Tirewocky
May 12, 2015
The day has come, the assholes said.
To talk of many things:
Of ships, and shoes, and sealing wax,
And Craiglist ads, and tires.
(Okay that last line might need some work. Am simple drunk-ass blogger, not poet, after all.)
But YES. The day has come, little walruses. TIREWATCH 2015 is officially over.
Someone bought the tire. It's gone now.
(Our last moment together, before Jason came to pick it up and/or it rolled right the fuck off the picnic bench like an ungrateful bastard.)
We got one hundred dollahs for the tire. Worth it? Jason thinks so. The rest of the world who had to put up with this nonsense online might say otherwise.
Bye Tire. I should have named you Felicia.
This has been TIREWATCH 2015: THE TIRE WATCHENING, brought to you by your friendly neighborhood asshole who really, really hope none of the neighbors saw her posing a fucking tire at a picnic table and pouring it a glass of wine at 2:30 in the afternoon while giggling like an idiot because HA HA LOOK TIRE THINKS IT'S PEOPLE.
I bid you adieu, Tire! Here's hoping we're all still here 10 years from now to reminisce about the two times tires took up residence at your house and OMFG it's been 20 years why are we so old aieeeeeeee! (Or maybe here's hoping not.)
Posted by: erin | May 12, 2015 at 11:05 AM
But really, it's kind of a nice once-a-decade sort of thing.
Posted by: erin | May 12, 2015 at 11:06 AM
adieu, you will meet again, it will come back as black mulch in your flower bed....
Posted by: Joc | May 12, 2015 at 11:19 AM
$100 for the tire? That is impressive.
Posted by: Joy | May 12, 2015 at 11:23 AM
Ineffable. I love your blog so.
Posted by: Lisa | May 12, 2015 at 11:31 AM
Goodbye tire, I'll never forget you!
Posted by: Stephanie | May 12, 2015 at 11:37 AM
"Bye Felicia" never ceases to crack me up!!
Good riddance, Tire.
Posted by: Kim | May 12, 2015 at 11:50 AM
I wish my neighbors were this interesting. I would love to see one of mine giggling over a glass of wine with an inanimate object one day.
Posted by: Alice | May 12, 2015 at 12:21 PM
Cheers, Tire! May you roll on in peace.
Can't wait for your cousin to arrive at the Storches!
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 12, 2015 at 02:30 PM
Go spend that $100 on more of your favorite wine and call it a win!
Posted by: SarahB | May 12, 2015 at 03:16 PM
Is it just me, or does Tire look like he got gussied up for this occasion?
Posted by: Credaholic | May 12, 2015 at 04:39 PM
Does the new owner know of their new tire's celebrity status online?
Posted by: Ann | May 12, 2015 at 06:53 PM
Tire is making a last ditch attempt to stay, with promises we all know it can't keep.
Posted by: Nicole P. | May 12, 2015 at 07:50 PM
I read this to my husband. His response? "Bye, tire. See you aROUND." Ugh.
Posted by: ingrid | May 12, 2015 at 10:42 PM
You need to write a book for children about a boy that befriends a lonely tire and brings it home. The boy must be named Jason and the tire should have a room of his own.
Posted by: the bee | May 13, 2015 at 12:05 AM
A small tear just rolled down my cheek. Goodbye sweet tyre. We hardly knew ye!
Posted by: Sue W. | May 13, 2015 at 10:05 AM
(whispering) Until next time.
Posted by: Arnebya | May 13, 2015 at 11:34 AM
Thank you for writing this blog. Your special brand of crazy never ceases to brighten my day.
Posted by: Eponine | May 13, 2015 at 07:23 PM