OMG, the working mother guilt will kill you. I have been a single parent for a long time and, even though my youngest is now 16, I STILL have guilt when I have to travel on business. Somehow, my kids have managed to survive my job. Myself, not so sure. But, basically, we've gotta do what we've gotta do. And it's not a bad message for kids-- to know that they're important to us but that we have other duties and obligations and our lives are MOSTLY but not ONLY about them.

Ugh. I feel this. My son (almost three) has taken to asking "Remember when Mommy left me at daycare and I cried?" Knife to the heart. With one I am already the mom not getting the valentines memos; I'm due with our second in August and I have pretty much abandoned all hope at this point.

As privileged as I feel, sometimes this working mom stuff just sucks. Just left my boy crying from the top of the lungs after I didn't even have time to have breakfast with him. Because I woke up late. Major mom guilt. TGIF...

What in the hell is with the Valentine's now?!?! Our daughter is in Pre-K and we bought the store cards, which she picked out and was super excited about. I pick her up and she has goodie bags of stuff! BAGS! FULL! Of candy and princess jewelry and one with a handmade sewn wand! With material and thread and stuff. The hell?!?! I must have missed this memo as well.

Talking to my way-grown-up kid as I watch her parent - so, I didn't make it to many of your events, did I? Her - No, but I've thought about it, and I did like eating. I know you did what you had to do. Yeah - the Mom guilt thing. For the most part, everyone survives, and it will give them something to talk about in therapy. And maybe keep some of those other skeletons in the closet. We've all got them. Even the folks with the glitter in their suppers.

So. Much. Empathy.

I have three boys, stair steps almost exactly the same age apart as yours, except 2 years behind you (i.e. 6yo, 4yo, 1yo). I am an associate attorney at a private law firm - I went to law school w/1 kid and 1 on the way, so I started this lark already parenting.

It's crushing. It's crushing me. The only solace is it's crushing me more than it's crushing them. When my litigation schedule opens wide up and I have to work 70+ hour weeks, my stress and anxiety is magnified by my kids' freaking the fuck out over my even-greater-than-normal absence. Our baby just started at a new daycare and he screams every time I hand him over. It's been three weeks - still daily screaming. And my husband works in another city 33 weeks a year, so he doesn't live with us during the week. It's all on me.

That said . . . some weeks (when no one is sick, when my work schedule is sort of normal, when the husband is home all week) - it all runs smoothly. I kill it on an awesome motion or in court. I manage to remember to give the kids their crappy Valentines(right there with ya with the Valentines, even up to the forging of my children's names at midnight the night before because I forgot to make them do it) - and the boys are thrilled with them, even half-assed as they are. And I think - OK, we got this. We're making it.

It's up and down - the guilt and stress sometimes turns into pride and "HELLS YEAH I SURVIVED THIS EXPERIENCE!" It's harder on us than them, all their tortured weeping notwithstanding. You are making it. I am, too. Solidarity girl - you'll get them through.

Here's my valentine's day kids + classroom valentines, to make you feel better:
I have leftover valentines from last year, that I planned to repurpose for my preschooler this year - totally commercial some cartoon or other, with sticky bugs in them, so fun, but also so easy for working mommy me. On Monday of Valentine's day week, I asked one of his teachers to make sure we got a list of names in the next day or two. She told me that since our classroom is very diverse (both ethnically and socio-economically, which we really appreciate), they weren't doing a valentine's day party, since not every family can afford to bring in gifts or valentines. Roger that. I felt like maybe we should do something, so we spent Wednesday night making valentine's for my kids' three different teachers. Making = mommy finding old thank-you notes in the closet, making my boys color on the inside, and then signing their names with a cutesy four-line valentines day poem I found online. Voila!
Thursday, I had to pick the kids up, and I noticed that there was a list of kids names in the class, I assumed for valentines. But since I'd already spoke to the teacher and she was encouraging parents to NOT do this, so as not to be off-putting to those who couldn't afford it, I ignored it. I also ignored it on principal, because you can't give me a list of a dozen names the night before I'm supposed to make a bunch of things for class - I have maybe 20 minutes to spare in a given evening, and sometimes I need that to shower, yo. So I ignored the list, as I assumed most parents would do.
My husband picks the kids up on Friday afternoon, and the preschooler comes home LADEN with valentines. From nearly every kid in his class. And not just the little store-bought ones, oh no. One was an entire box of candy and bouncy balls. Another one held necklaces and starburst. Another with a slew of hershey kisses and a hand-written note. So not only did apparently every other parent decide to do valentines against the teachers request (or lack of teacher communication, who knows), they decided to buy out candy stores to do it. And what did we bring for our preschooler friends? Not. one. thing.
Gah commercial holidays. Bah humbug.

I had my 4 year old put her name on each store-bought Valentine...then I filled-in the rest with 'To My Friend' because I was too tired to bother looking-up the online class list of names. Imagine my delight when the teacher complimented me in doing this...since it meant my kid could pass-out her own stuff without help from an aide, since there were no specific names on each to be read. Yeah, yeah...that's why I did it that way. To help the teachers. not because of my laziness. WINNING.

Aw, this post really got to me. It is so hard when our kids treat us like garbage after we've been away for work. Hard doesn't begin to describe it. Upside - your hair is really cute!

I just read your post. It is very timely for me as I just got to work after dropping my kindergartner off at school...only I was the one in tears. Rough morning getting out the door. The kids weren't cooperating, I yelled, I felt awful, I cried, we were late. They will recover. I feel crappy!

Dying at the Montessori valentines. It's true! I mean, zero guilt whatsoever because a) obligatory yet throw-away cards for small children and b) my kid is 2.5 and can't read, write, or conceive of what a Valentine's Day is, but the contrast between our what's-cheapest-on-Amazon cards and some of the others was hilarious.

After years of precious handmade valentines for my step kids, numbers 3 and 4, who started preschool this year when I went back to work, got walmart valentines. Spider-Man and the avengers, I believe. For their very first valentines party. I was going to hit glue chocolate hearts on their to cute them up, but couldn't find the glue gun. So they got scotch taped on super classy style.

And while I was scotch taping? The three year old appeared with wet hands, which I assumed was from, you know, washing them. He had actually been removing his brothers goldfish from its bowl. I found it 15 min later. Friend I was texting (a kindergarten teacher), insisted I put it back in the bowl. And it lived! I looked at it as the universe throwing me a much needed bone.

I had planned on making cutesy penguin Valentines for my 3 y.o son's Valentine's Day party with the bits of crayons turned into a new crayon thing. It didn't happen. We bought Valentines at the discount grocery store the day before and used left-over Halloween candy: Starbursts as nobody in the family likes them. And I used masking tape because the 2 y.o used up all of the clear tape.

And I don't even work.

Your kids love you and honestly that is all that matters.

Dropping my daughter off at Head Start on my way to work was one of the most painful experiences I ever had to endure. Day after day of tears and begging and pleading, and her teachers told me minutes after I left she was happy and fine. Even knowing that didn't help, because I was left at work with this crushing feeling of having abandoned my little girl. Yuck. But she really was fine and has nothing but fond memories from then. You're doing great. I know you know that, but really, you are.

A piece of advice that I wasn't given and helps none of us with kids already but....
never, never, N E V E R buy different coloured (read IKEA) cups plates etc for kids. This includes cutlery. Give them glasses, give them white cheap crockery, give them adult size cutlery. So very many meals, and those with playdates, would have been oh so much better. That said, I bet the little devils would still find something wrong.

Are you still writing for Alpha Mom?

For what it's worth... as a kid, my mom always made me make my own valentines. But I just remember really wanting to buy the cool valentines from the store. You know, my little pony, or lisa frank, or some such thing. You can't win! ;)

Nothing to make you feel like an inadequate Mom like Valentines from a 3 yr old. On a holiday that is stupid and I never celebrated until I had a kid!
What a rough 2 weeks for all of you. It will get better. You are doing an amazing job.