Tirewocky
Breathe Easy

In Which We Learn Our Door Lock Does Not, You Know, LOCK

FADE IN:

INT MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

MOM and DAD are present.

(CENSORED CONTENT)

The door, previously believed to be securely locked, suddenly opens. CHILD stands in doorway.

MOM: OH SHIT

DAD: (grabs covers)

CHILD: Mom? Why were you making that sound?

MOM: What? No. NO. I have no idea what you're talking about. Go to bed.

CHILD: No, I heard a sound. A sound like...

CHILD does remarkably decent impression of Meg Ryan's famous "I'll Have What She's Having" scene from When Harry Met Sally.

DAD: (bursts out laughing)

MOM: (buries face in hands)

CHILD: Why were you making that sound, Mom?

MOM: Honey, I'm fine. We'll talk about it more in the morning. It's a...grown-up thing. 

CHILD: Ohhhhhh. Growing pains! I get it. 

MOM: Wha-? Uh. Sure. 

CHILD: Sorry about your growing pains, Mom.

DAD: (is still laughing)

MOM: Can you go back to bed, sweetie?

CHILD: Okay, good night!

MOM & DAD: SHUT THE DOOR PLEASE.

FADE OUT

Comments

Katherine

Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Priceless.

Avitable

On the plus side, at least he didn't think one of you was hurting the other. "Mommy why was daddy pulling your hair?"

Flybigd

Oh no my worst nightmare!

Tricia

Omg! I walked in on my parents once and don't realize what it was. Then I got older and I learned about what they were doing and a light bulb went off lol! Did you have to talk to him? Did he bring it up this morning?

Lindsay

Thank you for the morning laugh - I had to set my coffee cup down so the laughter wouldn't land scalding hot coffee all over my jeans. and it sounds like Jason's new project is a new door knob that LOCKS :)

Maggie

Dying. This is gold.

Arnebya

Hopefully the censored content resumed (at a, you know, less seemingly distressing decibel).

Sarah

A locked door and apparently some sound-proofing. Having grown up with a friend whose bedroom (after one fateful move) was directly below her parent's bedroom....yeah, it only took two nights for her to BEG for a white noise machine.....I can tell you that no kid wants to listen to your (very appropriate, totally awesome) goal-oriented touching soundtrack :)

Jen

OK, I need to know which kid. My guess is Ezra.

Amalah

@Tricia He never brought it up! So...we didn't either. Super great parenting approach, I think. (For now. I'm sure his light bulb moment will happen as well.)

KImtoo

Mine 7yo walked in on a daytime session*, no hiding, yes we had to talk, and oh lordy, it was as weird as you'd think it would be. Lots of 'it's a grown up thing" and "I know, we're both uncomfortable, thats something you were never supposed to see."But thankfully, she seems unscarred, and the lock has been rejiggered to be secure now. OY.
*I do not remember why we thought we were safe, but it has put the kibosh on the daylight hanky-panky for now.

Susan B

Happened to us a few months ago. Nothing ruins the mood like hearing your bedroom door slam shut.

Jessica V.

This is comedy gold - thank you for sharing.

Karly

I once found a log of clues that my daughter made in her desk drawer.

"Detective Case 1
May 10th: Heard strange noises coming from mom's room. Door locked."
May 12: Mom and Dad took a nap, but heard noises again."

OMG.

Meegs

OMG. I'm dying for you and laughing so hard I'm almost peeing. Thank you for this.

Laura

My daughter walked in on us in the midst of . . . umm . . . an activity that was both difficult to explain and difficult to cover up. I think, until this moment, I'd managed to repress that memory pretty successfully.

Shelbey

hahahahaaha! Man, we really need to get a better door before this happens.

Alice

ACCKK. I walked in on my parents too, for the same reason (concern over the "noises" my mom was making). I was probably a little older, it sounds like, so I connected the dots the next day.... but way WAY WAY WAY WAY WORSE was the talk my mom with me afterwards. Ignoring it & not talking it out is a VERY VALID APPROACH. :)

Darcey

Yep, I totally walked in on my parents when I was about 8. And that happened to be when they conceived my little sister. We're both scarred just knowing that. ;)

Amy

Our son usually falls asleep pretty quickly and sleeps like the dead. Not so much the night he asked me why I kept saying, "Oh, God!" For the record, I said I was saying, "Oh, God, I'm so tired!"

LD's Mom

I'm with Jen. Gotta tell us which one... I was picturing Noah.

Kris H.

OMG! Am dying for you!

Neither of mine have ever walked in on us, but one night, after a particularly intense *and apparently vocal* session, I went into the bathroom. My 15yo suddenly appeared in the doorway and announced "You two are DISGUSTING!" We thought she was asleep. I died.

Leigh Ann

Nooooooooooo! One of my girls walked in on the beginning stages once and just looked at me, smiled slyly, and said, "Um, Daddy? Where are your clothes?" I swear she knew what was going on, even though we tried to convince her that "Daddy was getting dressed! Yes! Under the covers!"

jodi

Our bedroom is in a part of the house that is in an addition and when we bought it DID NOT HAVE A DOOR ON IT. First thing we did was put a door on our room because my husband took one look at our room and said GROWNUPS HAVE DOORS. WHO BUILT A MASTER BEDROOM WITHOUT A DOOR ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Holly W.

First of all - best thing I've ever read online during my lunch break. By a mile.
Second of all - funny story. When my husband and I had been married for a couple of years and did not yet have the childrens, we were staying at my parent's house. We borrow my younger sister's bed when we stay there, and she crashes in a guest room with a single bed. Let's just say there was some censored things going on during a late-afternoon post-nap languid moments, door firmly closed. She (about 19 years old), opens door, doesn't look at us at all, goes to closet, removes random article of clothing. We obviously froze as soon as she walked in. Covers, thankfully, were in use at that precise moment. She turns, says, "Oh, hi" to my husband. I giggle, because apparently she did not see me (probably because I was under...things). She says "Oh, hey Holly, I didn't realize you both were up here." Completely without guile. I'm making the "swoops over head" motion right now. She walks out, closes door behind her. My husband and I DIE laughing, then tell my two brothers about it later, and we all die laughing. To this day she's clueless.

Jennifer R

Sorry that this made me laugh so much - very well told! Just waiting for this to happen. Our door does not have a lock, so we may just have to wedge something under to stop it until we buy a keyed knob.
I wake up everyday with all three kids in my bed and hubby on the couch, so no lazy, drawn out fun time for us - they could show up any time!

Suzy Q

Growing pains! Ha!

I also love Karly's daughter's Clue Journal. A scientist in the making!

Ladotyk

hehehe hot damn that is funny :D

Salome Ellen

"Leg cramp!" is a very useful phrase. Ask me how I know...

Dori

Thank you for the laugh! I really needed it today. Growing pains...that's so awesome.

Amy

I have four, ages 15-2. This hasn't happened to me yet, but I have a long way before I'm out of the woods. I hope I don't get hit by the Karma bus, which is totally deserved, considering how much I laughed about this happening to you.

Sara M

This must be the week for kids busting their parents! My youngest (3) walked in on us earlier this week. She wasn't even fully awake, so I just took her back to bed. But holy crap! Nothing like hearing "Mommy?' when you're in the middle of things and not expecting a kid to be around. :)

Lora

This is awesome! One time, when our son was about 6, we opted for some mid-morning delight while he was downstairs watching cartoons. Door was locked. He knocks on the door and we tell him we'll be down stairs in a little bit. We finish up our business and I'm getting out of bed when I hear I voice from outside the door - "I'm still here, you know!"

EmilyHG

This was hilarious-- and so embarrassing! I was blushing for you while reading.

Our five year old actually got in bed with us a few months ago. We were doing, um, things, and I felt the blanket move behind me and he crawled into bed and said "Hey guys, what are you doing?" It was AWFUL and also so, so funny. We eventually got him to get out of our bed and go back to his alone.

Mary

HILARIOUS!

Amy

A little different, but along the same lines... When I announced my pregnancy to my 4th and 5th grade students, later that day I was talking with just one of them while the class was out for a walk and he said "well, I know what YOU'VE been doing!"

dina

Not that I'm trying to picture this, but I if I was:
http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/119029611426/by-berkeley-mews

Credaholic

Names withheld to protect the innocent!

-k-

Real LOL. Hahahaha.

Mary

He sold the tire and you couldn't keep your hands off him. He was just building the anticipation. :)

AADRW

http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/119029611426

Saw the Lego version of this and it made me laugh :)) Had to share!

Jessica

Oh my god, this just happened to us. Our 7 year old was outside playing and came in quietly and opened the door. HE shut it right away but later he kept asking what we were doing. So far my "we'll talk about it later..." statements have been working.

Deb

When my son was around 2 (he will be 19 next week, holy crap!), he walked into our bedroom in the middle of the night while adult stuff was going on, we froze and he CLIMBED RIGHT INTO BED WITH US AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP. That put a halt to things real quick. When we were sure he was asleep, we snuck out of our bed into his empty bed and finished. The end.

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