The Best Things In Life Are Free and/or Stolen From Hotels
All Tucked In & Ready For ZZZZZZ


So hey, here's some great timing. Right after pledging to turn over a new blogging leaf, I get to announce something that is all but guaranteed to alienate and/or annoy a very large chunk of whatever readers I have left. 

Internet, I've decided to get some work done. In the cosmetic surgery meaning of the phrase.

It's also happening tomorrow. At the crack o' dawn. T-minus a not-significant number of hours.  

(To say I've procrastinated writing about this is a bit of an understatement, I guess. Can you blame me?) 

During my pregnancy with Ike, I developed an umbilical hernia. (You can Google that one.) Instead of going away, it's gotten increasingly tender and uncomfortable. Two different doctors recommended surgical correction before it gets any worse, as it can cause some nasty complications and become a whole medical emergency thing. (DON'T Google that one.) 

During my pregnancies with ALL OF THEM, my abdominal muscles separated pretty significantly, and my skin scretched out and nothing ever went back to how or where it was before. After kicking my ass into gear this year with diet and exercise, my muscles are strong but still several inches apart, and the extra skin is even more pronounced — that a perma-shelf/pouch/spill-over muffin top that I'm sure many of you are all too familiar with. I love many things about my post-pregnancy body (my boobs! my complexion! having hips!)...but not that, not so much.

And you know what? I was like, "If I'm going to have abdominal surgery for the FOURTH FREAKING TIME, I would like to look a little better afterwards. Especially if I'm not getting a nice distracting new baby out of it." 

So I'm getting the hernia repair and a tummy tuck. I am excited but mostly freaking out and wondering what the hell I was thinking, because it sounded awesome in theory but now there's no backing out and it sounded so great in theory and now it's going to hu-u-u-rt and be different and stuff and gaaaahhhh. 

(I'm also getting that stupid ear lump from a couple years ago removed — once I learned that it wasn't anything concerning I went straight back to ignoring it. Time saving tip: Just let your Weird Body Things pile up and stack 'em into a single surgery.)

And I guess there's not much else to say. I thought about not even saying anything publicly because I knooooooowwwww, I'm Vain-y McVainerson, but that feels crappy and disingenuous. I made a choice and I will own it. Like, what? I'm going to suddenly start telling people that after three pregnancies and three c-sections, my body mysteriously decided to de-pooch itself three and a half years later? My lands! It's a bikini body miracle! You just gotta do some crunches, ladies.

(Though apologies to anybody who knows me IRL and is getting the whole "OH HEY HAVING MAJOR SURGERY BRB" news here. It's been a very weird topic to bring up.)

Also DAMN, I picked up my post-surgery prescriptions already and if I stick to that whole "I WANT TO BLOG MORE" commitment next week I am going to writing while high as a fucking kite, y'all. So that should be amusing for everybody, I suppose.



GOOD FOR YOU - is all I'm saying! Hope it doesn't hurt TOO bad! XOXO


You will absolutely love it. It was the best birthday gift I ever gave myself...I don't care who knows I had it done. Yeah, it really hurts. But soooo worth it. Absolutely no regrets here.

Jess F

I second the "good for you." I hope all goes well!


It's your dang body and you get to do with it what you like. Far be it for me to judge something that hurts no one. Oh, well, excepting post-op pain, which I hope is brief and gentle.

Lynn D

Lucky! After a c-section, VBAC, c-section, I'm planning to do the same. Do tell us how it goes.


I'm happy for you. I'd do it if I could!


Zero judgment here but I totally understand the awkwardness.
I tacked a nose job onto my surgery to fix my deviated septum. It's wonderful to be less of a mouth breather and I love my new nose. But the best part is that I almost never think about my nose anymore. My dislike of how I looked occupied much head space and now that distraction is gone, I'm confident, and I have moved on to more important things, like will Trader Joes still have any peppermint Joe Joes left?? So you know, it may not be my nose but I feel like myself.
Rock your beach bod!


Good for you! Best wishes, hope you heal up fast. :)


Psh, if you can afford it and you want to do it, more power to you, lady. Best wishes for the speediest of recoveries and the strongest of drugs.


Nothing but love for you and wishes for a super speedy recovery. :)


Glad to see you back and posting more! Best of luck with the surgery--it doesn't sound like it's 100% cosmetic to me, sounds like it's pretty necessary and if you feel/look better afterward, all the better.


No judgement here. I've been contemplating the pudge left from baby #2 (in fairness, only a week out) and hoping that those muscles pull back together once I'm able to return to the gym.

Is it odd to say I also admire your efficiency in combining 3 procedures into 1 surgery and anesthesia?

Best wishes for speedy and low-pain healing!


Good for you!! If you get really brave, share some before & after pics with us :)


I had my boobs fixed after my third (and last) baby so I completely understand! It was the best thing I ever did for myself :) because it was definitely all for me (and my husband just gets to enjoy it also)!

Mary Ann

Let me be ridiculous and tell you about how your theoretical grandchildren are grateful you're doing this now. My grandma didn't get her pregnancy-induced umbilical hernia fixed until she was over 80 and having other abdominal surgery. For 40 years, she just pushed it back in. And we ALL knew about it, because sometimes she had trouble doing so. Get that thing fixed.

I hope you have a very uneventful recovery and fantastic results.


I would totally do it if I could! Got the same pregnancy separated abs AND a big scar from a surgery as a kid that connected to the muscle tissue underneath and causes a lovely pooch right where nobody wants one. Even at 18 when I had no fat and the flattest stomach I would ever have, I still had a pooch. Good luck!


I wouldn't even have told anyone about the tummy tuck. I would have just said it was hernia surgery. Kind of like how everyone who gets a nose job says they have a deviated septum. Nobody's business, and no point in inviting wrathful judgement. Enjoy your new tummy!

Amy Jo

Happy for you! And also? JEALOUS!


I'd have it done too. It's the one place post baby that never went away. No matter how many crazy workouts. It's just the recovery time, that's the deal breaker. I might reconsider after you tell us about your experience though. Good luck! Speedy recovery!


I really need to have this done, but am scared. I cut off the doc every time she starts talking about it.


You should really appreciate your body and all it has done for you, given you 3 beautiful boys and... nope. Fuck that shit! Good for you! I am totally happy for you and not at all jealous (lies, totally jealous.) Can't wait to read your high as a kite entries. Good luck mama, you deserve this!


Good for you!!! Hope it turns out better than you can imagine. I had my breast done years ago and have loved them and plan to do it again one day!!


I for one am super excited or the post surgery posts! Suck it to anyone who thinks it's their job to tell other people they're doing it wrong!


So THAT'S why you're not coming to my Christmas party! I'm going to break out the bottle of Veuve you gave me!!!!!!!!! I'll toast to your speedy recovery. xox

Jessica V.

YAY - I'm really excited for you, and a tad jealous. I tried to get my hysterectomy combined with a tummy tuck but the damn docs weren't into it. :-) Good luck!


Amy, long time lurker, maybe second-time commenter. Just wanted to let you know that I had umbilical hernia surgery last year and honestly, the recovery was surprisingly easy. The only issue for me was that I had a 17-pound 8 month old at the time, who had the audacity to think I should pick her up from time to time. I actually felt completely fine to pick her up but my surgeon's warnings about the possibility of the mesh breaking in the weeks following the surgery was enough to force me to stay on the couch and get my husband to do the (literally) heavy lifting.

The whole thing is a distant memory now, even though it was only a year ago, and I am SO GRATEFUL I had it done. I can actually walk around and eat and lift things without ANY pain. And it was an incredibly large hernia, so the surgery changed my life.

Bottom line is that you will be SO relieved when you see that the recovery is stupid easy and the improvement in quality of life is dramatic. Best of luck to you, but I know it will go great.

Alison C

Seeing as the doctor is "going in" so to speak then you would be completely foolish not to get a tuck at the same time. Here in the UK on a third cesarean a lot of doctors offer to "tidy up" while they are there. Good luck


More power to you. It's your body, so no judging from other ladies and gents, me thinks. I hope it goes well. It sounds like a few days of discomfort will bring years of feeling good about various things. I know a mom of multiples that had it done, and felt great about it afterward. You'll probably never hear a negative word from me, because l am extremely grateful for your blog. Good luck, and don't look too closely at the healing bits until they are well scarred up. Keep in mind that they keep shrinking!


Just wanted to make sure you knew that (1) I love you and (2) it's YOUR body, and only YOU can decide what to do or not do with it (maybe after a cursory consult with Jason); you don't owe anyone any explanations. Oh, and (3) I LOVE YOU! Heal up soon. :-)

Sue W.

Good for you!You are doing something for medical reasons is all you have to say to "those who would judge." It's none of their damn bidness anyhow!
I have been contemplating having my upper eyelids done. They have drooped as I've *cough* aged, and I always look tired (or high) depending on who I talk to! The only thing stopping me is P.A.I.N. I no likey pain! Big baby!! But I think I may bite the bullet after the first of the year and go see about it.
Heal quickly. Hope your boys give you tons of love and helps!


My friend just had this done because he lost a serious amount of weight and just couldn't anymore (because can't). And he is SO happy he did it. You'll be fine and lovely but hope all goes well and recovery is speedy for you. As Kevin Hart would say (better) "just do you, boo boo."

Jenny Grace

You do you.


Good for you! Please tell us ALL about it. I am currently pregnant with twins and nervous about this very thing. I have been googling plastic surgeons every day. Good luck to you!


Oh good luck!!! You are going to look so fab afterward (and I am glad you are taking care of your health at the same time). I just had to have an ovary removed and told the dr. That while she was inthere to just take the uterus too. At 43 I am done with kids and I am tired of planning my vacations around my period!

Thea MacQuaid

I made the top 5 of most visits to the YMCA last month - granted there are only 5000 people in this town and I'm gonna say 3/4 are either too young or too old to go. That being said, I would be on the gurney next to you in a heartbeat!! Good luck, Amy.

Emily Speight

A tummy tuck sounds freaking awesome right about now.


omg please blog more about this later!!! I want major details.


Best of luck for a speedy recovery. Tats and tummy tucks canbe the name of your 2014 chapter in your memoir. Looking forward to the drugged out posts!


Oh lands...the ONLY alienating part for me is my seething seething JEALOUSY ....oh god so so so so jealous.... I honestly would have a tummy tuck and my separated stomach muscles stitched back together in a heartbeat!! I've been planking for bloody 15 months now and it still ain't normal in there, pooched to shit!
Speedy recovery lady. Good luck.


Oh gosh go for it! Tell me all about it - just had twins and yeah I am morning my pre-pregnancy stomach. If we have the money I would love to get it done. Is it weird to ask how much it costs for a good tummy tuck?

LD's Mom

Ditto on the good for you.


Dude, I'm baffled thinking about why someone would get all prickly and judge you about that. But some will...I mean, (Seinfeldy) "what's the deal with this *Internet*!"

I do get that it's an odd conversation to start, though, so I understand delaying on broaching the topic. Hell, I'm getting a DIVORCE and some people still don't know because, well, they don't actually NEED to know yet and we don't talk all that often, and it's not that I don't value their friendship, but I speak to them more like 3-4 times yearly and it's a hard conversation to start, when you think about the luster of talking about so many other things, and they haven't asked and you haven't lied! So I think a tummy tuck is a marvelous weird subject to broach.

(I do realize I totally veered off there. But it's just about sometimes not feeling like bringing up a topic if you don't have to... :-D)

Wishing you a speedy recovery :)


Good for you! Your abdominal area has carried three babies. It kind of owes you something now.

Debbie Angelo

Good. For. You. You've been a total rockstar and you deserve to look and feel your best. Pregnancy is a little meaner, physically, to some people vs. others, and there's no reason you have to get stuck with the results if it bugs you that much. I had a hairdresser that got it done years ago and she said it made her clothes fit exactly the way they were supposed to and she couldn't have been happier with the results..but that it hurt worse than anything. So, hang in there, and congratulations on making your outside look as fabulous as you are on the inside ;-)


Hmm. I have to say I'm jealous that your body is in decent enough shape for a tummy tuck to make a difference. While I kinda disagree with plastic surgery, at least you're owning it. Way to go with that. And maybe this is horrible and sexist, but at least you don't have daughters to talk to about it some day.


Girl, please! After three kids I think a lot of people would get a tummy tuck! Especially if they're going to be there for the hernia anyway! I know I would!

Enjoy the pain killers and the new tummy!

Amy in StL

I've always heard the muscle separation can be a bitch! And please blog on meds. Maybe some deodorant wars style blogging? Face wash? Body wash? Mascara? I'm pretty sure my Givenchy mascara gets all pissy when I put it in the same spot with the Loreal stuff.


Sorta Jelus. I can't figure out why they can't tighten things up better one the way out from a c section.

Anyone who gets a c section for vanity's sake is on crack, because that whole detached belly thing was not the look I was hoping for (of course, neither was the c section. Cute kid tho)

Good luck!


Dude if it makes you more comfortable, happy and avoids future complications DO it. It's not like you're going off to plastic land like some celebs.


Good for you! I am not going to lie, I am a little jealous. 2 c-sections, 3 kids later (yes I had twins) I would love a tummy tuck as well, I wonder if they could tie my tubes at the same time... probably not but that would be awesome.




Good for you! I hope all goes well and the recovery is brief and not too uncomfortable.


Good for you! I hope recovery is quick and as painless as it can possibly be!


I had a hernia fix and a full tummy tuck three years ago this April. For three weeks post surgery do NOT belly laugh even if a perfectly round turd drops out of your son, rolls like a marble across the white tile floor leaving a little trail all the way, and comes to rest against the bare foot of your appalled husband. Because there is no med that will address that pain. I loved my tummy this summer. Last summer, a year post surgery, it was ok. Give it time is all I'm saying. And don't hesitate to email if you're all- is this normal??

Holly W.

(Love the post title :))
Full disclosure: I was a H-cup (yes, you read that right, no typo) BEFORE pregnancy with my two boyos. And a size 4 pants. Now I'm a size 6, and somehow still maintaining that H cup, but, you know, a little lower and such. I talked very seriously w/my hubby before kids, outlining that I'd probably want a boob job following all the preggers and breast feeding, etc. So I say do what you want, its your body and you have to live with it, gurl!


Good for you! Take care and I look forward to hearing how you're doing soon.


Good for you! I got my hernia fixed and I love having a belly button again. Take a before and after pic for yourself! It is actually hard to remember what mine looked like before and it's only been like 18 months.


Soooooooooooo jealous!!!! I've had 2 c-secs so I know exactly what you mean by the tummy pooch. I've been working out this year but alas, I know the "pouch" is not going to melt away. Good for you for doing this! I wish I had a medical reason to have surgery on my stomach so I could throw in a tummy tuck as well!!!! Hope the recovery isn't as bad as c-sec recovery.... good luck!


Gross. Tacky. You better not beg for $$ for school ever again.


I'm rather jealous!! Never thought I'd wish for an umbilical hernia to fix.

Amy Lee

What do we have to do to get you to post before and after pictures? I'm willing to bribe you when you're high on pain killers.


Good for you! I'll have to go back through your blog, I'd love to read about the how/why you ended up having three c-sections. I only ask because I ended up needing a c-section for my first baby and now I'm wondering how many more pregnancies I can have if I don't do a VBAC. I'm grateful to hear you had all three boys with c-sections.


Good for you!!! It sounds mostly medical anyway so lucky you that you can squeeze in a little extra something for you. I would love to hear about recovery and don't let anyone guilt you! I am very seriously considering getting my boobs done. After three babes my boobs are mostly just wrinkly skin now (sorry for anyone eating lunch lol) but I fear the recovery part most (and the whole anesthesia thing). Details please!


YES! Good for you. Let us know how it goes complete with pictures please. I am thinking about doing the same thing. I cannot stand the extra skin hanging around from left over babies. Especially when those babies decide to pinch it.

Nicole P.

Dude, haters gonna hate. Do your thang! Good for you and good luck tomorrow!


Oh Oh Oh... I googled Umbilical Hernia. I can not unsee.

^Seriously. That isn't real right??

Suzy Q

If I could afford it, I'd do it, too. I have never had a baby or an umbilical hernia, but I have had six abdominal surgeries. Plus many sandwiches.

Suzy Q

So then, of course I googled it, and the first pics that come up are of a guy with a scrotum the size of a watermelon. THANKS AMY


Quit getting defensive!! I can only imagine how much better it'll feel! After full-term twins and a 10+ cm separation, my belly is a mess. I would LOVE to have a tummy tuck. It's not going to happen because $, but if only for the rest of us who want this, too, quit with the defensiveness! I've worn the splints intermittently and it feels sooooo good to pull the ab muscles together. Can you imagine the an muscles actually fusing back together?!??? ZOMG. I'm jealous. Good luck with a quick, easy recovery! And then tell us all how awesome it was. :)


I'm so jealous! I had my last baby almost 5 years ago and have had a large and painful umbilical hernia ever since. But I had two difficult c-section recoveries and fear/hate hospitals - meaning I'm too chicken-shit to have the hernia surgery, let alone a tummy tuck (which I would also love to have). I don't know anyone who's had either surgery IRL, so I'm eager to hear about your recovery. Maybe 2015 will be the year I stop doubling over in pain! Best of luck!


so jealous. Of the tummy tuck, not the hernia. Just had my 5th kid a couple of months ago, and I constantly fantasize about a "mommy job". Let us know how it goes, good and bad.


Good for you! I got new boobs for my 30th bday and I love them. I hope you love the results! -both physically and cosmetically.


Good for you! I am dreaming of a yummy tuck once I officially close up the baby shop. Hope you have an easy recovery!!


Amy, I think the steps you've taken this year are great, and I am hoping for your awesomeness to rub off on me any minute.

I think Janet the troll is just begging to be blocked, btw.

Donna P

Absolutely awesome. Hope everything goes well and you recover quickly!


Good for you! I've just read through all the comments and I'm really glad they're all (except one troll) positive.


No judgement here, because I also had to have some post-baby surgery, that would be considered plastic surgery, except that it was medically necessary and no-one except my husband (and Dr.s) will ever see it (just let you imagination wander). It's all good.


Woman, you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your body and if a tummy tuck will do that, then all the more power to you. We are in such a weird world where we are made to feel self-conscious about our bodies (because we can't possibly aspire to the airbrushed distorted perfection we see in media) but then ALSO FEEL SELF CONSCIOUS BY TAKING STEPS TO ADDRESS THE THINGS THAT BOTHER US.

I'm happy for you and I hope it works out!

(disappears back into the oblivion, likely not to post again for another 8 years, because I am pretty sure that's how long it's been and I've never commented)


Yes! If I had to have abdominal surgery to fix something, I would totally get a tummy tuck. Especially if I was already on the right track in my diet and exercise. I'm not mad, I'm jealous!


Good for you! I'm absolutely jealous but have a mental countdown to a future boob job. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!


Girl. You do your thing with your bad self! After two kids (and then a divorce) I was feeling pretty down, so I started running. Lost 20 pounds, was loving life, and then one day I took a look at my mudflap-looking boobs and said, "you know what? Fuck this shit sideways. Momma's getting a new pair of hooters!"

So I did and I haven't looked back since. I'm loving the way I look now and it's been the cherry on the top of my whole new outlook on life.


Hey, you do what makes you feel good. And have good painkillers. Painkillers are a Good Thing! I really do think it makes sense that if you're going to have abdominal surgery, you might as well be happy with how you look afterwards. No Vainy McVainerson at all!


Awesome! I would totally do the same thing. I'm wishing you a healthy recovery and a hot bikini bod.


Good for you! Honestly, I'm kind of excited for the narcotic-fueled blog posts.


Will be watching for your results/recovery posts because I also have an umbilical hernia paired with diastsis recti (thanks four babies!).


Will be watching for your results/recovery posts because I also have an umbilical hernia paired with diastsis recti (thanks four babies!).


Best wishes for a safe surgery and quick recovery.

And franky haters gonna hate but it's your damn body.


I don't read comments but I started reading these so that if anyone dared to be mean to Amy I could write a fiery response. So glad I see lots of good comments. My favorite is the U.K. poster mentioning doctors offering to "tidy up" on a 3rd C-section. Gosh, just think of it as "getting a little tidying up done" and it sounds completely admirable. You will be WAY more tidy than me, more's the pity.


"I am going to blog high as a fucking kite"



So excited for you! And also happy to see that everyone else is positive and supportive as well. Can't wait to read your high blogging!


Uh, I think that's awesome. Dude, your body did some pretty cool shit and you should get to love it, whatever it takes to get there. Ain't nobody got time for any judgment on that. Also, I'm gonna do that shit, too. Would love to hear how it goes and what the recovery is like!


long time reader (and lurker)....good for you! I wish you all the best! Speedy recovery 😀


Awesome!! I have umbilical hernia from preggers with twins and I sure as hell am getting the tummy tuck when I get the hernia fixed. The hernia freaking hurts! I'm getting my work done when my girls are a couple years older because of the post surgery lifting restrictions. Please keep updating about how it went, What to expect and so forth. And remember it's not really cosmetic - it's a damn reconstruction!!


long time lurker, first time poster.... I had a tummy tuck after two babies ten years ago-love the results, but ain't gonna lie- the recovery was a bitch( from what I remember through the morphine haze). Don't let the drains freak you out- they are not there for long. Also, don't expect immediate results- it takes a while for things to settle down. Good luck and be sure to follow doctors orders after, no lifting means no lifting!


Hoping for all the best for you, Amy, and hope all those boys are ready to help out while you recover. :)


Thank you for sharing your life with us netzians. It looks like you have plenty of support from your readers and if anything may gain a couple more. We all look forward to your posts as you have time. The addition of drugs is a bonus ;)


I was in the exact same situation and did the exact same thing. I found it easier to recover from then a c-section by far. You'll love it. Good for you!

Elan Morgan

You bitch.



Am I the only one who wants to read Amy's high-as-a-kite blogs?

Also - follow thee thy doctor's orders. Because I tacked my UH surgery onto my gallbladder removal, but apparently did too much - because it's baaaack, baby. :-/


I hope you'll blog more about your recovery and your satisfaction with the results over time. Like you, I've had three c-sections and a severe diastasis recti, and after my third was born I thought about it for a good long while. Best of luck!!

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