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July 2014
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September 2014

The Mighty Zah, Kindergarten Champion of the World

(Congratulations to readers Sarah and Kathryn for winning the cloth diaper thing! Condolences to me for never coming up with a better name for it than "the cloth diaper thing.") Yesterday, Ike had his one-on-one visit with his new preschool teacher, who was formerly Ezra's preschool teacher. It went supremely well, as soon as I unhooked him from my legs and left the classroom and he stopped meowing like a cat. Five minutes later he was sitting at a little table, getting his first Official Montessori Lesson and loving it. And acting way, way more civilized than the 3-year-old feral tornado I spent all summer with. While we were there, everyone at the school wanted to know: How's Ezra? How's kindergarten? Does he like it? How's the transition going? Here are a bunch of the words I used to answer their questions: Awesome. Amazing. Yes. Totally. Fantastic. Rock star. Great. Perfect. Noah's transition to kindergarten was...rough. Even though he'd attended preschool at the public elementary school, he seemed utterly unprepared for the shock of all-day kindergarten. He came home every day his first week exhausted and overwhelmed and would beg me not to send him back. I'd say it took... Read more →

First Day, First Crisis: Done & Done

I decided to shoot a little video yesterday of the boys getting off the school bus. I now have about six minutes of other people's children getting off the school bus. Because my children? Were not on the bus. The bus driver was about to shut the door when he noticed me standing there, my phone still pointing at the exit and a Tina-Belcher-like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh starting to come out of my mouth. "Uh oh," he said. "Who are we missing?" "Noah and Ezra?" I replied, as I continued to pointlessly record this interaction. For posterity. For remembrance of the day I waited over 30 minutes for a bus that did not contain any of my children. "Yeah," he looked back. "They never got on today." I finally stopped recording because my phone rang. It was Jason, and then our call was immediately interrupted by the school's number, and then I screwed up both calls and accidentally hung up on everybody. Probably because I was too busy sprinting back to our house with my 30-pound toddler in my arms to interact with a touchscreen properfly. I knew immediately what had gone wrong with Noah — last year he had a standing... Read more →

Obligatory Back-to-School Photopalooza

Oh my God, these two. Third grade and kindergarten, respectively. Two down, one preschooler to go. "That's enough pictures," he informed me after I attempted to get a solo first day shot. He's been waiting for today his entire life. Kindergarten! Noah's school! New friends! New playgrounds! The school bus! WHY ARE WE STILL STANDING HERE? They walked hand-in-hand to the bus stop, like mighty giants. Noah had been feeling pretty anxious about going back to school, until we visited his classroom on Friday during an Open House. The class list revealed a few of his best friends from previous years of school, the class library is stocked with Harry Potter and Bunnicula, and his new teacher is lovely and warm and sweet. Suddenly this morning couldn't come soon enough. Ezra probably hugged me two dozen times this morning out of sheer, body-shaking, omg-level excitement, but the minute the bus appeared around the corner he was off like a shark backpack attached to a laser beam. Ike doesn't start school until next week. He walked back home with us, acutely feeling the sting of being the baby brother. Cheer up, Ikey. It'll be your turn before you know it. Before... Read more →

They Paved Paradise & Put Up A Lego Lot

The time has come to bid a fond, final farewell to the beloved, fantastical, fucked-up Isle of Sodor. Our neighbors threw a party this past weekend and I met a mom who lives down the street. A mom with a little boy; a little boy who was running around with trains in both hands and determined to make every other non-train item he encountered (toy cars, carrot sticks, a dog) into choo-choos. She was very pregnant. I sensed weakness. "Sooooooooooo have you guys bought any Thomas trains for him yet?" BAM. DONE. All our trains are belong to you, now. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY TRAINS. Despite being SO SURE that investing in a bajillion miles of train track was a worthwhile plan because "every kid we have will play with them!", it didn't really work out. Ezra was only mildly interested in them, while Ike could not care less about them. He only wants to play with and watch what his big brothers are currently into, and skipped right over Thomas completely. And so our collection has been sitting in a heap while other toys and clutter piles up around them on the train table, taking up a large... Read more →

Cloth Diaper Showcase Showdown! (Giveaway)

Hey, who wants some free crap? In particular, who wants some free crap for your baby to crap in? During the great nursery-to-big-kid-room move, I discovered a carefully packaged hoard of newborn cloth diapers. I only vaguely remember boxing it all up, possibly with the intention of giving it away...but more likely I was still hormonal and crazy and was like, NOOOO MY PRESHUS WITTLE TINY DIAPERS ALLLLL MIIIIIINE. I'm better now. I would like someone else to have and use them. I also went through the bigger/next-stage diapers and put together a second little diaper collection that should hopefully help someone get started with cloth (or continue with cloth). So, here's what's what. I have two diaper packages to give away, #1 and #2. I will describe them below. (In excruciating detail, because CLOTH DIAPERS MAKE ME SO TALKY.) Please leave a comment and specify which package you want. If you want both, please specify a FIRST CHOICE. I will use the random number widget thingie to select two winners. The first commenter chosen will get their first choice. The second commenter will get either their first or second choice, depending on what's left for grabs. If the second... Read more →

Three-Child Pile-Up

When I wrapped up my work on Friday afternoon, I felt awfully damn good and smug and having-shit-generally-all-together-like. Which means I woke up this morning to EVERYTHING BEING ON FIRE. Which is great. Just great. Me and my business pajamas approve. So basically today has been the grown-up worky version of my entire weekend, which was a non-stop blur of this: And this: And this: And this, this and this: At least nobody is bleeding? In either scenario? Just a couple small kicks to the head. WE'LL BE FINE. Read more →

Business Ike

My overwhelming workload continues. I apologize to the fictional people in my head who give a crap. It should ease up soon-ish, I think, so I can get back to the important business of writing run-on sentences about Things, Stuff and Bullshit. But for now, the work situation is clearly taking a toll on all of us. Ike decided he better pitch in as well. Putting on Dad's pants and belt. One thing led to another and pretty soon he insisted on full business casual, plus a tie. "I'm Dad!" he announced. "I need a hat." "Dad doesn't wear a hat, Ike." (Way to disappoint your son, Jason. Why u no wear fetching business fedora to work like all the cool dads?) My phone died shortly before he completed the outfit with two different shoes and paraded up and down the hallway for awhile, saying things like "I'm Dad, I'm going to work, give me a hug now, bye!" I have to wonder what outfit he'd chose to represent me "going to work," or if he'd just go with underwear, a ponytail and coffee mug. No time for pants! I'm busy and important! Typing things and stuff and bullshit! DON'T... Read more →

Goodbye, Crib. Hello, Lego-Coated Deathtrap.

So this finally, officially happened. Friends of ours are expecting and took the crib away this weekend, which was a weird mix of "aww" and "good riddance, giant heavy-ass thing we never use anymore." We've had that crib in our house for about nine full years, and while it wasn't always in constant use for nine full years, we at least had plans in place to fill it with another baby eventually. So it stayed up and assembled the whole time. No plans. No babies. Smell ya later, crib. This isn't really an official "after" photo of Noah's tiny new room, since it only reflects what we accomplished in a single weekend, which isn't much. Wait, no: We accomplished 1) going to Ikea to purchase this bed/desk combo, 2) reveling in the fact that ALL THREE of our children are height/age eligible for the children's area, 3) getting paged back to the children's area after 10 damn minutes, 4) booking back to the children's area expecting an Ike-related potty disaster, only to be told "He's not listening. We have rules. He has to leave," and I immediately assumed "he" was "Noah" and internally debated pulling the special needs card, until... Read more →

9 To 5 To Infinity To Beyond

I am busy. I am too busy to be typing these words, because I really should be typing other words, somewhere else. Two somewhere elses, actually. Possibly three. I'm losing track. Let's see: I have two PowerPoints to put together by EOD today, one for a training presentation I'm giving tomorrow afternoon, one for a marketing campaign plan I'll be managing later this month, then 18 marketing emails to write, two or three landing pages to build, and finally one research article on capital expenditure budgets that I promised to have done yesterday and I didn't and every minute that goes by without that article being done is making me more and more stabby. Also, Friday is our wedding anniversary and I promised Jason I'd at least take half of the day off. Just one meeting, I swear. And maybe just a few million emails. AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII So. All that's happening. All very boring and non-times-I-got-drunk-and-fell-down. Yet good! And happy! Because using my brain and challenging myself and making money are all excellent, excellent things. I just would maybe prefer to have a little more breathing room between deadlines. And some childcare of the non-glowing-screen variety. And then I think about... Read more →

Happening All At Once

I dropped Ezra off at swim camp this morning. And I had to ask him if I could have a hug and a kiss goodbye. And he hesitated. I got my hug and my kiss, but oh! Oh. *** He's been promising me a tea party since Wednesday, and then every night at dinner he comes up with a reason why the tea party needs to be rescheduled. He's just very busy, okay? Okay. *** When he kisses me at home, he tries to kiss like they kiss "in the movies": He mashes his mouth on mine and sort of turns his head back and forth. He'll grab my face and look at me sweetly, with those deep brown eyes and impossibly long eyelashes. He tells me I'm his most beautiful mom. And then he tells me about his most beautiful girlfriend, the little girl next door. Gulp. *** I'd beg him to slow down, but I know there's no point. Instead I'll just hope that we find time for that tea party. Read more →