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August 2012
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October 2012

She's Lump, Part Two

Omg. So GET THIS. Remember the ear lump? The ear lump that made me the novelty-freak-show hit of the dermatologist office? Yes, that one. My dermatologist referred me to a plastic surgeon. That appointment was this morning. After spending an hour in the waiting room (covetously eyeballing the tummy tuck and neck lift brochures), then another half hour in the doctor's office...the plastic surgeon spent 10 minutes examining the lump before saying, basically: Yeah, there is no way in FUCK I am touching that. So while my dermatologist was right that the lump probably formed in utero — like when I was just a wee, oversharing zygote — removing it is actually a super-complicated, involved thing. I need an Ear, Nose & Throat surgeon because the malformation likely goes very deep and is very close to very important facial nerves. (In some cases, he said, they actually wrap around the nerves.) If those nerves get damaged in any way during the surgery, I'll have facial paralysis and look like I had a stroke. Um. Okay. But forgoing the surgery is not really an option either, because at the rate it's been growing, the lump itself will eventually put pressure on... Read more →

Mr. Montessori, Year Two

This was Ezra (and his face) on the first day of school last year, on his very first day of school ever: He was a little unsure that things would be great. (SPOILER ALERT: Things were pretty great.) Now it's this year: School didn't start until 8:45. He started impatiently dancing around the front door around 7:45. By 8:15 he was officially mad at me for not taking him to school already. What the HELL, woman? That trinomial cube ain't gonna assemble itself, you know. At last year's classroom visit, he was a Human Ping Pong Ball of Destruction. This year, he played quietly with his favorite materials and created an elaborate tableau using the Farm Box and the Land & Water Forms. His teacher and I chatted about good places to buy kid-friendly area rugs. (I suggested Ikea, because I am mean like that.) When it was time to go, he happily put away SOME of the things, but then insisted that he wasn't finished with the farm. "I not FINISHED." he said. "I clean up when I FINISHED. That's the RULES." His little sense of Montessori justice was being gravely wronged and he KNEW it. His teacher and... Read more →

A Life Worth Not Blogging About

Hello! Greetings and salutations to my slightly dusty blog and its readers. Hopefully you are not dusty. Or if you are, it's only because you re-organized your attic crawlspace recently. Which: HIGH FIVE, if you did. Maybe you could come do mine next, because I went up there this weekend in search of our old car seat stroller frame thing* and was very nearly Collyer-ed by a teetering pile of empty suitcases and baby swings. *Warning to the remaining takers of the hand-me-downs: When you show up for your box of clothes, there is a high probability that I will also attempt to fob large, awkward baby gear that you did not ask for on you. TAKE THIS! AND THIS! EVERYTHING MUST GO! WATCH AS I MANICALLY TEMPT THE NO-MORE-BABIES PREGNANCY GODS WITH RECKLESS ABANDON! Anyway, I was hoping something worth blogging about would happen over the long weekend, but alas. I remain, as ever, too boring for color TV. We went to the aquarium yesterday, but forgot to bring the camera, so every photo I took is of the terrible, blurry low-light iPhone sort. Lots of shots of the back of my children's heads, as they had no patience... Read more →