A Very Important & Artistic Photo Exhibition

The Dog Ate My Business Suit

(No strep! No one has strep or any other infectiously streppy diseases. We are all fine, although I'm not sure when Jason will stop making me check his uvula with a flashlight because of phantom throat itches. I tried to point out that we're well past any reasonable incubation period here but no matter. The paranoia lives on.)

So technically, my dog only ate the zipper of my business suit. I discovered this yesterday, as I was trying to cobble a professional-type outfit together out of a mountain of jeans and pajama tops that I like to pretend pass as shirts. 

I have exactly one (1) suit in my posession these days, and apparently at some point I left it in a crumpled heap on the floor (WHY I NEVER, EXCEPT I ALWAYS), and Ceiba chewed on and destroyed the skirt's zipper. I had less than 20 minutes before my meeting at that point, so I safety pinned the skirt. Then, as a backup to conceal the safety pins, I dug out one of those black lycra belly band things I used to hide the waistband of my unbuttoned pants during pregnancy.

(Why do I own only one business suit and still have like, five pregnancy belly bands? I don't know. I don't know my life.)

After that, there was a frantic search for suitable hosiery, and eventually I was able to find one (1) pair that only had one (1) hole down over my toes, which I was more or less confident would be hidden by my shoes. I smeared a generous layer of clear nail polish over the hole just to be safe, and headed off to my Important Business Meeting Amongst Fellow Businessing Adults in confidence. Or at least a variation on confidence, since the belly band kept hiking my skirt up when I walked and the only Post-Its I had to mark up my work with were hot pink.

The Important Business Meeting went fabulously well, by the way. Yours truly does occasionally manage to get herself from Point A to Point B without falling into open manholes, and can actually converse intelligently with Fellow Businessing Adults without accidentally mentioning her boobs. 

Of course, points deducted because at some point in the meeting, I tried to discreetly slip my foot out of my pinchy heels to stretch my toes a bit, only to realize that I'd put my shoes on before the nail polish dried, and now my hose and my toes had securely adhered themselves to the inside of my shoe. 

Eh. We'll call it a draw. How is your week going?



I am delighted to see that I am not the only person who pretends pajama tops are shirts. Of course I telecommute, so it doesn't matter unless I need to answer the door.


Thank you for this, so much. It's nice t know I'm not the only one who struggles to look professional in the workplace. Why aren't pajama tops shirts? They're shirts.


If you didn't admit these moments of fail and dorktitude, you would be scary and I would have no way to like you or connect with you because you'd be outta my league. You could easily pull off being fabulous. People who are fabulous are really intimidating to me, because I am not even anywhere close to falling on the lesser end of the fabulous spectrum. But you, you are a fabulous mess. And that's why I like you. Thanks for being funny and human and honest.


Husband's traveling for work for the first time in awhile, so this morning was a comedy of errors. Let's not talk about my two-year-old waking up over and over last night!

Also must dress professionally tomorrow.


I got ze strep.


yeah after your last post I took my daughter in for a strep test. It was positive faster than I could type this little comment! So far she is the only one and has now made a miraculous recovery thanks to her antibiotics!


I didn't know people still wore pantyhose. Oh my gosh, the clear nail polish! I haven't thought about that in years! Thanks for the laugh.


I have done that with clear fingernail polish before, messed up the inside of nice shoes:(
This week is fun but a little stressful, hosting our first kid b-day party Sat at our house, invited 16 2,3,4 yr olds. Small house. Pray it doesnt rain Sat. We live where its in the 70-80s most of the time. It's all about superheros but mostly Spiderman.


It's strep up in this piece. Though I think we managed to contain it to 1 out of 3 children, which is a damn miracle.

The second child did come down with the unrelated virus of roseola the same weekend though.

In conclusion- I hate McDonald's and their indoor germ bins. I mean play places.


Martha says, "You must put together one professional outfit and hang it carefully in your closet with pantyhose and accessories attached."

Hahahahahahahahaha! That's never going to happen in my life. I hope I don't have to go to meetings because my suits are probably moldy or moth eaten. I don't own pantyhose anymore or shoes that aren't flip flops or sneakers.


I drove home from the mountains yesterday. I had taken my 4 year old daughter on a special ski lesson/trip to my parents' vacation condo, so it was just the two of us in the car. We were about 45 minutes from home when my daughter threw up all over herself and the car seat. I had to pull off the side of a two lane highway to change her clothes. I didn't have anything to wipe up the vomit on her or the car seat, so I used my pajama pants. She still had to get back into the gross car seat, and I had to try not to gag on the smell of vomit for the next 45 minutes. We're throwing that car seat away, because eww, it's in the buckle and everything. What is it about vomit that you can still smell it even though you're positive that you cleaned it up???

Lynda M Otvos

OK, my daughter (28) has an interview tomorrow at one. She has been scrapping metal during this fugging recession and has to look like a semi pro in less than 24 hours. Any suggestions ?~? Her hands look like a machinists, her hair is all over hall and creation and her wardrobe is worse than mine and I work at home.

Lynda M Otvos

That should read "hell and creation".

someday ii'll reread b4 i push publish :)


*emergency advice smackdown type stuff for Lynda's imminently interviewing daughter*:

Hair - in bun if long enough, with minimal tendrils at front for framing, which will totally disguise any overdue trim, colouring etc

Nails - sterilise nail clippers with boiling water and very, very carefully trim off any really obvious sticking out dead skin. Clean cuticles throughly, file nail snags and moisturise like mad.

Outfit - team whatever is clean and smartish with a big smile and bags of confidence. 'I got through the recession because I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty' is a great interview story whatever the role is, good luck to her.


The whole family got through power outage madness last week, just to get crazy sick this week. We all have a bit of lingering congestion interrupting our sleep, but I think we'll be up and at 'em in no time.
Also: fantastic interview advice above. Do all of that and good luck!!


Lynda - good luck to your daughter!

Ah, the memories of clear nail polish and pantyhose. I don't own a suit or pantyhose anymore which kind of makes me happy.


This killed me. It's also the opposite of me. I clean up very well for work. It's when I have to organize daycare events, or even just bring a fruit platter for chrissake, or get my child to a birthday party...these are the things where I fall apart, and other mothers give my girls sympathetic looks. Can't blame them.


I do not own a pair of pantyhose anymore. I own one pair of tights that I wore all winter and finally remembered to wash but only after they walked up to me, tapped my shoulder, and said, say, sister, you think we could get in on the next spin cycle? We're a bit itchy.

This week is going well. Yesterday, though, I was all excited about having a new badge at work and went to whip it out so that I didn't have to stop at the guard's desk and out flew a bright blue pantyliner. Here's to hoping all the men thought it was a Post-It. And Lynda, here's to hoping your daughter's interview goes well.

Amy M.

I don't own pantyhose anymore, either. I also have several suits, but they are from my job 20 years ago where I was required to wear suits.

And pajama tops are totally shirts!


I love that you can take seemingly everyday things like throwing yourself together for a meeting and make it an amusing adventure in adulthood. I need to figure out a way to turn my baby's 8 month old sleep regression into some kind of adventure, too...

Good luck to Lynda's Daughter!


Looks like you are stylish and such with your naming of the Mughty Za!


No strep here, but the Kindergartner decided to get a stomach bug and share it with his Mama. Yay. We're recuperating from that today - meaning: he's bouncing off the walls with energy, and I'm slowly dying while simultaneously trying to get some work done. Guess what's NOT getting done today? :)


Perfect people are boring. Embrace your flaws. Nay, REJOICE in your flaws for they make you interesting!

At least, that's what I tell myself . Often.


Shit. Spoke too soon, in my comment above. Second child has been officially diagnosed with strep throat. Child that has seemed fine and has been attending school all week and that we only tested because the bigger one had it. So, you're welcome for the strep bonanza, preschool.

Ps just saw your ig and I'm totes jealous of your baby's hairs. My baby had amazing hair and then she started pulling it out and yesterday we had to chop it all off to try and get her to quit it. Now people won't stop offering me hairbows even though SHE'S GIRL NUMBER 3 DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HAIRBOWS I HAVE IN MY POSSESSION?


One of these days I'm not going to misread "uvula" when you use it in a post.

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