost a diamond earring a few years ago. I have the same bedtime routine: Brush teeth. Take off earrings. Place on bathroom vanity. In the morning: Brush teeth. Put on earrings. One morning there was only one earring on the vanity. I asked the cat if she'd seen it, but she said no. I tore my apartment apart looking for it, but it was nowhere to be found. I confronted the cat. "You were playing slap hockey with my earring, weren't you? It went down the drain, didn't it?" Again, she said no. Yeah, well, she's a liar. A furry little liar. I went to Home Depot and bought a pipe wrench, came home and took the sink trap apart. Good God, you don't want to know what else was in there! It was so nasty I was afraid to put the earring on. Mutant strain of bacteria? Ummm, no thanks.I finally had one of my nurse friends run it through the autoclave at work. I still don't trust that cat; I've seen the way she looks at my engagement ring.


Just had to say YAY!


I've always been a fan of jewelry that passed through the digestive tract of animals. Adds a bit of adventure and mysticism don't ya think? No? Not romantic in any way you say? Oh well, back to the drawing board.

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