I have determined — after a thoroughly comprehensive, scientific process —that the World's Best Face Soap is the round KenetMD-branded "Cleansing Bar" you get in Hyatt hotel rooms. I've always had a bit of thing for free hotel toiletries, but my love of this particular soap has officially crossed into deranged.

I've been unable to find for sale anywhere, despite much detective work — Hyatt sells their shampoos and lotions but not the soaps, the manufacturer sells the "Massage Bar" but not the "Cleansing Bar" and they are NOT THE SAME THING, BELIEVE ME I KNOW MY HOTEL SOAPS — and maybe even hassling/creeping out a copywriting client in the hospitality procurement industry, like, hey this is weird but do you ever get free soap samples can you get me some soap hey I need some soap c'mon man soap soap soap.

NO, AMY. PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT SOAP.

*picks nervously at perfectly moisturized-and-blemish-free face while rocking back and forth because I'm down to my last nubbin of soap*

So the greatest thing about my trip to Austin last week — more than the magical journey of self-discovery via list-making, the practical work-y knowledge gleaned — was that my company put us all up in a suite with multiple bathrooms at a Hyatt. And nobody else in the suite gave a flying fuck about the soap. 

OH YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 

Look at all that soap. Look at it! You have no idea how happy this makes me. 

***

Other amazing room amenities included a free (terrible) bottle of wine and some chips with salsa and guacamole that appeared at some point during the day, but my roommate and I did not discover until quite a few hours later. 

We drank the (terrible) wine, but chose not to eat the stale chips and browning guacamole.

And yet they NEVER went away. We kept moving them farther and farther away from our room — on the counter in the kitchenette area, next to Other Things That Are Trash Because Ew — but every night we'd come back to impeccably made beds, fresh towels, RESTOCKED SOAPS FUCK YEAH, and...this:

In retrospect, we probably should have just stuck it out in the hallway, but that seemed needlessly cruel to inflict on our hallway neighbors, and also meant we wouldn't have the pleasure of using it to mess with each other. 

I had a SUPER early morning flight out on Friday, so my roommate made sure the tray was waiting for me in the bathroom, stinking things up to high heaven. She also graciously left the hairspray I'd been borrowing from her all week in the bag of chips. 

Prior to our trip, we'd never actually met in person. Needless to say, I was completely in love with her by the end of the week.

And I made sure she knew it via a little note scribbled on toilet paper.