Zero to Ezra in Five Photos or Less
Noah's Oil

Go On, Guess Which One


Teach your boy children to put the toilet seat down when they are finished. Remind them and guide them, stress to them the importance of this small gesture. Because it is polite and generally expected, and because you (as the lone female in a household of So Much Penis) still deserve to consistently encounter a properly configured seat during your own visits to the bathroom. And because the habit will carry over and ensure that they will not be viewed as disgusting savages in the homes of neighbors, friends, visiting dignitaries, etc. And lastly, you as their mother will be free to take credit for working so tirelessly to raise three such nice, well-mannered young gentlemen.


Do absolutely none of that, and enjoy up to 20 extra minutes of uninterrupted sleep every morning, as you will be spared the CRAZY LOUD RACKET of a desperate, half-awake boy child rushing into the hallway bathroom and violently flinging up the seat with a RIDICULOUS CLANGING BANG that wakes you up EVERY GODDAMN TIME and thus signals that yep, the kids are up, the toilet seat just woke the baby too so you might as well get out of bed, WTF.



Sarah Lynn

I think this is the real reason for the chenille seat covers people used to put on their toilet lids. They were hard to keep clean, but pretty muffling.


Taught my boy to sit down ALL the time. My dad is 6'4" and informed me that he always sits down because no one wants to hear pee hitting a toilet from about 4' up. So I taught my boy this was the best way to ensure no one hears him, which is awkward for all of us. He stood at school etc. so no one would think he was weird. He still sits, at least at home, and he's 20. My mother in law acted like I was castrating him. But the only good reason she could give me for allowing him to pee standing was "because he can". Which is not a reason in my book.


And option 2 allows you to sit down on a seat that isn't covered in pee, because they forgot to put it up in their half-awake state! Double bonus!


I bought the no slam/slow close toilet seats for my boys (big and little) and have not regretted the decision! More than the slamming of the lid up in the morning is the slamming of the lid down after they've finished their business that drove me crazy.

Now, if only there was a urine receptacle for AROUND the toilet (apparently that giant bowl isn't big enough?), my boys in the bathroom woes might be over.


Oh option 2 , duh. I actually check every night and make sure the toilet seat is properly placed up and have never encouraged them otherwise. No clanging, slamming or pee covered seats.


Sitting pees in this house too...saves the floors, walls etc etc etc. What he does at school is up to him!!!


Maybe you can solve the mystery for me of why teach them to stand and pee at all? My son sits every time, and I have no extra bathroomcleaning to do. But each time the neighbor kid pees at my house there are suddenly urine messes to clean up in the general vicinity of the toilet. So much so that it makes me wonder if he hits the target at all. I would like to ask his mother why she puts up with that on a daily basis, but I don't want her to feel like she can't send her son over here to play. I just can't figure it out.


I have a daughter, and grew up with only sisters. Baby #2 due later this year is a boy, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this. Oh I had not even THOUGHT of the toilet seat thing.


I'd swear that boys like to make that loud sound just because they can. At our house, you can hear it while sitting outside on the patio. With the AC on.


you know, it's the same for me- and i'm a parent of a girl.
obviously not the seat being lifted- but the lid being opened or closed as needed.

so theoretically- you would have two BANGS to contend with.
but yes- every morning she's up before me, i know it from the metallic little BONK you hear.

and then she goes back to her room and slams the door to shut it. i haven't told her yet about holding the knob.

oh the joys


Can you add a "like" button on here because some of these made me laugh. I'd make 'em sit.


I recommend that all of my friends having boy babies start stocking up on Clorox wipes ASAP.


My husband taught all 3 boys to sit and pee at home- do what they want at school or out and about. My own mom thought this was just a terrible thing- they will be laughed at- que horror! It works- they still clank the lid, but no pee everywhere- well at least just on the inside of the toilet seat.


To Kristen and others : what do you do if you have to go during the night? Do you remember to check if the seat is down, or do you end up losing your balance and seating on the cold toilet rim (if not in the water)?

For those with boys that stand, I think I remember Amalah posting about it (or maybe I read it somewhere else), but put a target in the toilet bowl for aiming (like a Cheerios or a tissue)...


I WISH my boys would sit. That's how we taught them during potty training, but then...I don't know what happened. Peer pressure? Preschool? Too much wandering in and watching their dad? (YES, THIS IS ALL JASON'S FAULT.) At some point they just started standing up to pee and that was that.

And Myriam, yes, we used Cheerios as targets. Worked well when they were little, but all bets are off now that they're all independent and stuff. I totally live in a barn.


I have a husband that sits and my son will be taught to sit. I just don't understand why we teach our boys to stand at anything but a urinal! Even the best aimers will splash!


In the middle of potty training (boy/girl twins) and I'm too exhausted to laugh. Just shakes of the head at all the comments. We are teaching boy to sit to pee, but at barely 2, he often leans back and if I forget, look out!

Liz Tea Bee

Just wait until they hit puberty and start making them do it then. Reminding one's younger brother to put down the seat in front of his first girlfriend is cruel but effective.

(Oh man, I would not have done that to him if I had realized how awesome his hygiene habits really were. College was a rude/gross awakening.)


Yup I went through and swapped 2 toilets lids out with those no slam ones and wouldn't you know it the eldest has figure out how to slam them??!!! And one of his meds he's on is making him pee like every 10 f'ing minutes.

We have a rule you piss on the seat around the seat under the seat around the bowl the wall WTFever and you get to clean it up. I will provide you with cleaning gloves and a bleach/water combo and monitor you cleaning but you will do it. Even the 5 year old WHO SITS TO PEE has managed to shoot his piss out the levels of the toilet seat when he's half asleep and doesn't push wee willy down. He had to clean as well. If I piss on the seat I clean it up as well.

I'm hoping that whole cleaning up after yourself will help empower them to keep their piss in the bowl. I'm trying.


My boys are sitters. Now my husband sits, too. Thank god. I, too, live in a household of So Much Penis. Ha.

Julie w

Eh. I see that and raise you 2 uncircumcised 4- year olds. The worst is it really isn't their fault. Something about adhesions and ... Just a lot of puddles of pee. And they don't raise the seat up Too much trouble I guess.

Jo G.

I have two sons and a husband. They all sit. I thought it was weird when my husband and I first got together, now I'm glad.

My son had a friend spend the night this week. 11yrs old. He stands. I actually went out and bought clorox wipes in the morning. Thank goodness we have two bathrooms now. My husband said it was awful.


Myriam, I only keep the seat up in the kids bathroom. I do walk around putting seats down in other bathrooms, if i have too, or my husband and daughter do it. Luckily I trained my husband to be civilized and put the seat down in our master bathroom. I don't know when I will start teaching the boys to be civilized as well, but at age 4 I consider it a win if we aim in the toilets and wipe our own butts.


I wish my husband would sit. Lord, do I wish. Not having your glasses on does not make those drops on the floor OK! It doesn't! Because I walk in behind you and STEP IN PEE AND THAT IS GROSS.

Ahem. Sorry about that. But yes, my son will be kept sitting as long as possible. And after that, he will become intimately familiar with Clorox wipes.


And once again, I'm glad I have girls. Because I know how their parts work, and standing up isn't really an option.
(And Brenda - oh, girl, I'm sorry, but I laughed. Watch out!)


As the Mother of 3 sons - 8 and under, oh, I feel your pain. Of the 3, only one consistently remembers not only to put up the seat but to aim regularly. Sitting didn't help - as then the shower curtain located directly across from the toilet needed to be washed just about daily. Being pregnant this year(and, yep this one is a girl!) and very sensitive to the scent of urine made this almost unbearable. The first 3 months of pregnancy I basically held my breath while entering the bathroom - the room I clean at least 7 times a week. I have often thought if I could make and market a shield or receptacle to block the urine that misses the toilet I would be rich. God knows - I would buy one if I could find it. (The DH by the way - the man can aim - and is as disgusted as I am.)


I'm not one for unsolicited advice, but! Someone mentioned them above, slow close toilet seats. Best $40 you will ever spend.


Why should boys have to put the toilet seat down for girls?! Girls don't put the toilet seat up for boys! There are 4 boys in your house! Why should they have to do it just in case the one woman wants to use the toilet! Gaahhhh gender inequality! And people say sexism doesn't exist both ways. This really annoys me (I'm a girl, by the way. Not that it should matter.).


Option 1.5: Teach them that if they're not going to put the seat down, at least FLUSH it, so when the dog starts drinking the water from the open toilet, at least it's "clean" water.


I have four boys (three of whom are toilet trained) and a very wise husband who taught them to pee sitting down. This has kept our bathrooms livable and my sanity intact lo these 13 years.


It could be worse. You could have a boy that picks up the seat, but then LEANS TOWARDS THE TOILET SO HIS FACE IS AGAINST THE TOILET SEAT THAT HE IS HOLDING UP while he pees.

And then he kisses me with that face.



My boy isn't potty trained yet, but so far I've been able to teach my girl to put the lid down before flushing because, eww, germs! (20 ft people, toilet water can spray 20 ft during a flush) So putting lid down as a habit doesn't do anything for clanging seats, but it does mean I always reach down to open the lid before I go ensuring I would notice if the seat was up before I sat down.


wait wait! You need this:

A soft closing toilet seat!

However, then none of you will ever be invited anywhere to sleep over cause you'll be letting the seat slam shut in the middle of the night at their houses. But still.

It's awesome and hilarious.

Suzy Q

I hope this stuff works! I have skin issues of the non-toddler variety. Ten bucks for four ounces is a bit much, though. It would also be super-cool if this company let you choose five samples to try instead of choosing for you. All of their bundles/collections contain things I don't want/need.

Suzy Q

Whooops. Commented on wrong post.

christi h.

My husband lived in Germany for four years and there it's considered rude to stand to pee, because pee everywhere. He says it just makes sense, so he taught our son to sit in homes and stand in public/school/outside. When we have family over or a party, I'm always astounded by the incredible mess from just a few hours. i don't know why anyone would want to clean that mess.

Lynda M O

Hubby sits, we close lid after to animals don;t drink from open bowl. I can always tell when one of the Littles has used the potty; next thing out of my mouth, "Did you wash your hands?"

I think pee all over the place is just NASTY. What the hell is wrong with men and why cannot they put urine where it is supposed to go ?~! Jay-sus, please.

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