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My Writing Process. Let Me Show You It.

I spent approximately two hours today trying to turn a half-formed zygote of a blog post idea into something publishable. Or at least something longer than 140 characters, because otherwise I could just tweet it but then I still wouldn't have anything to publish on my blog but I can't publish a goddamn tweet on my blog because then what? I go on Twitter and link to my blog and people click over and are like, GODDAMN YOU AMY, YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID THAT ON TWITTER, WHERE I JUST WAS. AND YOU WERE. WHAT THE FUCK. UNSUBSCRIBE AND DISLIKE.

Basically: Blogging a tweet and then tweeting about a blog that's basically a tweet would be a dick move, or worst case, rip a hole in the fabric of the social media universe and the whole Internet would collapse in on itself, and then Yahoo! would come buy the smoking, hollowed-out ruins for fifty bucks, we'd be all "KHAAAAANNNNN!" except it'd be like "YAHOOOOOO!!!!" and POINT IS, I saw the new Star Trek movie on Friday and it was okay.


No. I mean, POINT IS, I scrapped the blog post I was writing because it was only 12 words long. I wrote a hell of a lot more words than 12, mind you, but there were only 12 words that were really any good. The rest were terrible and try-hard and I kept deleting them. But it's not like the first 12 words were good enough to justify me leaving them alone and being like, "Fuck this, close enough, enjoy these 12 words, Internet!" Does that make sense?

(Don't answer that.)

No. I remember now what my point actually is, and what I decided to tell you about instead: After realizing that my sad, tortured and overworked 12-word post was never, ever going to be sponge-worthy (HEY-YO), I was like, "If I was a GIF, I would so be that GIF of Snape flipping over a table right now."

Then I was like, "Waaaaait. Snape never flipped over a table."

And yet, if you start typing "Snape flipping" into Google, the top suggestion is, in fact, "Snape flipping tables" and you will see a million and one versions of the very GIF I was thinking of.

Screen Shot 2013-05-22 at 1.27.18 PM

POINT IS, poor Alan Rickman. 

For some reason, I found this to be INCREDIBLY amusing on MANY levels, from the whole idea that I now apparently think in GIF form, and off the top of my head can picture the perfect GIF for any situation, including "deleting 12 words of a shitty blog post," but ALSO I can't come up with Alan Rickman's actual name on the first try, but ALSO ALSO I am clearly not alone in basically thinking Alan Rickman = Snape, anytime, all the time, even when flipping a table over in some slow-motion YouTube art...thing that...okay, it's really kind of weird; I just watched it and lost my train of thought.


So I tried to compose a tweet about the whole thing: About needing find the perfect GIF to summarize my bloggerly failings today and how that's kind of weird, right? And probably all I would ever do with one those Google Glass things, basically, just walk around being all "WAIT WAIT I HAVE THE PERFECT REACTION GIF FOR WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW," but then I would ask Google to find me that "GIF with Spock" when I actually meant Zachary Quinto and the results would be all Leonard Nimoy and EVERYTHING WOULD BE RUINED. Also, if you search for "Snape Flipping Tables" you get the GIF I was thinking about even though it's not really Snape, lolololol.

Anyway. POINT IS, that turned out to be way too many words to fit in a tweet, so I wrote it on my blog instead.

You're welcome. 

Screen Shot 2013-05-22 at 1.55.07 PM



so generally i thought that blog posts about kids were my fav but, geez, this made me laugh!


His name is Alan Rickman. Really? Huh. He's so recognizable - to me from the Kevin Costner version of Robin Hood, and yet..I guess I never knew his name. I wonder how many other celebrities I'm name-unaware. I'll call him Snape forever.


In the mental health field, we would say, "her thought processes were loose and tangential."

Sponge worthy. I can't remember my name half the time, yet I immediately got that. Ha!


This caused a vision in my head like so
(inside Amy's head)
Brain Hamster 1: ehrmigod i'm so tired...
Brain Hamster 2: you've got to keep running!
Brain Hamster 1: Dammit Jim, I'm a hamster, not a magician!
~and, scene~


whoa - channelling a little Virginia Wolfe there... :)


That was brilliant.
You are my hero.
*slow clap*


And yet... no GIFs?


mmmmmm...Zachary Quinto!


This post was epic in so many ways. How is it that you write exactly the way I think? By the way, I'd read whatever you wrote, 12 words or not :)


i understood everything you wrote because it's like peeking into my husband's head :) (mine too if I'm being totally honest)


i understood everything you wrote because it's like peeking into my husband's head :) (mine too if I'm being totally honest)


I am seriously dying to know what the twelve words were.


I actually snorked out loud at the last picture.


Yeah, you lost me on this one.

Call Me Jo

Random commentary on that GIF: Was this made by Alan Rickman's nephew who is currently in film school? "Uncle Alan, next I'd like you to take this Sharpie and write PAIN across your forehead while smiling."


I can never remember Alan Rickman's name either. Why is that? But like someone else said, I tend to think of him as The Sheriff of Nottingham first, Snape second. I guess that shows my age.

That video was ... ridiculous. And yet I couldn't turn it off.


I always think of Alan Rickman as the voice of God (lol dogma)


Did you know that the inventor of the GIF claims that it's pronounced like the peanut butter and not like gift without the "t"? I died a little on the inside when I read that.

Leigh Ann

I'm so thankful for this post. After I sat up until 12:30 last night doing the hard writing, hit publish, re-read it once I got in bed, and then got up at 1:30 to take it down because POINT NOT MADE EFFECTIVELY.

Ohlala Maman

HIlarious in so many ways. I LOVE the Rickman and love that you love that Gif it's brilliant.

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