I'm Just Gonna Shake Shake Shake
Flea Circus

I Promise I'll Always Let You Know When There's a Velociraptor Behind You

So thank you, Internet People and Real Life People, for all your nice words of support and encouragement after my last post. I am really so grateful to everyone who commented or reached out to me to share their stories/experiences/helpful tips on living with a tremor.

(And special shout-out to Callie for gifting me with her friend's description of her "Chihuahua Hands," which is totally going to be my answer from now on when someone asks me why I'm shaking. Or I'll just flap my arms and shriek "BECAUSE I'M PART HUMMINGBIRD WHEEEEE.")

I feel like just writing that post and hitting the publish button helped. I was trying so hard to hide the tremor that the act of exposing it to the big online world let me...relax about it. Which...relaxed the tremor itself.  It's that rare catharsis that blogging can give you sometimes, when you finally open an emotional bottleneck and just...BLARGHYBLARGH it all over the Internet. 

(Why, yes. Blarghyblargh is totally a verb.)

This morning Ike's school hosted their yearly Mother's Day breakfast, which meant I had to leave the house and put on makeup and fiddle with jewelry clasps and various clothing items that are now stupidly challenging for me.

And then walk into a room full of other moms and school staff and small talk.

And then pick up a paper plate and load it up with small finger foods for Ike.

And then pour him a cup of juice. 

And then carry it all back to Ike's table, past all the other moms and school staff and small talk.

You know what? I did pretty okay. My hands shook. My head bobbed. But I did all of those things. I got dressed and wore makeup and made small talk and I didn't spill anything. And I had a lovely morning with my littlest guy. 

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(Although he did not care for the pink lemonade I poured for him.)

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(He asked me to get him something different. I told him I was going to quit while I was ahead and made him get his own cup of water. #KNOWYOURLIMITS, shaky people.)

Comments

Paige

That's not quitting while you're ahead, that's encouraging independence and self-reliance, which lead to increased self-esteem. Clearly, you win at Montessori.

(Also, I want my kids' Montessori to have lovely wood floors like that. They have tile. BLECH!)

Robin

FYI, I have MS. It always seems worse in the beginning but then you realize it's not that terrible. You just deal with what you have because we all have stuff. I don't want to condescend and say it'll be okay but really, it will. Promise!

Sue W.

You are gonna do just fine. Shake on, Amy!

Nicole Norman

I think it's awesome that you shared. I can see how it would make it a little easier to deal with. It surely also helps that your children are ridiculously adorable.

Kate

Wait I'm not sure you explained the title of the post? I might have missed that? I even googled it to see if it was a pop culture reference I missed, because I miss all the pop culture references (BECKY). Jurassic Park?

Shannon

I think #KNOWYOURLIMITS is just good advice for shaky and non-shaky people alike?
Also can we all remember that non-shaky physically does not mean non-shaky mentally...everyone has 'stuff' and it's not always visible. Kudos to you, Amy, for showing the physical, AND the mental side of it. *STANDING O*

Leslie in MA

I love Ike's tie. But then again I'm old enough to remember an election where "I Like Ike" was a current slogan...

When you acknowledge a problem, it ceases to be something to hide and the importance of it to other people (or your perception of the importance of it to other people) diminishes. Shake it up, Baby! Your mind and heart still work and that's what matters!

Amy A

Blarghyblargh--lol. It's good to release what's bothering you, and what better forum than this?! As someone who suffered from extreme anxiety in her 20s and 30s, to the point of becoming agoraphobic for a bit, I'm here to tell you to let it out. Keeping shit inside is toxic. Period. The mind-body connection is intricately laced, and this is your body's way of telling you to slow down and ease up, which you have. Call it a bit of PTSD, if you will, as your body and mind are still coping with the extreme pace you were under.
It will get better, I promise. Hang in there. Sounds like you're taking the right steps.

Sarah

This sounds like a perfect morning. I think it is great that you shared about your ET (is there an alien in your closet too??) and I think that this is great too. We think our "normal" is something we can establish and then just have like a vase on a shelf, but it is constantly changing on us and we can do our part to help make it what we want. You have been a great example of that -- from all you have done/continue to do with and for Noah to the Adult Behavior Chart to the very different ways you parent your three boys to how you work on your relationship with Jason to this to.....this comment is too long already -- and you will continue to be so in all your magical, awesomely weirdo glory!

Amalah

@Kate In Wednesday's post, I used a Jurassic Park gif to describe the tremor. So now I'm considering it an early warning system for dinosaurs. #silverlining

Suzanne

I am going to tell you what I always tell my teenagers (I teach high school) (they never listen but I tell them anyway).

No one is looking at you and judging you for *insert thing you are self-conscious of here*. Everyone is too busy worrying you will notice *insert thing they are self-conscious of here*. If they see the shaking they will want to help you, NOT think you have the DTs or something. Also *hugs*

Julie

I have sooo many thoughts so I think I'll just blargy blarg all of them. First-I have to admit I was sad it wasn't MS because I thought if I could walk this journey with you at least I know I'd be laughing along the way.#jealous Second-there is actually a name for what makes humans super self conscious-its called the spotlight effect-most people don't pay much attention to each other at all-contrary to how we feel/assume. This is helpful for me to remember as I am walking awkwardly with my cane behind my 3 year old at the playground. (MS does suck)Also I am so impressed you would eat green jello for us-your selflessness knows no bounds-

Cait

I honestly had a very similar shaking thing happening postpartum due to some PP Anxitey, which is the fucking pits. Once I was able to identify the problem it was like I had control of it again (not really, but just knowing I wasn't insane helped a lot) I still get a little twitchy in high stress situations but it has calmed down A LOT in the last year, I really hope that it does the same for you *hugs*

Melissa

The day before I gave birth to my last baby, I developed severe Bell's Palsy. I still have it and he's nearly 3. Mother's Day at my son's (Montessori!) school for me means picture taking. I know that feeling of being hyper aware of how others see you. I can't smile, I look PISSED in every picture I take, including the one they pin to the board at his school. It sucks. I'm sorry you are dealing with the tremors.

Jennifer

Have not read other comments but just wondering if you've had your thyroid checked. I always get shakes when I'm hyperthyroid-that's my cue that it's medication adjustment time. You might want to get it checked if you haven't already.

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