The Best Things In Life Are Free and/or Stolen From Hotels
December 09, 2014
I have determined — after a thoroughly comprehensive, scientific process —that the World's Best Face Soap is the round KenetMD-branded "Cleansing Bar" you get in Hyatt hotel rooms. I've always had a bit of thing for free hotel toiletries, but my love of this particular soap has officially crossed into deranged.
I've been unable to find for sale anywhere, despite much detective work — Hyatt sells their shampoos and lotions but not the soaps, the manufacturer sells the "Massage Bar" but not the "Cleansing Bar" and they are NOT THE SAME THING, BELIEVE ME I KNOW MY HOTEL SOAPS — and maybe even hassling/creeping out a copywriting client in the hospitality procurement industry, like, hey this is weird but do you ever get free soap samples can you get me some soap hey I need some soap c'mon man soap soap soap.
NO, AMY. PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT SOAP.
*picks nervously at perfectly moisturized-and-blemish-free face while rocking back and forth because I'm down to my last nubbin of soap*
So the greatest thing about my trip to Austin last week — more than the magical journey of self-discovery via list-making, the practical work-y knowledge gleaned — was that my company put us all up in a suite with multiple bathrooms at a Hyatt. And nobody else in the suite gave a flying fuck about the soap.
Look at all that soap. Look at it! You have no idea how happy this makes me.
Other amazing room amenities included a free (terrible) bottle of wine and some chips with salsa and guacamole that appeared at some point during the day, but my roommate and I did not discover until quite a few hours later.
We drank the (terrible) wine, but chose not to eat the stale chips and browning guacamole.
And yet they NEVER went away. We kept moving them farther and farther away from our room — on the counter in the kitchenette area, next to Other Things That Are Trash Because Ew — but every night we'd come back to impeccably made beds, fresh towels, RESTOCKED SOAPS FUCK YEAH, and...this:
In retrospect, we probably should have just stuck it out in the hallway, but that seemed needlessly cruel to inflict on our hallway neighbors, and also meant we wouldn't have the pleasure of using it to mess with each other.
I had a SUPER early morning flight out on Friday, so my roommate made sure the tray was waiting for me in the bathroom, stinking things up to high heaven. She also graciously left the hairspray I'd been borrowing from her all week in the bag of chips.
Prior to our trip, we'd never actually met in person. Needless to say, I was completely in love with her by the end of the week.
And I made sure she knew it via a little note scribbled on toilet paper.
Slip the housekeeper a $20 next time and she will give you ALL THE SOAP. I'm serious, just ask or write a note. ALL THE SOAP.
Posted by: Snarl Furillo | December 09, 2014 at 11:52 AM
I'm impressed by your drawing!
Posted by: Anna | December 09, 2014 at 12:26 PM
Ha! I love the drawing you left. :)
Posted by: Christy | December 09, 2014 at 01:53 PM
You're sure that's not raisins in the quac right?
I love the mouth wash from holiday inn express, because they are purse sized. But not all of them have them. . .
Posted by: autumn | December 09, 2014 at 02:02 PM
IS the soap better than Purity?
Posted by: Jen | December 09, 2014 at 02:20 PM
That picture of the guac made me throw up in my mouth. Ick.
Posted by: Stephanie | December 09, 2014 at 02:25 PM
Yep, that guac was past it's expiration date for sure! I would note that when you get your "how was your stay" email in a few days.
Posted by: Sue W. | December 09, 2014 at 02:45 PM
As a semi-frequent business traveler, I completely feel you on the free toiletries pecking order and hoarding. For me, the best hotels give out mini toothpaste and Aveda products. But the BEST-BEST was this 5* I managed to nab on Priceline in Frankfurt last year that gave out deluxe-sized L'Occitaine products, including a special sample (perfume, lip balm) on the pillow for turn-down service. I had my male coworker collecting his unused stuff for me on the daily, and I'm still rationing it out.
Agree with above post to leave a good tip for housekeeping with a note requesting more of your desired product. I'm not above occasionally nabbing an extra from the housekeeping cart as well...
Posted by: JulesInNC | December 09, 2014 at 03:08 PM
Some people, not me of course, but some people have been known to stalk the poor cleaning ladies and beg on hands and knees for extra soap/shampoo/sewing kits and often those cleaning ladies give because they are kind and also tired of having said person begging in the middle of the hallway.
Posted by: Lauren | December 09, 2014 at 03:25 PM
Closest thing I could find. Sh¡t's $40, though!!!
Posted by: RzDrms | December 09, 2014 at 04:11 PM
Posted by: Meghan | December 09, 2014 at 04:28 PM
When we went to our daughter's graduation in Santa Barbara last May, I was THRILLED to find Philosophy ® products in the bathroom. The maids were thrilled that I spoke Spanish and tipped. I got a carry-on bag full of Purity face wash, body lotion, shampoo, conditioner and Scope ® mouthwash.
Posted by: Lori | December 09, 2014 at 04:50 PM
I'm just so damn happy to get two posts from you this week. Hooray!
Posted by: Maggie | December 09, 2014 at 06:30 PM
I'm a meeting planner, and on a site visit to a Hilton hotel I made mention about loving the Peter Thomas Roth lotion in the bathrooms, get home and find a box FULL of the stuff! Christmas I tell you, Christmas!
Posted by: Sheryl | December 10, 2014 at 08:41 AM
I will happily send all the soaps, as I stay at the Hyatt A LOT. As a matter of fact, I'm at the Fairfax one next week. Want me to collect them for you and leave a package at the front desk for you to pick up?
Posted by: Trasherati | December 10, 2014 at 11:38 AM
When my dad was in the hospital he really liked the all in one shower gel/shampoo. He was running out so I called the hospital to ask where I could get some for my aging father and they mailed some to me free of charge. Yay, Mercy Hospital! But also, it pays to call and ask.
Posted by: Amy in StL | December 10, 2014 at 03:07 PM
I'm gonna agree with all the suggestions to tip the cleaning lady. Seriously. I always need more towels/wash cloths for my hairz and make up routine, and $5 will get you a pile of towels, mints, extra shampoo, and possibly a puppy.
So many people don't think to tip cleaning staff, and they will take extra great care of you if you do!
Posted by: Sydney | December 11, 2014 at 09:53 AM
Now I really want to try that cleansing bar.
Love the drawing.
Posted by: MariaV | December 11, 2014 at 12:56 PM
I have a whole collection of little soaps and lotions from hotels. It's borderline obsessive, but much easier to pack for our next trip....where I will only collect more soaps and lotions. Cycle, thy name is vicious.
Posted by: Leigh Ann | December 11, 2014 at 05:42 PM
Chanel used to make the BEST facial cleansing soap bar about 20 years ago. Ridiculously expensive, but worth it. It was, of course, discontinued, and the cashier refused to even let me buy the tester, which hadn't been used because bar soap!
Posted by: Suzy Q | December 11, 2014 at 05:44 PM