This post is sponsored by Fancy Feast® Broths. This post is also going to talk about cat barf. Like a lot. Sorrynotsorry. Maximillian Thunderdome will be celebrating his 16th birthday this year. 16 years of being RIGHT HERE, directly underfoot, begging for food. Food that — in most cases — would not agree with his system, and would promptly get regurgitated all over the throw rug. Or the bathroom floor. Or our bed. My office chair, a pile of laundry, you name it, this cat has barfed on it. After a ton of trial-and-error, we eventually figured out a diet and feeding schedule that works — wet food ONLY, fed in small, dainty portions spaced out five to six times a day. Ceiba now must be fed outside, and outside ONLY, lest Max gain access to her kibble and wreak havoc on his digestion, because he has not a single lick of sense. No treats whatsoever, and definitely nothing special, like licking a mostly-empty tuna fish can. It's really pretty sad. Food is like, all this poor guy has** and we have to micromanage all the fun out of it. And don't even get me started on how skinny he... Read more →

Ezra is attending swim camp at the YMCA this week and next. (After that it's Noah's turn — I've discovered that if I keep the numbers down to only two children at home at a time, preferably one child who I can make "nap" at some point and one child who I can send to a neighbor's house, I get approximately 1,000% more work done than if I have all three, for a fraction of the cost of sending all three to separate camps. MATHS!) When I picked him up yesterday, one of the counselors casually remarked, "Oh, Ezra? Yeah, we call him Master around here now." "Why do you call him Master?" I asked. He shrugged. "I dunno. Because he's just...the Master. You know?" Okay then. Makes sense to me. Read more →

So...I guess it's time to rethink our stroller strategy? About five minutes after this, we lost Ezra. Ten minutes after that, we found him. On a completely different floor of the store. Inside of a tent. 15 minutes after that they still somehow managed to get us and our money into the Lego Store because oh yeah totally sure everybody needs more Legos Jesus Interlocking Christ. On second thought, maybe I'll just do the rest of the back-to-school shopping online. Read more →

I started a new job this week. On Monday, actually, but it took me until today to get over my fear of jinxing the whole thing enough to talk about it. I started to update my LinkedIn profile and promptly freaked out over my presumptuousness that I'd last more than a week. I lost my "big" corporate contract job back in March and have been some degree of underemployed ever since. What was supposed to be a few weeks of a temporary budget hiccup turned into months of waiting to get called back in, then eventual (overdue) acceptance that I was going to have to start over and find something new. I did some short-term stuff, wrote lots of extra Smackdowns, took endless calls and meetings with leads and promises of awesome long-term gigs coming right around the corner, followed by silence or procrastination or lowball offers. All with three children home and underfoot full time, because I couldn't justify paying for summer camps or sitters until I figured out what to do work-wise. If I've sounded particularly grumpy or not funny during the past few months, that's why. I am sorry. I did not have my shit together and... Read more →

Before: And then: During, phase one, perfectly capturing how we all feel about what's happening here: During, phase two, contemplative acceptance: During, phase three, in which I followed him around with the scissors for hours trying to even out my handiwork and/or get a decent photo: After: Read more →

This post is sponsored by Blue Apron. Just a few of the things I learned last week, during our three-night dinner adventure with Blue Apron: 1) Ike loves jicama. 2) Ezra loves eggplant. 3) Noah loves forbidden rice. 4) They ALL love quinoa. 5) I love quinoa. I just haven't been cooking it right. I also learned that I really need to challenge my kids more often. And myself. And also grocery shopping can bite me. Three (recyclable, biodegradable) boxes of food were delivered to our door, each containing three nights' worth of meals for two people, plus recipes. (Click here to see the current delivery zones.) All the ingredients are locally sourced, labeled and perfectly portioned, along with any special oils, sauces and spice blends. I'd rounded up to six servings for our family of five because I have hollow children, but we totally did not need the third box, like AT ALL. My bad, Blue Apron. I unintentionally scammed you. Two boxes easily fed all of us, with enough leftovers for me to get a really satisfying lunch out of the next day. (Not that box number three is going to waste or anything. We’re zipping through recipe... Read more →

No nap! No, I no need to take a nap. No nap, Mom. I not tired, Mom. No nap! I wake up! No nap. No no no no no nap! Kid just can't handle his milk some days. (Friday! Have an excellent weekend. Don't party too hard.) Read more →

WRITER'S BLOCK. DAMN IT. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING TO WRITE ABOUT. BUT NOT WRITING MEANS I SHOULD FIND SOMETHING TO CLEAN AND/OR TAKE A SHOWER AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING EITHER OF THOSE THINGS. WHY AM I YELLING. HEY LET'S LOOK AT SOME RANDOM PHOTOS FROM MY PHONE. One of the many blurry photos that still fail to fully capture the spirit of the boys' favorite game, "Everybody Jump Off The Arm Of The Couch And Pile Up On Mom." Play it today with your own 140+ pounds' worth of boy-children! Ike diagnosed me with a bad case of falling down and getting hurt (CHILD GETS ME, RIGHT?) and bandaged me up with a few dozen Ninjago stickers. It was cute at first but then every last one of these stickers ended up sticky-side down on the floor, where they demonstrated remarkable sticking power for a bunch of years' old novelty stickers. There's been a lot of scraping and cursing ever since. (But at least my leg is all better now, according to Ike.) This is how I felt about going back to blonde: This is me now: I'm ridiculous, I'm aware. But happy enough to actually smile... Read more →

Here's a tricky bit of pregnancy math: Of all three pregnancies, I gained the least weight with Ike. Mostly thanks to the fact that I spent at least six months of the pregnancy actively barfing, and felt nauseous for all nine. I think the final weigh-in clocked my total gain at like, 10 or 12 pounds. Seven pounds of which were the actual baby, so I felt pretty confident that I'd be back to my pre-pregnancy weight in no time. Three years later, I'm still not there. Those 10 or 12 pounds just...stayed, even after the baby and all his baby-related accessories had vacated. And then those 10 or 12 pounds became 15. This past winter, it was more like 20. I stopped weighing myself after that. And if we were talking about my weight pre-Noah, well. OMG. Three years later, it finally occurred to me that oh. This is going to keep on...going up, like that, if I don't...do something? About it? I guess? Well, okay. It had technically occurred to me that I needed to do something before now, but the whole actually doing something never quite got off the ground too successfully. I'd make some big grand... Read more →

Jason's away this week, off upstate in the middle of nowhere, doing work-related fly fishing. Which is a thing, I guess. Business fishing. A River Runs Through IT Consulting. I don't know. But it means the kids and I have had an extra heaping dose of togetherness this week. And it's all been fine! Jason gave the boys a SERIOUS TALK about helping Mom around the house before he left, which I then supplemented with straight-up bribery. I WILL GIVE YOU MONEY FOR DOING THINGS THAT ARE NOT FIGHTING. Also you can watch a movie every night, as long as Mom Has Not Had It and Does Not Need It To Be Bedtime Right This Second. I taught Noah how to vacuum and make macaroni & cheese, Ezra's watering the garden and putting silverware away, and Ike... Well, Ike's been here! That's for sure. Although last night, on the other hand... I put everybody to bed after their movie — it was late so both Noah and Ezra were practically asleep by the time I closed the door, while Ike didn't even wait for me to leave before attempt Bed Escape #1 of the night. I scooted him back into... Read more →