Oh yeah, look at me, blogging SO MUCH MORE, just like I promised. I am nothing if not hella consistent with being a huge goddamn flake. Anyway, here are some things that happened:

1) Jason indeed got snipped. He has offered to write a guest post about the experience, and I have accepted that offer, provided I am allowed to interrupt his entry with a lot of Parenthetical Editorial Comments. Please to expect follow-through on this idea at some point in late 2016.

2) While that procedure was literally in progress, I went and met my friend's brand-new baby boy. I held him, smelled his head, and even changed an up-the-back poop diaper like an old pro. Then I handed him back to his parents and drove home, possibly while singing DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA because nope, never again, not happening.

3) And oh. Right. Christmas. Childhood magic and joy and wonder and beef bourguignon. And holiday headlocks in matching candy cane jammies.

4) My recovery from the surgery continues. 

    4a) Incisions are all scabbed over and incredibly gnarly looking, so vanity is not at a high point right now, just yet. I've been taking pictures of the entire before/after journey, but will likely refrain from posting anything until we get a little less slasher film. Because this is a classy fucking blog. 

    4b) I have good days and then days when I'm like, "fetch me a fainting couch, please, good sir, for I feel like a pile of garbage."

    4c) I am no longer taking anything stronger than the occasional Tylenol, however, but am still wearing a compression garment 24/7, which is like Prescription Spanx. Medical shapewear! What a world. 

    4d) The More You Know: After a tummy tuck, it will be at least two weeks before you're able to walk fully upright. You will spend those first two weeks slightly hunched over, muttering about how GREAT THIS ALL IS, fixing a busted-looking stomach in exchange for permanent lower-back pain. 

5) I turned 37. Meh. 

("Are you old now, Mom?" Noah asked me. "Is 37 when you're closer to dying than being a baby?")