Putting His Money Where My Mouth Is


My in-laws came to visit this weekend in honor of Noah's and Ezra's collective Neverending Birthday Season, and on Friday night my mother-in-law asked Jason and I if we wanted to them babysit so we could go o-


Okay, so we took the time to make a dinner reservation and buy tickets for an 8 pm showtime of Gravity. I also spent a couple minutes de-diaper-bagging one of my handbags. I dumped out diapers and wipes and spare outfits, the extra Take n' Toss cup that might have been clean but who are we kidding here, a bib and some granola bars and bug spray and wadded up tissues. I added a powder compact and a lip gloss and high tailed it out of there, leaving behind a magnificant pile of child-related crap on my kitchen counter. 

At dinner, I went to retrieve the compact and discovered that I'd missed a few things:


Clockwise, from top left:

1) Elmo figurine

2) Isle of Sodor refugee James

3) Naughty cop/dominatrix éclair from Wreck-It Ralph 

4) Two (2) goddamn Lightning McQueens (from our collection of fourteen goddamn dozen)

5) Socks (Ezra's)

6) LEGOS (Noah's)

7) Crayon (chewed on)

I am particularly proud of how beautifully color-coordinated everything is to both the restaurant's placemats and the ruby red of my wine. (Not to mention Jason's phone. BECAUSE WE ARE A TEAM.)


Anyway, I am hard at work cobbling Ezra's birthday video together — I asked him if he had a favorite song he'd like me to use and he picked Let's Have a Kiki by Scissor Sisters. That is either a subversive win or huge fail for me, either way I think I'm sticking with something with fewer muthafuckahs in it.

He also drew me this picture, which initially reminded me of a character from the Mr. Men books.

Mr potty

Amy: He's so cute, Ezra! I like his hat.

Ezra: Yes! And he's also going pee-pee and poop.

Mr potty

Why so he is, Ezra. Why so he is. 




I just listened to Let's Have a Kiki and laughed my ever-lovin ASS off. My son is 7 and right now walks around singing work bitch by britney spears. So you and I will have to share the parent of the year award. SO MANY WINS.


My husband managed to find an edited copy of Kiki somewhere... 'Cause sometimes I really want to listen to it in the car :)


Love it! I remember those days -- finding kids' socks in my pockets and other kid paraphernalia in my handbag. I also miss it.


thank goodness for the glee version!

Love this kid.


I fear the man may have the 'reah.


Glee did a cover of Kiki.... Kid friendly for those occasions!


Please tell me I'm not the only person who thought "Gravity" sucked. Stunning effects, but no story line. Not to mention whatshername whipping off her space suit every five minutes so we could see her skinny body in very brief shorts and a skimpy tank. Also not to mention that two small popcorns and two small cokes cost $24.50.

Cait B.

at some point Glee did the Kiki song which would then be clean for your little lord Zah.


Sometimes I need a little "Song for the Dumped" from Ben Folds Five - definitely not safe for the offspring, but the best part is the swearing!
And please give a review of "Gravity".


I just shot Diet Coke across my keyboard through my nose. That's a total win. Thank you for raising your kids right.

Look the doors, tight!


He's 5. That just can't be.

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